Sunday, September 23, 2007

True Wife Confessions 210 - the year the Romans make peace with the Scots

Confession #2091

Thank you, sweetie, for everything. I would never have gone back to school,
I would never have found my calling, I would never have found love without
you. I love your child, and my child, and the family that we make up (as
dysfunctional as it can be occasionally) and I love the past that we have.
I love the way that you make me laugh. I love that you don't want me to be
submissive, or smaller than I really am, or anything other than what I
really am. Thank you for helping me find what and who I really am.

I love you.

Confession #2092

You don't want the pooch on the furniture, but every morning right after you leave for work, the dog jumps up on the bed with me. I make sure there's no hair on your side, but we're talking every day for years. And she knows your car and footstep--as soon as she hears either approaching, she's off the bed or couch or chair.

The kids and I have tried to imitate your footstep, just to see if she can be fooled. Nope. She only bolts when it's really you. Hey, I'm a little sorry that the kids are being taught to lie to their dad, sort of. I know it's bad we don't respect your desire in this matter, bad that the three kids and I know the truth about the dog's bad habits and you don't. But I do love having that dog snuggled against me while I work. I even do my work on the couch so she can rest her head on my lap.

Confession #2093

I am truly sick and tired of dealing with your depression. Especially
since you really aren't dealing with it in a constructive way. Sleeping
16+hours a day isn't *dealing* - it is avoiding. I want a life again, I
can't and won't sit around and watch you sleep anymore - I was up for 5
hours before you woke up yesterday morning (noon), you were awake for
all of 5 minutes and then you went back to sleep.

I can't take it anymore. I was putting on my makeup when you came into
the bathroom - you realized I was upset. I told you, while crying, that
you really hurt my feelings that you would rather sleep than spend any
time with me. Do you have any idea how badly I felt about myself all
day yesterday??? You had the nerve to say that you didn't *choose* to
sleep this much it just happens. Well, it has been happening for over 9
months - I can't take much more. I love you but I'm dying inside and
what I feel for you is dying as well. I am lonelier now than when I was
single. I am going to start planning my weekends again, like I did
before we met. I spent 15 years as a single mother - I wasn't always
ecstatic but hell, it was wayyyy better than this! At least I was
participating in life and doing things that I enjoy.

I HAVE TO HAVE A LIFE! If you would rather sleep your life away, that
is up to you. I will not sit by and watch you sleep anymore.

Confession #2094

You have told me for years that you planned on divorcing me. I used to cry and get upset and tell you not to joke about that - it wasn't funny and it hurt my feelings. Then, I simply accepted it. After so many years of having you introduce me as "your first wife", or talk about when you divorce me...I just realized you must be serious. So, I began to withdraw. Plan my life without you. And I too began to joke about when we get divorced.

This weekend you came to me and told me how infuriated it makes you when I talk about us getting divorced.

Really? I think I said the same thing about 13 years ago to you. Your actions have deadened me.

Confession #2095

I know we are not going to make it. We just got married and I can see the end coming. I know you love me, and I love you more than ever. I was so happy when you went into treatment for your drinking. I truly believed that it was a step in the right direction for us. I missed you like crazy while you were gone, but now that you are home, I am totally miserable.

You have questioned EVERYTHING that the kids and I have done!! You weren't here, it didn't get done just like you would have done it, but GET OVER IT!!! I busted my butt every single day you were gone, and to know that it's not appreciated or even acknowledged is a total slap in the face!! Just think, you can't even handle the house and kids for one afternoon if I need to go somewhere. I get 5 or 6 calls asking about something totally stupid. You try dealing with a job, house, dogs, 5 kids, school, dance, scouts, grocery shopping, paying bills, yardwork all by yourself for 28 days!! Not to mention coming up to see you every single weekend so that you truly saw that I was behind you 100%.

I am thrilled that you are sober; your sons need a Dad that will be around for a long time. But unless you agree to work on the rest of our problems, I am leaving in 3 months. I refuse to be miserable for the rest of my life. Sorry it's gotta come down to this, but I can't take any more!!!

I love you!

Confession #2096

I'm sorry I have gained so much weight. I gained 100 lbs. while pregnant, and haven't lost all of it yet even though the baby is a year old now. I am disgusting to myself, so I know why you don't act like you used to around me. I'm trying though - I've lost 10 pounds this month. I try my best to be a good wife and mother, and not to complain about anything you do. You used to feel like you weren't good enough for me, even though I never thought that....and now I feel like I'm not good enough for you. I hope you can wait for me to get back to my old self. I love you and the baby more than anything, and sometimes I'm so happy - when she's laughing and you're laughing with her - that I think my heart is going to burst out of my chest. It seems like eventually in life...sometimes slowly...you lose everything...family members die...friends leave...looks fade....I just want to hold on to our family as long as I can. Wait for me baby.


Confession #2097

Hey babe,
You're not so bad, but your friends are totally creepy. A woman just
knows. Those guys are bad news. Sorry I don't like them. They are
potential rapists and child molesters. You're better than them.


Confession #2098

You are a good husband. A great dad. You put up with my shit. You support me. You are a friend. But he makes me feel like an absolute goddess. He wants me in a way you never did. I want him in a way I've never wanted before. I hunger for him day and night and he hungers for me. He is rough when I need him to be. He is gentle and loving and writes me poem and songs. He says he loves me and I walk on air for hours. I have no plans to leave you for him and I don't know where this is going....but I have no inclination or power to stop it. If it weren't for our daughter I would run away with him. To Greece. Anywhere.

Last week we made love without a condom and said he likes the idea of me having his baby. Secretly I do too.

The weight I lost was for him.

When you ask me if something is wrong, and I say "no" I am really missing him.

The smile you catch on my face sometimes is a memory of the last time he and I made love.

That bruise on my thigh was from his hands. I would sometimes press on it to remember how his hands felt on me.

I know I have a pathological need to be loved. I know I need to feel sexy. He gives me that.

I don't even feel bad. I deserve some happiness because I am so, so unhappy sometimes and all the pills in the world don't make me feel the way he does when he kisses me hard, bites my lip, holds my face and says "I love you."

I deserve that.

Confession #2099

Sometimes I think I should have married someone more like me. Someone who has a college degree and wears a tie to work instead of coveralls. Someone who would love to take me to dinner theaters and fancy charity fund raisers instead of the closest karaoke bar or the dirt track races. We were engaged for 2 years while I finished college and I never questioned if you were the right one for me to marry, now we've been married 7 years and I can't help but think I sold out to the first guy who offered me a ring. It's not that I don't love you, I really do. But we are very different people in a lot of ways and I hope our relationship will survive these differences...

Confession #2100

Love is a Drug

Oh the feelings! The exhilaration of falling in love. It truly can be a blinding experience. My name is (fill in the blank) and I am a love junkie. Falling in love releases "feel good" chemicals in my brain. My system becomes filled with endorphins, my world seems brighter, more colorful, more exciting!

When I met you there were plenty of red flags a-flyin', warning warning warning. But with the blinders in place, I went ahead and fell in love anyway.

I refused to question anything you told me. As time unfolded, it became harder for you to keep all the lies straight and so I learned, over time, to take everything and anything you told me with the proverbial grain of salt. Today you could tell me the sky is blue and I would have to see it for myself before I would believe you.

I want to list the ways that I used love as a drug.

Go back and read the paragraph above.

Refusing to heed the warning signs.

Rationalizing and justifying certain actions in my brain.

Believing that love conquers all.

Naively thinking that if I loved you enough, we could get through any turmoil.

Believing that I could change you by example.

Allowing myself to be controlled by you, so as not to upset the apple cart.

Lowering my standard of conduct and doing things that felt wrong to me.

Aggressively asserting my way of life on you, living under the illusion that I had any type of control over you.

Living in denial.

Oh yes, love is a drug. Sometimes I think that life would be so much easier if I were living alone. That then I would only have myself to worry about, that my life, my feelings, my worth, my happiness would not be dependent on what you are doing or not doing.

And then I remember talking to a counselor several years ago and admitting to this person that if I got out of the relationship with you, that I would probably go right back out and start hunting for another love relationship, undoubtedly going through the same motions and emotions again, looking to someone outside of myself to "fix" me or someone that I could "fix." And remembering the words from the counselor, telling me that I should look inside myself and figure out why I feared being alone, why I felt such an urgent need to be with somebody else in order to feel whole.

So I have decided to take stock in the relationship I have now. Hey, it's familiar, I've gotten somewhat used to the ups and downs, the roller coaster ride so to speak.

It's time to hunker down and see what needs fixing in me. Believe it or not, I still love you. And I can appreciate the lessons that I've learned from this relationship. So join me on this ride, or don't

53 comments:

sk said...

#2099:
I am in love with a coverall wearing mechanic. I wouldnt trade it to the world.
His idea of taking me out is to a hockey game that he got free tickets to or to a customer appreciation night at the local western star dealership. And i love him for it.
He works hard for what he earns.
He is responsible.
He is so trustworthy.
If you want a lawyer or a dr. GO Right Ahead. I dont think i could trust a man who would wear a suit for a living and punched computer keys instead of working with his hands.

Anonymous said...

I'm with you sk- I love me a man's man. My man comes home sweaty and dirty from building things- and it turns me on. Having a man 'softer' than me- uh- not so much.
And 2098 - I can so relate- but beware- in as much as this is supposed to be a place to come confess- surely "D" will slam the shit out of you. You know- b/c he's perfect and all. The rose colored glasses he wears are proof.

D said...

I said I will keep my comments to a minimum and I will. (Though I didn't know expecting fidelity, which is a pretty easy goal to achieve, was the same as expecting perfection.)

Anyway, I always find it interesting the advice, words, comfort, etc. women to give to cheating women.

I'll just listen this round.

Anonymous said...

Oh shut up you blowhard. You just can't hep yourself, can you? I don't give a shit how "interesting" you find us women, you condesending boor. Can't you just go comment on mens issues, or rather unemployed unmarried mens issues? You said you were going to keep your comments to a minimum? You post more comments than anyone! You've got some pearl of wisdom for everyone! Maybe you should write a book. That should occupy some of your time. You don't need to respond, I already know what you'd say.

Anonymous said...

12:15. Why are you even responding to him, I thought this was all done and dusted.

#2097. Weight is not everything. A person who is happy and confident is 100 times more attractive then someone obsessed with their weight.

#2099. I like my 'nerd', I know he will be forever faithful and attentive and we will never have to worry about finances. He is funny and interesting and a great dad.

D said...

12:15, now you're just being disrespectful and, i might add, ruining the environment of the board (just as you accuse me of doing). don't become what you despite.....just ignore me.

sarah said...

not sure what the problem with d is, don't we all have the freedom to express our opinions on matters whether we are directly dealing with that situation or not? He is right you know, all the women who have a problem with him and repeatedly post crap about him are ruining the spirit of the board, and as far as I know he has never insulted anyone directly, maybe some of you should quit focusing on the fact that he has a penis and actually listen to some of his advice, maybe it just might help you become less bitter and angry.

Anonymous said...

Beware D- your wife may just be one of those women receiving or offering the same comfort. You are married aren't you? Perfectly happily married inside your white picket fenced yard?
You know what they say - if it's too good to be true ....it is....

Anonymous said...

I don't have a problem with the penis, I have a problem with a man that comes to a womens blog that deals with women opening up their most intimate feelings and experiences only to have some guy( some UNMARRIED guy) spew forth platitudes and judgements. Here's what really did it for me girls: The woman who was forced to have sex twice but admitted to having consentual sex 3 other times with the same man. To me, and a lot of other readers this woman was raped. D decides this can not be so and declares it " Not rape, case closed". Even if those wern't his exact words, that was his position. He says he's going to back off the posting and then one or two comments get made and he's right back in the thick of it. To me, this is like a single male friend that comes to a regular girls afternoon out and starts telling all the woman what their problems are. Truthfully? I don't want a mans opinion here. It seem further annoying that he isn't even married! Honestly, I really love this site-- I have been reading and confessing from the beginning but I can't even imagine posting another confession here and having to wade through D's comments when want I'm seeking is my "virtual girlfriends" opinions. As the creator of this site puts it: "Things you wish you could tell your husband...." Now I understand that this is not strickly limited to wives but I sure think it does imply that this is a forum for women. I think theres got to be a better venue for D than this site. And I get that some women don't care that he's here. But a lot do. And if he's making them uncomfortable and uneasy about posting their confessions then why doesn't he just read them and not comment?
What I'm saying is, for me, like speaks to like. Girlfriends, be they real life or virtual are so important to women. It's a dynamic men don't need or understand, or even need to understand. I hope this makes sense to those of you that think it's okay for him to be here. And, okay, no rules here -- it's a free blog-- but he sure is making it an unpleasant free blog for this girl. If D would just google 'true husband confessions' I'm sure there would be a lot of sites that would welcome his thoughts and opinions. And if I went to one of them and started giving my opinions and judgments and inserting my thoughts on their situations, don't you think they'd have a few choice words for me?

Anonymous said...

What bothers me here is the fact that the majority of these comments are not for the posts, but rather for the comments themselves. Read the confessions, comment on what you want, but stop arguing like sixteen year olds on the comment boards.

D said...

Truthfully, 5:33, I am commenting a lot less than I did in the initial posts. However, it's hard not to say anthing when you and others insist on lambasting me. I've mostly been commenting on comments and attacks on me. I don't agree with your comments about the rape, but I understand that we just don't agree. Unlike you, I am not spewing vitriol. I do agree women need space to vent by themselves and I did fall back. But you have to admit, and can plainly see, in the last two posts, people bought my name up even before I made a comment. I don't like that because instead of offering insight to confessors they are thinking about me. So I can see that my presence is a distraction. However, I will not allow you to run me off of here. I will comment when I feel I have something to offer and I will occasionally disagree with some posters. If that's not OK with you, so be it. The site owner welcomes men's comments as far as I know. So you can continue putting the focus on me and detracting from the site or you can spend all of your time conversing with the women you say you care so much about.

Anonymous said...

Okay! Uncle! D I will not ever comment on you again, you sick, lonely and to be sure a very short man. You feel lambasted? Well, hmmm, I wonder why? Buy a clue..when you get a job. Oh that was wrong, sorry, D.
I agree with you, 7:38. I cringed while writing and deciding to publish it. This is supposed to be the avenue to respond to the confessions. Again, I agree.

Just one last thought to leave you girls that may be on the fence where D is concerned: Go back to 9/3 when he was still anonymous and read back and forward. I don't need any more proof of my opinion of him than that. Like I said, that's it for me where he is concerned. I promise.

Anonymous said...

I'm with SK and D, 2099. I have a Master's degree and my husband has a trade. I work with men who wear suits and take their wives to fundraisers and while they're nice enough and I respect them as colleagues, I can't imagine being married to one of them. Men who work with their hands...unbelievably sexy! He has the strongest work ethic of anyone I have ever met and I respect that. Think back to what made you fall in love with him. It might be the same things that have come to bother you now.

Anonymous said...

Here is the men's confession site that was started by a man who sometimes comments here. Sometimes a man's opinion is valid, like a woman's and some times, a man's opinion is not valid, like a woman's.

www.manfessions.blogspot.com

D said...

Anonymous, since you promised not to address me again, I'll take this opportunity to have the last word (which I'm sure will irk you) and to put an end to your man-hating meanderings.

All those who are so inclined, should take anonymous's advice and go back and read 9/3. But don't stop there, read 9/10 and so on.

In several instances on separate days on separate topics, there were women who agreed with my views, even saying the women who claims she was raped probably wasn't. But anonymous did not criticize any of them...just me. In this very thread, Sarah essentially called anonymous and others who attacked me for having different opinions "bitter" and "angry," something I agree with but didn't write. Again, anonymous glosses over that and commences to criticize me again. She'll take that jab from a woman, but if I had called her bitter and angry can you imagine her reply post?

She's stated the real reason for her attacks over and over: she doesn't want men here. As if that justifies her outbursts and redirecting of threads.

For those that do go back and read, tell me, is her problem with my views (which some women here agree with) or with me being a man and daring to post my views?

Anonymous, from now on I will take glee in knowing that everything I type fills you with silent (hopefully) rage. But if you're done with me I'm done with you. I promise.

Anonymous said...

I am sure D has a small penis. Any other more confident man wouldn't waste his time here listening to us women confess our sins and tell us how wrong we are. C'mon D- tell us? Pinky sized?

Anonymous said...

12:09- just went and checked it out- like 'D' it's L-A-M-E. This site so has it beat!

Anonymous said...

Thanks 11:52 and 1209's, et al. I knew I wasn't alone here!! This site will continue to rock.

D said...

11:52, your ignorance shines through. what does a man's penis size have to do with his confidence?

Anonymous said...

D-somebody stuck a nerve with you- HA - finally- payback!!! It's true!! It's true - D has a small penis D has a small penis!!!
CONFESSION- SIZE DOES MATTER - bwaa haaa

Anonymous said...

Honestly, who gives a shit how big or small anywone's penis size is. If it's not the guy you're having sex with then it shouldn't make a difference to you. I want to come here and read what people have to say about the confessions, not what immature insults you women and men fling at each other. You're ruining this site. And if I were the creator this would be cause enough for me to stop the comments all together.

Posting your opinions on the confessions, whether you be a man or a woman, is not what's wrong here. It's kind of the point for the comments. But you're fighting online! Get over it, ignore each other, or stop commenting all together.

Anonymous said...

2099 - i also married an uneducated man while i went on to get my degree....we're now divorced. him not having an education/being a manual laborer were fine with me - it was his lack of motivation/ambition that weren't.

sk said...

2:39pm:
There is a big difference when we say someone in the trades and a uneducated man. My husband is in the trades. He has 2 years of college plus 4 years as an apprentice to reach the level where he can be called a journeyman mechanic. It is the same for all trades (ie carpenter, plumber etc.) He is also constantly going to school for upgrading. He has more education than i do and i am a computer tech. So dont make the mistake of lumping trades in with being un or even under educated.

CC said...

You all are so childish in here... with the exception of D :)

Personally, I love reading a man's point of view! I am a 23 year old woman, successful and single, mainly because woman out there in this world today DISGUST ME. Women who get married, have babies & proceed to sleep around, CRY RAPE and all that other bullshit and THEN, on top of that, we are too high and mighty to listen maturely to a man's opinion because of the "feminist" bullshit mindset we all take on to make ourselves appear as if we are not the "weaker" sex and instead we feel that attacking the size of his penis is an acceptable excuse for his "behavior".

PLEASE. It sickens me. You people are so sad! Not to rehash old confessions, but I am one who happens to believe that the woman who slept with the same man who she claimed to have raped her randomly - WAS NOT RAPE.

And there is no excuse for cheating. EVER. Get a fucking divorce. You people are pathetic.

(and by "you people", I mean the generalized majority of woman who cheat and keep cheating...)

IN MY OPINION, there is no excuse - EVER.

D - keep doin your thing! Personally, I LOVE to read what you have to say - most of the time, its just bullshit that woman are too ashamed to admit or agree with. And I absolutely love it!

Here's an idea: remain faithful. keep the lines of communication open. go to church. pray. talk to family and friends. if you're unhappy, do something about it.

and by something, i don't mean your husband's best friend.

Respectfully,
CC

CC said...

ps. that felt good. and i apologize for any grammar or spelling errors, i was typing too fast to care ;)

Anonymous said...

323: I agree. Intelligence and education are not the same thing.

Anonymous said...

CC- honey- glad you came here to vent. The only thing good about your vent was the suggestion to pray- otherwise, you sound every bit the 23 years you are YOUNG. Call us back after you've been married for 20 + years, 3 kids, and a mortgage. mm-kk? I'll bet you eventually find your husband's best freind all that and then some. MUAH!

Anonymous said...

There is more then one guy who read this site. I wrote the letter on the sheddimg light post in August. I've never felt the need to post a comment until now.

Though D has opinions which I do not agree with, he has every right to post. There is nothing forcing you to follow his advice or even read what he has written. He does not post anonymously (unlike most people on here, including me), if you see his name, skip the comment.

Attacking his physical attributes just displays your ignorance and lack of valid argument.

Meanwhile there are real people who are posting real confessions some of which I feel are trying to reach out to us. True heart breaking stuff.

Please people, is there any chance that we can grow up a little and leave the school yard antics behind and focus on what this site is set up for ?

Anonymous said...

2093
I hope he gets on medication for both of your sakes. I feel very bad for you. But you have to do what you have to do to survive. So, go out on the weekends and try to re-charge your batteries. Good luck to you both.

Sarah said...

2093-- I have been where your man is, wanting to sleep for a thousand years and avoid life and people. You're right, he is not "handling it."

Depression is a sickness. Would he go for 9 months being ill with something that medication would help, but refuse to go to the doctor because he's "handling it"?

It's scary to think of admitting that you are depressed or asking for help--but it can happen in baby steps. He doesn't have to dive into the depths of his brain and figure out what all his issues are. He could start by taking some medication to just help him function. If he really is sleeping 16 hours a day, he truly can't sift through all of the things that are making him depressed.

Maybe if you expressed it to him like this: Sometimes people injure themselves, say a knee or something, and that knee becomes really inflamed and swollen until it can hardly bend or be walked on. To fix it, physical therapy will be needed, but first the swelling has to be taken away enough for it to be functional. His brain right now is swollen with depression. He might need "therapy" to deal with the root of the problem later, but for right now he just needs to be able to function. He needs to take some anti-inflammatories for his brain--antidepressants that would help him to have more energy and to not feel so completely weighed down.

I have been where he is, and let me tell you... I went on a new antidepressant and within 4 days felt like a brand new person. I wasn't totally "healed" but the difference was incredible.

Good luck.

CC said...

4:25 -

I dont need to be in a bad relationship for 20 plus years with 3 kids to know there are better ways to go about finding happiness and better outlets for your grief than infidelity.

If you're not happy, leave.

If you're not happy - do something about it. BESIDES, that is, falling into the bed of another man.

It doesn't make me immature to think that is a pathetic response to an unhappy marriage. mm-kk? MUAH!

Anonymous said...

CC Are you really saying your single because of the women today disgust you? I would think that they would inspired you to live your life like you discribe... with church and prayer. What do the women you abhor have to do with you finding a man you have a lot in common with and marrying him ( obviously, they're out there because you agree with d) and then living up to your own standards? I'm sorry, I just don't understand your logic.

Anonymous said...

WOW. These comments are getting almost as interesting as the confessions! I am fairly new to this site and have only commented a few times. I think it is completely immature for someone to call another person ugly names over a difference of opinion. After reading D's comments, I have to agree with him and I'm a woman. He has not attacked anyone except in his own defense.

I feel if you don't want criticism from men, esp single men, then don't send your confessions here. The last time I checked, this site accepts both male and female comments regardless of their marital status.

There are a ton of us that do not condone ADULTERY... no matter how sad or lonely you get in your marriage. If you are truly that sad, get some help or get out. There is no excuse for an affair, whatsoever. I don't remember saying "for better or for worse...and if worse, I get to cheat on you!" Just think of how you would feel if you found out your husband was screwing around on you because you made him mad/sad/unhappy? I'm sure you appreciate him separating or divorcing you before he started putting his penis and tongue in another woman's hoo haa. Disgusting!

I know this site is for women to confess what they can't tell their husbands but everyone can read them and some will not agree with the actions. Commentors have a right to say what they want to, no matter who they are. If the site operator wants to control the comments section, that is up to her. Until then, please stop bashing D. He's free to state his opinions here and I happen to agree with him more often than not.

-Z

Sarah said...

In my opinion (have to put this disclaimer don't I, else I face getting lambasted as someone who speaks in absolutes), as a gender who has long been taught to think of ourselves as the weaker sex, we rush to victimise ourselves. If we cheat on our husbands -- it's because the husband neglected us. If we get bored of our husbands -- it's because he's not romantic enough. If we sleep with another man -- it's because he forced us to. I think it's painfully obvious that half the time, we're trying to justify our actions in the worst way possible.

D is one of the more eloquent, logical persons here. Everything he's said to date make perfect sense, and yet he gets criticised and insulted. Have some respect for him, for god's sake. I clearly don't approve when you ladies flock to console the cheating wives, but you don't see me posting childish insults, do you?

You guys always use the line, "you're not in my/her situation, you don't know how it's like so shut it" -- true, I'm not married, and won't be for some time yet (I'm 18). But I have been in relationships and they have changed over time, and so I understand how, when you're embroiled in the emotional tussle, it becomes tempting to give up and abandon your 'morals'.

I don't care if you cheat -- obviously it's wrong, but it seems a trait so inherent in some of you that I'm sure it can't be gotten rid of so easily -- what I'm saying is, own it. Don't create excuses. Don't blame the poor unknowing husband. Don't dredge up every little thing he's done to justify yourself. And don't rush to assure the cheating wives that they've done right without knowing the husbands' side of the tale.

It makes me wonder, sometimes: why are the female commenters here so protective of the ones who've done wrong? Are you leaving a loophole for yourself so that, should you err in future as well, you have some leeway? I appreciate the objective of this website as much as the next woman, but more and more it's become a platform to alleviate guilt.

If you ladies are so quick to excuse yourselves from blame and point immature insults at anyone who tries to present an alternative view, then it might suggest abovementioned husbands are neglecting you. As such, since you can't control yourselves in arguments, I vote that comments be disabled. It's clear that vitriol makes up the huge part of comments, and that's something we don't need.

Sarah said...

* then it might suggest why the abovementioned husbands are neglecting you.

{A} said...

Okay, I keep going back to these comments and feeling the need to write.

To CC, D and other young, single folks:

Yes you have a right to your opinion and yes you have a right to post it here. I think that it would just be best to try and think about the other side of the story a little bit. When I was young and 20 something, I thought just like you. If you don't like it, do something about it, get divorced, whatever, but don't cheat. Now, I am unhappy in my marriage a bit, and I've never cheated and don't plan to, however, I think quite a bit differently than I did before I was married and had children and a mortgage, etc. Things are VERY MUCH more complicated than simply "getting a divorce". There are other people to think about other than yourself, there are financial obligations to think about. Obviously there are deal-breakers, but for the most part, marriage is more complicated than I ever thought it would be and unless you've been there, you really don't know what it's like or what you would do.

These confessions are generally short and people don't tell you EVERYTHING to base your judgement and opinion on.

So, my piece being said, I will not look back at the comments made on this particular subject.

I would just hope that everyone who reads this will not attack each other, but try and provide HONEST, non-judgemental suggestions to the person who pours their heart out as an outlet. It certainly doesn't help to attack people or suggest that they weren't raped or to discount their pain. Instead, try and help them, or stay out of it.

As my mother always said, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".

Hopefully we can all learn something from these confessions, and try to help those that are in pain.

That's just my two cents...

Anonymous said...

10:00 am- well said. At almost 40 years old, married 20+ years, also a career woman, mother of 2, my marriage has been by far, my hardest job ever. At 20, I thought I had life down pat. At 23 I was sure I did. Now I realize I was merely a baby. Since my oldest is close to that age....anyways- very well put. THANK YOU!

Anonymous said...

Sarah? Who here consoles cheating wives?

CC said...

D and Sarah... my thoughts exactly. THANK YOU. :)

-CC

jade said...

Sarah:

I don't care if you cheat -- obviously it's wrong, but it seems a trait so inherent in some of you that I'm sure it can't be gotten rid of so easily -- what I'm saying is, own it. Don't create excuses. Don't blame the poor unknowing husband. Don't dredge up every little thing he's done to justify yourself. And don't rush to assure the cheating wives that they've done right without knowing the husbands' side of the tale.

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY! THANKS FOR THIS!

Anonymous said...

Okay..... STOP.... Big Girl back up from the table and skip a meal or two.
23 year .. shut up... you know nothing. You stupid little ass hasn't lived long enough to know.
D- go to another site.. queer.

Layers of Everything said...

12.09 for 12.09 (funny coincidence)

The husband's confession site has nothing to do with D, at least I do not think so......but it is new and getting up and going so, we all know things start slow. I know (internet wise) who the husband is that began it and it is very good intentioned, he really likes this site and what it can offer passed all the baloney. I do not think it is lame, I think in this case, replication, or some what of replication is a form of flattery.

Layers of Everything said...

Whoops, should reread before posting, past all of the baloney is the correct word I was looking for.

Anonymous said...

It is so funny how we "anonymously" feel as if we need to defend ourselves. so i am going to do just that.

I'm the "23" you were referring to. And judging how "i know nothing" and how D is a "queer" because of his opinions, YOU must be one of the women cheating and making excuses for her behavior on a regular basis... someone who is SO spiteful of the life she leads that she can't help but ridicule people that feel that, as women, we shouldn't play the "poor me, i am so abused and misunderstood, i MUST sleep with my husband's best friend and/or coworker because they make me feel like a goddess" card.

YOU must be one of those women, otherwise you would not be so close minded in the COMMENT section of this site. Just because other's ideas dont perfectly match your own, shocking as it is, doesn't mean they are wrong. Open your mind, and let go of the bitterness you have towards being young, of all things. It's not my fault you hate your life. Telling me that i know nothing because of my young (?) age is the most ignorant thing i have heard in a long time.

i'm with sarah - disable comments. this is getting ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

10:00 - thank you for your honest, civil and understanding response.

you are right, i understand just "getting a divorce" isn't always as easy as it sounds, and i don't mean to take away from that. I just don't agree with suffering through a marriage and then turning it into a lie "for the sake of" others... i know kids that would have been much better off had their parents communicated, reached a common ground and split on somewhat of amiable terms instead of dragging it out and making it a house seeping with bitterness, lies, and deceit.

than again, what do i know. i'm young, single and my parents & both sets of grandparents are still married... i guess i live in my own perfect little world ;)

CC said...

8:44

I think what I was TRYING to say (I was pretty wound up at the time of my initial comment) was that I am SO sad at how women today handle themselves in relationships. I never think cheating is a logical answer to anything, ever. who are we to demand faithfulness and honesty if we cannot even do the same?

AND, my "logic" was meaning to imply that if me being "young" is why I don't understand THAT side of it, I'm not sure I want to "grow up", as everyone so graciously puts it. i don't think i need to lower my standards and expectations to live thru the pain in order to understand.

there is nothing wrong with MY thinking that we should conduct our lives honestly and respectfully. women that handle situations by cheating, lying and harboring resentment make me not want to "grow up" and get myself into that situation, if THAT is how it has to be...? :-/ it's so sad.

Anonymous said...

REMINDER: DON'T FEED THE TROLLS!

Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree more. NO MORE TROLL BUFFETT.

Anonymous said...

obviously the few people, including myself, who have written a comment trying to show you people how immature you are acting, and how you're ruining this site by attacking each other on the comment boards, were just writing to nobody. Get over yourselves. This is pathetic.

Anonymous said...

Why is no one even considering women being honest and just telling their husbands they want an open marriage. If you are staying for the kids and trying to have a good relationship with their father, your husband, says "Hey, honey, I think we should date other people." Make rules, set boundaries, but who knows it could make your sex lives much hotter. It is ourselves that determine our lives and relationships and how it all works together.

Anonymous said...

to cc, sarah and d:

all us "married people" are trying to get you to realize that NOW you think you have an idea of what you would do in a certain situation...

however, when you are actually IN a certain situation, there may be lots of factors which make you do something totally different. don't be so quick to judge and hand out advice, since you don't know what it's like to be married and have kids, you only THINK you do.

to everyone, there's no need to call people names, even the ones who differ in opinions other than yourself.

i personally don't condone cheating and believe i would do things differently, however, i am not laying judgement either. i don't know all the facts, so if i have something that i think might be USEFUL, i comment, otherwise, i keep my mouth shut.

i also disagree with diabling comments, i think it's good.

Anonymous said...

First of all, I think that anyone of any gender or status can come on here and say whatever the hell they want. The point of this blog is to vent. Sometimes when you vent you feel better and you get reactions from people both favorable and unfavorable. Deal with it.

Second, the male confession blog that was started ages ago closed because anytime a man wrote one the comments were filled with women berating him and tell him that he was either giving up, or an asshole, or not caring enough, or he didn't understand, or he's stupid, or what have you.

And thrid, #2098 - you may deserve to be happy with your other man, but your husband deserves happiness as well. Cut yourselves both loose.

Anonymous said...

Number 2106, are you me? That's the same comment I've been known to make from time to time.