Monday, June 11, 2007

True Wife Confessions 191 - not a lucky number for airplane flights

Confession #1901

Thank you for the anniversary watch. You're right; it's
perfect. Thanks for coming with me to check out the other options.

Confession #1902

I loved you with every cell of my body and soul. I felt your kiss all the way to the tip of my toes. You told me I was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen after I had given birth to another man’s baby. You promised me everything and I believed you. 3 years I was consumed by you and you asked me to wait, so I did………patiently. I would have waited forever.

But then lo and behold……….I find out about another woman who has stolen your heart from me. I could literally feel my heart break and when I confronted you, you acted as if it was no big deal.

The love turned to self-pity and then anger. I thought about how bad you were in bed and that I was willing to look past that for the simple way you made me feel inside.

So I slept with your best friend. Do me a favor. Take some notes because he rocked my world.

Confession #1903

Thank you so much for supporting me thru everything.
You've kept your mouth shut about the surgery, and
supported me. I see now just how much you love me. I
know we've had our problems, and we've both made
mistakes, but there is no doubt in my mind that you're
the one i NEED to spend the rest of my life with.

Confession #1904

Dearest ex-husband,

You had nothing nice to say about my children, so a year ago yesterday, I left you. I got tired of the way you were constantly hounding them for everything. They are morally upstanding kids, which is more than can be said for your children. My son is NOT worthless because he isn't going to college. He joined the Marines. He is doing something that you could NEVER do. He is supporting himself. As I recall, I supported you and your girls for two years. He's a man. You, on the other hand, are still so much of a child.

Did you know that your 16 year old daughter was pregnant a few months ago and had an abortion? NO. But I do. As you so aptly stated to my son, "Suck on that, muchacho."

Confession #1905

I have been considering doing something that, if you did it, I would leave you for. It's not even that awful, but in my heart it feels like it is. It feels like it's an admission that this might not be working. That maybe we did get married too fast. That we should never have had a baby. That I didn't think things through, and that you didn't either. What I'm considering doing is taking out an ad for a platonic male pen-pal, someone in a different city and state, who will flirt with me. Who I will never meet, who I will never tell my real name to, who I will never send a picture to, but who will take some time out of his day to tell me I'm clever or pretty (sight unseen) or worthwhile. Because you don't.

Also, when my exboyfriend emailed me a month ago, it made me happy. Not because I want to see him, but because it was attention. Truth be told, he was worse than you when it came to compliments and attention, but we did have a really good sex life, and I think about that often these days when you and I are pointedly not making love, not kissing, rarely communicating beyond questions that barely scratch the surface. So I'm going to keep writing to him. It's safe, and it makes me feel a little desired.

I know I haven't lost the baby weight. It hasn't been that long, though, and I'm really only 10 pounds heavier than when we met. I'm working on it, but I really don't think it'll make a difference to you. Our sex life was not great even before the baby. First it was the porn, then - what? I don't know.

Tonight or tomorrow, I will ask you to go to counselling with me. We need to learn how to communicate. When it was just me that it was affecting, I could live with it. But now that our child is involved, I must learn to talk to you about things, and you with me. For example, not going to the doctor about something that could possibly be nothing but that could also quite possibly be very serious? Whipping down mountain roads at 70 mph? That's stupid when you have a child to think about. You're one of the smartest people I know, so why are you so stupid sometimes?

I love you so much. But I wonder what you are doing on your laptop when I'm not around. You're staying up later and later, and I just wonder. That makes me sad.

Confession #1906

I love you my dear boyfriend. I do. With every breath I take I love you even more. I love the fact that we are in our early twenties, full time students, and work full time, yet we still make time for our beloved nieces, nephew, and younger siblings. In fact most of our weekends are spent doing things for family members. It’s a blessing to have someone in my life, who is committed as I am to helping those around me who need us. We are very appreciated throughout both our families. Confession time…. I love our nieces and nephews so much. I do. We’ve had them at least 2 weekends out of the month since they were 2, and the oldest is 7. Sometimes I struggle with the thought of if I’ll ever be able to love our own “future” kids as much as I love my nephew and nieces. My family always says I love and treat them like my own, but is this really possible? I mean should I have some maternal instinct inside of me, that doesn’t pose this kind of question?? What’s wrong with me? Will my own kids love me as much as my nieces and nephew? What will happen when we have our own? I am very fearful of the day when we get married, start our careers, and have our own kids. I can’t loose the bond I have built with my angels, I love them too much.

Confession #1907

I think of you as two distinct people: the man with
whom I fell in love and married, and the man with whom
I now live.

Did I do this to you? You used to be so kind and
solicitous, cooking for me, asking me if I needed
anything when you got up, sending me sweet messages at
random times just to let me know you were thinking of
me. I did all those things too, because I enjoyed
them from you and wanted to return the favor, but at
some point you stopped doing them yourself and stopped
appreciating my kindness so much as expecting it. You
act like a spoiled child. It's stupid petty shit,
too: you wait for me to get out of bed and make coffee
for you, even if you get up hours before I do; you
ignore the overflowing laundry hamper, expecting me to
do it all, and then complain if the shirt you want to
wear hasn't been washed; you act like you're being
generous taking my dinner plate away, and hours later
when I go down to the kitchen I find the plates
sitting on the counter NEXT to the sink with food
crusted on them, which I will have to scrub off since
you seem to have lost the ability to clean dishes.
None of it is catastrophic or earth-shaking, and you
haven't betrayed me in any meaningful way, but your
little discourtesies make me feel like you take my
presence and my efforts for granted.

It is so much to ask that YOU make ME coffee once in a
while? That you occasionally do a load of laundry or
some dishes? That you help me with dinner or do the
dishes after I cook for you, or, gasp, actually cook
and clean up YOURSELF sometimes so I can have a night
off? I miss how you used to pick up little things for
me when you stopped at the store for something.
Little things like that show me you're thinking about
me, and these days I don't seem to cross your mind
unless I've done something wrong or you want to get
laid. I'm tired of being just a receptacle for your
horniness. We've been married for several years now,
but I AM STILL A PERSON. I still need you to
appreciate the things I do, express your appreciation,
and return the courtesy. I am not your maid, and
taking care of a grown-up manchild is NOT the job I
signed up for when we got married. How do I get back
that man you used to be, the one who appreciated my
wit and pleasant nature, who was always polite and
respectful, who was so self-sufficient that my doing
things like laundry and dishes shocked and amused him?
Did I chase him away by doing too much for you?
Should I stop? You're making it so hard to want to be
nice to you.

Confession #1908

My sweet husband

I seemed to have developed a crush on one of my co-workers. I feel its harmless, we work together, share common interests and obviously have a lot to talk about. And that's where I believe it's come from, because for 2 years I had never found him physically attractive, but now that we are on the same project, and have worked closely for 6 months, I find myself "crushing" on him. I've even had two dreams. I really believe and know in my heart I would never act or say anything aloud about it, it would destroy two homes and a great working relationship. I respect you, our family, him and his family to much. I feel guilty enough for talking to him, smiling or laughing with him and going to lunch I feel like I should wear dark glasses. I hope it passes soon.

I love you and I love us to much to ever jeopardize our relationship and our family by acting on it, I just wish I would stop thinking about him. I promise I am trying.

Confession #1909

I am so sick of you talking about money and bills and the laundry and the weather and your to do list on the weekend which rarely includes anything fun for the 2 of us to do together. Do you even remember what the word means?

The truth is, we are doing quite fine with money. Everybody wants more. But our bills are paid. Don't you remember years ago when we were so in the hole????? We are so fortunate now.

I told you @ Christmas time all I wanted for Christmas was one night alone together. That lasted a couple weeks. I even told you I was bored in this marriage. But I guess you are wrapped too tight in your worrying that you are not too concerned with this.

I know you love me and I love you. I just wanna have fun once in awhile. I want to ride on the back of a motorcycle, go on a cruise, laugh........ You are acting like an old fart and I am not ready to be an old fart yet.

What startles me is I've pretty much stopped trying to bring this to your attention. My job has been taking a lot out of me with having to work 6 days a week. (not my choice) I don't remember the last time we had sex. Why doesn't that present a big red flag to you? I don't get it. And I've just stopped caring for the time being.

I'm not interested in anyone else. But I miss that excitement.

Confession #1910

the house smells sooo clean, not because I am an excellent
housekeeper (I am not) , but because I pour bleach on the basement
floor where the fucking cat has pissed! How disgusting! That
fucking feline pisses on the fucking concrete floor just because her
litter box is dirty. I hate her. I hate me too for not cleaning her
litter box. The house always looks clean enough- even with two kids
messing it up all day long, but it is really a pig sty. I tidy up,
but never clean and everybody thinks I am a great housekeeper and
they go on and on that I am such a perfect mom, yada yada yada- fuck
them- who cares, I have two kids to raise. I enjoy my kids all day
while my husband works and I never clean. He's a slob anyways, so he
would never notice if I actually cleaned rather than picked up. I
laugh a little inside because people are fooled, but I am seriously
grossed out that my cat pees on the floor because the litter box is
dirty. and it's probably not good to be breathing bleach fumes!


Anonymous said...

#1910: I used to have a cat that was just as picky. I had to clean the litter box IMMEDIATELY after he peed or he wouldn't go back in again, it was so frustrating.

My a second litter box and put it next to the first one.

Anonymous said...

1906 - Loose the bond? Why would you have to loose (or did you mean lose?) the bond? We don't come with a limit on the number of close, rewarding, joyful relationships we can have within a family or elsewhere. Having your own kids will provide more bonds, unique and separate from existing ones. You don't have to lose anything. Does a parent love the 3rd child more than the 1st, or worry about the bond they have with the second before having a third? Any parent who loves their children will tell you that this kind of thinking is nonsense.

Anonymous said...

#1910 Clean the cats' litter box for crying out loud. How long does it really take? I have 3 cats and I scoop multiple times a day. Stop being so lazy, that's gross.

Anonymous said...

#1909 - I am that old fart...thanks for making me open my eyes before my husband wrote this same letter to me.

#1910 - My cat uses the bath tub. We clean it out several times a week and he still would rather use the tub.

Anonymous said...

#1910 - If you're not going to clean your house then why bother picking up? A messy house is better than a dirty one. Kudos for neglecting an animal too. How hard is it to scoop out a litter box every couple of days. So sad.

Anonymous said...

1906: you say in your post that you are in your 20's. I think this directly reflects your thoughts on children. It's okay to love your neices and nephews and I can assure you, that when and IF you chose to have children, you will realize that they are two different bonds. you already have a motherly instinct in you clearly. Otherwise you probably wouldn't be so attached to these kids. You have time to think about having your own children. You are still very young.

Anonymous said...

#1910: There are self-cleaning litterboxes out there; I have one. Pick out one you like and buy it. Yes, they're not cheap, but your cat - a dependent creature - depends on you to provide a clean litterbox for her, and you're falling down on the job. Either that, or farm the job out to someone more reliable. Would you like to use a bathroom smelling of ammonia and feces? Guess what - neither does your cat! Shape up now before the poor thing stops using the litterbox altogether, and stop swearing at your cat for having a very natural reaction to your thoughtlessness.

Anonymous said...

#1910: Open your back door. I used to have cats before i moved out of my mums and we never had a cat tray. They always went out and did what cats do.

Anonymous said...

I have a neighbor who NEVER cleans her THREE cats' litterboxes (only 2 boxes for 3 cats.) And she is, in general, not a clean person. I always chuckle when she tells me that she invited a guy over that she has been going out with and then never hears from the guy again.

I just want to shout, "Who - aside from you, obviously - likes or is immune to the smell of cat shit?" I'm definitely not. And I hate going to her house as well.

If you're not going to take the responsibility to clean up after pets, then don't have pets. They are optional.

Anonymous said...

I hate to say this and dont want to be negative to commenters, but it always amazes me the outcry a person will get for something like not cleaning out a litter will get more negative feedback over something that trivial than you will over PEOPLE with real theory, cats are cats...people are people and deserve so much more importance to be placed on them (NO FOLKS, IM NOT TALKING ABOUT ABUSED ANIMALS....not keeping a litter box clean enough is not abuse!!)

Anonymous said...

1910: I hate cleaning too. I am a tidier.. I have gotten better since we have moved but at my old house, the top of the fridge had to be scraped because of the cat hair and old grease! lol.
People dont understand me either!

Anonymous said...

Anon 6:56, thanks for your perspective, I feel more at ease. You're appreciated!!! :-)

Anonymous said...

You're welcome. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

If #1910 had posted something like, "God, I'm so overwhelmed. I work hard to raise my kids, and I do a good job, but I have to let everything else go. Including the cat's litter box. Which is why she pisses on the floor, poor thing, and I have to clean it up - more work for me," I wouldn't have responded with criticism. A suggestion for a self-cleaning litterbox, sure, but not criticism. If she had posted, "I clean the litterbox twice a day, and yet the cat still pees everywhere, and I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE," I would have had a lot of sympathy for #1910.

She didn't do that. Instead, she talked about how much she hates the "fucking" cat...for doing nothing more than not wanting to use a disgusting, uncleaned litterbox. The cat isn't at fault here - the cat is showing highly normal behavior for a feline by refusing to use a dirty litterbox. Have you ever smelled a dirty litterbox? As humans, our sense of smell is rather limited compared to that of a cat, so if it smells awful to us, how terrible does it smell to them?

1910 needs to either find a new home for the cat or take steps to ensure that the litterbox is cleaned on a regular basis - get the kids to clean the litterbox (which I was doing at what, age 7?) or get a self-cleaning litterbox. We have people posting all the time on this board with deep, intractable problems. Obviously, the board should be open for people whose problems aren't deep and intractable, but when someone expresses anger at someone or something else simply for having a perfectly logical reaction to the poster's behavior, the poster is going to get criticism.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I feel your pain; we have 10 cats...6 of which I'd get rid of in a heartbeat, if DH wasn't so "attached." Whatever. Anyway, it's extremely dangerous to mix bleach with ammonia (cat pee). The fumes could kill you -- literally.

That's all. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHA! Out of all of the posts, the cat is the one getting the most attention.


Nix Muse said...

Confession #1909 - I feel your anguish. I am having the same problem. I am so in love, but I can't manage to get him to think about anything other than jobs and money. We're not doing that bad, in fact we're doing quite well and all he can do is complain. I miss sex, I miss fun, and I miss him.

Anonymous said...

1910-I keep my house not just tidy, but clean. The one area I don't is the cat's litter box. She's used to it. I change it once every two weeks with no scooping in between. I use Tidy Cat for Multiple Cats and even though it only gets changed twice a month it never smells. That's some good stuff.

Anonymous said...

2:59 pm, if your clean house contains a box of two-week-old shit, it's not clean.

Anonymous said...

1910: ITA with 10:10 - bleach is definately not the best choice. Pet stores have enzymatic cleaners - I use one that's called Nature's miracle or remedy or something. It works wonders. And scoop the box once a day! I have to admit I'm not the best at cleaning my cats' boxes either, but it's not their fault when I drop the ball and they pee outside the box. I wouldn't enter a bathroom I couldn't walk into without stepping in feces or urine, I can't imagine a cat would either. It's a 5 minute task that keeps the cat happy and the house clean. It's totally worth it.

Anonymous said...

Why do you shallow ass bitches care so much about the 1910 cat post?? stupid whores

Anonymous said...

Hey 12:44? Why do you care? And who are you to call anybody a shallow ass bitch or a stupid whore? You need a big bar of soap, young man -- and I ain't sticking that only in your craw.

Anonymous said...

12:44 - I don't see how commenting on cleanliness makes a person shallow or stupid.

The original poster only drew so much attention because her post implies that it's the cats' fault that it pisses on the floor.

Anonymous said...

1908...Good luck with that. I was in your same exact place 3 months ago. Last night I spent the evening with my Husband and my co-worker at a work function and all I wanted to do was rip my co-workers clothes off....just like I did in the motel room last week.

My sweet loving husband thinks my co-worker is such a great guy too and my life is hell now.

Anonymous said...

Cat pee contains ammonia. Bleach an ammonia make dangerous fumes when they are mixed together. Not a good idea.

"Another hazard is the formation of acrid chloramine fumes when hypochlorite bleach comes into contact with ammonia or urine or hydrogen peroxide, which, though not nearly as dangerous as chlorine, can cause severe respiratory distress"