Monday, April 09, 2007

True Wife Confessions 174 cadbury eggs

Confession #1731

I love you so much. I don't know what I would do
without you. I love the way you are constantly telling
me that you love me and I love that you are not scared
of telling me that you want to spend the rest of your
life with me.

There is just one thing. . . I know that you look at
porn. I know it's a silly thing to bother me, but it
does. I don't think you look at it when I'm here
anymore and for that, I am grateful. But I'm sure you
still look at it. I know that you are attracted to me
and the sex between us is great. But I still have body
image issues. I hate that we have sex with the lights
off. Yes, you tell me that it's because of your own
hangups, but I can't help thinking deep down that it's
because you don't want to look at me. So when you have
sex with me with the lights off and then you get off
to hot girls, that hurts me. Those girls, you don't
mind seeing. I know you tell me I'm attractive. Maybe
not as often as I'd like, but you do. And I try to
tell you all the time that I am attracted to you. I
love seeing you naked. I need to see you naked. That's
what I think about when I'm alone. Not strange men
that I don't know. Maybe I wouldn't feel so hurt about
you looking at porn if it seemed like you actually
wanted to look at me naked too.

I do love you baby. I love you more than all the hot
sauce in the world. Thank you for putting up with me.

Confession #1732

I wish I could leave you...you are right.. I am completely and utterly
inlove with him still... miss him with all of my heart and it was the
biggest mistake of my life...leaving him...you are mean to me...you fucked
her and lied to me about it...."it was the beginning you say...it wasn't
cheating you say...I am not that person you say..." really you are a
liar...manipulative...but yet when u constantly leave me I beg you to say...
I beg and beg once week...sometimes twice...if I had him I would leave you
in a sec but I think I saw him with someone else so its probably over... I
won't be suprised if you find this... i won't be suprised if u have a bug on
the computer to track what websites I go to..but I am that pathetic I will
not leave you... i will just secretly hope and pray that u will ask me to
marry you...so then I will never be alone again...because u r right that is
why I am with you... I am a chicken shit...who doesn't want to be alone...is
it weak if I know that is what I am doing?? but i wll also go on pretending
to everyone else who will listen that we are happy... I wonder if anyone
believes me?... i know my friends don't...

Confession #1733

You keep saying you want to marry me, but all I keep thinking is, "Like heck that's happening."

We got into our first "big" fight & you grabbed me by my hair as you screamed @ me. You said I overreacted when I told you that you nearly ripped my hair out & I had a headache for hours. No, it was true. I didn't make it up. You hurt me. I'm honestly scared of you, but can't tell you. When we get into a fight, I get scared about what you're going to do - you claimed you weren't even "mad" when ya did that, so what are you going to do when you ARE mad?

It was our 1 year soon after & you gave me a gift I'd alwayz wanted, but there wasn't a card or anything about feelings for me which is what I really wanted. I knew it'd be what would fix my heart, but no, nothing. I got you a gift I thought you'd love, as well as a card telling you how much I loved you, but you sat there silent like it sucked. You completely broke my heart. I tried so hard & you didn't care. Plus, the fact you thought all I would want is some material possesion hurt me so bad.

It's hard to forget that you chose to advance a career you claimed you didn't want over keeping a promise to me - over a date we'd planned together since we first met. I know I should forgive you for it, but I can't forget it. All of our fights, it's caused by me remembering that & resenting you even more. The fact you're only making $30, every couple of weeks, in said "career" just makes it worse you "went there".

The reason I don't wanna go to your family's much is cause they're so different than what I'm used to being around in my family. They don't hug you when you come in. They don't act happy to see you. They're just...there. I can't stand it. It scares me to see them & think, "That's your future." I'm dreading going there in a few weeks, cause I know it's going to be the same again.

I'm tired of you flinging my friendships w/men I've known longer than you in my face - you knew going in I was a "fan" & now I'm not allowed to be that. Every single time I tell you about something 1 of the boys says, you have to go there, "Well if I did that...." but in the same breath, you tell me you trust me. You obviously don't, but you probably have good reason - "he's" after me to marry him. I'd never date him, but sometimes I let you think I would to make you jealous. I'll tell you about the things other boys say, cause when you get jealous, you finally act like you care about me instead of about your stupid sports radio.

Everyone wants me to leave you, but I can't. I dunno why anymore, but I do love you & I want us to work so badly it's unreal. I wish you could be the boy you were when we first started dating. I don't know what happened to him, but all I keep doing is wishing & praying that everyone's wrong, that our "honeymoon" isn't over after a year that's completely changed my life, but now, is changing it in really bad ways.


Confession #1734

You knew who I was when you met me. You knew what I believed. You knew I was an individual, not someone who would just cater to the whims of the penis priesthood you so boldly claim you have.

But please, even if you think my beliefs are crazy and nutty, do not belittle me in front of your children. Do not touch those things I consider sacred. Do not even pretend that you have one ounce of spirituality in your bones. Because you don't.

I'm trying to remember why we are still married. We don't have sex. We don't talk. We are really no more than roommates.

Please, just let me follow my truth and I'll leave you alone. That seems to be what you want anyway.

Confession #1735

The death of our son was no accident. I know you could never forgive me if you knew the truth. Nobody could, including me. I'd have grown old in prison for sure if I hadn't been so clever. I will continue to be the best wife I can be to you and hide the terrible pain inside me until death parts us my love. Making you happy and our great lovelife are my only consolations. Otherwise, I deserve to suffer.

Confession #1736

Just when I think you couldn't get any better, you go and surprise me. You are unbelievable. I adore you. I adore you. I adore you. A million times over.

Confession #1737

Just a month ago, I was posting on another blog about how great we had
it, finally, after 8 years, working through the challenges and looking
forward to a lifetime of togetherness. But then you came home and asked
me to send my daughter to live with her dad, for being, basically, a
teenager.

She doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, and has a "B" average. Her
boyfriend is good kid with college prospects. All in all, I am pretty
happy with her. So she misses curfew on occassion and lost her cell
phone. So her room is a stye. Doesn't seem to me a good reason to throw
her out, and when I said "no", you stopped speaking to her, and to me
only when necessary.

You knew 8 years ago coming in that I had two kids and that it's not
always easy when kids are involved. Would you be asking the daughter we
had together to leave for coming in late a few nights? I think not.

I love you-at least, I did. But my kids were part of the package.
Asking me to choose you over one of them was the worst thing you could
have done to me. There is no winner here. And I'm not sure if I love
you anymore.

I don't know what made you react this way to a teenager doing what
teenagers do. She paid for the phone, she's stopped skipping curfew.
What the hell else do you want??

What really pisses me off is that you joke about the crap you did as a
teenager-the drinking, the smoking, the vandalism of the coach's car,
but won't cut my daughter an inch of slack. WHY?

And while we're at it, what the hell happened to our sex life? It's
been months-3 I think, maybe 4, I can't remember any more. Much longer
than the time that's gone by since you asked me to throw my daughter
out, so that's not it. You act like my roommate, you don't even kiss me
anymore. And you're no prize-you rush to get the mouthwash your dentist
recommends, but when the doctor tells you to lose weight, you
conveniently ignore that advice.

I'm 48 years old and I hate waking up in the morning. But the thing is,
I can hardly sleep. And it's all your fault.


Confession #1738

I wish someone would tell his new girlfriend that he's
fucking around on her.

I wish someone would tell her that he's not the
perfect boyfriend.

I wish someone would tell her that he has been fucking
me, the one person she hates the most, for the past 3
months.

And I wish I could tell him to stop calling me.

I broke it off with him for good last week and he
agreed. 3 days later, he tells me he still wants me.
If his new girlfriend is so wonderful, then why does
he still call me? And if he's so wonderful, why is she
still calling HER ex?? I wish someone would tell them
both that their new wonderful partner are both liars
and cheats. Neither one would believe me.

I am saying no to him from now on. It doesn't matter
how good the sex is. He will never give me anything
else and he will continue to lie to his girlfriend
about his contact with me.

Confession #1739

Why couldn't you have been my husband? Sometimes I am consumed by thoughts of what could have been between us.

Confession #1740

It was as if we felt compelled to spend every moment we could together because we knew it couldn't last. Every waking (and sleeping) moment, even when we were both at work, we emailed one another constantly back and forth during the day, and spoke on the phone several times. Nights and weekends....I'll never forget that time. We were each other's everything. There was no room for the world. There was only our love, the love we'd both waited for our whole lives. We felt we were the same person...BEYOND soulmates....we had our own language, remember? The word "love" didn't even come close to describing what we felt for one another, we made up our own word. I told you I would love you forever. And after. We laughed ALL the time. And when we made love, each time it was like the first time for me. I couldn't remember ever being with anyone else. Every relationship I'd had up til we met had just been a dress rehearsal for what we had. I told you that. You said you felt the same. Everywhere we went, everything we did, every movement we made was a celebration of our love. People stared at us wherever we went. Remember?

So we moved in together. We planned on marrying in January. One Wednesday evening in September you demanded that I prove my love to you and marry you that weekend. So I did. We ran away to Montauk and married. We giggled all weekend. One of us would say, "We DID it!" and we'd dissolve into uncontrollable laughter. You were my Hero. You'd saved me from a life without love. I was your Princess.

But your demons had been hiding silently all along, biding their time. Marriage was their trigger. The false accusations. The constant battering for more love, more affection, more attention, more sex, more money....suddenly, I wasn't good enough, no matter how hard I tried. Suddenly, the woman you claimed to love was the same woman you treated with contempt. You raged your demands on me constantly, as constantly as you had once loved me. The love that I had thanked the Goddess for each and every day turned overnight into something evil and ugly. I was miserable all the time. I gave you everything in the hopes that the demons would set you free and return the man I'd fallen in love with to me. But they were unyielding. They controlled you now and in time I had to realize that they would never, and will never, ever let you go.

I had no choice. I couldn't stand the abuse any longer. Once I realized the man I loved was never coming back, that the demons had murdered him and replaced him with....whoever , whatever you are now....I had to leave. I had to save myself.

You used me. But not for sex or money.

Your demons have convinced you that you are a useless, worthless human being. You used me to prove them right.

But I saw someone else when I looked at you. I saw a sensitive, kind, thoughtful, loving, sexy, intelligent, talented, generous man who gave as much love as he received. A man who reflected the face of the divine.

You never, not once, EVER fought to save our love. You gleefully beat it down, wore it out, and kicked it to the curb.

You never fought for me. That's what hurts most of all. I gave in to each and every one of your demands, regardless of how unreasonable they were. I asked for one thing: that you continue to see your therapist. But he'd gotten too close to those demons. You would never go back and fight that fight. Not for us. Not for me. Not for yourself.

I'm building a life for myself. I'm financially and emotionally independent now, on my own in every sense of the word. It hasn't been easy. There were moments when I believed I'd die without you. But I'm still alive. In fact, I'm thriving. My life is getting better and better every day. I continue to evolve. For the first time in my life, I am proud of myself and my achievements. I am loving myself the way you promised you would.

But I will never, ever forget those glory days of the Princess and The Hero.

My Hero is gone. I know now he will never return. I promised to love him forever. And after.

I intend to keep that promise.

61 comments:

Anonymous said...

As a mother, I hope that 1735 is just an obnoxious troll. If she isn't, I would hope that this "confessional" isn't so sacrosanct that her info isn't turned in to the authorities.

Murder of an innocent is neither something to be condoned, nor forgiven.

Anonymous said...

1733: You seriously need out of that relationship. You are not married, I hope you have no kids with him, so there is no reason to stay unless you like being treated the way he treats you. And what "JOB" is he doing where he earns $30 a day?


1735: I really hope you are not trying to say that you purposely killed your child. If that is the case, you are digusting and need to turn yourself in so that you can suffer the pain you deserve to suffer. If not, then you need to recant your "confession".

Anonymous said...

1740
My sisted was once engaged to a guy with BPD. Reading your post brough back all the craziness of that time. She was finally able to disentangle herself and get free, and I'm really glad that you were, too.

Anonymous said...

I think ( I hope) that 1735 is saying she feels "responsible" for her sons death. I assumed it was a metaphor rather than an admission.

Anonymous said...

1740: I think the reason for the problems 'princess' is that you are a 'goddess' worshipper. There's no such thing, so the Devil stands in for her. Otherwise, I can empathize with your situation... a beautiful memory is worth something and all great romances are supposed to end in tragedy, right? Hmmm...

Anonymous said...

1735: I'm sure the 'confession' is just a (bad) joke, probably by a man. Who talks about killing their son and having a great lovelife in the same paragraph?

Anonymous said...

1732 & 1733 - GET. AWAY. FROM. THESE. GUYS. NOW!!!! It's better to be alone then THAT unhappy.

jenner said...

anon 1:27 is right - BOTH 1732 & 1733 need to GET OUT NOW.

BTW, 1732, he can just check the history on your computer, under tools - no bug is needed for that.

If you're really concerned you can delete the history (internet options)

#1740 - good for you for getting out, and for "THRIVING" - that's great! :)

as for 1735 - um, what? I think we might need a little clarification on that one......

anon 1:11 - can I ask what you mean re: the Goddess? Are you seriously belittling her - and millions of others - religion? Or did I just misunderstand?

Anonymous said...

1735 are you for real??!?!

Anonymous said...

I'm 1733 - he's a "professional wrestler". Starting out, they make that cheap pay & dream of someday making it "huge", but most never do.

I know I should leave, but I don't know how. I'm scared to death of being alone again & for some reason, I do love him.

For Easter, I'd bought him some new "cool" shoes for him to wear & a little bunny too. He had said he was gonna get me this cool huge bunny I'd seen @ the store, but showed up w/a bunny that looked nothing like the 1 I'd asked him for, so I realized once again he didn't listen to me.

I know I need to leave, I know.

Anonymous said...

1733: "Everyone" who is telling you to leave this manipulative jackoff is right on the money, trust me. If you absolutely insist on making it work, do the world a favor and get sterilized, so poor innocent kids aren't born into a household where they get yanked around by the hair and screamed at. Don't think for one red-hot second that it won't happen.

Amanda said...

#1735 I really hope that this blog is not that sacred. I mean that's pushing the envelope just a little don't you think?

Anonymous said...

1735-If you are real, you will pay for what you did.

Pookie Sixx said...

1733:

You THINK you love him but what you love is the idea of being with him and getting him to change. It's not gonna happen honey. What are you afraid of if you leave? Being alone? Trust me, it's FAR FAR FAR better to be alone than to be with someone who is mentally abusive and probably one day physically abusive. And the wrestling thing...if that is his CAREER, are you satisfied with being the sole breadwinner? You get pregnant and you are stuck paying for it all while he wrestles around for $30 a day. You say you know you need to get out...GO. And the bunny you wanted, he probably got the wrong one on purpose. GET OUT OUT OUT.


1735: You are sick for even writing that shit on here. I hope you get caught if you really did have something to do with your kid's death. Why would you write that on here? WHY?

Anonymous said...

anon 1:11... you do realize there are an awful lot of people out there who dont practice christianity, right? there is no one truth, there are many truths.

what makes you particular belief system more valid?

1735, if you killed your son i hope you rot in jail.

Anonymous said...

1732, 1733: yelling, hair pulling, a little bruise here or there, broken arm, battered spouse syndrome, fractures, dislocated shoulder, death.

Leave now.

Anonymous said...

I posted 1740.

To 12:47...in fact, 2 mental health professionals, (both of whom have met with him)gave me that exact diagnosis. Thank you for your post. It provided me with some justification.

To 1:41...thank you for your support.

To 1:11....I'm not stupid. That's why I'm divorcing you.

jenner said...

Anonymous said...
I posted 1740.
To 1:11....I'm not stupid. That's why I'm divorcing you.
8:50 PM


Woah! Is that for real? Goddess-dissing anon is your ex?

PRAISE GODDESS YOU'VE LEFT HIS ASS! ;)

Anonymous said...

1733 again - I left him. He cried & begged me to stay w/him, but I told him I couldn't do it anymore.

He said he has nothing w/out me & begged me to stay, but I told him I'm done.

I guess I just had to have people outside the situation tell me I was wrong staying w/him to realize that I'd made a mistake.

Thank you for the replies. Hopefully I can find someone that'll treat me like I dream about this time around.

pooch48 said...

anonymous, I believe that she was merely letting out her grief and guilt over losing her son. Any parent who loses a child due to illness (could they have prevented it?), an accident, (did they fail to watch closely enough?) or pedophile ( did they trust too much?) runs the gamut of these emotions. Pray for her.

Pookie Sixx said...

1733: That's wonderful. You will look back and think "what the hell was I wasting my time with him for?" You will find a good man. Just be a little more picky next time.

Now, STAY AWAY from him. don't answer his calls, emails, text messages, nothing. Keep away!


1740: Glad you are getting out. You need too. A friend of a friend is married to a guy with BPD and she is having a nightmare of a time dealing with it. Good luck to you!

Anonymous said...

1737: Thank you for standing up for your daughter. I've seen way too many women ditch or otherwise allow mistreatment of their kids in an effort to hold onto a guy. Glad you're not susceptible to that...especially since, IMHO, behavior like that in a guy is a canary in the coal mine for other bad personality traits (as you seem to be seeing)...

Anonymous said...

1733: YAY! Stay strong. I can tell you from experience that he's just the kind of guy who looks best in your rear-view mirror.

Anonymous said...

pooch48: In reference to #1735, I seriously doubt she was merely "letting out her grief and guilt" nor that it was an accident. Remember, she said she would be sitting in jail if she hadn't been so "clever." My blood ran cold, and I went and hugged my sleeping son.

1735, if you did, in fact, willingly and/or knowingly cause your child's death, just know that there is a special place in hell for you.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to email Dawn About 1735. This has got to be addressed. I'm a long time confessioner and reader and I know how responsible she is.

Anonymous said...

1731: I am a wife with a different take on porn; it's a nescessary evil. Google and compare our rape statistics with those of more sexually permissive countries, (i.e. countries with a far more relaxed attitude towards sex and porn, like England and Germany) and the U.S. has the highest rape rates by far. I see this as proof that pent up sexuality causes rape.

That's not to say that porn isn't a problem. If your husband wants sex more than you want it, I think you should be more relaxed about your stance on porn. If he shows signs of addiction or even prefering porn to making love to you, then you have a problem. If you have the stronger sex drive and he still looks at porn, that's a problem too.

Either way, good luck, though I think it is ionic that it is a woman instead of a man defending the existence of porn.

Anonymous said...

ironic*, sorry for the sp error.

1731: I do not mean to imply that if you are irrevocably against porn, that you are wrong. If you are against porn wholeheartedly, you need to either have a talk with him (well, you need to talk to him in any case) and figure out his views on porn and try to convince him of your viewpoint while he is trying to convince you of his... if you cannot agree, consider starting over and being with someone else who has your viewpoint on porn.

Best wishes

Anonymous said...

I hope 1735 rots in jail and hell. But if Dawn takes any action to turn her in I hope she does it in a secret manner. I'm not even sure she should do that.

I made a confession once here I might not have made if I thought my privacy was in jeopardy. To some extent, I also think Dawn should consider herself as a journalist and not reveal her sources.

What if Dawn's site was breached by hackers or she sold it to unscrupulous persons? I hopes she destroys our emails and securely guards our privacy over all.

I would only make an exception perhaps for someone confessing to a plan to carry out a crime. I think journalists and priests are supposed to break such silence too.

Anonymous said...

I can't disagree with those of you who want to turn this woman in. But I have worked with women with post partum depression who have directly killed or neglected their infants to death. Then they try to cover it up in a stupor of denial or cleverly when they temporarily recover their senses. I'm not defending it, but it's more common than you might think and these women are really hormonally ill and need help. Of course, we don't know how old this child was. But she's clearly depressed and guilty over it.

Anonymous said...

I think 1735 is either someone making a false confession to get us in an uproar or someone who has done something truly horrible. Either way I think Dawn should look into it. If this was a true confession and someone has information that can bring this wonman to justice, then they have a moral obligation to turn that information over to the authorities. The only possible exception would be her attorney. Having said that, I think it is most likely a hoax.

bird said...

To 1731 and all the other women on here. Listen up. Men are visual. Women aren't. Women like words, usually, not pictures. Porn is visual. They are just looking and fantasizing. They've probably been looking at it since they were teenagers. It's what turns them on. Doesn't mean they want those women or want to be doing that stuff. Fantasies are fantasies. You are the real live flesh and blood woman that he's sleeping with. If it bothers you, either find some stuff that you can look at together (that turns you on a little bit, too) or let him keep his privacy. As long as it doesn't become an obsession or a must then let it go. Get over the porn issue already.

#1733 - Get. Out. Now. He has already let you know that he will hurt you. He will only hurt you worse. Run.

Anonymous said...

Bird: Just because you are OK and pro-porn does not mean that others should be or have to be. I could quote you myriad statistics, tell you stories from friends, but the bottom line is that for lots of couples it is not OK. It can undermine the bond shared between husband and wife, and if the wife is not OK with it, that makes it an issue for both parties. One way is never the way for all people. Please remember that rather than belittling millions of womens' valid feelings and opinions on the subject.

Anonymous said...

Let me give you MY take on porn.

My ex was obsessed with it...videos, magazines, online, strippers, the whole bit. At first, being a sexual person myself, I was open to it. In the privacy of our bedroom, I liked to dress up in naughty stripper outfits. I even suggested going to a strip club together. He never would go with me; in retrospect I believe it was because he was afraid I would discover that he was a frequent customer.

It became a problem when he hid it from me. I would come home early from a business trip and find a video in the VCR. Pictures in his car. Strip club passes in his pockets. I couldn't understand his obsession. I gave him sex up to 4 times a day, every day, even when I was pregnant and as soon as I was able after the baby. Then I realized something: the only, and I mean ONLY time he EVER told me I looked beautiful was when I was dressed like a slut. HE OBJECTIFIED WOMEN. HE HAS NO RESPECT FOR WOMEN.

Interestingly, this came out during our custody battle, in his psychological evaluation. I won full custody.

Porn is okay as long as BOTH parties enjoy it and it is kept in the open. The need to hide it suggests deep problems.

Porn Man said...

This is from a man who loves this site and loves PORN:

I don't attempt to speak for all men. I know there are men obsessed with porn where it interferes with a normal relationship. That is certainly bad. Now tell me if you think I'm bad, I won't be insulted. Because if I'm bad, a large percentage of men are.

First some background. I've been very happily married for almost 30 years. We have a wonderful and active sex life. I'd love to have sex every day. My wife doesn't enjoy it more than 2-3 times a week and I'd never pressure her, esp. since the equal part of the pleasure for me is pleasing her. So I masturbate regularly, if not to porn, to images I can create in my head. Porn is just faster. Men ARE visual!

My wife understands this. She never feels threatened when I notice other women and I can freely talk to her about it. But of course it's look but don't touch.

Continued below

Porn Man said...

Continued...

Many men have really gross fantasies I think. I'm not one of them but that shouldn't doesn't really matter (unless its pedophile). My wife is turned off by ALL porn. But she knows what I do, we discussed it. I don't hide it except to the extent that I know she really doesn't want to see what I'm up to.

Don't be surprised men hide this stuff tho. I have to say it took some courage for me to tell my wife BEFORE she caught me - I just don't ever feel good keeping anything hidden from her. Though liberal people today know masturbation is normal, little boys are not told it's natural or good. Remember ladies, as boys we were always afraid of getting caught by our mom's. Masturbating for many is a secret source of shame that should not be. Hence the rise of many unnecessary obsessions I think. Please don't be the type of mother to your sons that will produce a porn-obsessed addict for their wives.

I have a large porn collection I get for free off internet newsgroups. Yes, I confess to stealing much of it (I refuse to pay for porn). Part of that is cause it's easy to steal, I'm cheap, and part of it is that I know the porn industry hurts many and I can't bear to fund it. So this is an open hypocrisy on my part.

I have at least 20GB of porn - mostly movie fragments. Much of it is breast fetish stuff. Huge breasts are a turn on for me. Why? I don't know. I enjoy the primal hunt for internet porn too because these images quickly get boring for me. So it's a revolving collection. But there's a thrill all its own in discovering something new that turns me on to. Through porn I can screw all kinds of women but there just objectified images. I never think about really wanting these women nor do I think about my wife in the process. At most, I'm simply fantasizing about pounding and grabbing their flesh. I don't care too much about the face in porn but an ugly one is a turn off. In sex with my wife, I love the face even though there are many porn women with lovlier faces. Maybe that tells you something. I only love my wife.

Anonymous said...

So Dawn, what are you going to do? Inquiring minds want to know:)

Anonymous said...

Porn Man:

Would you give up your activities/addictions if it made your wife feel uncomfortable or unvalued? If she asked you to for the sake of your marriage and relationship?

I think that's the real issue at hand here...

Porn Man said...

My answer to previous question:

That is a very interesting question and you need to consider how you framed it. You are expecting me to do all the compromising. Some things in marriages should be negotiated. I made my post so that the wife might be more accepting of what could be normal behavior. Maybe her attitude needs to change.

Now let me take it as a given that my wife just can't handle it. Assuming therapy and counseling were out of the question and I had to be the hero, of course, I want to make my wife happy. So I might abandon porn. But I don't think, at least in my case, that my wife would like the consequences.

Let's assume I continue masturbating without porn. I can't do that in a vacuum. I'm going to fantasize about some actress naked, or maybe a neighbor or one of my wife's sisters. I will tend to fill the loss of imagery with other alluring fantasies that actually might involve my physical attraction for other women I know. This actually happened when my computer was down for a month once. Is that a better alternative? I can't stop my imagination and it can produce things far more disturbing than porn.

OK, so you want me to stop masturbating too? Do you think homosexuals must simply not ever have sex to go to heaven? If I stopped masturbating my stamina in love making with my wife would last 10 seconds. I'd be obsessed with repressed sexual urges all day long. Will that be healthy for my marriage? Or should I expect, in exchange for my sacrifice, that my wife must attend to my sexual urges as her wifely duty?

Anonymous said...

Porn man:

While I understand where you're coming from on many fronts, are we to assume that you--simply because you are a man--have no control over your imagination? If you were in the "no porn" situation, could you not choose to fantacize about your wife, or other non-personal (actress, porn actress) women? Is it completely beyond your control to have some say in what your mind computes? That is very hard for me to understand. And putting your answer in the form of "well, if you say no porn, it's not my fault if I fall in love with your sister/friend" doesn't seem very responsible either.

Anonymous said...

"Get over the porn issue already."

Man, do I EVER hate that attitude. Why does SHE have to be the one to get over it? Why doesn't HE? I'm so sick of the pressure that is put on women to be "down with it."

Honey, you don't have to get over anything. If you CHOOSE to, that's one thing. If you can reconcile it in your mind, fine. Some people can, some people can't.

What really needs to happen is that all parties need to be upfront about their feelings on it. People that are against porn shouldn't marry people that are into it. Common sense, right??? I know, in a perfect world...

And porn man-did you ever consider that the porn is contributing to your higher appetite? The more you look, the more sexualized you get, the more you want to look...but honestly, if your wife is fine with it, and it works for you two, then it really isn't my business and I don't care. It's just a theory. And I'm glad that at least on some level you realize it isn't all that great for the women you are looking at....

Porn Man said...

Answers to last post:

First, I never meant to suggest my masturbation fantasies induced a risk of me cheating with my wife's sister in real life. I'm only pointing out that if this woman is bothered by her husband drooling over anonymous women on a monitor, would she prefer for him to, controllably or not, fantasize about having sex with her sister, and not just the image of her sister, but his intimate senses of her smell, voice, and cute personality? I think not.

It's hard to try to relate subjective experiences between men much less between sexes. I sometimes do fantasize about my wife when I masturbate - usually when I'm on the road and miss her. However, because my masturbation fantasys are often pure objectification of women in many cases, I don't like to use my wife that way. It demeans her in my mind. I want to love her in my arms, not cum all over her pic.

I can't usually control my fantasies - only influence and catalyze them at best. Visions just come in uncontrollably without thinking or wishing sometimes as you're concentrating on the act. It could be a beautiful teller or waitress I had. A totally invented or composite women. Sometimes just visions of huge anonymous breasts. Haven't you ever had to concentrate on something in your mind in order to orgasm and found focus shifting? Could you always control it? If you answered "no" and "yes" you'll never be able to understand dear. I'm sorry.

Again, I can't speak for all men. Some men make a night of it making love to themselves. I'm looking for quick release. Porn is quick and requires the least concentration. The more concentration I need to do the more likely I'm thinking about intimate things beyond just images that most wives would find even more troubling to see I think - if they could look in my mind, than porn. Imagination requires some concentration and can waver on a moments notice and start over. I don't know that I can relate my male fanstasy life to you. I also have different types of sexual fantasys with my wife, when we're together, than when I'm masturbating. But that's a different story and she joins in - as I do in her fantasies.

Porn Man said...

More observations and gratitude.

The responses to my posts have been very revealing and some of you women might do well to reflect on them and see where your attitudes on sex might need adjustment. Maybe if you did, you would have more satisfied sex-lives and husbands if you can let go of unecessary shames and embarrasments when they are not attached to an act that does any real damage (assuming the husband isn't obsessed or addicted so that it impacts his responsibilities). We are animals, yes intelligent but governed by primordial passions now living in a high tech wonderland where women can have sex without fear of pregnancy and sex is all around us in the media, fashion, etc.. Is this a Christian prudity thing? When will some women learn to stop trying to change men to their image?

All I can say is that I have newfound admiration, gratitude and thankfulness for the wonderfully loving, understanding, and open-minded wife I have.

Anonymous said...

PORN MAN: Whew. I've read your plethora of posts. It seems more like you are trying to plead your case rather than help other women understand.

That you would actually state that women should adjust their attitudes about sex and that perhaps that would lead to a more satisfying sex life, WOW. What a smug little man you are. My friends and I can attest that we have/had extraordinary sex lives, but it is our partners' hiding the porn OR looking at it blatantly in front of us when they know it bothers us that has led/is leading to the demise of said relationships. It all comes down to one thing: RESPECT.

Good luck with your Stepford Wife.

porn man said...

Last lady:

Hmmm, I don't hide it or show it off. My marriage is built around respect. Why doesn't your husband respect you?

I can understand why your men hide their porn, because you can't be trusted to handle the fact they have it and they know it. Now a man showing you his porn when he knows you don't like it. I don't know what that means. Maybe he doesn't like or respect you and just wants to drive you away. Maybe he's pushing too hard for you to drop your prudery. Maybe he does it for the same reason he flicks his boogers in front of you, cause he's lazy and inconsiderate. Yeah, sounds like great husbands you're fucking. You picked 'em.

I genuinely wrote to help. I'm anonymous so I don't have to defend anything. I don't care what you think about me. Some people just can't face the truth.

Anonymous said...

None of the responses to Porn Man have included a dang thing about religion...yet he has mentioned going to hell, not being allowed to masturbate, condemning homosexuality, and "Christian prudity". Who is the one with hidden issues here?

Anonymous said...

Porn Man: I am "last Lady," and I am also the one who posted at 10:49 this morning. Yes, I am the totally open, sexual woman who dresses like a stripper in the boudoir. Which I did for my EX. Re-read my post so I don't have to take up room reiterating it here.

I can only speak for myself here. It came down to his sexual addiction and lack of respect for me. And for every woman he's been involved with before and after me. (His father didn't respect his mother, so there you have it. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.) He began to hide it, and THAT'S where we had a problem.

The fact that you said if you were to give up porn if your wife asked, that she "wouldn't like the consequences," again, WOW. I won't even go there. That statement alone says a lot.

While this forum is open to everyone, and we appreciate your input, it's time to throw it a bone. It's called True WIFE Confessions and I think some of us are getting tired of hearing your diatribe of defending your sexual addictions. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Has anyone else noticed that porn man has been posting about this subject ALL DAY? Like, 12 hours now! Do you have a job? When do you have TIME to look at porn? You must have one sticky keyboard.

Anonymous said...

Oh yay, another Comic Book Guy-style internet expert -- who apparently has all day to spew his sickly, lukewarm expertise from mom's basment. Zzzzz.

Anonymous said...

Porn Man,

You're sick. You expect us to cook and clean while you don't lift a finger and then when we can't attend to your every sick fantasy you use that as an excuse to porn surf, cheat, and justify your selfishness. Start your own website for pervert confessions and go away!

And stop slandering Christian morals just because you know they don't support your immoral "lifestyle". Delete the porn, find Jesus and get saved!

Anonymous said...

Porn Man sounds like my ex. Pretended to be honest about his porn collection. I was very open minded. I trusted him so much I never looked - I didn't want to until I saw him startle one day. Turns out he had a hidden stash of underage porn and sickening bestiality pics. Turns out it wasn't kiddie porn - they were all "barely legal" but looked like children. So the cops couldn't arrest him. Shot what had been a good marriage down the drain. Once they're hooked they move to the hard stuff.

Anonymous said...

RESPECT he says. Because porn is so RESPECTFUL of women. Objectifying them and contributing to their victimization is RESPECT. It's not just about respecting your wife. You can't disrespect legions of women and then say you respect your wife. She IS a woman, after all.

Porn Man said...

Ladies,

Well, I've enjoyed reading your posts here from my mom's basement between calls from my comic book customers. And I was happy to do my best to make your lives miserable by printing my lies and abuse while stuffing cupcakes in my chubby face as I masturbated to kiddie porn and fantasized about raping my sister.

Let me just close by saying this. Hope to God that science never perfects technology to see into your husbands' minds. If this crowd represents the typical woman over 98% of you won't be able to stay married. Or is this population biased by private anonymous confessors who don't have the guts to face themselves, their husbands, and reality in an open way?

Good luck to all!

P.S. to the woman whose husband is addicted to porn who wrote me (the one who started out playing along in an open minded way). I never meant my argument for you - your husband is certainly wrong - I meant it only for all the commentators who condemed men for liking porn on any level.

Anonymous said...

Porn Blowhard, it isn't really so much your message that annoys (duh -- of course men like nekkid ladies), but the insufferable smugness of your pontifications.

Now scoot, back to your greasy little world of patting yourself on the back over what a big bad Anonymous Internet Sexpert you are.

Anonymous said...

PornMan can come off smug and preachy and arrogant. But I think he was giving us an honest sense of his internal reality. It seems to sync up with some things my husband has said but he'd never open up like that. Who does? If what PornMan says is true I wonder if he could say to his wife the things he said here in the same way. It just sounds gross and disgusting to me. But should it? I'm beginning to wonder if I should cut my man more slack as long as he doesn't hide anything.

Anonymous said...

Men are human beings just as women are human beings. Why should they be held to a lesser standard than we are, as if they have no self control???

Lisa said...

1734: is your husband Mormon? Sure sounds like it.

Anonymous said...

To 7:16 poster. Your bias is showing! Which standard?! My husband doesn't mind if I look at porn. I think he likes it. So no double standard for him. He says most husbands wouldn't mind their wife's interest in porn and would probably be turned on by it.

In my case I want sex more than my husband. Don't tell me I gotta put my porn and toys away and do aerobics all day instead, OK?

Becky said...

1733: when someone treats you the way he did in your first fight, you open up the door for future violence. if you had left him for good that time he pulled your hair, he would have been sent the message that you will not be treated that way.

i hope you can gather the strength to leave him. you are worth more than that. you are a special, bright woman with a lot to offer the world. the right person is out there. one that will be kind, loving and giving of himself. the man who would write in a card how much he loves you. a man who would give you the world if he could. a man who says you're beautiful no matter what- even when it's early in the morning, you are so sick you feel like you were ran over by a mack truck- and look like it too. because that man doesn't see you just on the outside, but on the inside as well. you should have that. you deserve it and you should wait for that man patiently. don't settle for a man who is so insecure that he thinks he has to beat you to keep you in the relationship. he has issues, and they were there before you were. and they aren't going anywhere, whetehr you stay with him or not. do you want a future filled with bruises and false promises? i hope not. but that's what you'll have if you don't summon your inner strength and leave.

Becky said...

1733- i read your next post after my last reply. good for you! please don't ever question that decision. you absolutely made the right choice. please continue to be strong, you can do this. every day will get easier.

Anonymous said...

Wow, PornMan had a lot of good points -- luckily I was able to understand this about men a long time ago. Much like women obsess about shopping, men will obsess about porn. Some are worse than others, yes, but ladies - GET OVER IT. Your husband will be much more turned on by you if you do!

Now the one double standard I will never get over is men who call a woman a slut, whore, and other non-respectable terms yet THEY FUCK HER. What does that make them?

Cynthia said...

Hi ladies. . . and Porn Man. This is #1731. I don't think I realized what a debate this would stir up. My boyfriend does not have an addiction and I realize that. Mainly, I don't really like it when he hides it or does it when I am there. I never thought of myself as the type of person who would get jealous of porn because I was always such a sexual person anyway. I think I may have gotten jealous because of my own insecurities with myself. But my boyfriend and I just had a long talk regarding this (he did realize this was my post). He did tell me this wasn't something I had to just "get over," which I appreciated it. And I really don't think that this constitutes a deal breaker for us to break up over. My boyfriend just wanted mee to understand that he is a visual person and sometimes he likes to look at naked pictures of women. But he still finds me extremely sexy and he doesn't do it all the time. And I think that as long as it doesn't begin to replace what we do, then we really don't have a problem. I do appreciate all of the comments that people left.