Monday, February 16, 2009

True Wife Confessions 282 rose petals

Confession #2811

If you want to complain about a nagging wife, too many demands on your time, and dull life in the suburbs -- you shouldn't have married a happy-go-lucky artist, had no major obligations, and moved into a barn surrounded by trees. It's as though you are following some script about what men should be enraged about. But it doesn't apply. How do you think I feel? Your friends envy you for having an easy-going, cheerful wife and they look baffled when you tell me to "stop nagging." Is handing you a cool poem and suggesting we go to your favorite ice cream place "nagging"? I feel like your friends see me more clearly than you do. Does it make you feel grown-up to have things to complain about, so you make them up? Soon enough there will be actual obligations, like children, so why can't we just enjoy this time?

Confession #2812

sometimes i wish you'd put yourself in my pair of shoes while we have sex, and try to get off watching some emaciated fuckface ram his pecker into me. maybe you'd actually understand why i refuse to fuck anymore.

Confession #2813

Dear Heartbreaker,

Not too long ago our marriage was on the rocks. I was ready to take our daughter and move to another state to get away from you. You were distant and detached. I was miserable and depressed. We were not the people we were when we met and got together.

I am so glad now that I stuck around and waited it out. You have made a complete turn around change and in turn I have too. You tell me that the baby has changed your life; that you see our family and you want nothing more than us. When I told you we were having baby number 2, your face lit up and I feel in love with you all over again. You’re affectionate and attentive. You are awesome with our daughter. You take time to do little things that make me feel special and appreciated. What I love the most is when this morning I was bitching at you about the computer, you very wittingly turned the situation around and made me laugh. Unlike the past, you did not decide to fight with me, you de-escalated the situation and my frustration melted away. I know I am hormonal on account of baking this baby, and you have really stepped up to the plate this time. So thank you. I appreciate you and the changes you have made. I love you. Para Siempre Mi Amor.

Till another time,

-Formerly- Hurting Heart

Confession #2814

I have been reading about radical feminist lesbian separatists on my
computer. Not because I'm a lesbian, but because it is the best mental
escape from you. Then I get up and cook you dinner and laugh at your
jokes and watch the movie you choose and tell you in bed what you want
to hear.

Confession #2815

We haven't had sex for a year. First you were concerned about hurting the baby, but I've had the "all clear" from the dr. for some months now and you still won't touch me. I figured you were asexual but the other night I caught you looking at porn. Am I really that disgusting that you'd rather beat off to porn than have sex with your wife? I lost all the baby weight, so why don't you want to fuck?

Confession #2816

in comparison to my 5'4, you are about 6'2 with.....well, all that workout time has turned you into some kind of BEAST! and when the TIME comes.....all that power sends me to goddamn heaven! you blow my mind!

Confession #2817

You don't want to go to the events I am excited about. But you don't want me to "leave" you and go alone or with a friend. When I stay home you say you are "bored being at home" -- but you don't have any suggestions for activities or places you'd want to go. I booked us for that class because I thought you would like it. On the way there, you starting your negative talk, decided it would be lame, and said you'd skip it and just wait for me outside. That hurt. I was trying to do something inspiring and positive for us. Tonight when I tried to make up and asked if you wanted to watch the new Netflix you said "Not really." I asked why and you said "Because I don't know anything about it." Your tone was antagonistic. I went upstairs and cried. I'm at my wit's end. My heart is full of love and optimism, but nothing around me seems to support it. I feel like it's true what they say: the guy is up for everything when he's wooing you. Then once you're married, he changes. Now I understand why most community education classes are filled with lonely looking married women. And I can't even enjoy being out there on my own since I know you're at home pouting that I'm not spending time with you.

Confession #2818

I am a complete and utter idiot for marrying my now ex-husband. We had a child, that he completely ignored and now I am faced with the hatred I feel because he says he wants to close that ugly chapter in his life and our child is nothing more than a child support debt to him. How dare he think of my boy that way. He doesn't deserve to breathe, or maybe I don't for having a child with such a loser.
Thank goodness for my current husband or I would be on a plane to California to hurt, maim or kill the ex. Grrrrrrrrr.

Confession #2819

Dear Boyfriend,
I hate your beard. It's such a turn-off that kissing you has become almost unbearable. When you're clean-shaven you're one of the hottest men I've ever known, but now I can barely muster up the desire to have sex with you. I ask you every day to please shave, but you laugh as though I'm just kidding. It makes you look dirty, unprofessional, and about 10 years older. Please give me my hot boyfriend back!

Confession #2820

When you go to bed with a ‘headache’ right at the kids’ bathtime, I purposely leave the hall light on and get the kiddos extra ramped-up so they’ll be loud. You don’t have a headache, you just don’t like to bathe the children.


Anonymous said...

2817 - I am married to a very negative man also. He never has a good or positive thing to say about anything. No matter what I say, or what I tell him about the kids that day, he will find some way to make a negative comment abou it. I wish I had some advice for you, but I don't...well, except for this: If you don't have any kids, get out. He's going to be dragging you down for the rest of your life if you don't. Just know that I empathize with you.

Anonymous said...

I agree about the negative spouse. It is suffocating. We keep re-hashing this issue and I fear that we always will. Negative/Critical and borderling controlling spouse....very hard to live with. If I didn't have kids, I'd be gone by now. Good Luck.

Anonymous said...

#2812 -

Maybe, y'know, talking to him about it may help.

Actually to EVERY WOMAN who posts on this site.....maybe talking to him might help!

I only say this because, well, because COMMUNICATION in a MARRIAGE between TWO HUMAN BEINGS is kind of critical.

And when I say "talk to", I don't mean scream, yell, accuse, and blame. I mean discuss your feelings and why you feel a certain way..NEVER be even remotely accusational (even if it is something that is his fault), it will just cause an argument. Once a conversation reaches "argument" mode, there are no winners. Zero.


Do NOT post on this site and keep all your feelings hidden, hiding them makes things worse.

And now that I've reached the end of my comment, I realize that it will probably never get posted because I am basically telling the owner of this site that her confessors shouldn't even be visiting this site. They shouldn't. You may think this is a good outlet, and for some minor things it probably is. But the vast majority of these posts that I've seen are very serious and can't be ignored. These big time problems will not be solved by letting strangers anonymously know. Marriage is between TWO ADULTS TOGETHER AS ONE....not 1 man, 1 woman, and anonymous internet viewers.

Please let this comment go through, you may not agree with it, but this is a very legit opinion.

Anonymous said...

#2815 here. I HAVE talked to my spouse about it. He laughs it off or acts like I'm crazy. Any pearls of wisdom now?

Dawn said...

I know 2815 - right? I love it when there is an assumption that none of us are talking to our significant others.

After nearly 20 years together, I still say some things to my husband and he looks at me as if it is the first time I have ever mentioned it....

Its rarely an issue of NOT saying it - but rather of saying and saying and saying - and simply not being heard.

I love those who pop in with these suggestions - as if none of us ever thought of them, or tried them for the past decade....

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 1:45 AM: Your opinion may be legitimate for you, but it's definitely not for everyone else. I've spent 32 years talking to and compromising with a spouse who continues to repeat behaviors no matter how many times they have been discussed (and yes, that's discussed, as in two adults sitting down and having a conversation, not an argument).

I'm tired of compromising. I'm tired of modeling behaviors in an attempt to show someone else how one should behave. There has to be a desire on the other person's behalf to change. It's my feeling that when a person continues to do things that they know are upsetting to their spouse, basically they're just saying "screw you - I don't give a damn about you or what makes you happy."

Your post is condescending and and somewhat ignorant Anonymous 1:45. Unless you've walked miles in another woman's moccasins, you have no clue as to what works and doesn't work in her relationship or marriage.

Perhaps instead of telling others what they should do, you could give examples of the positive way you deal with problems in your own relationship. That's what grown-up, mature women do - they help one another out with ideas and care, rather than derision.

Anonymous said...

Dawn, I am sure what I am about to say will not be posted since it is quite abusive, but I am happy for just you to see it: Anon 1:45 a.m., shove your "legit" opinion up your ass. Preferably without lube.
Dawn, I love your site, it has helped me and I know many others, I will keep coming back to read, and thank you.

Anonymous said...

To the person who says we should be talking to our spouses instead of posting here: You are really missing the point of this site. You know how a frazzled mother of three might step outside for a minute and stamp her feet and say grrrrrrrrrr when the kids are acting out? But she goes back inside and handles her children with love and sensible discipline? This site is, for many of us, the place to stamp our feet about our husbands (and no, I don't mean they are just like children). It is so important for one's emotional and physical health to be able to just feel our feelings fully and release them. And, it is part of a respectful marriage not to always use our partners to process our negative feelings -- that is called abuse. So I post here once in a while. Or write in a journal. Or go for a run. I get perspective. Yes, I do show my husband my anger now and then. And, yes, I talk to my husband. Lovingly, constructively, genuinely. He is marvelous and we get closer and stronger every time we work through an awkward or rough patch. We're very in love, and I'm not angry very often. But yes, I post here.

Anonymous said...

Anon 1:45: Have you ever tried to have a calm, rational discussion with someone who will NOT listen to anything you say, and will turn the conversation around to everything you are supposidly doing wrong? And then tells you that if you change how YOU act, then it will be a non issue? And you changing how you act, only to have the same behavior repeated?

I just found this site today, and I applaud it. I can't wait to submit something. I have alot to get off my chest.

Stitchin said...

#2811: OMG, WHY ARE YOU PLANNING ON HAVING CHILDREN WITH THIS DOUCHEBAG??? He's complaining when there's nothing to complain about! And you think having CHILDREN with him is a good idea? Lady, you already HAVE a child! You just don't have stretch marks from it! Believe me, having a child won't help the marriage - but it may very well kill off that happy-go-lucky artist. It isn't going to make him any nicer to YOU. Run, run, RUN!!!

Stitchin said...

#2815: Tell him you go to counseling together, or you’ll find someone who WILL sleep with you. This isn’t right – although it is fairly common.

#2817: Leave. You can’t fix this guy. He keeps you dancing because what he really enjoys is CONTROLLING YOU. You try EVERYTHING to entertain him, you can’t do anything on your own OR with him. Leave, leave, leave.

#2818: And did he plan this child with you? Or was it an accident? Or an “accident”?