Monday, June 07, 2010

True Wife Confessions 312 Urban Wheat

Confession #3121

Unfortunately 3 weeks ago I stumbled across a ring in your closet. We had a 2 yrs anniversary yesterday and I imagined you proposing to me. I was so excited, polished my nails in red as you like them, made my hear, make-up and all. And you "only" gave me flowers, chocolates and took me to dinner. Only that. I was so ungrateful and pissed at you. In the evening you even noticed me sob... So practically I ruined the day and you even dont know what bothered me. The worse is I cannot forget about the ring and I'll be probably ruining every beautiful moment together till you propose. I'm such a moron!

Confession # 3122

All I want to know is why is is that i gave up everyhing for you as most women do, Im younger than you and started a family with you because you wanted to have a family before 30. I dropped out of nursing school and became the stay at home wife and mother for you and quit my job as a flight attendant, just to give you that life, while I began to see that you only wante to be in control, but guess what when you got laid off who worked 60hrs a week to cover the bills, who still took care of the kids and manage to take some online classes me jerk me, and didnt complain about it because i love you and want everything to be ok. but instead of trying to find a job and taking some of the load off of me you stayed on unemployment for a year without even lokking for a job, you didnt even relize the strain you put on our marrige, and to be honest I dont think you care now I ask to to work part time so I can finish school and you act like I just dont contribute and im nothing,you dish money to me like im some child,well Im not with it you better relize how much I care for you because once you burn me its no turning back. I always said I would never leave my marrige but could I really stay in an unhappy marriage? Will you ever get it? we were a team. I helped you get the degree your walking around with and was really proud of you but now all I think I did was create a cocky,selfish,inconsiderate,monster. wheres my husband the one that loved me and the kids more than anything in this world and was humble all the time. You were a better person before you got laid off. I see you everyday and miss you more now than ever before.

Confession # 3123

I understand that you may not be able to go on the road trip to visit your parents with the kids due to work. I understand that it's not your fault. I'm really fine with taking the kids on my own. But while I'm at your parents house I am going to reserve the right to smoke.

Confession # 3124

Do you like my new hair style? Do you like my figure? Do you like how i sing? Do you like my body? Do i turn you on? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me? Do you love me? Then why don't you tell me?

We've been together 3yrs and we've had so many ups and downs till sometimes i wonder if i'm wasting my time with you. My knees don't go weak when i see you, and i dunno if i feel love for you anymore. Sure, i like the familiarity and how comfortable i am around you but is it all worth it?

I remember when we first got together and how you loved telling me the story of how we met and fell in love because it would be your side of the story. I loved you crazy! I even wanted us to start a family there and then. But you changed with time and i saw a side of you that scares me. I fear that you will hit me and that you don't love me, and even with all the red lights, i still stay...

You forgave me when i had an affair and despite the fact that things had changed, you still were there for me and care for me.

Just yesterday, i thought that i had had enough of our relationship and i was ready to leave you, bags packed and all, but then you came in from work, the first thing you did was smile at me, blow me a kiss, then you walked up to me and kissed me. You told me that you had missed me, asked me how my day was and we actually talked for the first time in a long time.

It blew me away.

Then when you were taking a shower and i was playing some 80's music, you came out from the shower, dropped your towel and sang and danced to Evelyne's "Love Come Down" song. You asked me to sing and dance with you so i stripped and joined you for our R-rated Pop idols home edition. I fell in love with you again yesterday night. The man i had loved was back. The one who said i love you instaed of i love you too. The one who didn't need to be begged to dance or sing with me.

I don't know what made you change, but i love that you have. I love that you're back... And though i told you the same thing yestaerday night, i can't help myself.

Baby, i'm glad you're the person i fell in love with. Let's get married and start a family, ok?

Your loving Booboo

Confession # 3125

Dear soon to be ex husband,
You are so fucking stupid. I have no idea why I married you in the first place. But now that we have agreed to a separation your stupidity shines like a neon above your head flashing "idiot" on and off.
Beyond your mood shifts that are worse than mine, two recent interactions with you make me nutty. One, when we agreed to separate it was you that asked me how much of your stuff I wanted moved out of the house. I told you the master bedroom and bathroom and we agreed upon this and a date for it to be done. Weeks after the deadline when your shit is still everywhere in the bed/bathroom I decided to put it away out of sight. Very respectfully put everything in drawers and closets. And now you are mad at me because you feel "erased"? What the fuck? YOU AGREED TO THIS months ago. Don't pick a fight with me about this. And second, when we are having a text conversation please follow along in the conversation. When we are talking specifically about a Wed in June assume we are continuing to speak of the same date and not changing mid stream. When you do this you get angry with me and I'm not the one who is beaten over the head with a stupid stick. You are.
Grow up. Get your head out of your ass. Stop being so stupid.

Signed, your soon to be ex

Confession # 3126

I love you so much for buying tampons for me, that I used them even though they were enormous and not very comfortable. Love hurts, I guess.

Confession # 3127

If you are too lazy to fill out the job application by yourself, then you probably don't deserve the job. The guy -- or woman -- who actually took the time to fill out his OWN job application does. There's something wrong with a college educated man with two master's degrees who follows his wife around the house WHINING because I won't take four hours out of my own busy day to fill out your job application while you watch TV. And I'm uncomfortable having to write all this blathering praise about what a hardworking swell guy you are when I know what a lazy, selfish irresponsible ass you actually are. Especially given that you aren't exactly given to praising me, nor have you ever assisted with household chores, childcare, anything having to do with my career, or any of my job applications.

And another thing? When we were nearly killed in that car accident last week and I couldn't even call you to retrieve me from the side of the road with our two daughters because you were HUNTING? Are you kidding me? No. I don't plan on ever forgiving you. Do you STILL require further clarification as to why I am not "in the mood"?

Confession # 3128

I honestly don't think that I will EVER feel good enough to be with you. That reality has absolutely nothing to do with you being better than me or out of my leauge because I have men tell me all the time that I could have done so much better. Its from the point that you compare me to EVERY SINGLE WOMAN who catches your eye! Its slowly killing me to constantly feel like who I am and what I look like isn't enough to keep you! We've been married for 6 years and I've never admitted that to anyone even you and I've also never felt completely safe in our relationship! IT SUCKS!

Confession # 3129

I thought you loved me, but I was wrong. I am a decoy - someone to fuck so HER husband does not suspect. Thank you for destroying my self worth. Thank you for showing me ALL men are the same - dirty, lying, cheating bastards. Who am I kidding? If you could cheat on your wife with me - I guess karma has come back to bite me big time, eh?

Confession # 3130

I've said some mean things. I've yelled. I emailed some girls. I sent one a text. I was snarky on your facebook page. I went through your stuff, pulled anything that was mine, inappropriate to have around a child, or trash and repacked it NICELY organized. (Since your stuff has been here for 60 days, it's now legally mine. Not that I want it, but technically I can go through it as many times as I like.) I ADMIT TO ALL OF IT! Yes, I did those things! I'm sorry! Am I justifying and defending them? No! Are you justifying and defending your right to lie? Yes! Have you said to me that the things you have done are inappropriate and you will never do them again? Nope.

Demanding that I say that I behaved inappropriately for emailing your "friends" and demanding that I promise I would never do it again is beyond hypocritical. The worst thing I've ever done is email some chicks (who you claimed at the time you didn't even like)... and you're using that to justify your lying to me? I'm just gobsmacked.

You left your room full of weird sex toys and porn, barely hidden, and I behave inappropriately? You drive drunk, lie, cheat, go to fight clubs, strip clubs, do drugs, bring drunk people home and let them barf and piss on the floor, are addicted to porn and leave it WHERE OUR SON CAN FIND IT, smoke around him, feed him crap, send him to school with no breakfast, let him watch inappropriate media, and you defend your right to do it all. You never APOLOGIZED to me for even half that stuff and you certainly never said that you would never do those things again. You claimed that you have the right to buy porn even though it made the check to the pediatrician bounce!

I'm inappropriate? REALLY?

You even said I was ruining your reputation with my "slander". REALLY?

Slander is a lie. I've never lied about you, I just revealed things you want to keep hidden.

And as far as your "apology" for cheating goes... you said you were sorry. Yes, you did. You said it. But why on earth would I accept words from a known and self admitted liar? I needed your ACTIONS to prove that you were sorry. Your words mean nothing, actions are the only thing that matters. When your actions proved to me that you were going to keep lying to cover up your bad behaviors, and that you didn't really love me, I knew the apology you offered was bullshit. You were sorry you got caught, not sorry for doing it. Your apology in words, no matter how heartfelt they were at the time, was killed by your actions.

Your actions are the proof of your intent, whether it's conscious or unconscious. I think that you keep your unconscious need to sabotage so well hidden from your conscious desire for family, that you don't even see it. That's why I keep on you still. Stop lying to yourself at least. You made a choice about what is important to you. Family wasn't the winner. Even now. The phone bill and bank statement prove it. You keep telling yourself that your son is the most important thing in the world to you, but you pick up the phone and call your girlfriend. There were days when you didn't even speak to your son ONCE. And there are even more days when if I hadn't dialed the phone and handed it to him, you would not have talked to him. Guess how many times you called your girlfriend on those days? You spend $440 in ONE month on phone calls to her, and didn't see your son or give me a DIME for his care. WAKE UP.

And you're worried about what I say to your "friends"? Why don't I email your friends this: Stop buying porn and pay for his fucking doctor. Call your son more than you call the lady you say you don't like. If you don't want me to file court ordered child support, then WHY DON'T YOU OFFER ME SOME HELP??? You are making double checks and I have to put up with you trying to humiliate me to get money for a bill from when you were living here! I ended up making you pay the phone bill because you give me such grief about asking for money! Your aunt told me that I SHOULD file for child support. Your best friend said I SHOULD file court orders and let the judge decide. That's what your friends and family ADVISED ME TO DO. And you're pissed off at me for doing it?

You keep proving to me that you are a passive aggressive narcissist by saying things that are right out of the personality disorder rule book. Stop. Be unique in your dysfunction - that's the least you can do. And don't be a hypocrite. That's the worst.


Anonymous said...

he won't even fill out his own JOB APPLICATION?!?! Damn. That IS sorry. I mean wow. Does he tie his own shoes, or make you buy him the slip-on kind?

Anonymous said...

To # 3123
You are being selfish by smoking if you were single and NOT a mom that is one thing. BUT i dont think you know hard its going to be when you get lung cancer and you put the burden on your husband and kids to watch to die of this horrible death. I useto say to my mother please stop smoking and she would brush her hand and say oh please my aunt was 85 and still smoked. But NOW she is 55 and been in hospital a month with lung cancer and it has spread she can barely breath or talk.. ITS a horrible death and your husband knows that.. SO IF YOU LOVE your family you will stop smoking for them..

SaraJo said...

#3126 - You made my day!

Anonymous said...


PLease get support from him for your son... He needs and deserves it! This man has hurt you deeply and I know it's easier said than done because I have been there. Please do not forgive this man and never ever go back to him! Don't force your son upon him. Let him come to your son. It sounds like your son would be better off with out him in his life! You be strong for your boy and show him strength, stability and love. Show him these examples and he will turn out to be an amazing young man without his dad. I know because I am looking at 2 wonderful boys 10 and 15 that have turned out wonderful because I had the courage to be strong! Good luck to you and I know that in a few years you will see that the end of that relationship was for the best. Next time around do something different for yourself and watch for the red flashing lights and stop right there don't continue when you see the warnings. Eventually you will meet a man that will treat you with the respect you deserve. I did and so will you. It took me 6 years... time does heal all wounds =)

Take Care and be strong!

S├ębastian Hell said...

3124: he just fucked someone else. You know this, right?

Next up: flowers.

denae said...

#3123 - that would be my stipulation too (though i'm not a cigarette smoker)