Confession # 2821
Every time you are rude to me, it takes me longer to fall back in love with you.
Confession # 2822
Today, for the first time in over a decade, you actually acknowledged how hard I work - at my job, at parenting, in our home. I wish you had done this so much sooner. It could have repaired some of the damage that has happened in our marriage.
Confession # 2823
I have been married to you for 25 years, the first 13 were spent with you drinking day in and day out. You have never made love to me sober. For the past 13 years you haven't even touched me. Yes I am screwing around on you and no I don't feel bad about It. Yes It's with someone you know very well and no you will never find out. No I will never divorce your stupid ass I have way to much invested in you to do that. So I will just sit back and enjoy making love to one of your closet family members.
Confession # 2824
I think you finally killed my libido.
Confession # 2825
Sometimes I dread when you travel for work, as you want to have sex as soon as you get home. I appreciate the thought, but I am exhausted from parenting alone. When you start to climb on me too I just want to scream and run out the door.
Confession # 2826
I hate that you fall asleep on the couch when we only have two evenings together a week
Confession # 2827
Just because you work and I dont doens't mean you can treat me like shit. I am not your slave either. You think your the man and your job is so hard and that I get to sit at home and watch tv all day. Well guess what that is not fun and not what I do. First I take care of our son, do the chores like laundry, dishes, clean, pay the bill, and just about everything else since you won't do shit. You bitch about taking out the trash. All you have to worry about is yourself and you can't even take a shower everyday. I can't have friends come over because you bitch about that and say you cant trust me. I have never done shit to you. Everything is my fault I am the bitch and your fucking perfect. If I dont remember to wash YOUR clothes I have to hear how I dont love you and I am such a horrible wife. I cook dinner and you say how your tired of chicken or you don't want what I am making but I don't see you in there ever trying to cook. I really hate you and wish I had the finances so I could leave your ass. I have never felt so insecure, worthless, or depressed in my life. Go to hell.
Confession # 2828
Dear lover, I confess. I know you take Viagra. I found one of your pills wrapped in foil on the floor of my bedroom. It must have fallen out of your pocket one night when we got naked. I'm torn as to whether or not to tell you I know. Obviously, you don't want me to know, or you would have told me yourself. So do I keep it to myself? And let both of us continue the charade? Your telling me I make you hard? Me knowing that it's not just me, but that drug enhancements are playing a part? Or do I tell you and risk your not being able to handle that I know?
The fact that you take it really doesn't matter to me. I love you no matter what. But you think sex is so very important to me. It's really not, though I enjoy it tremendously with you. Important, yes, but the companionship we share is oh so much more important. I want a lot of sex because I know it's important to *you*. It's not really for me, but for you. I'm scared that your ego would be shattered if I told you what I know and you could no longer keep up the charade.
Unfortunately, having secrets creates distance. Opening up and potentially being vulnerable creates closeness. I'd much rather have closeness than distance. So I'm torn.
What to do? Help!
Confession # 2829
Sometimes I need to be touched when it has nothing to do with sex. It's not just kissing that I miss, although I do miss that a lot. Little things are important, too. Holding hands, playing footsie under the table and cuddling are things I want and need on a regular basis. And when I'm upset, I need the man who is supposed to love me to actually make the effort to put his arms around me and comfort me. I've told you this so many times before that I don't want to say it ever again.
When I am already feeling vulnerable and I have to beg you to comfort me, it may make you feel powerful, but it just makes me wonder why I married such an asshole. You need to start paying a bit more attention to my needs or I'm going to take the kids and finally leave you. There is more to being a husband and father than just providing a paycheck. I've told you this before, but you never seem to believe me.
I know you read this blog. I'm hoping that seeing it spelled out in black and white will finally make you wake up and realize what you are throwing away.
Confession # 2830
I hate my life today.
I hate the time the kids take. I hate all the housework. I hate that you have a pinched nerve in your neck that you won't get looked at. I hate that you wake up in the middle of the night in pain, making me get up in the middle of the night to pat your back and ask if you need anything. I hate that you don't have the balls to insist on the raise you're entitled to but DO have the balls to ask me if I want you to interview for a job 1,000 miles away.
This fucking sucks.