We have not had sex since October 2006.
I'm only 44. The number of times we've had sex, we could probably count
on our fingers between us since 2004.
That said, it was not very good with you anyway. i love you. I just
wasn't able to connect with you in bed. But I still *want* to want to
have sex with you. It's killing me inside that I've probably used up
most of my sex times. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you.
Sometimes I want to die when I think about this.
Though I'm not a wife..
To my first girlfriend, I'm so sorry for the selfish 19 year old I was. In a
subsequent relationship I longed for the opportunities you granted me, when
the girl that came years later left me without a word or explanation and was
gone. But I'm not sorry for the time I gave you. I'm not sorry that in many
ways I was wonderful. I'm not sorry for the vicious bitch you became after
you found out I had tried to move on. I deserved some of the disdain; I was
manipulative and young and stupid and you were exactly what I wanted, a
beautiful young woman with an ironclad will and a voice that won
scholarships, and how could i not be helplessly, romantically post
adolescent in my adoration to you?
While I liked to hear what a big dick I had, and of the stamina with which I
fucked you, I didn't enjoy hearing about how I scarred your back and ruined
your haircut the time I fucked you wall tow all across your bedroom carpet.
I certainly didn't deserve to hear that were offering to fuck anyone who
would kick the shit out of me after it ended, or get the call from the dean
of students when you accused me of sexual harassment after I came back to
school from a leave of absence and called you a few times to tell you I was
sorry in an attempt to attenuate any of the inevitable ill-will that comes
of these situations. I hate you for looking the same as you did when I loved
you. I hate that I saw you day after day in the same body, in the same
clothes and with the same friends. I hate that the poems I had written for
you ended up in my book, in my first book, the book that marked the
beginning of who I wanted to be. And I hate that Im writing this ten years
later, married to a beautiful woman who will never be as malicious and
unreasonable as you, and that i still rehearse in my dreams the ways and
hows that I might say I'm sorry.
But darling, when I was 19 and unwise: the yellow fabric of your favorite
blouse on your arms in the April sun, with the one button that never seemed
to fasten quite right, the world was unexplored, and unexplained. You were
my best friend, the emissary of a world in which things could go my way, and
now you are the one I think of when I realize that I am growing old.
I am so sorry that I even came back here. I should of started over somewhere else.. I don't ...........well I am not IN LOVE with you!! I love you, but it just isn't there , I am so sorry..
I know that if I told you this it will hurt you bad.. You are awesome, you R a hard ass worker and you will do anything for me but I just am not in love.. I don't want sex anymore, and its cause of the meds I am on ...
You know this and you continue to beg.. And just like other men in the world if you don't get your way you stomp down the hallway and mumble shit under your breath .. You act like a mama's boy and I hate your bitch of a mother.. Sorry just the way I feel after the rumors she spread about me....
I want to leave you .. I am stupid cause you do love me completely.. But I LIKE BEING ALONE... I love my house and yea I get bored but I would much rather have my house then have to cook everyday, and clean everyday.....
I apologize for all this but I am gonna get the nerve up and I am gonna leave.. All them years down the drain.. Sorry.. I need happiness. And that is not another man , hell no ..!! Men are assholes.. Every last one of them....
Sorry if the truth hurts.................
I'm number 1515.
You are my husband and I love you. We still fight like cats and dogs, But it's getting better.
Two months ago we sat through one session with a counselor. When you got up and left I figured it was over. Even the counselor told me to leave you. When you found out she said that, you reevaluated everything and realized that, yes, you have a big problem. I was so relieved in that moment, finally, you realized it was not all my fault. Since then, you have been so much better.
I still have not been able to get over those magazines. Everyone tells me that it has nothing to do with me, that those magazines can't talk back and that's why you have them. Everything goes along swimmingly, but whenever I realize that you still have them, a rage builds in me, and I frighten even myself with how upset I get. I'm trying to get over it. It's hard.
I'm trying. So are you. I know it's hard. Please keep trying.
I've always wanted to tell you what a whore the women in your family are. You think the world of your conniving sisters, and drug addicted mother but they are all whores. Your youngest sister screwed her current boyfriend hours after she met him, and though they have only been dating 4 months she has already given him two STD's. Your mother is using drugs once again, and will continue to because, just like when you were growing up DRUGS COME FIRST IN HER LIFE!! Oh and lets not forget all the men she has been with while her sick husband stays home to rot in his own self pity. Your younger sister is about the ugliest thing walking this earth (regardless of her popular belief), that's probably why she'll screw anyone who smiles at her. Yet me being your faithful, drop dead gorgeous wife of 5 years is mistreated and constantly harassed by you to change my attitude. While you bow at your sisters, and mother's feet. If you only knew the men who gawk at me every single day. if you only knew, how many times I have considered cheating on you. If you only knew that my bad attitude is your fault! I smile and play nice with all your family, just as I always have but if you only knew the outright disgust I have for them. I'm disgusted because you allow these despicable pieces of crap to walk all over you.I'm disgusted because you have this naive thought process that your best interest is there concern. I'm disgusted because they are fake, dirty, crack addicted, whores with nothing to show for in life but the fact that you my dear will always allow them to use and abuse you. Don't feel so bad though, because you are surely not a victim. You put me down, and act as if I am a problem. We both know the truth don't we dear? You can't tell your family what pieces of shit they are so how else do you get rid of your frustrations? I think I'll divorce you soon... actually I'm sure I will.
I love my husband and would never leave him, but I have been sleeping with
his best friend for about a month now and can't stop. I wasn't raised to be
this way and I can't stand myself for doing it, but physically he is
everything that my husband is not. What can I do?
I just wish one week would go by when you wouldn't blow a bunch of
money on useless stuff. Sure, the stuff itself cluttering up my house
bothers me, but I'd also like to see you go into your 30s not still
being supported by your parents and lying about it to me.
Remember when the pipe under the kitchen sink got a hole in it and Drano laced water ran out all over the floor?
Yeah, that was me. I was sick of trying to clear that pipe and I stuck a wire coat hanger down there. I didn't know a wire coat hanger would poke a hole through a copper pipe.
Why can't you laugh with me the same as you laugh with her? I'm your wife, she's just your friend. Laugh with me and not at me. It would make me want to laugh again too.
To the "almost" other woman:
He still claims that you are innocent, you were just a friend. Someone who listened and understood. I, however, know better.
The day that you guys started texting and talking you knew he was doing it behind my back. You knew he was lying to me and keeping it from me. You asked him after flirting with each other via text all day if he has ever thought of having an affair. Tell me there wasn't an ulterior motive there.
Since the day he started this job I have had a very bad feeling about you. Now I know that I am right in feeling that way. There have been too many instances where you have caused problems for the men that you have worked with, and no my husband is another victim.
Do I think he is innocent? No, because when you asked him he answered with an honest yes. He claims that you have no idea it was you that he was considering it with, but I am not so sure. You tried to convince him to leave me, you tried to make him believe I was a horrible bitch, all the while making your husband seem like a horrible dick.
But you lost, he chose me. He wanted me to find out, he wanted me to see the phone bill with the outrageous texting, he wanted me to save him from himself. And I did. And now we are stronger than ever. I might have thought you to be innocent except when I called to talk to you, you were such a raging bitch to me, that I just can't believe it. But it doesn't matter, he loves me, he will always love me, and you can't fucking have him!!!! You tried to text him yesterday, he never responded, and he won't. He wants nothing to do with you ever again. I think in the back of his head he knows that you are a tramp who probably was trying to break up our marriage. But you won't, you can't play on his weakness anymore. Let's face it, you never cared, you just wanted him because he is such a great guy and loves with so much of himself and your husband is about to leave your sorry ass.
To my husband:
I am still hurt, still angry at times, and sometimes I want to throw up when I think of the past week. However, you and I are stronger than ever, and for the first time in I don't know how long I feel secure in our marriage, I don't feel depressed, and I feel loved again. I love you and I need you. I am glad we are working through this! I am glad you finally know just how much I love you and need you, and I am glad I finally know as well!! Here's to new beginnings, I love you!!