True Wife Confessions 316 Lost

Confession #3151

I have a hundred reasons why I have stayed with him but now after almost 21 years of marriage, I wish I had left a long time ago. By my staying I have taught the kids that I am weak and that it is OK for a man to treat a woman the way he does to me. I feel that I have failed my children and I hate who I have become.

Confession #3152

You are the girliest guy I have ever known. I complement you every chance I get, and it usually gets slapped back in my face. I keep saying the things I say because

1) I want you to know you are these things to me

2) I might want to hear them back more often then once every two months!

Is it so hard to just tell me I'm beautiful as you run your hands down my back? Or tell me I look pretty on the days I actually wear makeup?

But you're SO insecure about everything, even your ability to love me and treat me well, I suffer for it.
We have a wonderful relationship. You are so sweet and gentle, and you're everything I never knew I wanted.

But I often wonder if you don't think these things about me. These things you don't say that I so want/need to hear. Is it because you don't actually think I'm beautiful? I worry that you are only with me because I want you with me.I've always been big on what you think, on your value and your choice in every matter. Do I actually make you happy?


Confession #3153

When you’re working lots of overtime the kids and I don’t miss you as much as I tell you we do. We love you and like to have you around, but by now we’re pretty good at being on our own

Confession #3154

How can I hate and love someone at the same time? You do nothing in the house - then you have day of making it look good on the surface, then dare to yell at me when it starts getting messy again. We both make the mess... We both work. Fucking deal with it, rather than pretending it's not there.

And drinking as much as you isn't good. At all. You might as well be having an affair with beer. It sucks - and the disgusting behavior, the sleepwalking and the constant laying in bed isn't a turn on. Although, paying me no real attention and kissing me like I'm your mother isn't a turn on either. How hard is it to show me real affection? If you can't, then why are you still here?

I've had all kinds of horrible things done to me so that we can maybe have kids. Have you hugged me? No. Have you asked how I really am? Not really. It hurts. Really damn hurts. It's soul-destroying and embarrassing. And you don't seem to care.

You talk to me like I'm in your way. But you can also be so caring and when you ACTUALLY relax, you're wonderful. But you don't ever do that unless you're drunk. It's no way to live.

Which is why I've ended up in an affair. Wasn't planned - keep trying to end it. Not even sure how he feels about me, which is even more isolating at times. But he makes me feel alive - and he wants me. Really wants me and shows me affection that you haven't for years. It's a recipe for disaster, I know it is. But I need to feel something other than desperate loneliness. I hate myself - for this, but also for being so weak that I put up with this relationship. But I love you.

So I'm stuck. Maybe I'm pathetic and weak and trying to have my cake, and eat it. All I want is for you to show me an ounce of real want for me - to show me that you give a shit.

Confession #3155

I sent in a confession last summer. When another man (a mutual friend of ours....someone you would never expect) looked at me and told me that he was attracted to me. That I was gorgeous and funny. Something that you had not done in all of our years together. That was nothing but a harmless verbal fling...that lasted for a few weeks. A flirty text here or there, but I knew nothing physical was going to come of it, and it didn't.

What I did not realize was that it was going to open the door for me to act on the negligence I'd been feeling from you for years. I didn't realize I'd start looking for attention and compliments everywhere I went. I didn't realize that I'd want to go out with my girlfriends just to have someone turn their head to look at me or to compliment me or to ask for my number. I drank too much last summer, to numb myself from the truth.....that I no longer loved you, but I never acted on any of those feelings with anyone else.

We have been married 8 years now...together for 10. I did love you early on. I was young and didn't know that each time you criticized me or laughed at me or made fun of my weight (which at 5'6" and around 130 lbs......WAS NOT FAT) that I would slowly pull away from you. You have spent our entire relationship criticizing my every move and wanting to control me. It's weird though, b/c it never felt abusive in an obvious way.

But now that I am older and wiser and ironically, in even better shape....now, I see that it was emotional abuse. It makes me so sad, b/c you are a wonderful father and provider. You know now that our marriage is in big trouble. You try so hard to never say a word and boy have I tested you just to see if you mean it. I still think you need more counseling and probably an anti-depressant, but I know you are trying.

What I do not know is that if I can ever love you again. Not the way I need to in order to stay in this marriage forever. It makes me so sad....because we have 2 beautiful children together. We have a lovely home, nice cars, and plenty of money in the bank. But it is not enough for me to stay. I don't want to leave now, but instead of looking for attention this summer, I have slowly started to plan my departure. I begged you to listen to me, to love me unconditionally for years....but you either wouldn't or couldn't. I still have hope that something might change for us, but deep down, I feel like I have known for quite some time that this thing wouldn't last.

Almost a year ago I turned to the one man I loved before you. He was unavailable 15 years ago and he still is. I do not feel good about my actions, but he has shown me more love and affection than you ever have. He has reminded me of what I deserve to feel everyday. I'm sure many will say that it is just the normal course of any normal affair, but it is not. We will never be together, I know this. It breaks my heart, b/c I love him again and realize that I did back when I was young too. I can say whatever I feel, be whoever I am and he loves me through it all. He is not going to leave his family and I will not leave you, or mine for him either. I just wish that somehow, you could have seen what you had right in front of you for all those years.

I have spent a decade doing everything imaginable to make you love me. I have dieted, sought counseling, used anti-depressants......everything. And I know now, that the problem was never me.

And now, I have gotten myself in way over my head....b/c I am not dumb enough to think that my feelings for him aren't affecting my ability to love you again. I guess the sad thing is....I just don't know that I want to anymore. I want to feel loved unconditionally.....yes, just as I do with him. And yes, I know it is easy to do that in an "affair" b/c you never have to deal with reality. and no....I am not in search of the kind of infatuated love that happens in the beginning of any relationship. And yes, I know your actions are no excuse to make the decision that I have made over the last year.

I never expected to be here....at my age.....with such sadness in my heart. I will end this affair regardless of what happens with us. I will not see him if I end up single, b/c he is not the answer. But what he gives me and has given me is. Unconditional love, affection, kindness and support. It is a powerful drug and one that caught me completely off guard.

I'm not even angry anymore. I am sorry for my sins against our marriage.....but mostly....I am sad. Sad b/c deep down, I know the truth. And my truth is that I don't love you anymore and likely, never will again.

Confession #3156

Dear love,
Its been 2 weeks since the night we agreed to be friends who see eachother every so often casually. We did this bc of your new department you got transferred to in the pd. 20 hour days are not relationship friendly I know this you know this but it still kills just the same even worse maybe because we still want to be together! I know this is something you've always wanted and its the chance of a lifetime 4 you so I can't and won't hold you back. I don't want to be the reason you have regrets in life, but I also know with out a doubt we are perfect 4 eachother in every way, so to give you up is crushing! I only hope that one day soon we can move forward again as a couple get married grow old together and sail around the world!!! My heart feels empty with out you Come back to me soon!!
All my heart,
Your shooting star

Confession #3157

I love who you are, support you at dificult times and appreciate who you are. But you always shouting at me for not doing things your way. You always think your mama is great and best. I am nothing as compared to her. I did my best to cook for you but I seldom really compliments. I always had to be accomodating and go out with your parents but you unwillingly to go out with my parents!
You always talk bad things about my parents, this hurts me. I admit I treat badly to your parents before but it becasue they are demanding. They demand and expect to accompany them to go out every weekend when I just want some precious moment with you and the kids. BUt this is seldom fulfilled. If you go out with me and the kids, it unwillingly. You love your prents to go with you. When my parents go out with us andthe kids, you will make excuses to go back early. This is unfair.

I wanted to have sex with you but it limited to few times per YEAR. Why? It is because you are exhausted? Or me unattractive?

Confession #3158

I think Robert Browning had it right when he wrote that famous poem. I'm glad chivalry isn't dead, and that we both know we're meant to be together. I'm glad that we have that elusive "true love" that so many people are looking for : an old-soul relationship like Nancy and Ronald Reagan and other people who were married heart, mind, and soul. It bugs the fire out of me that you don't keep the lawn mowed as often as you should, and that you leave your clothes on the floor by your side of the bed, and like video games, but I think after 8 years of marriage that is a really great list, and none of those things come even close to being major issues. I'm glad your mother has common sense and is realistic enough to not be nosy, but is such a kind and compassionate person (maybe where you got it). I'm glad you have the traits that are good in my Dad, but not his personality or problems with dishing out verbal and emotional abuse. I'm glad you're a good listener and try to understand when I tell you about things. I'm glad you are most happy when I am happy and vice versa, and that you have that rare quality of being a truly good lover and never rushing or being selfish. I'm glad I can trust you and when something comes up that causes you trouble, you tell me so that I can hold you accountable. I'm glad you're willing to work to keep our relationship strong and not afraid of commitment. I'm glad we did what we knew was right and created a strong friendship before allowing ourselves to get involved so that when we go through "dry spots" we still love one another's company and companionship. I'm glad you want to have children because the world is painfully lacking men like you, and women who require them. Most of all, I'm glad you're you.

Confession #3159

I am sorry that I set up a trap for you to fall into, and then blew up at you when you did what you thought I wanted you to do. It wasn't fair, and I am sorry. I am so glad we can talk about it - rationally - and I could apologize to you. I love you, and old patterns are hard to correct, but I think we can just keep trying. Thank you for loving me - when I feel very unloveable.

Confession #3160

Dear Co-worker,

When you requested we be FB friends I accepted. When I found out my job was being off-shored and you specifically would be doing my job and I had to train you, I remained your friend. When I posted on my status that I was "disappointed and scared" over loosing my job (never mentioning the company name nor saying anything remotely unprofessional nor defaming to the company), and you told the execs in NYC causing them to jump to erroneous conclusions, then I un-friended you.

Next time, perhaps you should stick with facts instead of letting people jump to conclusions based on your innuendo. Maybe if you did that, then the execs wouldn't need to apologize later. Just a suggestion.

True Wife Confessions 32 water freezes

Confession #311

I love you more than anything in this world. You are my love, and I know that I will be with you until we are old and gray. I try to be good and sweet but I fucking hate your mother and can't stand that you talk with her twice a day, everyday! I know why you do it, I truly understand, but that doesn't matter to me at all. I can hardly stand to be in the same room when you talk with her cause she makes me spitting mad with her random stupidity! How did you ever come out of a fucked up home such as the one your mother created? I hate when she comes to visit and I count down the days until she is gone. If you ever let her stay with us as long as last time, I will find every possible thing to do away from the house so that you will have to manage with her all by yourself. I promise. You have made me promise that if anything ever happened to you that I would take care of her, well, Baby, sometimes I just don't know if I will be able to keep my end of the bargain.

Confession #312

Sometimes I am struck dumb by the fact that I got a fantastic mother-in-law as well as the amazing son she raised.

Confession #313

I am so thankful that I "manage" the finances because you will never know that the reason things are so tight now is that we are paying for my 4 month stint with an online gambling addiction!

Confession #314

Guess what? I do not like having sex with you. Contrary to what your MOTHER told you, size does matter. I understand that you had a birth defect, but there are times when I can't believe that for the rest of my life I will be having sex with a man who's penis is literally an inch and a half long. AN INCH AND A HALF! And keeping the lights off during sex does not mask the problem. I love you with all my heart, but I hate your tiny penis.

Confession #315

I wasn't dropping off documents at "Mike's", we were following around and doing drugs.

Confession #316

I really hate it that when I look around our room, I
see a hamper in the corner. And that on the floor,
less than 4 inches from that hamper are your dirty
underwear. About 6 inches from that, some raunchy
socks. And a t-shirt. I've seen you play basketball,
so I know you understand the concept. HIT THE BASKET.
How 'bout for each time you score a basket with your
dirty laundry, you score in bed? Bet we still only
have sex once or twice a month!!!

Confession #317

Just stop bitching. I love you. You are a wonderful, handsome man and a good
father. We had our bad times in the past but now things are good. We have a
wonderful life. Our kids are beautiful. We have a great home in a nice
neighborhood. We have decent jobs. Why do you bitch about everything??? We
went on vacation last week and our twelve year old asked me why you complain
about everything. Just stop it. You are driving me crazy.
Confession #318

Whenever I meet any of your friends I have dreams about having sex with them because sex with you is so routine and boring, I dream of a man who will initiate sex with me instead of making me ask. We're in our 20's why am I only getting some one or twice a month if I leave it to you???? We don't even have any kids.....

Confession #319

In all the years we have been together you have never once told me that my body turns you on. You always seem to point out women that look good. You don't realize how many years I have suffered inside. You tell me that my face is so beautiful and my inside person is so good but I don't fucking want to hear that. I want to hear that I look good and know that when you close your eyes you are thinking of me. Not of the woman that you undressed with your eyes earlier that day. Or the friend of mine that is nice and in shape. Why did you marry me if you wanted to change me so much? It is sad that when we have sex I get off by thinking about you and that girl you told me to look at in the store. Because I feel you are screwing someone else and not me...

Confession #320

I thought I would feel bad about cheating, but I felt cheated that it was bad

I love my belly dance lessons but I never intend to dance for you

you are very good in bed, very good

when you take over cooking supper in the middle of it because it dawns on you that I am monitoring our child in the shower, folding laundry, cooking supper, and cleaning up the living room; don't stop cooking supper

when you have a day off and I have to work, stay out of the bathroom, stay out of the kitchen, as a matter of fact stay in bed until I am gone


If you refer to watching our child as babysitting one more time when you talk to your friends; when I get home I am going to pay you and ask you to leave. You aren't babysitting you are parenting!!

True Wife Confessions 315 gumballs in a machine

Confession #3141

I love you so much. I know it's not your fault you have to be in Afghanistan. I know you didn't want to go, that you never wanted to go. I know you call me every chance you get, and I know you're counting down the days until you can come home to me, just like I am. But sometimes, even though I try so hard not to, I still feel angry. Angry that you're gone for so long, angry that I'm here by myself, angry that I spent our first wedding anniversary without you. I don't know how not to be angry about these things. Most of all, I'm angry that you never tell me how you feel over there, even when I ask. I know you have to feel something. I would rather hear how you're doing, really doing than listen to a list of tasks you completed on a particular day. When we only have ten minutes to talk on the phone once a week, it's important to know what emotions you're experiencing. Because sometimes, I feel angry because I'm afraid you might not feel anything at all. And me? I feel everything. Sad, scared, angry, depressed, listless, small, weak, pitiful. If you think I need you to be the strong one, to pretend everything is fine so that I don't worry, that's not true. I just need you to still be you. Please still be you, now and when you come back to me.

Confession #3142

I broke your heart today. It is the last thing I wanted to do. I did love you very much and I know after everything your love for me was unwavering. I am trying to convince myself that ending this three year relationship was the best thing for the both of us. Things were great.. as long as I never asked you (in as nice way possible) to help with chores or pick up after yourself. You know my life's dream was to travel but every time I even mention a place I would like to go one day you immediately sigh at me and get irritated. I didn't like your lack of foresight You have a $50,000 school loan that you have no intention to pay back. Don't you see how that will ruin everything? You wouldn't be able to finance anything like a house or even college for your future children. I tried to nicely suggest a cleaning schedule so you could help me, but you immediately started shouting at me. I'm tired of mopping up your piss around the toilet bowl. I'm tired of the piles of clothes around the apartment and garbage everywhere. I'm tired of you accusing me of cheating on you every week even though I have never done so.

But you did love me and I loved you, and when you started shouting at me that day I realized I couldn't even sit down and talk to you about things that concerned me. I was never able to. I just hope that I am right to end it. I am an odd girl and you loved me for it. I don't think anyone else will. All in all... I hope you find someone who loves you and wants to take care of you, and have your children. When you look at your first born baby in the eyes I hope you see that it is the best day in your life and you couldn't have had it with me. There will always be a special place for you in my heart. I hope you treat this as a new beginning, and not an opportunity to become even more bitter. I love you until the day I die.

Confession #3143

for the husband of my heart; my one and only fish, my Boyo, whom I live with now: I love you so much. You are my friend, lover and soul mate; I feel safe (and very hot!) with you. I know you'll always be there for me. (This sounds so cliched) You have healed so much in my life. I am forever grateful.


Confession #3144

to my (thankfully) EX of five years:

When I first thought about doing this, I worried that it would be PAGES long: there were just so many things I was angry about. But as time has passed, I find i am no longer interested in complaining about your coldness, your lack of interest in me for 20 years of marriage, your blaming me for everything that went wrong and calling any request, be it ever so politely phrased "character assassination." I no longer care about those things. there is one thing i will not forgive you for. You intentionally and systematically alienated our daughters during the divorce. These are the children who were the whole point, you realize, for me marrying such a humorless, unimaginative and emotionally unavailable - not to mention sexually unavailable - in the first place. I wanted a child (you had no opinion, really) and T was born. Five years later when I got pregnant again you fought me tooth and nail until I miscarried. Two failed pregnancies later, I had S, thanks little to you and mostly to my own feeling that I had to make some sense of the bitter thing that was our marriage. I mothered and cared for them; the happiest times of my life (before now) are when I was raising them. I love my daughters more than I have ever loved anyone. You might have come to love them - as much as such a smug, self-righteous son-of-a bitch can love anyone - but i wanted them before they existed. Of course I made mistakes, but not from lack of love. They were 21 and 14 when we separated. "I'll take them with me," you snarled when I told you I wasn't moving, you were; I wanted to stay in the house where I'd raised them.

I remember when the younger daughter was being a bitchy teen, around the time just before you finally moved out - I knew she was upset about something andI wanted to talk to her but you refused to let me(!). When I insisted you sat in on the conversation and I still remember (you can bet she does too) you screaming at me "She doesn't have to listen to this!" which effectively ended the conversation. I decided not to pursue that because I could see how miserable she was. I worked hard to keep connected with her despite you badmouthing me at every chance. Her sister is older and saw through this fairly quickly (I didn't raise stupid children) but S is too young and too vulnerable and you succeeded with her. When I couldn't afford to live in the town where S went to school you agreed to let me see her in your house when you were out of town (the only time I ever saw her; fortunately it was quite a lot of the time, good parent that you are. (Yeah,I know; you called her on her cell every day.) then as soon as I had moved you changed your mind and said you had "been advised" it might not be "legal" for me to spend time with my 15-year old daughter in your house and I was reduced to inviting her for dinner every other month or so. And she was left lone while you went to conferences and visited your girlfriend.

S has had many difficulties in the time you have been the primary parent; the worst being when she had a nervous breakdown you failed to mention until she was actually in treatment. I don't blame all this on spite for me, although there is clearly a lot of that. Most of it is just your pig-headed conviction that if it works for you and doesn't cause you any trouble, it must be right. S is very mature; she can take car of herself. if she doesn't talk to anyone about anything, that's convenient since you really don't have time, emotional inclination or parenting skills to talk to her anyway. Fortunately, S has an intelligent and caring older sister, plus a good "alternate family." I love her and am still devastated by the rift between us. Maybe if you had given her some of the affection and care she I wasn't allowed to, I might eventually get over this. As it is, I will never forgive you.

Confession #3145

This would be my first confession. Im not even sure on where to begin, i have so much to say, so much to write, so much emotions that im going through.Ive known my husband for over ten years and things were good at the beginning but once i moved in with him, it was a whole different story. You learn so much about each other and you wished you never moved in or gotten married.... So move on to 8 years later, we are married with two kids, I can honestly say life has gotten so difficult that no one expects it. The love that once was there is all gone, the communication is gone. He really is a nice guy and supports us financially but that's it. Im pretty enough for guys to check me out but my husband doesn't even glance my way.Im young, pretty, fit, great personality (i feel like im selling myself here), im funny and i get along with so many people but not my husband. We do argue more than anyone i know that is if we are communicating, I have a high sex drive and he doesn't so im always being left out in the cold. I need more than life. I have been feeling this for the past two years now. Our life has not moved on, yes we have two kids but i need more in life. I need the excitement of seeing someone that you love, the connection that you only can get from a loving spouse. I need a house, i need to hear the "i love you" at least once in a while. I would love the hear i miss you, im thinking of you, what the hell just let me hear something besides 'can you do me a favor'. No screw you and your favore. So to my husband, you are a fucking slob, too lazy to pick up your dirty socks off of my kitchen counter, too lazy to pick up your dirty underwear from the bathroom, too lazy to look at me, too lazy to kiss me good bye or hello, but not lazy enough to ask for dinner or to mention your thirsty. I would love a break, I need a break from you because im so fed up with life. When i look at you I feel nothing, I do not feel like a wife but a roommate, I doubt this will last forever....

Confession #3146

7 months ago I found out you were cheating on me, by going through your texts since you had been acting so strange. You tried to deny it with a smile on your face and laughing, telling me I was crazy but I knew better. Then you finally fessed up and said we were done. I spent 8 years doing everything for you, taking care of the kids, keeping the house clean, cooking dinner every night, you always had clean clothes and your uniforms were ironed. I put my life on hold and moved every time the military demanded it. Moving 7 times in 8 years was not fun. Nor was raising the kids alone while you were gone for 10 months straight TWICE while you voluntarily deployed to Iraq. You treated me awful while I was pregnant with our daughter and you were in Iraq, because you didn't want another kid, and was mad that it was a girl. It takes TWO people to make a kid, I can't help it that the hormones in birth control didn't agree with me and that you refused to use a condom. So now you are in another state and blaming me for our financial trouble....the problem that you created! All those bills that are racking up- all you. I barely have enough money for groceries and gas every payday but you can spend $345 in four days in ATM withdrawls. Who knows where that is going. But now, you are going to Afghanistan to 'get the debt paid down and get rid of me'. Someday the kids are going to see you for what you are. Taking them for 4 hours is not 'taking them for the day'. You want to go out and have fun with them and bring them back to me like they aren't your responsibility also. They are still our kids, you need spend time with them. And I really mean it when I ask you not to bring your whore around them. You and the whore sleeping in the same bed when our kids are staying the weekend with you is NOT ok! She shouldn't be there in the first place, spend time with her on your own time, not the kids time! Don't worry, she is ten years younger than you, I am sure she will get sick of your crap soon enough. Oh, and as for trying to move your pay deposit and not giving me enough to support and take care of our kids? Well, my lawyer and the military will have something to say about that. I know it burns your butt that I haven't 'worked' for the last 8 years, but taking care of the kids is a full time job, and the fact that you can't take care of them, your apartment and cook for a weekend should tell you something! I would be heartbroken for my kids, but I don't know if I want you to make it back from Afghanistan. You have made my life hell and I am ready to move on.

P.S. You really should answer the phone when I call. You would never know if there was an emergency with the kids if you don't answer, and NO I will NOT text you in the event of an emergency because I am sure I will be otherwise occupied! Besides, it's not like I call to harass you like you do to me!

Signed,
Done with you and your bull

Confession #3147

If I have slipped away to a little-used guest room to read a novel with the door closed, I might be able to listen to your hopes, dreams, worries, and concerns about the mosquito bite on your shoulder but I doubt I can do it without the annoyed look on my face. GO AWAY.

Confession #3148

about 80% of the time I hate you. I hate you for your illness and I hate that you are such a selfish prick. You say you love me, but nothing you do on a regular basis shows you have any respect for me in a practical way. I do 99% of the things in the house. Would it KILL you to cook when you know I hate it? So that instead of coming home from a 10 hour work day that dinner was cooking instead of me having to put my bags down and get out pots and pans? Could you put a f-ing dish in the dishwasher? Get off your ass and DO SOMETHING. I work. I don't care that you don't, but it seems like you might feel the tiniest bit of guilt over the fact that I work 50-60 hours a week and still do the laundry, cooking, shopping, etc. But it is not worth my time to tell you any of this, because it just makes my life more miserable. The idea of you pouting around being a wounded big two-year-old is completely not worth it. Besides, you would probably f-up what you did anyway..... you don't like stress, right? God forbid the least little amount of stress enter YOUR life. God forbid you have to fill out a FORM or something. You are like being married to a 12 year old. I frequently wish you would just die. Your health sucks anyway. Just go. You smoke like a flippin chimney, so let's just get it over with. You know why I don't nag you to quit? Cause I'm ALL FOR IT. Smoke away ass-hole. Shave another 10 years off my sentence. I frequently wish you would have been successful in your bid to kill yourself. My bad luck. Ah well. I am detached. You do whatever the hell you want. I have a full up life and refuse to let your sad-sack self drag my ass down.

Confession #3149

You are so handsome when you smile - really smile. I remember the man I fell in love with when I see you like that.

Confession #3150

ok, i'm really starting to resent you, dear husband. i don't think you realize how difficult it is to be alone with 5 week old infant and 2 dogs 20+ hours a day. you go to work at 7pm and get home around 8am. then you walk the dogs and go to bed and sleep until around 3:30 or 4pm. then you get up, walk the dogs again, eat, shower, and go back to work. sure, i know you have a tough schedule too (and i appreciate that you work hard so i can stay home with our son), but at least you get to sleep. i'm up all night long feeding our son and changing his diapers. i get to sleep maybe 2 hours at a time IF I'M LUCKY. and when i complained about being tired you actually said, "maybe YOU should go to work and I'LL stay home" i guess you think taking care of an infant (with absolutely zero help at all) is easier than dealing with stupid fucking retards who go to the ER for stupid fucking shit that doesn't even warrant going to the fucking ER...you work in a country bumpkin ER, not a big city ER where they actually get patients with serious issues. sorry, but i think my "job" is harder than yours is. i'm lucky if i can finish feeding our son his bottle without falling asleep and dropping the bottle on him sometimes. i'm lucky if i can take a shit in peace, or wolf down a bowl of cereal, or shower! and you never have to listen to our son scream...and boy, can he scream! and you don't have to try to make dinner and keep our son from screaming at the same time. i swear, if i WAS single, i would just eat cocoa krispies for every damn meal. i never even feel like eating the dinners i cook for you...i'm too fucking tired to eat! and you go to work and get to talk to other people. i socialize with our son and our dogs...don't get me wrong, they are all pretty good company (mostly when they are all being quiet and calm). in fact, they are all probably better company than you are. you have also said SEVERAL TIMES, "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTED A KID." holy fucking shit...if i hear that one more time, FISTS ARE GOING TO FLY!!! sometimes i feel like packing up the van with our son and the dogs and just driving back to nj where i have family and friends. i am not enjoying feeling like a single mother with a roommate who is never here. and i've been doing this BY MYSELF ever since getting home from having the c-section...you weren't even here to help me out when i was trying to recover! the one time when i did wake you up to take care of our son so i could attempt to get SOME sleep you got all pissy with me! WTF??? you might as well go out and get yourself a girlfriend if you want to have sex ever again too because i'm too fucking tired and i didn't ever enjoy it before anyway...i only did it to try to keep you happy...now i don't care about keeping you happy...i just want to sleep when i can and try to keep SOME of my sanity...

And in other news...

If any of you reading are interested, I am currently at BlogHer 2010.

Where I am not only rocking some seriously hot dresses and shoes, but also here as one of the Finalists for
BlogHer's Voice of the Year for my home blog, I am doing the Best I can.

XO

Dawn

Envisage Year 3

It’s that time again: Envisage 365, a daily photo project blog run by and for women, is gearing up for its—can you believe it?—third year, and is opening up the roster for participants once again.

You can see for yourself how Envisage works by visiting the current year’s website here: Envisage 2009-2010 or get more info about the details of participation by emailing Sarah, the project founder and leader, at submitenvisage@gmail.com.

Like a fine wine, this project just keeps getting better over the years! Don’t miss out on what is going to be our best year yet; if you’re female-identified and interested in participating for the 2010-2011 go-round, send your inquiries to Sarah at the above email address by August 20, 2010 and prepare to start sending your photos in starting September 1, 2010. We look forward to “meeting” you!

Many of you now that I am involved with this project, and have been since the first year. I hope to continue into year 3, given my workload and other life situations. 


I have exclaimed my love of this project frequently. In a time when women can say that they don't identify as "Feminist", I can think of nothing more empowering than watching a group of women - virtual strangers - in their lives over the course of a year.  It is, possibly, the most feminist project I have seen run in a longitudinal manner. 


In substance, most of us have nothing in common.Different cultures,  Different races, Different sexual orientations, Different educational backgrounds and income levels. Some are married, some divorced, some happily Not married at all. Some have kids at home, others have adult kids and some have "fur babies". 


It is not a rah-rah club for stereotypes about women. It is not a contest to prove who is better at parenting or losing weight. It is a raw and at times painfully honest look at the lives of women. 


I won't lie. We sometimes get into tiffs on the group - especially in the first months of every new year. I told Sarah it is the "growing pains' of new members of our family coming in. Yes, Some photos bother some members. Some members are more comfortable with their sexuality and it's various expressions than others. We try to listen to each other and work a middle path that does not censor anyone's voice, while still discussing things we need to talk about. Some people choose to leave the project, and that is OK. It's not for everyone.


There is very little that is considered off limits, but disrespect is one of them. If you can't accept that other women do not live their lives like you do - be that sexuality, religion, marital status, politics or any other label and role that a women fills - than this is not the project for you. If you are ready to perhaps be challenged as to Who Women Are, than by all means, please join us.


Oh, and if you have not read Danielle's AMAZING post about why she identifies as a Feminist, do it.

True Wife Confessions 314 cicadas singing

Confession #3131

When my mom was dying, I trusted you to take care of the kids, and yourself. What I didn't expect (since this was not the first time you'd been left with the kids), was that you would fall completely apart. You called me every night being whiney, complaining of chest pains, and how "hard" it was doing "all the kidstuff".

I was spending every second I could with my mom, and yet, you were constantly calling me. You did not stay at practice with our son, OR arrange for someone else to stay, even though that was a requirement. You did not go to our daughter's OPENING night. You told the son you had to be with the daughter, and told the daughter you had to be with the son. Instead, they both ended up alone. You are the adult. I am not saying you don't have feelings and concerns, but YOU are the grown up. YOU should have been comforting them. Their granny was dying, and I was in a scary place for them.

Instead? You just played video games or slept. You didn't interact with them at all. You did not clean, EVEN BASIC cleaning. The kids actually called me complaining about the house. You did not cook. Often left the kids to their own vices. You went to bed before they did, did not enforce bed times. You can not leave kids that young to their own vices!!

You went to the hospital with a panic attack, and cost us hundreds of dollars because you thought you were having a heart attack (You KNOW that wasn' t the case, you've had panic attacks before).

When I got home? The house was a wreck. I mean a nasty health hazard wreck. Gnats everywhere, all through the house. The only cleaning done had been done by the kids. I came in after 2 weeks of caring for my dying mother, lifting her, turning her, washing her, being on my feet or in an uncomfortable hospital chair for 12+ hours a day, and a goofed up flight, to having to clean the house, with bleach. (And on my best day? I am in constant pain, and because I am a mom, I don't take narcotics.)There was even an inch of cat litter on the bathroom floor. EW.

It has been a year, and I am still hurt and angry. Each time the collectors call for your medical bill, I get angry all over again. In two weeks time you lost your kids respect, and mine. When we try to talk to you about it, you go defensive and imply that the kids should have done more to help you. Perhaps they could have, but YOU ARE THE ADULT! The resentment that has built for them in the time since, is going to be hard to undo, because you are now resentful of them too, as though they betray you by not being little grown-ups.

I love you. I do. I want this to be behind us. However, if you continue to be so resentful, I will leave. Period. I do not deserve to live like this. The children do not. YOU do not. Please get your act together.


Confession #3132


I love my daughter but sometimes want my old life back. Don't think am mother material. I find lots of things a struggle when they shouldn't be. I have put on loads of weight and feel disgusted in myself. Have no sex drive. Husband understanding - says I don't disgust him which is nice. I used to have such self control and discipline - not any more - am like a leaf in the wind. Am trying to get healthy have joined WW, got all the manuals and not read a word as yet. Am on medication and getting counseling but gonna take time to break these habits and get my old self back - however she is. This is all I have to say hate talking about myself it seems self - indulgent and attention seeking

Confession #3133

I do the best I can and have done for 18 years, 10 of which we have had children. You are pessimistic, cynical and antisocial. I am opptimistic, positive and social. You are miserable, angry and stressed out permanently. You have smoked dope for most of your adult life and suffer from depression, (what comes first the chicken or the egg? dopey). You want to be the boss in the house and have control over our domestic life. You speak to our 7 year old soon like rubbish, call him an idiot and a dickhead and go off your head when he comes in for a cuddle on the weekend, by screaming "Get Lost!", nice. You criticise everything I do and say, passively agressively. You think you are always right and that smoking dope every single night, sometimes 3 or 4 times is not an issue. You have health problems and have been told that if hyou don't stop smoking or being so stressed you will have a stroke. We go away for our anniversary ( the 2nd time in 10 years) for one night and you don't even hold my hand when we are walking to the restaurant or out and about. You never say you love me and call me Grandma every night when I say I am going to bed. You will not go out for a date night and when we have gone out with other friends or family members you speak to everyone like rubbish and make everyone miserable. ( that has only happened 2 times this year) and only then you made sure you made me cry and upset before and during each event to punish me for asking you to go out as a family. You walk out of the house every morning without saying goodbye to anyone. This is no life, no way to have a family life and no way to have a marriage, I hate you so much. And I can't believe you have gotten away with it for so long. I am scared about starting seperation but what other choice do I have?. I can't stay with you anymore.

Confession #3134

To my husband:

You are a wonderful husband. I am so lucky to have met you. We have a beautiful daughter that you are an amazing father to. When you're at work all day I think the sweetest thoughts about you. I count my blessings. I count the minutes until you return home each day. And then I bitch and moan about everything. I never want to have sex. I hardly let you touch me and I'm rarely affectionate. I have no idea what my problem is. You're going to get fed up one day, I know it. Why wouldn't you? But I love you deeply and I'm sorry I don't show you.


Confession #3135

I started an affair in October last year, I thought it was just about the sex.
Now its been 9 months and I have fallen in love.
Thats the reason why I hate spending time with you.
Thats the reason why I don't come home after work.
Thats the reason why I can't look you in the eye.
Thats the reason why I don't tell you I love you anymore.
Thats the reason why I want to tell you that I will leave you.
But WHY can't I tell you that I want a divorce and be with HER?

Confession #3136

Boo,
Truth be told I'm madly in love with you and I wonder every single day since the day you asked me where you could find the hoses what I did to get so lucky! I can see that you feel the same, ill tell you soon, but in a funny way I like not saying those 3 little words bc your actions are saying it for you, and just 4 the record, you are the only man I want to wake up to for as long as I keep waking up!



Confession #3137

After 13 and a half years, I wish that I could appreciate all you do and the father you are to our 3 kids. I'm too busy focusing on everything you don't and have never done for me. I know I sound ungrateful and jealous. I'd never take you away from the kids for a second but I wish SO much that you had a better balance and the ability to not say the WORST possible thing to me in any given situation, every fucking time. I love you and you are a wonderful daddy but you really suck as a husband.

Confession #3138

You used to think I didn't love you because I wasn't interested in sex. Now that I am, you say you've never felt so loved. That's ironic because the reason I'm so horny lately is because I've been exchanging erotic emails with an old friend. Your old friend.

Confession #3139

Husband,
why do I fantasise about my 30 year old, six foot four, all muscle personal trainer? He is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.When I'm training with him I am so distracted I can't take in the instructions he is giving me! Am I selfish and self absorbed? All my friends tell me how much you love me and how lucky I am to have you and I want to love you exclusively but some how I can't live up to this ideal. My personal trainer doesn't give a damn about me and I am not stupid enough to ever think he would but seeing him energises me. I never think of him when I have sex with you - that would make me feel terrible - but I am so conflicted. When we went away alone together without the children for the first time in seven years we had a lovely, loving, sexy time together and I thought you would want to do that again as much as I did. But you just said it was too hard. Maybe if you just acted as though you wanted to spend time with me and that it was not a chore my personal trainer would vanish from my thoughts. Then again, maybe not. The trainer is sooo hard to resist!

Confession #3140

Dear Husband of 15 years,

You're an asshole. You're a creep. You're an idiot.

I discovered last year how much of one you are. You have been cheating on me/us since day one with married and single women, with prostitutes, and possibly with men as well. You had the audacity to inform me that with two of these women you led them to believe that you were going to divorce me, marry them; so they could be your new wife and mother to our 5 children. Both of these women you confessed were prostitutes. The reason you told me you wanted to marry them was because they were pretty and had a job. What standing on the corner? You're 10 years older than me and these women were even younger than me. You're a pervert.

You're dirty. You smell. You rarely ever take a bath. You never brush your teeth. And most of the time you never shave. You're sick. And you wonder why. You look and smell like throw up and ass.

You preach to everyone that will listen how much of a good guy you are and that's why our children are so well behaved. You're stupid. You say how important it is to tell the truth and be truthful and seek the truth. You say you have morals and values, etc. You profess to be a Christian. You're a retard.

You're a coward.

Whatever I felt good for you has been destroyed. And somehow, our counselor told me, I was just to get over this. That you couldn't help it. That you were/are a sex addict. Both of you are full of SHIT.

The paycheck is nice though. I now have full control over all of it. Anything you pay her or is it him for a quickie bj in the parking lot will have to be with spare coin change that you accidentally find laying around. Good luck hunting for pennies! The kids and I will no longer go without because of your spending it on your selfish dirty self.

No one understands why I have stayed. I don't expect them to.

Happy 1st Discovery Anniversary - loads of sarcasm.

Here's to wishing you were dead instead,
Me

True Wife Confessions 31 days in July

Confession #301

I really am all healed up from giving birth, I'm just not going to tell you that because this is the only time in our relationship you have given me affection without expecting sex in return.

Confession #302

Just because you are older than me, that does not mean that you know everything. It may be possible that I know more about a subject than you do. I however, do not feel the need to rub your face in the fact that I know more about it than you. Just because you feel like an idiot, that does not give you the right to be a dick.

Confession #303

When I visit my family and friends back home do not constantly call me to talk about nothing. They live 1000 miles away and I see them 10 days a year, you get the other 355. Do not be so greedy for my time. There is also no need to check and see what I am doing. I am a responsible adult (unlike you) and can have fun without getting into trouble. My old friends (the ones that happen to be men) are not a threat to you. I have known them for years and if I had wanted to be with any of them I had plenty of opportunity in the past. Stop being so jealous and controlling. I am more likely to leave you for that than for an imagined affair.

Confession #304

I wouldn't seem so jealous if you didn't flirt all the time. With
everyone. I trust you....really I do. I know you won't do anything.
But it is just so annoying especially when others point it out to me.
You are engaged remember? And I do have feelings. Try to remember
that.

Confession #305

How do I tell you that I hate your son? I knew you had a child when we started dating. I married you knowing that this part of your life was included in the package. I counted myself lucky that you and his mother had never been married, had been apart since before his birth. Little did I know how much I was going to hate knowing that you and I would never experience a first pregnancy together. And now? Now that we are days away from the 1st anniversary of our first infertility treatment and still not pregnant, knowing that you have a 12 year old oops? I feel so broken and incomplete. You are smart enough and sensitive enough to never bring up her pregnancy unless I ask and for that I'm greatful. But it kills me to know that if we do finally get pregnant, none of it will be new and exciting to you. You've been there and done that. I don't blame you, though. For some reason, I blame your son...the physical representation of this past that I can never truly be a part of. I welcome him into my home, I've tried to help raise him. I clothe him and feed him, using my own money, and attend his recitals and parent-teacher meetings, but I'm still just the step-mom and sometimes that sounds an awful lot like when I used to get introduced as "dad's girlfriend." My opinion is never asked. Never mind the degree in education and child-development, ignore the fact that I was a nanny to three children for years...more of a mother to them than their own mother, I couldn't POSSIBLY have any information to offer, experience to share, advice to provide to you and her, who have never raised a child, who were only children, who never so much as babysat for an afternoon. I feel shut out. And sometimes, just sometimes, it makes me hate you just a bit too.

Confession #306

I love you dearly but the attention I got from another guy the other day was
enough to make me think about what it might be like to be with some one
else.

Confession #307

Being married to you is like having a roommate. We don't have sex, but we laugh alot. We don't kiss or do anything intimate, but we watch TV together. You are a kind man, and there is so much wonderful about you. But I married you because I wanted a lover, not a roommate.

Confession #308

I love you for what you've become and how you have taken me to places so amazing I can't describe BUT....

if you don't stop thinking that because I go to school full time, that I don't work. I clean your damn house, wash your damn clothes, cook your damn food (when I'm not at school trying to better myself), have sex with you when I'm not exhausted and take out the damn trash. What do you do? Work. Yay for you. I worked while you went to school and now I get "the look" when you don't have any clean underwear! Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe that I, too, would like to come home to a clean house with my clothes put away and the trash already taken out? I don't guess you have. Where's my clean underwear? In the washer, waiting ever so patiently for ME to put it in the dryer. Where are my clean dishes? In the dishwasher, again waiting for me, because apparently, taking 5 minutes to put them away, distracts you from more important things, like watching tv.

I realize that you work hard and I do appreciate what you do but appreciate what I do, too. Please notice what I do is way more important that what you do sometimes. I notice that you keep the grass cut and the dog happy, so notice when I clean that damn house to perfection - for you.

Confession #309

Dear Husband,

I hate you. I really do. Everytime you leave the house I hope you die in an accident. I've even thought about 'tweeking' your brakes on your motorcycle. You wonder why we have no sex life. Did you ever have sex with a drunk. It is no fun. Last time you even said "can you pretend you are enjoying this?" You are a lazy lazy man, yet always complain about how I clean the house or cook dinner. Why don't you try doing either one once?? We have 2 children - that you have never once changed thier diaper, bathed or put to bed. Yet you tell me that I am lazy and fat. Why am I fat? In hopes that you won't want to have sex with me. Oh. I do get bonuses - twice a year - that I don't tell you about. My mom is saving the money for me so that I can leave you and hopefully find some love in this life

Confession #310

I love that you care for my child as though she were Ours. You help with vomit duty and everything. You are my best friend and I love you immensely but please for the love of all that is holy, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY KITCHEN. Do not question my preparation methods and do not compare my cooking to that of your mother's. It just makes me want to slam your head in the oven. And, if I don't ask for help, don't just assume you know how to do it better than I. Because you don't.
Ah, I feel better already.

True Wife Confessions 313 Motor City

Confession #3131

After several years of bullshit, we finally stood up to your family. During the big dust up your mother and brother both told me that I'm not a member of the family and that I don't have any say in the matter. Thank you for standing up to them. Thank you for backing me up. Thank you for standing with me and proving them wrong about the strength of our relationship. Please don't be the peacemaker and extend the olive branch before they apologize or this will all have been for nothing.

Confession #3132

Dear Oblivious Husband,
You "didn't realize" over the past decade how your family treated me like crap, you "didn't realize" that the incessant text messeges from a female co worker was inappropriate, or that 45 of these occured on the day that I was in the hospital, while I recieved 10 that same day .... You "didn't realize" that you hardly ever tell me that I'm beautiful ... or that when the kids are in bed and we're supposed to have "us" time together, that you're playing your Play Station or working on your fantasy football .... When am I going to be important enough for you to pay attention? We discussed this I realize , and are trying to work on things, but now all this attention feels fake, and I'm still hurt.

Love,
Your Invisible Wife

Confession #3133

YOU ARE AMAZING! There isn't one single part of you that doesn't move me! When I'm with you I feel so at ease like I'm completely understood without me having to even say a word! I genuinely enjoy being around you, you make me laugh! When you look at me its like you can see into my soul, and you make me feel like the most gorgeous woman in the world! Your touch sends chills up my spine and the thought of you takes my breath away! The sex is AAAMAZING, just thinking about it sends me into euphoria And even when we get rough in bed I feel completely safe! BUT Last night when we were with friends and a guy started to flirt w me and you puffed up and told him to stop messn w " your girl" was the exact moment I knew we turned into a real couple! From any other guy I would have felt like a piece of property but coming from you it made me feel protected and loved, like you knew I was a catch and didn't want to give me up! I'm so glad I took a chance with you!
Xoxoxo

Confession #3134

I wish I could tell you but your head is always buried in the paper or in your laptop. I know the news is massively important but I have something to say. I am sorry you have been denied your conjugal rights- it wasn't meant to turn out that way but we drifted apart sexually. I need to admit that when I told you I bleed when you shag me thats only partly true. Sure, the prospect of HRT doesn't fill me with any great delight but it would be an easy answer. Sorry, its being economical with the truth which is that 12 years ago the love of my life came back into my life after 30 years. I don't get to see him much as he is miles away but he is with me in my mind all the sodding time. That's not to say I don't love you, I really do, but I love him too and always will. He is a positive soul, you have a half empty glass. I need to be cheered up, he does it.

When I got myself a mobile last year- catching up with the times at last- it was so he and I could keep in touch while you and I were away on holiday. You havent any idea about mobiles- and haven't even asked for my number! I avoid using it when you are around unless I have a sensible excuse- like a grandchild or child calling. We speak at least twice a day when you arent around and its lovely feeling him on the other end of the phone. One day though, circumstances will let us get together and I will go to my grave with him in my arms. I know it.

Wife

Confession #3135

When we were first married our sex life was...bland. This was in part due to medications I was on, but it was also due in huge part to the fact that when I had the urge I took care of things myself so when it came time to intimacy with you I wasn't interested and would just go through the motions for you.

A few years ago I realized that this was hurting our marriage and I worked hard to channel all of my passion to you and teach you how to meet all my needs. And you have become a much better lover. We have a wonderful sex life! Only, your drive is less than mine and it becomes zero if you're stressed or busy. Here's the thing: sex with you is important to me. I need to work at it in order to stay interested. I need to have an orgasm every 6 days - twice a week is ideal - in order to stay passionate and involved in our sex life. We've talked about this over and over again for YEARS and yet here we are, with you avoiding intimacy, again. It's been almost 2 weeks!

When we discussed this (AGAIN) the other night you asked me to wait for you and not to go back to "taking matters into my own hands." I'm sorry, honey, but the deed, so to speak, is done. After the first week I moved on and started taking care of myself again. I deserve to have an active sex life, to feel good and to feel sexy. If you can't do it I'm going to do it myself. What I really wish is that YOU would get it together and we could be intimate twice a week. But I'll take what I can get if you can't get it together.

Confession #3136

I tell you I’m seeing a therapist in March, it’s June and you still haven’t asked me why, no concern at all, wow I’m amazed at your level of not giving a shit about your wife. I tell you we need to talk, I need to know what you think, how you feel because you NEVER say anything except tell me stories about work. I don’t give a shit about your work stories. I hate everyone you work with. I’m working on making myself feel better and look better and when you see my tight ass walking OUT the door for good, please remember who wouldn’t talk, who didn’t care, and who didn’t want to make our marriage better. Sorry.

Confession #3137

Looking back, I realize that neither of us were "madly in love" with each other, that there really wasn't that huge spark between us. Nonetheless, I treated you so well for so many years. Buying you your favorite things, doing things for you, making your life easier by doing thoughtful things for you, picking up lunch for you when I picked up lunch for me, etc. You did nothing, no thoughtful gestures, no going out of your way to make my life easier, no things to show that you loved me. I don't doubt that you loved me in your own particular way but it got to the point where it just wasn't enough. I deserved to live with someone who not only acted like they liked me, but acted liked they loved me and you did neither. You told me that you were so attracted to me in the beginning because "I always had fun". Around the last half of our marriage, I was an embarrassment to you. I hadn't changed, my sense of humor and personality hadn't changed. What happened to the big attraction?

You got more and more selfish as you got older and the only thing that mattered was you. Not our children, our marriage and most definitely not me. For a long time, I was willing to live this way, as it wasn't that bad, I was living an ok life, etc. It finally dawned on me that I'd rather live by myself in complete poverty (if need be) then live with someone who acted like they didn't like me, didn't respect me and didn't have time for me or our children.

Now we're divorced. The kids and I are going to be fine. It bothers me that when you have them, while you are doing more things with them, you still don't understand that they don't need grand gestures, like going to the circus or Disney World, they want you to talk to them, listen to them, be interested in their lives and interests and just to hang out with them and for you to act like you really want to be with them. I don't doubt that you love them, as I know you do. But, you still sneak out in the middle of the night to go to your office on the weekends that they're at your house, just like you used to do when we all lived together. The only day of the year you wouldn't go to work was Christmas and to be totally honest, that's sad. Your boss doesn't appreciate all the hours you put in, in fact he used to make fun of you for it and probably still does. You've deluded yourself into thinking that you were working so hard to support the family and to keep us up in the lifestyle that we were living and that I expected you to provide. No, you worked that hard because you wanted to. No one expects you to work 7 days a week, 12 hours a day, no one but yourself. I'd been asking you for years to spend more time with our kids, do things with them, have lunch with them and no, you couldn't, you were working. Yet, you could take time off to do other things but you've never mananged to take time off just to spend quality time with your kids. It's a shame.

Good luck in your dating. Have you told them about the hooker and you trolling for affairs when we were married? I don't think so. I don't think those ladies would be so willing to buy your "awe, shucks, my ex-wife is a bi$%# and divorced innocent old me" schtick if they knew. No matter how much of a bi#$% you thought I was when we were married, there was NO reason why you should've paid for a hooker and paid to find affairs online. If you were that dissatisfied with our marriage and sex life, you should've started the divorce proceedings instead of me. But, no, you couldn't have done that because then you wouldn't be able to claim your "innocent injured spouse" status as I'm sure you're doing.

It hurts that you never loved me enough to do anything for me, especially when it would've taken so very little to make me happy. I'm not high maintainance at all and that was probably part of the problem. I didn't expect much and you couldn't even give me that little tiny effort that it would've taken. If people knew how poorly you treated me, they would be shocked. You were never there for me, during my surgeries, during the loss of our children, you never helped much with the kids, you were never proud of any of my accomplishments like graduating with a 4.0 GPA and receiving the highest award that my school offered. You didn't think that any effort other then giving me a card and cake was necessary for any birthdays or anniversaries. You just didn't want to do anything that would've shown me any love and it will always hurt some. You've made rude comments to me about my weight, my poor wardrobe, etc., all the while I was trying to make the best of a bad situation by not spending money on things that would've improved my wardrobe. You never wanted me to spend any money on anything and I rarely spent anything on me, just for the house and the kids and groceries, yet you had the money to spend on a hotel room, hooker and signing up and paying to join a website where married people look for affairs. You considered the money you made to be all yours, not ours and spent it how you wanted, never asking for my input or ideas.

Yes, I was part of the problem as I allowed you to act the way you did towards me. Things changed and I realized that I deserved better and that's where we are now. I hope you're happy living all by yourself, working the dating websites and lying to the ladies of this area about how you were wronged, etc. by mean old me. The kids and I will be ok. I don't plan to date any time soon, as it wouldn't be fair to them, as they need time to heal with me to help them but also because I don't want to make the same mistakes that I made with you. When I start dating again, I want to find a man who will treat me like he treasures and loves me, enjoys spending time with me, enjoys my sense of humor, acts like he's sexually attracted to me, etc. All the things that you, my husband of over 20 years, NEVER did. Sad.

I knew years ago when I saw an older couple sitting on a front porch swing together, very much loving being together and growing old together that you and I would never be that couple and it made me so sad. I'd rather be alone then be with you. I'm much happier without you always dragging me down, acting like I'm dumb, acting like my opinions don't matter and acting like you didn't like me or love me or were attracted to me. I guess it was a good thing that we hadn't been together for a few years when you got with the hooker because if we had and I'd found out about the hooker, I'd probably be in jail for doing a Lorenna Babbit on you.

If you don't change your ways, your children will eventually not want to do anything with you. Our daughter told me that she was afraid that when you started dating that you wouldn't want to spend any time with her at all. You need to stop being so out-of-control inequitable in how you buy presents for the kids. You don't need to measure it to the penny but when you don't buy one anything (even though you told her you'd give her something), spend $20 on the next one and spend way more on the third one, that's not nice at all. But, this is your pattern, if you can't do a big WOW present, you can't be bothered and it's going to end up biting you in the butt in a major way if you don't get a clue. And, while I'm on it, can you please buy some healthy food for our kids when they're at your house and maybe some snacks that they might like? Pizza, cereal, pretzles and frozen meals aren't exactly a well-rounded assortment of foods and it would be nice if they had a variety of foods to eat at your house instead of just that. And, don't think crying poverty because I'm "taking all your money" will work. If you have money to pay for dating sites, you have money to buy healthier food.

You're going to reap what you sow and if you don't watch out, you're going to end up all by yourself through no fault of anyone else's other then your own.


Confession #3138

Growing up, I scrawled my dreams and wishes in so many journals, feeling so alone, taking care of everyone but me. My childhood was not my own, too many responsibilities, no acknowledgement, and while I loved my family, by the time I met you, life had worn me down, even at the tender age of 19.

Meeting you, for the first time I had someone who cared about me first. Who looked at me with admiration. Who noticed when I slipped off to be by myself, and would let me get away with feeling sorry for myself. I remember setting a boundary, not ready to get physical before marriage, and being so afraid of your reaction. Yet you respected me, you backed off, and you never pushed me into anything in the years before we finally got married.

Marriage wasn't entirely what I expected. Somehow I put two messy people in my mind and came out with the picture perfect home with everything in it's place. I was pleasantly surprised to feel like I was coming home to my best friend's every night, the first few weeks we spent staying up until all hours talking... and even now we still do. Then life hit, a thundering storm that swept everything away but 'through sickness and health'. You were there for me during my mom's health crisis, then we floundered together through your Depression. I love you, but it was misery watching you getting swept away by a darkness I could not break through. My work suffered, due to the many sleepless nights where I tried to comfort or calm you. Finally, you listened, to yourself, to me, to our mentor couple. You decided you couldn't handle it on your own, and went to the Doctor. I meant every word of our wedding vows, but I never thought it would get that hard that fast. Yet, for the first time, I think I realized we would really make it through. That a little more stability wasn't beyond our reach. I had spent all my life taking care of my family, and I dreaded being the only one in our marriage who had to be responsible, who had to make all the right decisions. That first step you took towards being responsible for your own health was an answer to prayer. I knew I could support you, but I knew that if I tried to carry that burden alone it would destroy the both of us.

The struggles weren't over - there were times I wanted to give up, when you missed your medication and your mood swings made me want to scream and lock myself away. Sometimes I longed for that solitude that had always seemed so hateful. In your pain you slashed me open with your words, and I had to learn how to love you and wait for sanity to return. Afterwards you were always sorry, I could see the horror in your eyes that this vocal beast had overcome you and that you had said those hateful things. I wasn't going to be one of 'those' women, who accepted emotional abuse. So I struggled with how to set healthy boundaries. How to let you know I wasn't going to accept that treatment, no matter what your excuse and however legitimate it was. That I loved you in spite of it, but you had to take more responsibility for what led up to it. At times I wished you'd either take the meds or stop taking them altogether. Finally, you made the connections. You changed doctors. You paid more attention to taking the meds on time so you wouldn't have those mood swings. You changed medications. You became the man I always saw in there, hid under the pain and depression. Now that man isn't just peeping out, he's present all the time, and learned to be proud of himself. Now you're being strong for me, you're supporting me in my dreams, making sure that I'm not having to be the only responsible one. We even bought a home! Your career is suddenly vibrant and exciting! Mine is too!

I know that sometimes you feel down, but for the first time I can be angry with you and know you can take it. I can be fully honest and not worry so much about making mistakes. We fight fairer. You've gotten stronger. I can lean on you now, when I need you, and not worry that I'm burdening you with my own worries. You can lean back and know our relationship is balanced, as a marriage should be. I'm so proud of what you have become and grown into. You comfort me. You do things to make me feel more secure even if you think they are a little silly, because you want to give me that stability. We laugh about it, and I love that you care about me so much that you don't mind showing me in those ways.

I'm letting go of that hurt now. You have worked so hard to change and turn your life around. We've both grown up. We've both learned to take responsibility for ourselves better. You've learned to handle mistakes and setbacks without sinking into that depression. I'm moving on into that next chapter of married life together, I won't forget those lessons learned, but I think it's time to finally let go of that lingering anger and pain. You've earned my trust again, and I can finally imagine a life ahead with little pattering feet. I know we'll both probably continue to fall down and make mistakes every so often, but now I know we both can make the effort to make it work. I love you.

Confession #3139

So you treat me like crap!!! Your mean to me! And I feel lonely all the time. I have been thinking about cheating on you and I just might you pay no attention to me anymore:(

Confession #3140

Ever since you asked me not to be friends with your old business partner, we've been carrying on an erotic exchange of emails across 3000 miles. We've both had a crush on each other all this time, imagine that. We pity you.

Men Kill Their Weak; Women Kill Their Strong

This is something I wrote for my own blog several weeks ago. As I was showering this morning, I figured that TWC fans might like it too. Plus, I am Crazy busy with some academic writing that is under deadline. No worries, the confessions will be back soon. Enjoy! Dawn

There has been alot of noise about the ever-circular in-fighting in the world of Mommy Blogs. It isn't new, and it surely isn't NEWS, but hey, we all love a good catfight. Add in that the catfight includes getting to call someone else a Bad Mother and WHOO-HOO! It's GOLD, Jerry, GOLD!

I've been at this blogging game for awhile now. I've had my share of shit thrown at me in public and private for my decision to write about my life, family and permanent seat on the train to crazy town in this forum. And while 90% of what you read is True ( to my specifications of True), 10% is exaggerated. It's kind of what being a writer IS - blending truth and fiction, telling a story which captivates while still imparting some kind of truth.

And here is where I tell you something you already know: Truth is Terrifying.

Not just "Hey, don't go up those stairs, cause the killer is hiding in the shadows" terrifying but Entirely, "I just realized I am human battery in the Matrix" terrifying. Soul Changing. World Blowing Up. Core shaking.

When I started True Wife Confessions, I knew that there were secrets and omissions we keep from the partners we love. I knew that we keep those secrets for Lots of reasons, some universal and others entirely personal. Some shit just HAS to go under the rug to keep day-to-day life running smoothly. Every Dirty dish left on the counter, or pair of underwear on the floor can not be your relationship Waterloo.

To believe that Motherhood is any different is insanity. Yes, it is a Job - just like marriage - that many of us skipped towards, sprinkling rose petals and lavender in our wake. For women who struggle with infertility or pregnancy losses, I can imagine it looks downright fucking ungrateful to occasionally complain about Motherhood. And, in part, I would agree. It IS Ungrateful. Maybe even Selfish.

However, Truth is rarely pure. Truth is almost always wrapped up with tinges of ungrateful and swaths of selfish. This is because truth is Intimate. Personal. Even in a marriage, The versions of events that make up my Truth and those that make up Terrance's are fundamentally different.

Yes, when I was handed Emily after a ridiculously short labor ( I know, I can seriously Suck it), I felt....Curious? Glad that the Pain had stopped? A Bit perplexed? I mean, I was aware that a baby had just been placed on my breast and was now moving like some kind of crazed animal towards my nipple, but Did the Sky part and Angels burst forth with my Mom Certificate? No, not really. I was, dare I say it?, ambivalent.

Post Partum Depression aside, I obviously grew to love my daughter. To say that she has so firmly wrapped herself around the core of being that I can not imagine life without her existence in the world is utterly true. To admit that I have considered punching Teachers and small children ( and occasionally her Father) directly in the face for upsetting her is wholly true.

However, the lesson I learned in those moments, days, months and years after her birth was that Motherhood was a Job that many of us take On, but not all of us are entirely Suited for having. That doesn't mean we shouldn't have children...just that the experiences is going to be different than what the popular concept of "Mothering", distilled down from those crazy Victorians, has come to mean.

Like any job, there are days when I am really good - really on top of my game. I can multi-task, soothe hurt feelings, manage to get food on tables, pets fed and watered and encouraging words said over homework. Maybe I will even have sex with my husband later on!

Other days? Well, you can take this job and shove it so far up your intestinal track that it tickles your duodenum. These are the days when I am Done. I want a Drink. I want to Sleep. I want to be LEFT ALONE. I want to be selfish and ungrateful and work out whatever I need to work out in my juvenile temper tantrum. I don't want to be a mother or a wife or anything that owes anyone any kind of explanation.

Rather than deny myself those thoughts, as I once tried with disastrous results, I let them Rage. Roar. Rumpus. After twelve years of parenting and twenty of togetherness, Terrance no longer tries to cajole or chastise me out of those feelings. He knows better. I will return in my own good time.

Which bring me back to the Mommy-Haters.

In my experience, the thing I hate or react to the most tends to be the thing I need to face in myself. Just as when I watch the people who loudly defend marriage as being between a man and a woman, I often wonder how long before we see them in a gay sex scandal, or hear of how they like to have their diapers changed by prostitutes. I can't tell you how many people have told me I am destroying marriage with TWC, only to find out later they are all having affairs. I mean, it's almost like a pre-written Greek play to watch this stuff play out. Rather than be deeply angry with this type of person, I tend to pity them.

Fear is a powerful motivator. Fear of Truth is the most powerful motivator. My empathy comes from my knowledge that the fear of speaking the truth out loud to others - that these women sometimes hate their children, hate their husbands, hate their lives - is so powerful that it threatens their own very carefully constructed self images in such a way that the only choice is to divert this to other women. The "Look over there" strategy which is defined by many feminists, like Dr Lyn Mikel Brown as "horizontal aggression"

Girlfighting gets acted out horizontally on other girls because this is the safest and easiest outlet for their outrage and frustration. Girls are essentially accessing and mimicking the male violence they sometimes know all too well; and they are choosing victims that are societally approved— other girls. This pattern of horizontal aggression has long characterized subordinate groups since it manages the inevitable anger in the group being controlled without jeopardizing the over all structure of male privilege.

Its Easier to rip apart another woman than to face the issue within - that Motherhood is, at times, a thankless shitty job. It can put you in some blender of the cult of motherhood which strips away things about yourself that you value and allows others to assign you roles, ideas and feelings which you may not wholly believe. When you see a woman who has clawed her way out of the mold, she must be stopped because then, well, then what will everyone know about you - About ALL of us?

I know that I, and many other Women Bloggers, will never stop speaking our truths. Including those on motherhood and the many other stages of women's lives. When those other women are done raging against our uppity, ungrateful, selfish ways ( which again, means to me : "I wish I had the cojones to do/say what you are doing/saying") I am happy to welcome them into the fold.

Forgiveness through empathy trumps pooping on peeps any day.

True Wife Confessions 312 Urban Wheat

Confession #3121

Unfortunately 3 weeks ago I stumbled across a ring in your closet. We had a 2 yrs anniversary yesterday and I imagined you proposing to me. I was so excited, polished my nails in red as you like them, made my hear, make-up and all. And you "only" gave me flowers, chocolates and took me to dinner. Only that. I was so ungrateful and pissed at you. In the evening you even noticed me sob... So practically I ruined the day and you even dont know what bothered me. The worse is I cannot forget about the ring and I'll be probably ruining every beautiful moment together till you propose. I'm such a moron!

Confession # 3122

All I want to know is why is is that i gave up everyhing for you as most women do, Im younger than you and started a family with you because you wanted to have a family before 30. I dropped out of nursing school and became the stay at home wife and mother for you and quit my job as a flight attendant, just to give you that life, while I began to see that you only wante to be in control, but guess what when you got laid off who worked 60hrs a week to cover the bills, who still took care of the kids and manage to take some online classes me jerk me, and didnt complain about it because i love you and want everything to be ok. but instead of trying to find a job and taking some of the load off of me you stayed on unemployment for a year without even lokking for a job, you didnt even relize the strain you put on our marrige, and to be honest I dont think you care now I ask to to work part time so I can finish school and you act like I just dont contribute and im nothing,you dish money to me like im some child,well Im not with it you better relize how much I care for you because once you burn me its no turning back. I always said I would never leave my marrige but could I really stay in an unhappy marriage? Will you ever get it? we were a team. I helped you get the degree your walking around with and was really proud of you but now all I think I did was create a cocky,selfish,inconsiderate,monster. wheres my husband the one that loved me and the kids more than anything in this world and was humble all the time. You were a better person before you got laid off. I see you everyday and miss you more now than ever before.

Confession # 3123

I understand that you may not be able to go on the road trip to visit your parents with the kids due to work. I understand that it's not your fault. I'm really fine with taking the kids on my own. But while I'm at your parents house I am going to reserve the right to smoke.

Confession # 3124

Do you like my new hair style? Do you like my figure? Do you like how i sing? Do you like my body? Do i turn you on? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me? Do you love me? Then why don't you tell me?

We've been together 3yrs and we've had so many ups and downs till sometimes i wonder if i'm wasting my time with you. My knees don't go weak when i see you, and i dunno if i feel love for you anymore. Sure, i like the familiarity and how comfortable i am around you but is it all worth it?

I remember when we first got together and how you loved telling me the story of how we met and fell in love because it would be your side of the story. I loved you crazy! I even wanted us to start a family there and then. But you changed with time and i saw a side of you that scares me. I fear that you will hit me and that you don't love me, and even with all the red lights, i still stay...

You forgave me when i had an affair and despite the fact that things had changed, you still were there for me and care for me.

Just yesterday, i thought that i had had enough of our relationship and i was ready to leave you, bags packed and all, but then you came in from work, the first thing you did was smile at me, blow me a kiss, then you walked up to me and kissed me. You told me that you had missed me, asked me how my day was and we actually talked for the first time in a long time.

It blew me away.

Then when you were taking a shower and i was playing some 80's music, you came out from the shower, dropped your towel and sang and danced to Evelyne's "Love Come Down" song. You asked me to sing and dance with you so i stripped and joined you for our R-rated Pop idols home edition. I fell in love with you again yesterday night. The man i had loved was back. The one who said i love you instaed of i love you too. The one who didn't need to be begged to dance or sing with me.

I don't know what made you change, but i love that you have. I love that you're back... And though i told you the same thing yestaerday night, i can't help myself.

Baby, i'm glad you're the person i fell in love with. Let's get married and start a family, ok?

Your loving Booboo

Confession # 3125

Dear soon to be ex husband,
You are so fucking stupid. I have no idea why I married you in the first place. But now that we have agreed to a separation your stupidity shines like a neon above your head flashing "idiot" on and off.
Beyond your mood shifts that are worse than mine, two recent interactions with you make me nutty. One, when we agreed to separate it was you that asked me how much of your stuff I wanted moved out of the house. I told you the master bedroom and bathroom and we agreed upon this and a date for it to be done. Weeks after the deadline when your shit is still everywhere in the bed/bathroom I decided to put it away out of sight. Very respectfully put everything in drawers and closets. And now you are mad at me because you feel "erased"? What the fuck? YOU AGREED TO THIS months ago. Don't pick a fight with me about this. And second, when we are having a text conversation please follow along in the conversation. When we are talking specifically about a Wed in June assume we are continuing to speak of the same date and not changing mid stream. When you do this you get angry with me and I'm not the one who is beaten over the head with a stupid stick. You are.
Grow up. Get your head out of your ass. Stop being so stupid.

Signed, your soon to be ex


Confession # 3126

I love you so much for buying tampons for me, that I used them even though they were enormous and not very comfortable. Love hurts, I guess.


Confession # 3127

If you are too lazy to fill out the job application by yourself, then you probably don't deserve the job. The guy -- or woman -- who actually took the time to fill out his OWN job application does. There's something wrong with a college educated man with two master's degrees who follows his wife around the house WHINING because I won't take four hours out of my own busy day to fill out your job application while you watch TV. And I'm uncomfortable having to write all this blathering praise about what a hardworking swell guy you are when I know what a lazy, selfish irresponsible ass you actually are. Especially given that you aren't exactly given to praising me, nor have you ever assisted with household chores, childcare, anything having to do with my career, or any of my job applications.

And another thing? When we were nearly killed in that car accident last week and I couldn't even call you to retrieve me from the side of the road with our two daughters because you were HUNTING? Are you kidding me? No. I don't plan on ever forgiving you. Do you STILL require further clarification as to why I am not "in the mood"?

Confession # 3128

I honestly don't think that I will EVER feel good enough to be with you. That reality has absolutely nothing to do with you being better than me or out of my leauge because I have men tell me all the time that I could have done so much better. Its from the point that you compare me to EVERY SINGLE WOMAN who catches your eye! Its slowly killing me to constantly feel like who I am and what I look like isn't enough to keep you! We've been married for 6 years and I've never admitted that to anyone even you and I've also never felt completely safe in our relationship! IT SUCKS!

Confession # 3129

I thought you loved me, but I was wrong. I am a decoy - someone to fuck so HER husband does not suspect. Thank you for destroying my self worth. Thank you for showing me ALL men are the same - dirty, lying, cheating bastards. Who am I kidding? If you could cheat on your wife with me - I guess karma has come back to bite me big time, eh?

Confession # 3130

I've said some mean things. I've yelled. I emailed some girls. I sent one a text. I was snarky on your facebook page. I went through your stuff, pulled anything that was mine, inappropriate to have around a child, or trash and repacked it NICELY organized. (Since your stuff has been here for 60 days, it's now legally mine. Not that I want it, but technically I can go through it as many times as I like.) I ADMIT TO ALL OF IT! Yes, I did those things! I'm sorry! Am I justifying and defending them? No! Are you justifying and defending your right to lie? Yes! Have you said to me that the things you have done are inappropriate and you will never do them again? Nope.

Demanding that I say that I behaved inappropriately for emailing your "friends" and demanding that I promise I would never do it again is beyond hypocritical. The worst thing I've ever done is email some chicks (who you claimed at the time you didn't even like)... and you're using that to justify your lying to me? I'm just gobsmacked.

You left your room full of weird sex toys and porn, barely hidden, and I behave inappropriately? You drive drunk, lie, cheat, go to fight clubs, strip clubs, do drugs, bring drunk people home and let them barf and piss on the floor, are addicted to porn and leave it WHERE OUR SON CAN FIND IT, smoke around him, feed him crap, send him to school with no breakfast, let him watch inappropriate media, and you defend your right to do it all. You never APOLOGIZED to me for even half that stuff and you certainly never said that you would never do those things again. You claimed that you have the right to buy porn even though it made the check to the pediatrician bounce!

I'm inappropriate? REALLY?

You even said I was ruining your reputation with my "slander". REALLY?

Slander is a lie. I've never lied about you, I just revealed things you want to keep hidden.

And as far as your "apology" for cheating goes... you said you were sorry. Yes, you did. You said it. But why on earth would I accept words from a known and self admitted liar? I needed your ACTIONS to prove that you were sorry. Your words mean nothing, actions are the only thing that matters. When your actions proved to me that you were going to keep lying to cover up your bad behaviors, and that you didn't really love me, I knew the apology you offered was bullshit. You were sorry you got caught, not sorry for doing it. Your apology in words, no matter how heartfelt they were at the time, was killed by your actions.

Your actions are the proof of your intent, whether it's conscious or unconscious. I think that you keep your unconscious need to sabotage so well hidden from your conscious desire for family, that you don't even see it. That's why I keep on you still. Stop lying to yourself at least. You made a choice about what is important to you. Family wasn't the winner. Even now. The phone bill and bank statement prove it. You keep telling yourself that your son is the most important thing in the world to you, but you pick up the phone and call your girlfriend. There were days when you didn't even speak to your son ONCE. And there are even more days when if I hadn't dialed the phone and handed it to him, you would not have talked to him. Guess how many times you called your girlfriend on those days? You spend $440 in ONE month on phone calls to her, and didn't see your son or give me a DIME for his care. WAKE UP.

And you're worried about what I say to your "friends"? Why don't I email your friends this: Stop buying porn and pay for his fucking doctor. Call your son more than you call the lady you say you don't like. If you don't want me to file court ordered child support, then WHY DON'T YOU OFFER ME SOME HELP??? You are making double checks and I have to put up with you trying to humiliate me to get money for a bill from when you were living here! I ended up making you pay the phone bill because you give me such grief about asking for money! Your aunt told me that I SHOULD file for child support. Your best friend said I SHOULD file court orders and let the judge decide. That's what your friends and family ADVISED ME TO DO. And you're pissed off at me for doing it?

You keep proving to me that you are a passive aggressive narcissist by saying things that are right out of the personality disorder rule book. Stop. Be unique in your dysfunction - that's the least you can do. And don't be a hypocrite. That's the worst.

True Wife Confessions XXX

Confession #291

Remember last Friday, when we sat on the bedroom
floor and talked about how much we want to make this
marriage work? It was one of the best nights of my
life.

Confession #292

I know that you want me to stop criticizing your mother but how can I when she is so disgusting? Anyone who flosses at the table and makes a pile of meat that she got from between her teeth is asking for it. People wonder why we haven't taken the baby to her house and I want to scream, "BECAUSE SHE HASN'T CLEANED HER TOILETS IN 15 YEARS!!!!!!!" She is the nastiest person I have ever known personally and she needs help.

Confession #293

Why are you so selfish? When will you ever consider anyone besides yourself? Why don't I matter to you? Why don't you listen to me? Why do you think it's okay to do whatever you want whenever you want and never let me know what's going on? What if I started treating you the way you treat me? Yeah, there are bigger jerks out there, and you don't beat me or cheat on me, but you don't consider me, and at times that can be just as bad

Confession #294

I know being around my family makes you
uncomfortable. I know that's why you don't like going
home for Christmas. I'm okay with that, so long as
when I say a family get-together is important, you
come to it with me.

Confession #295

I think I am the only person in my house that knows how to use a dishwashe. I mean as far as even opening it!!!! Wait, unless I pay the... Yah, when money is involved things get done!!! But, then my husband bitches that I shouldn't "Have" to pay our children to simply load and unload the dishwasher... I just want to smack the hell out of all of you for being so fucking inconsiderate!! I work full time and, I have zero tolerance for all of your ignorance!! Do the fucking dishes yourselves.. oh, yah.. and now honey, you get to do the dishes.. and give the children money so they can go to the mall. At least my way they were working for it!! Idiot...

Confession #296

The fact that you remember what I was wearing on the night we went out for our first real date....and that this was 16 years ago? Why, yes...It was that blue dress, and Yes, I did wear it to catch your eye. Remembering is amazingly sexy.

Confession #297

Your brother and his wife aren't welcome in our home.
Ever. I hope you're okay with this, because if they
want to come, I'm going to say no.

Confession #298

Are you REALLY okay with your son growing up as emotionally distant as you are?

Confession #299

It hurts me so much when I bring up something far in the future, like moving or having children, and you say "who says we're going to be together then?" I know you're "joking," but if the thought of us getting married is too much for you to handle, maybe we should be breaking up instead of making plans to celebrate our 4-year anniversary. I'm not in a big hurry to get a ring on my finger or anything, but I'd like to know that the thought has at least crossed your mind in the past four years, and hopefully it doesn't turn your stomach.

Confession #300

When you spend all day on your day off, sometimes the only day you get in a week, cleaning our house and mowing the lawn, reorganizing the garage, and then coming inside and helping me with dinner, I totally remember why it was I fell in love with you. We are a team, you and I, and while I sometimes feel guilty because I can't seem to dust as well or as quickly as you, I still remember every time I see you with the Pledge in your hands that you aren't my father, and I won't end up like my mom, doing housework all day while you watch TV and nap in the recliner. You make me want to be a better wife. I know I just told you this last night, but I wanted to say it again. And I'm sorry your clothes got so wrinkled in the dryer before your business trip.