Friday, March 07, 2008

True Wife Confessions 240 pence in a pound

Confession #2391

Dear "boyfriend",
You think that I am blissfully unaware that you are a complete asshole. I am staying with you until I get a job and can get the heck out of here. You think of yourself as a powerful man, and yes, I suppose that you are. I am not a powerful woman, I am just me. I have three children who love you, and I know that it's going to just crush them to find out that I cannot be with you any longer. I refuse to be with someone who constantly texts women with inquiries on forced sex acts. I refuse to be with someone who posts on a site called "Diaper Space" and plenty of fish and daddies and daughters. I often wonder if I called your boss and showed him a receipt for a purchase with your name and the email you use to troll for women with in those places would get you fired. I may do it , I may not, but you are not going to have me to boss around any longer.

Me

Confession #2392

My husband is a horrible father to our child. When we met and married, he seemed so gung ho about having children... having a family. As soon as we got married, he started asking when I would be ready to get pregnant, hinting that the sooner the better. But the problems started as soon as our daughter was born. He didn't want to hold her, he didn't want to interact at all with her, ignored her crying, and refused to ever give me a break. He said he didn't realize they cried so much. If I left her alone with him, he seemed to have no concept of her needs. He had no qualms about feeding a 6 month old a poptart. We went to classes on baby nutrition for crying out loud! My daughter is 5 now, and is desperate for her father's attention. He will occasionally play a video game with her and that's about it. I've asked him why he hates his own daughter and he says he doesn't know.
I feel like I was "baited and switched". I never would have had children with this man if I had known what it would be like. I hate him for this.


Confession #2393

It took my husband a month to realize that I was avoiding sex every
time he went to his friend's house to play role playing games with
losers. Now I've told him: every time he chooses to go gaming, he
is choosing to forgo sex with me. If he wants to behave like a
junior high boy, he can have "sex" like one, too.

Confession #2394

Dearest Husband,
When you came home from a ten day business trip during which time
I was stuck at home with a sick, clingy toddler and had to drive
across the state (and back) to see my hospitalized elderly father
(with contagious child and dogs in tow) in the car that the
dealership didn't fix, and the night before you went on this ten day
overseas business trip you went gaming even though I have told you
this really offends me and I will not have sex with you any week you
go gaming, and I have not slept because I spent all afternoon at the
car dealership since they didn't fix the car right the first time and
I have ten minutes until I have to get up and go to work, I do NOT
want to have sex. I need to sleep. When I fall back asleep, this
does not mean you should grope me more. It means I need to sleep.
I love you; I missed you. I will be glad to see you when I am awake.
your loving wife


Confession #2395

The reason I turned into a jealous freak about your sudden burst of social energy and your new interest in poetry and you exchanging e-mails with friends and old flames from before we met is that when I did the same things a few years ago - and you totally didn't seem to notice -- I wound up having an affair I didn't tell you about. I'm not going to tell you about it, either, so I just hope that I can do a better job of hiding my jealousy in the future. Dag, I wish I hadn't slept with that guy!

Confession #2396

I love you more than anything in the world. And, sometimes, I hate you more than anything in the world.

Confession #2397

I’m all about empowerment in pretty much every sphere, so I’m not sure where this kink comes from, with its dubious symbolism. I guess in bed we can be our own opposites. I’m glad you’re starting to trust me, starting to believe me when I tell you just how much this turns me on, even if you don’t share it yourself. Last weekend when you handcuffed me to the bed it was just about the best orgasm I’ve ever had, with you or anyone else. I love that marriage hasn’t made us vanilla. Next time we go to a Hallowe’en party, or something like that, I’m going to wear my handcuffs as part of my costume. Most people won’t get it. Someone probably will, and we’ll share a secret look, and I’ll spend all night feeling sexy as hell. Then we’ll go home and you’ll cuff me to the bed again and fuck the living bejeezus out of me. Oh, yeah.

Confession #2398

I love you. I can’t tell you yet because things are just starting to calm down but I’ve loved you for quite some time. From the moment I met you, we’ve been comfortable and now we are finally together. It’s been a bumpy road getting here and I understand why you needed some time. Everyone sees how happy you make me. Everyone is happy for us. I miss you when you’re not around. I wake up thinking of you. I always have fun with you. You make me feel safe. You make me feel heard. I think you’re wonderful and I love you.

Confession #2399

Sometimes my husband makes me crazy, but his parents are
priceless. They make me crazy, too, sometimes...

Confession #2400

Sometimes I fantasize about being a "kept woman". I think about what if you had a high paying job and we could live in a big house. I wouldn't have to work, I could go to the spa or volunteer at the kids' school. I would hire a maid so I never had to do laundry or dishes ever again. We would have a big beautiful pasture for our horses and I would give riding lessons in the afternoons.
Then I come back to reality and try to remember why I married you instead of a millionaire.

28 comments:

sarah said...

2397

I love the day after a night full of kinky crazy sex, I get all smug knowing that my sex life is most likely better then more than half the people I will see that day. I love having that little secret.

Anonymous said...

#2391

"Diaper Space" and plenty of fish and DADDIES AND DAUGHTERS!!!!!!!???

You have your kids around this guy??? On what planet does that even seem remotely ok?

Anonymous said...

2391-

Get out of there. Right now. You have 3 children and it is YOUR responsibility to keep them from harm and lady you are asking for trouble with this fucked up tool you're with. This man is a sexual predator; plain as day. He will, if you do not remove your babies, prey on them. Please God, leave. Go anywhere. Please do the right thing no matter how hard it may seem. Three innocent children are at stake here. Please understand I am not judging you, I only want you to see the truth and serious nature of your post. You wouldn't have posted if you didn't want someone to understand you and seek advice. Go before he damages them, and talk with them to make sure he hasn't already.

And turn in any evidence you have of his fucking deviant behaviour to his boss. Oh yes ma'am. His employer has every right to know that he's employing a sexual predator. And the police if child pornography is involved or even suspected.

Let us ALL, EVERYONE protect our children.

Anonymous said...

you had me at "diaper"

umm, do you know deathmask lady, by chance?

Anonymous said...

#2393

How sad, you sound like the girl who made my BF's life miserable every time he went to D&D. Well I'm glad she did because I met him gaming and look, both he and I are successful, attractive professionals not losers. He's gaming for pete's sake not cheating on you or doing drugs.

Anonymous said...

2393 - if I'm reading you right, you're against your husband gaming because you think he's hanging out with "losers". Have you met them? I'm married to a guy who used to game a lot. The heavy gamers I've met are really interesting people. I was surprised and embarrassed to realize that people I'd dismissed as weird geeks had some of the best brains around and now that we're all in the job market, guess who's getting the big bucks? The people we used to think of as losers are in great demand these days... and I for one am glad I've had a chance to re-evaluate my old bias.

Have you asked your husband what he sees in these people?

Anonymous said...

The whole "anyone who plays video games is a loser" stereotype is so freaking old. Most of these people are successful adults who have a passion for something, something that can be creative, depending on the types of games you play. Sure there are those that are just boys who have never grown up past junior high, but they really are in the minority these days. I am not a gamer, but I appreciate the fact that my husband is and that I can see how excited he is to play a good game with a group of friends. i don;t understand it at all but I love him and I love that geeky, fun part of him completely and totally.

Withholding sex for gaming? Some women are extremely juvenile as well it seems.

Anonymous said...

2400; Don't ever dream of being a "kept woman" ... it's not all it's cracked up to be. I should know, I married a man with money. A man who showers me with all sorts of pretty things, a fancy car, days at the spa, dinners in Paris and Madrid, weekends in New York City. My friends rave about how much he loves me. But it's all an illusion my friend. It's not love that causes him to lavish such attention on me ... it's guilt. You see, my husband cheats on me with prostitutes every time he's away from home on business.

And me? Well I've sold my soul pretty cheaply ... all to live this glamourous life. A life I'd trade for real love any day.

omnia_vincit_amor said...

2393:

First of all, having hobbies and activites outside the home and outside the relationship is VERY IMPORTANT to a healthy relationship.

What would you rather your husband be doing? Staying home with you?

Witholding sex for something as harmless and innocent and *gasp* intellectual as gaming is really immature and unhealthy.

I'd suggest that you talk with your husband about why you feel so jealous of the role playing games that you want to make him suffer for it.

Meanwhile, enjoy your childish antics and own lack of sex.

Anonymous said...

#2393: First of all, why are you so upset about your husband gaming? It is completely normal and healthy for people in a relationship to have and pursue outside interests. Gamers are not all losers. I can see it being an issue if your husband is gaming all the time, all day, and not paying any attention to you or kids at all, or not working because of it. But one night a week? That should be something that is GOOD for the relationship. Do you have interests that you pursue? Does he hold down the fort while you go out once a week? If he doesn't, talk to him about it: you will probably find that you like it and may see his venture from a different POV.

As for the withholding sex, that is completely immature. And it seems that you are so smug that it took so long for your husband to "figure out" that his gaming is why you are withholding sex. Hmmm, how about just TELLING him what's bothering you? It's quite effective when you try it. I have to say that if you use such juvenile tactics in other areas of your relationship, I would not blame your husband for wanting some time away, either.

Mrs P said...

anonymous 7:55,
Thank you for showing me the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. Your words mean a lot to me and help me remember that I love my husband because he is a faithful husband and wonderful father - even if we have to eat macaroni and cheese and hotdogs for dinner.

Anonymous said...

Sorry - No one can convince me there is anything attractive about grown men spending all their spare time playing role playing games. Glad there are women out there who can put up with it, but I am not one of them.
#2393 - you are perfectly within your rights to let your husband know that you find gaming juvenile.

Anonymous said...

2393 here. I have told and told my husband that I find his gaming offensive. He is a grownup; he needs to act like one. He told me he was going to quit when the toddler was a newborn. "What would you rather your husband be doing? Staying home with you?" Is that such a crazy notion? Truthfully, I probably wouldn't mind it so much if he got home on time when he says he will. I'm sick of being last on his list. He leaves work on time if he's meeting them or going away for the weekend with them. Me and the toddler get told he'll be home eventually. Sometimes he gets home in time to read a story. It probably wouldn't be so bad if it were just once a week. But, no, he stays up late writing games and making up characters and has yelled at me for "disturbing" him from this. He also does not exercise at all and is more than 100 lbs overweight.
Omnia, 6:50, 3:00: I have met these guys. Some of them have negative social skills. When they were in my house (my house, that I cleaned and stocked ), and I came down and said hello, they ignored me. This was during a break, they all looked at me, and then turned away without saying anything. No nods, no greetings, no acknowledgement at all. Rude much? I was so shocked I left the room.
I understand having interests outside the home. In the three years since the toddler was born, my "outside interests" have included paid work and a once a month book club at the library. At this rate, he "owes" me a month's vacation. When he goes away for the weekend, he stays in hotels and eats out and leaves everything at home to me (and gets upset if I haven't cleaned the house). When I go away for the weekend, I take the toddler and the dogs with me and stay with family. And yes, I have discussed this with him. He doesn't care. He doesn't have the time to "pay me back." He's working all the time, because that's important, yes, and then he wants to spend his leisure time with people he barely knows.
I am not withholding sex to punish him; I find it hurtful that he would rather do this than spend time with me. It makes me feel the opposite of sexy and loving when he does this, especially reneging on a promise. I don't miss the sex all that much.

Anonymous said...

I have noticed that many commenters seem to think that the wives have not discussed their issues with their husbands. I don't know about all of you, but I can tell my husband things over and over, and he just doesn't seem to get it. It could be something minor like where the cheese is in the refrigerator or more important like who the kids' pediatrician is. He doesn't remember it. I email him so there's a paper trail.
This seems to be a trend with most men. You can tell them something and they won't remember, or you can tell them something over and over and they'll accuse you of nagging.

Anonymous said...

2393

That is a completely different situation, it is still irresponsible to assume all gamers are like that. Replace gamers with "blacks" and see what you are doing.

Did you know he was a gamer when you met him, did you somehow think you could change him or is this something that he started AFTER you met and were married?

omnia_vincit_amor said...

2393:

My heart goes out to you-- it sounds like you're in an incredibly frustrating situation right now, and I'm sorry for judging you so harshly. Your behavior is tiny when compared to the grievances your husband appears to have committed.

It sounds as though he is not as interested in his relationship with you as he is in gaming, which is unhealthy and unfair to you. I'm not going to ask if he's always been this way, but if he has always been this way, you may want to consider the idea that he will probably never change.

It also sounds as though this may be an unhealthy addiction for him which he's nursed for some time. He may not be able to quit on his own.

How you handle the inequality in your relationship is entirely up to you-- and if he's let himself go weight-wise and is no longer attractive to you, that's yet another case of him not being invested enough in the relationship to make compromises. I read Dan Savage a lot, and as he says, you have no obligation to sex with a partner who won't take care of himself to stay attractive for you.

And since I still don't know the whole situation, I would suggest these two things without knowing entirely whether they'd work in your situation at all:

1. Choose a night for yourself, once or twice a week/month, when you call a babysitter and let yourself do whatever you want to do. Your husband is spending your shared money on hotels, you can spend it on a babysitter every once in a while. You deserve it. If your husband has heard how much you need a break and refuses to help give you one, then you must take one yourself so you can continue being a whole person and healthy parent.

You could potentially make these babysitter nights as frequent as your husband's avoidance tactics, but I'd say do it regularly enough that you feel restored, but not so much that you feel guilty about being away from your child. I'm sorry your husband can't seem to put yourself or your family first, but you must step up where he's failed and take care of yourself.

2. Demand that he pay you back once a month. One weekend a month, you take the dogs and toddler to your parents and have a weekend with him alone. Where you both get to relax and eat out. And if he can't invest this time in you, he may not really be interested in the relationship anymore. Try not to turn this into an ultimatum unless you really feel done with the relationship-- this is a dangerous card to pull if you still want to be with him (the "invest in me or I'm out" card, I mean).

Forget about the "month" he's built up up to now. Start fresh from your next discussion of this matter.

And, taking into account what 10:43 said, perhaps you should email him with your thoughts/suggestions on the matter so when he gets home he's had time to digest it.

**hugs** Best of luck to you.

Anonymous said...

I think it's really sad that people are more concerned with gamers (in the comments) than 3 precious kids whose mom is dating a pedophile. 2391, I hope you hear the few of us that heard what you said. you are dating a PEDOPHILE. get your children out of there. talk to them. find out if he has hurt them. Don't wait till you "find a job". Don't wait for anything. I can understand needing time to get affairs in order to leave under different circumstances, but not this one. Is not every red flag on your mommy radar going off at high alert right now? I BEGGED my mom to leave the man who was molesting me, I didn't tell her why, because I couldn't, but I BEGGED. I tried to kill myself to get away from him because SHE WOULDN'T....not until after tax season,not until this was paid, not until blah blah blah. I truly hope you realize the utter and complete SERIOUSNESS of this situation. Daddies and daughters??????? are you for real?? and the saddest part is that your whole post is about you. I pray he hasn't touched those babies. DADDIES AND DAUGHTERS and DIAPER SPACE. I hope this isn't real.

ß said...

2393
I was quick to judge you, and I am sorry for that. Not all gamers are like your guy and his friends, many are really nice normal people with good jobs and love their wives and families.

He sounds like he is a bit lost and maybe even depressed if he is staying in this roleplaying world and not in the real world enough.

I think I would be more concerned about his 100 pounds of extra weight, it might be unhealthy and too bad he does not see that as an issue.

And I am on your side about the amount he spends on his little gaming holidays. He does owe you some personal vacation time.

Sorry that I judged you, not in the comments, but in my head.

Good luck to you and this situtation. I hope you can work it out.

Anonymous said...

I agree, 1:41. I was one of the posters that replied to her. And I too cannot believe this didn't get more attention.

I hope she left him.

Anonymous said...

2393 here. Thanks for understanding. Now that I'm reading my comment, I sound so whiny. Sorry. My heart goes out to 2391 (Are you for real?)and 2392.
I don't think all gamers are losers (and I've met some very nice, balanced folks), but I don't think it's appropriate for adults to spend that much time in a fantasy world. If you read my confession, I am not saying all gamers are losers. I am saying the people he plays with (not his friends from undergrad) are losers. (like the guy who's 45 and unemployed and ignores what I'm saying)

ß said...

I was one of the first people to post to 2391, I just happened to have done it under anon, so don't jump up our asses about what we do and do not comment about. I left a comment on what I KNOW about and could offer real advice about and that was about having friends that GAME.

My anon post was early and it had to do with
1) I think that it was strange
2) that I was wondering OUT LOUD if this was either the deathmask asshole or someone posting to get a reaction

because honestly ANY women who would put her kids in HARMS way with a guy that is either potentially a pedophile or IS a pedophile is not such a great MOM.

And after she finds out he is out of his mind the fact that she does not
1) leave his ass
2) REPORT his ass to authorities

is really the vilest person in that post

THERE are you happy I said MORE on this?

Jesus Christ, get off your high horse, lady, and post NON anon when you nag at the rest of us who have the guts and the balls to put ourselves out there.

omnia_vincit_amor said...

1:41 - What more can we say to 2391 than what she's already said? She's already getting out of there. I see no reason to make her feel any guiltier about the situation.

I see where you're coming from, but it sounds as though she's doing what she can.

It's not your mom's fault that the man molested you. It is his fault.

This woman is doing her best to get herself and her children away from him-- she's already said that. Give her a break already.

Anonymous said...

1:41 here...
you're right, it wasn't my mom's fault, but she holds some responsibility for turning the other way and staying. That is what I was trying to get 2391 to see. You say she's doing all she can...fine. I disagree. I would take my kids to a shelter before I stayed there a minute longer. Drastic? maybe. But there is NOTHING that could make me keep my kids in that situation one more minute after discovering that information. And his ass would be reported to the authorities, if I didn't kill him myself first. I'm not trying to make her feel guilty. To tell you the truth, I don't give a rats ass how she feels. I care about those kids. Read the post...most of it is all me me me when her kids are in potential danger of being screwed up for life. Thats a little alarming to me. It didn't sound like she fully got the seriousness there concerning her kids, and I felt the need to tell her. Anyhow, I didn't mean to bash on the gamer commenters, I do understand that and I apologize. I just hated to see 2391 slipping under the radar and it did make me a little sad that I didn't see more concern being voiced for those kids. And by the way, I am a private person, and always post anonymously on the internet. I'm not on a high horse, just broken hearted after reading that post.

still ß said...

1:41, even though I told you to get off your high horse, it is the initial post I am mad at.

Either this is a fake, or it is a completely self absorbed woman who is allowing her kids to be in harms way.

I 100 percent agree with you that she should not have those kids for one more second longer after seeing what this guy is about, even within 100 miles of this jerk. (assuming this woman is a real person with this problem, which I am seriously doubting, because of the way it was written, which is to make people nuts, it is just a bit too over the top. And histrionic.)

However, if it is real, there is NOTHING, NOT one single thing anyone could say to defend her.

She is weak?
She is desperate?
Her self esteem is low?
She has no money?
She needs his money to make ends meet?

SCREW that, she has a responsibility to the little people she is parenting.

She could go to family, friends, the authorities, to any Church, to a shelter, to her old school, to a hospital, ANYWHERE but where he is.

And I hold her 100 percent responsible for what happens to those kids after she finds out he is a creep, and even BEFORE this.

I would think someone with kids would WATCH them like a hawk around any potential mate she has, including the biological father.

Please ladies, let us NOT defend people who put their kids in harms way, especially those who leave them there after they KNOW something is being done to them.

NO EXCUSE.

Anonymous said...

I don't care how we came about it, I'm just happy to see us taking action, as limited as it is in this forum, towards helping a woman understand her children are in danger.

Again and again, I will always champion the children, I don't give a shit if the post is fake or not. Doesn't matter. The TRUTH is that some children are abused and for them, I'll never stop fighting. And just so I don't catch shit, I do more for that cause than posting on a blog. That being said; I think this blog does wonders. I really do.

Anonymous said...

her children MIGHT be in danger, and it's worth going into therapy about and being cautious but calling police? Alerting Authorities? That can make the kids' life even more nightmarish. It can lead to real hell.

I'm convinced there's current porn phobia that leads to dangerous overreaction. I read non-consent stories. (And so do a lot of women who read old time romances, come to that) No way in hell do I want to rape or be raped.

I'm an avid follower of several dominatrixs' blogs, but I can't stand pain. Fantasy and reality are very clearly different things in my head and I wouldn't want any of my fantasies to come true. Yuck!

I'm not addicted to any of this (hmmm, I think I'm not) and I don't pay for it, that might signal a big difference? I don't know. I just know that panic and fear makes people act too quickly. Remember a few years back when repressed memories destroying lives?

My unsolicited advice: proceed with caution on all fronts--as in don't keep your eyes off him and don't run around screaming yet.

And be aware that the last resort of calling in the authorities (which obviously you should do when it's clear his fantasy and reality are not separate) will be pretty horrendous for everyone involved.

It shouldn't stop you if you have to do it, but it's not a light choice and you gotta know that no matter what you think, the invasion of your home and life will be horrible for you and your kids, not just The Bad Guy.

ß said...

Good point. If this is a real person, I think having someone who has these fantasies is not the right person to even be in a relationship with. Regardless of what actions she takes or doesn't take, I think it is pretty clear she should have left by now.

submissive at heart said...

#2397 - Wow, I so get you. I have the same kink/interest, and I have no idea where it comes from. I've told my husband what turns me on. He is afraid of "hurting" me. Even though it excites me. He doesn't want any part of it. He knows what I want, but he wonders why I never want to have sex. Hmmmm. You're lucky your husband is willing to try.