Sunday, June 11, 2006

True Wife Confessions Part 1

Confession #001

Maybe the scratches on the top of car weren't caused by the car wash. Maybe they were caused by your daughter cheerfully clearing the car off with the steel tipped snow shovel. Maybe.

Confession #002

I know that you do loads of your own laundry when I'm not home. I know that you ignore the stack of the family laundry and wash your own personal load. I know this cause I find them in the dryer, and there is no coincidence large enough to convince me that this is "just what you happened to throw in". Especially as it has happened repeatedly for 15 years. This makes me unreasonably mad. That's why I leave all your clothes for the end, sometimes.

Confession #003

Your electronic organizer? The one you loved in 1998? Yeah. That didn't fall out of your car and get run over by your tire. I washed and dried it in the laundry , then tried to get you to think you'd done it by wedging it under your tire, in the rain.

Confession #004

I always spend more than I've told you I've spent. ALWAYS. No one gets this many shoes for what you think I've spent. That's the beauty of my own checking account.

Confession #005

I know where your belt, glasses or wallet are. I just think it's funny to watch you run around like a crazy person looking for them.

Confession #006

I WANT you to go out with your friends. Please. Get out of the house. Plus you always come home awfully grateful for what you have at home after listening to your friends bitch and moan about their wives.

Confession #007

When I say, "I don't care", sometimes I don't care. Sometime I do. Listen for the tone. It's been 15 years, it shouldn't be this hard to figure out.

Confession #008

When you go out of town, I play video games like a maniac. I also leave the bathroom door open when I pee, cause you aren't there to get all freaked out. And I don't do the dishes until right before you come home. Basically, chaos reigns.

Confession #009

I'm not really sleeping when I bump you at night. You're snoring Loudly and I have got to do something to stop the noise.

Confession #010

Your mother and I talk about you. When you are being a shit, I call her and she convinces me to stay married to you. You don't know how much you owe to your mother. Seriously.


Mom101 said...

Hooray, I am the first commenter! Which means I get to be the first to say THIS IS AWESOME. Damn you, Dawn. Like my rss feed isn't packed enough.

Anonymous said...

I'll be sending you an e-mail soon packed with dirty little secrets.

#3 totally sounds like something I would do.

Kristi said...

Oh, will I be coming back, again, and again, and again. Maybe I'll even confess a time or two or three.

Anonymous said...

I always have a better orgasm by myself ....... get it right or I will always fake it with you ....

Anonymous said...

I always have an orgasm when I do it myself . I almost always fake it with you . you always start off so great but get too impatient . then I just fake it to get it over with .

Anonymous said...

OMG, I love that site, but didn't know how to post on it, or whatever, so I'll just leave my True Wife Confessions here.

Dear husband, I am so tired & sleepy by the time you get home from work around 11:30 at night, I really wish you'd just go to bed when you get home, and go to sleep instead of turning on that damn television and letting it blare to all hours of the night and early morning.

Don't you know a girl needs her beauty sleep and believe me honey, it wouldn't hurt you to get a little of it too, you're starting to get bags under your eyes and I've noticed a bit of yawning when I wake you up for work at 4:00 in the morning. Please sugar face, honey bunch... just keep the damn television OFF!

Jodie said...

Love the site. Cyperspaces little "Desperate Housewives". I think it should just be up and accepting comment 24-7.

P.S. I admit that last time we had sex I was thinking of Dr. McDreamy.

Anonymous said...

Take it from a woman going through a divorce currently - this site is fantastic... and will undoubtedly save your family!!! How cathartic for you and fabulously entertaining for me!!! A definite win/win.

Anonymous said...

I bump my husband as he snores too. I'm not sleeping, I'm trying to, and can't over the noise!

Azile said...

You're amazingly funny! Happy I came across your blog :) Keep up the confessing :)