Oh yeah, I hear her calling my name. But it's 2 a.m. and you’re awake anyway.
I was going to leave my hair in the tub drain. You’re right. But I’ll die defending that I wasn’t.
Your chili isn' that good. Really. I’ve just never had the heart to tell you. Your coffee isn't either.
I hate dancehall music. I just don’t get the appeal for you. But I have smiled as you have played it for a long ass time.
I love that you have more colognes than I do. I love that the Macy’s mens cologne woman knows your first name.
Yes, I washed the chicken. I have been rinsing the chicken for 15 years. You do not have to ask me EVERY TIME if I have washed the god damn chicken. If my plan were to give you salmonella, it would have happened a long time ago.
I know how much you detest Chinese Art Cinema. So it makes me love you more when you sit through three-hour movies in subtitles next to me, whilst I weep uncontrollably at the beauty of the story. And yes, I DID know that “Farewell My Concubine” was going to be three hours long. I just knew if I told you that, you wouldn’t come.
I will never tell you what my girlfriends and I really talk about. You’re my husband, but they are my girlfriends. Iron Curtain, Baby. And yes, we talk about you. And they know EVERYTHING.
Sometimes you only have to make me laugh to change my mood. It is not a strategy you use enough. Ditto for the shoulder massage. You’d get a hell of a lot more if you took note of this.
I know you didn’t read this card you gave me. You just picked the first one you came to that said “To my wife”. That’s why I quiz you on the sentiment behind the words on the card. To see you squirm.