Friday, November 02, 2007

Good Advice nobody gave me

I started this on my primary blog - and I have loved the idea so much, I am moving it over to TWC. My own blog still allows anonymous comments, so if you want to comment - but can't here - go to my home...

I've also added the folks who commented on my original to this list. I am crediting their blogs (if they write one), if you want to learn more about them. I love them all, and think you would too.

Good advice no one ever told me:

Halloween isn't fun when you are the person carving the pumpkin, buying the candy and enduring the constant pleas of "How much longer until we can trick or treat?"

If you are in your 20's, STD free and unattached - and are of the inclination - you should have protected sex with whomever you chose. Really. I look at these young beautiful women and think about how much time I worried about my "reputation", et al. What the hell was I saving myself for?

Don't bother to fake an orgasm - I mean, honestly. It does nothing for you, and gives your partner zero feedback. If they are doing something that isn't working for you, speak up. In fact, don't fake anything.

Buy and wear the pretty underwear. For yourself.

Get massages.

Young men in their 20's are idiots. I also look at them and am astounded that anyone finds them charming or attractive. I certainly do not. (I qualify this by saying that they are "cute", certainly. However, having watched them close up for two years now, and seeing these lovely young women look at them adoringly....Sigh. Kind of makes me want to shake them. The same feeling I had when I saw pre-kids, pre-crazy Brit and K-fed, and I wanted to grab her and say "NO!!!!!")

If you are in love with one of these men, know that they will not change. You can not change them. What you see is what you get later on. But with Hair growing out of odd places.

Lisa adds: I wish I would have known that some guys never outgrow the mentality guys typically have in their 20's.

There may come a moment when you think "My partner actually understands me!" and you will be grateful. This moment, of course, may pass. It will come back again, you just can't know when.

Other peoples babies are very cute. Your baby will be the most work/worry/lack of sleep/joy you never imagined. Proceed with caution.

There is nothing more pleasurable than laying in bed in the sunshine. Adding coffee ups the pleasure even more.

Parking in a city engenders a certain ruthless attitude.

Eat what you want.

Reading graphic novels as an adult is really fun.

Spending money on music is never wasted. Yes, you may regret some of the CD's in hindsight (Yes Slow Jams CD I am talking about you)

Drink the wine you like.

You will come to enjoy the joy of someone else cooking for you. When your parent did it, I mean - it was no big deal. If you have had to do it for yourself, you will be wildly grateful for a nice bowl of soup made by someone else.

There will come a day when you weigh - heavily - the two to three days of being hungover for the one evening of drunken debauchery.

Don't laugh at any jokes you don't find funny. Don't pretend to find something funny if you don't.

TB: Go naked more often

Mitzi: buy and wear the not-so-pretty but comfortable underwear--for yourself.

there is never "a good time" to get married, get divorced, have a kid, change jobs, etc. do what makes you happy when your gut says to do it.

and if you'll rip me a copy of your "slow jams" cd, i'll send you a copy of "80s metal ballads.

Wordgirl: If you don't like the way your life was during the first 18 years, don't capitalize on the sorrow it caused by being stupid and impulsive. Sure, let your freak flag fly and all that, but do yourself a favor and get some counseling. Don't wait until you're already fucking up your kids before you realize it's time to get help. Not that I would know...or anything.

Meghan: Enjoy the unknown aspects of the future when you are 20 and unattached. I spent too much time feeling terrified about the unknown lying ahead of me.

Once you are married, you kind of see your future. And then, often, your future looks maddeningly BORING. The unknown is more thrilling than scary, in retrospect.
Keep in mind that this is coming from someone who didn't end up in prison. Ask someone in the slammer, and they may tell you to be afraid.

Cindylou: Spend money on good bras, the seamstress who tailored my wedding dress told me, "You don't' have five dollar boobs don't buy five dollar bras." She was right.

Spend money on good shoes, they are more comfortable.

You do not have to justify the new winter coat for YOU, if your kid needed it you would buy it.

TRY IT ON. Oh the money I could have saved on things I never wore after I bought them.

Hershey's is not GOOD chocolate, buy the good stuff (vosges. . . yum)


oneman said...

Here are a couple that work for me,

You are not going to be the same person at 30 that you were at 20. Neither will your partner.

Get Communication, respect and trust right in a marriage and the rest will follow.

Listen to advise from your peers and elders. Then make up your OWN mind, nobody can tell you how to live.

You are responsible for you own happiness, you cannot give this responsibility away.

The following I have heard,

Staying together for the sake of the kids does not work, you will only resent each other and your children will not know what a good relationship should look like.

Don't eat the yellow snow.

Anonymous said...

clean your house when your young children are napping, spend every moment you can together. The kids are so much better off for it.

Treat gas station bathrooms as you would treat your own bathroom.

Smiling while on the phone really works, it also gives you practice turning that frown upside down when you really really don't want to.

Anonymous said...

Here is mine:

Don't base your happiness on things you can't control, which is just about everything around you. Choose to BE happy and make the most of your life. It is your choice!

Kate said...

yes, maybe not ordinary Hershey's but Reese's cups are worth it, dammit. And that fancy new Hershey's isn't bad. I think Ghiradelli tastes like it's been smoked. It's odd, especially the cocoa.

Once you hit forty or so, you will not be able to eat the quantities you once did. Face it before you wake up at 200 lbs. Learn to enjoy the smaller amounts you do get to snarf.

Train your dog.

Train your kids, but more cleverly (ie get sneaky)

When you least feel like exercising--yer grouchy and lazy-- chances are that's when you most need to exercise. Why the fuck we're designed like that makes no sense to me, either.

Plant tomatoes with marigolds.

Don't apologise for reading romances. Don't apologise for reading blood and gore books. Don't apologise for reading smut.
Or for writing any of it either.

Vote or don't complain. No, really.

Vote and then bitch all you want endlessly, but probably best to do it online and not at parties where people will back away from you.

Tell mom you love her. And if she's a raging horrible bitch, um. I don't know. Eventually forgive her for being way more flawed human than she should have been.

Eventually guilt becomes the world's more useless emotion after rage. Deal with it--do some action that will ease the reason for your guilt. Or just fucking let go of it.

Visit sick people but not for too long. If they tell you to go away, just go. Leave without the long affectionate goodbye some people employ at parties or social functions.

Damn, I have about a thousand more. Maybe I should shut up here and do it elsewhere.

jae said...

These were given to me and I cherish them:

Pick your battles, with everyone but especially your spouse and children. Sometimes the small stuff is ok to let go.

(From my dad): Play with your children as much as you can. Color, read, run or crawl around acting like animals. You will remember it always and the memories will make you smile when you are old.

If you love someone let them know.

It's absolutly ok to say no without feeling bad.

Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

-don't settle just because you're desperate to get married and have kids. Once you have a child with someone you're linked to them forever and ever so be very choosy about whom you breed with

-try to put off having sex for the first time until you're at least out of high school. After you have sex in one relationship you'll never be able to go back to just kissing and groping both because he'll feel the need to pressure you and because you won't be satisfied with simply necking

-instead of reading a gazillion baby books during your pregnancy offer to actually babysit a baby. Learn how to diaper and wash a baby BEFORE your child is born

-don't feel that you need to hide yourself away for months after the baby is born. Babies won't get deathly ill just because you brought them to Wal-Mart at a week old.

-Breast feed if you want to, bottle feed if you don't. Cloth diaper is you want to, disposable if you don't. Let them CIO if you think they need to, cuddle them if you don't. Co-sleep, homebirth, circumcize, make your own baby food ... whatever... by the time they're in first grade nobody'll care what you did that first year and you'll have LONG stopped debating about it.

Anonymous said...

Oh thank you thank you thank you Dawn for letting the anon's back in. It was getting so boring and I thought TWC was done for good!

If you see that one of your child's best friends is having severe problems at home, make yourself and your home completely open to them. Give them the greatest gift anyone could ever recieve: a loving family.

This is what is going on with my family, and now we have two beautiful daughters instead of one and she has two adults she knows will always be there for her, not to mention Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles. I also have twice the work and worry but it's so worth it!

PS-- They're BOTH in college now!

Anonymous said...

I once knew a very athletic female cop. She told me to NEVER stop at a rest stop; always stop at a gas station or restaurant instead. She said rest stops are some of the most dangerous places in the country, and she oersonally would never stop at one, even though she was clearly cabaple of defending herself if needed. So skip the rest stops. For the rest of your life.

Anonymous said...

I, like most women, have a signiture scent, a certain perfume I wear almost daily for years now. When I go on vacation, I find a new perfume that I like and wear it the whole trip. Every few months I put on the "vacation scent" and it immediately takes me back to the wonderful experiences my husband and I shared together. Ahh... better than photos.

Anonymous said...

Some men will tell you that condoms hurt or make sex less fun. And they won't ask you outright to have sex without one. Instead, they'll wait for you to offer, because you want to be a sensitive and loving partner. Huge mistake. Never, ever put yourself at risk for a guy that you're dating. Wait until you are in a commited, monogamous relationship.

Marry the guy who is easy to be with - not the one that you have to change yourself for.

The choices you make in your 20s can absolutely affect your life in your 40s. Just ask anyone who couldn't get pregnant and wanted to adopt. The FBI and court background checks are very thorough. Same goes for employment checks and terrible credit status. Be smart and responsible.

People disappear from this Earth in the blink of an eye. Don't ever take that for granted.

Give your guy what he really wants for his birthday or Christmas or any other holiday. If he likes a good cigar - give him one - even if you hate them. That is the essence of a true gift.

IT Barman said...

A great list

Never go to bed with an itchy bum, you'll wake up with a smelly finger

Not sure if its of any help

Anonymous said...

lindt chocolate is also delicious :) and you're right about the good bras; they last longer and maintain better shape

Jim said...

Buy bras the right size . . . something like 40% of American women are wearing a bra that is the wrong size. We want you people to be comfortable.


Gleepleglop said...

Stolen shamelessly from my veterinarian's office:

"Never switch on a Dustbuster while you're holding a cat."

Anonymous said...

True Husband confession, I apologize that I made you love me not knowing that you were out of my league, the great accomplishments in your life out weigh mine 10-1, you've worked hard all of your life and had more ambition for better things in life.

In all honesty I worked hard to be a part of your life, enjoy your wonderful smile and your wonderful conversation and at the break of dawn having breakfast together. Though I make just under 41,000k a year I thought I could make up the difference by giving you beautiful kids and being a great father and telling you I love you every morning and really meaning it! Making you laugh and playing with you and giving you unselfish mind blowing orgasms.

I realize that your internal fire has died for me I acknowlegde this from your voice and words. Your frustration of me not being able to pay all the bills on time but a month later. You resent the work that I do and can't quite understand how a man with a 3.3 gpa and bachelors degree can't make at least 70,000 +. Some things are in the cards for us while others are not! I still work towards a better tomorrow everyday and still will manage to treat you respect and smile and will at least have you as a friend since you're a great mother to my terrific kids until the day you say it's over you'll be in my heart always : (