Friday, June 30, 2006

True Wife Confessions Base 10

Confession #091

I am still having a hard time forgiving you for having what I consider
to be an emotional affair with your old coworker. The fact that you don't
think there was anything wrong with it (and it was me being too sensitive)
doesn't help. It's turned me into the cell phone checking, email snooping
wife I never wanted to be.

Confession #092

I hate when people ask us if/when we are having more kids. I tell them "I don't know" even though I know the answer is "never." Sure, I'd love to have another child, give our daughter a sibling, and quite possibly give you a son to carry on your family name. But I know our marriage would not survive. More specifically, I would not survive as your wife knowing again you'll be lazy, selfish, and unhelpful. Congratulations, Fun Daddy, your family name ends with you

Confession #093

I am in love with someone else.

Confession #094

I purposefully waited until your butt touched the chair before asking you to get me something to drink because you seem to do it to me all the time. Didn't like it very much did ya?

Confession #095

No matter what anyone says ... an IOU is not a birthday gift or a mother's day gift. It is a piece of paper that means nothing - especially if you don't follow through


Confession #096

If you text me again asking me to transfer money to your account so you can
buy shit for yourself, I will throw away your cell phone.


Confession #097

I truly, truly hate that every time you think you are paying me a compliment
you end it with a but....dinner was good, but... You look nice, but....
You are an asshole. No but.

Confession #098

I hate how you complained that you had to do the dishes again last
night. I am eight months pregnant with your first born child and you
will never understand how I'm feeling right now.

Confession #099

You are the LAZIEST of lovers. You lay there on your back and do nothing. You used to do magical things with your fingers - what happened? My signal for sex is an arm around my neck. Gross. You have no clue how hard I can orgasm if you would get off your fat ass

Confession #100

I resent paying for Head and Shoulders shampoo so much that I have been
buying generic shampoo and putting it into the same Head and Shoulders
bottle for over two years. Honey, you're bald and you don't need shampoo
anymore. You especially don't need one that controls dandruff. You have
more hair on your ass than you do on your head and you use soap on your ass.
Enough already!

13 comments:

Karen Rani said...

Oh that last one is CLASSIC!

Anonymous said...

Woo hoo! 100 confessions! God but these are good, liberating, fun, and needed to know that I am not the only wife with some secrets.

Erin said...

This is the best blog idea ever. EVER! Somehow, hearing that other wives have problems too is so uplifting.

Anonymous said...

I want to beat the crap out of some of these husbands. What the fuck is WRONG with you people?

Lisa said...

It is so nice to know that not everyone's marriage is all happy-happy lovey, lovey 24/7.

Abbie said...

Same here #92. They suck. LOVE this site!!

rachael said...

i love these SO MUCH.

Anonymous said...

wow...it's nice and yet depressing to know that other people are in the same boat I am in a lot of the time.

And I thought I was the only one who had ever experienced #91. I know he didn't cheat physically, but OBVIOUSLY something inappropriately emotional went on. The fact that I was pregnant did not help matters a whit.

Suebob said...

I gave you some link love over at
http://linkateria.blogspot.com/2006/06/my-head-explodes-from-all-goodness.html

Nellie said...

Oh wow! I can relate to SOO many of these, it's scary!

tAnYeTTa said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
suzanh said...

Best thing ever!

Brilliant stuff. You are a genius.

Attila The Mom said...

Wow. Just wow.