Monday, February 23, 2009

True Wife Confessions 283 tea leaves

Confession # 2821

Every time you are rude to me, it takes me longer to fall back in love with you.

Confession # 2822

Today, for the first time in over a decade, you actually acknowledged how hard I work - at my job, at parenting, in our home. I wish you had done this so much sooner. It could have repaired some of the damage that has happened in our marriage.

Confession # 2823

I have been married to you for 25 years, the first 13 were spent with you drinking day in and day out. You have never made love to me sober. For the past 13 years you haven't even touched me. Yes I am screwing around on you and no I don't feel bad about It. Yes It's with someone you know very well and no you will never find out. No I will never divorce your stupid ass I have way to much invested in you to do that. So I will just sit back and enjoy making love to one of your closet family members.

Confession # 2824

I think you finally killed my libido.

Confession # 2825

Sometimes I dread when you travel for work, as you want to have sex as soon as you get home. I appreciate the thought, but I am exhausted from parenting alone. When you start to climb on me too I just want to scream and run out the door.

Confession # 2826

I hate that you fall asleep on the couch when we only have two evenings together a week

Confession # 2827

Just because you work and I dont doens't mean you can treat me like shit. I am not your slave either. You think your the man and your job is so hard and that I get to sit at home and watch tv all day. Well guess what that is not fun and not what I do. First I take care of our son, do the chores like laundry, dishes, clean, pay the bill, and just about everything else since you won't do shit. You bitch about taking out the trash. All you have to worry about is yourself and you can't even take a shower everyday. I can't have friends come over because you bitch about that and say you cant trust me. I have never done shit to you. Everything is my fault I am the bitch and your fucking perfect. If I dont remember to wash YOUR clothes I have to hear how I dont love you and I am such a horrible wife. I cook dinner and you say how your tired of chicken or you don't want what I am making but I don't see you in there ever trying to cook. I really hate you and wish I had the finances so I could leave your ass. I have never felt so insecure, worthless, or depressed in my life. Go to hell.

Confession # 2828

Dear lover, I confess. I know you take Viagra. I found one of your pills wrapped in foil on the floor of my bedroom. It must have fallen out of your pocket one night when we got naked. I'm torn as to whether or not to tell you I know. Obviously, you don't want me to know, or you would have told me yourself. So do I keep it to myself? And let both of us continue the charade? Your telling me I make you hard? Me knowing that it's not just me, but that drug enhancements are playing a part? Or do I tell you and risk your not being able to handle that I know?

The fact that you take it really doesn't matter to me. I love you no matter what. But you think sex is so very important to me. It's really not, though I enjoy it tremendously with you. Important, yes, but the companionship we share is oh so much more important. I want a lot of sex because I know it's important to *you*. It's not really for me, but for you. I'm scared that your ego would be shattered if I told you what I know and you could no longer keep up the charade.

Unfortunately, having secrets creates distance. Opening up and potentially being vulnerable creates closeness. I'd much rather have closeness than distance. So I'm torn.

What to do? Help!

Confession # 2829

Sometimes I need to be touched when it has nothing to do with sex. It's not just kissing that I miss, although I do miss that a lot. Little things are important, too. Holding hands, playing footsie under the table and cuddling are things I want and need on a regular basis. And when I'm upset, I need the man who is supposed to love me to actually make the effort to put his arms around me and comfort me. I've told you this so many times before that I don't want to say it ever again.

When I am already feeling vulnerable and I have to beg you to comfort me, it may make you feel powerful, but it just makes me wonder why I married such an asshole. You need to start paying a bit more attention to my needs or I'm going to take the kids and finally leave you. There is more to being a husband and father than just providing a paycheck. I've told you this before, but you never seem to believe me.

I know you read this blog. I'm hoping that seeing it spelled out in black and white will finally make you wake up and realize what you are throwing away.

Confession # 2830

I hate my life today.

I hate the time the kids take. I hate all the housework. I hate that you have a pinched nerve in your neck that you won't get looked at. I hate that you wake up in the middle of the night in pain, making me get up in the middle of the night to pat your back and ask if you need anything. I hate that you don't have the balls to insist on the raise you're entitled to but DO have the balls to ask me if I want you to interview for a job 1,000 miles away.

This fucking sucks.


Anonymous said...

#2830 - I hear you. Sometimes nothing is right, sometimes everyting sucks. Hopefully, venting it out was helpful for you. I hope tomorrow is better.

the Yearning Heart said...

#2828 tell him you found it. Tell him it's all right. Tell him not to hide anything from you.

He may be as torn as you are.

Anonymous said...


There is nothing wrong with having to ask for attention and affection. It is not worth divorcing over.

This seems a little childish to me.

ASK for a hug, initiate footsie. If you want it, then make it happen or ASK FOR IT.

Your husband cannot read your mind.

Ask for what you want. No matter who you are with, you are going to have to ask for things you need.

If he refuses to provide what you need once you've ASKED, then you have a real problem.

Anonymous said...

2828 : my man takes viagra, and i love it. i don't care... and i don't think it needs to be a discussion. i'm happy, he's happy, sex is fan-frigging-tastic... who cares?

Anonymous said...

2829: I know exactly how you feel. Once you have told someone 100 times what you need, it's frustrating as hell when they still don't get it. How hard is it to show affection? I don't think it's childish at all. It would be nice to be touched at times OTHER than when sex is wanted from you, right? After years, asking gets tiresome. No, he's not a mind-reader, but he's also pretty effing stupid/uncaring/self-absorbed.

Anonymous said...

@11:30 -- she has been talking to him. He isn't listening!

Anonymous said...

2829: I think we're married to the same person! And I feel the same way -- there's something really degrading about having to say to someone, "Do you think you could come over here and hold my hand?" and knowing that half the time he'll tell you know. I don't ask for any affection anymore and as a result I don't get any. I kind of conducted a little experiment to see how long it would take him to actually be kind to me on his own initiative and it was approximately two months. It seems weird that it wouldn't occur to him on his own to hold my hand, or put his arm around me or cuddle with me on the couch for two months! It makes you feel like a rancid piece of fruit or something -- like am I so disgusting that he doesn't even want to touch me? Not normal I say.

Anonymous said...

#2828: My 1st advice ever in here! Start taking GuaranĂ¡ as a suplement, if you are caffeine tolerant, see how it feels and come back to him about it, then you'll know/share what it means to have pills-enhaced-sex..., maybe then he'll open up to you.

Lucy said...

2828 - When I started dating the man I'm now married to, I was blown away by the over the top sex. He said that the sex was so good because I turned him on. Not once did I suspect our lovemaking was medically enhanced. Not until I went to slip a love note into his wallet and found three blue pills wrapped in tissue tucked inside.

By this point we were 3 yrs into the relationship, and I honestly felt rather hurt that he hadn't trusted me enough to share with me that he was taking Viagra.

My advice is to get honest and do it fast. Tell him the truth and give him the opportunity to be honest in return.

I wish my husband had been honest with me from the get go, but he wasn't, and that hurt. I'm a bit believer in the truth and nothing but the truth.

Anonymous said...

2828 here. I did indeed tell him what I know. He said he doesn't take it very often, but after we've been together 4 or 5 nights in a row already, he takes it. I told him I'm fine with that, and neither of us has mentioned it since. Like 12:19 said, the sex is awesome, so who cares?

My thanks go to all who responded. It was very, very helpful to hear the perspective of those who have been there and done that.

Anonymous said...

The ones that are getting it don't want it and the ones that don't want it are getting it. If they started getting it they would stop wanting it and if the stopped getting it they would start wanting it. Women can not be pleased.

Anonymous said...

Your all sad people. You don't know hardship thats your problem...

Anonymous said...

Thoughts on Viagra... taking won't automatically cause him to have an erection... there still has to be some 'stimulus'... I totally adore the woman that I am involved with, but I have a problem related to the use of an anti-depressant that sometimes causes erection problems... anyway, my point is to ask you to please don't assume that he's not attracted to you just because he needs 'help' there... that could be the furthest from the truth...