Thank you for the anniversary watch. You're right; it's
perfect. Thanks for coming with me to check out the other options.
I loved you with every cell of my body and soul. I felt your kiss all the way to the tip of my toes. You told me I was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen after I had given birth to another man’s baby. You promised me everything and I believed you. 3 years I was consumed by you and you asked me to wait, so I did………patiently. I would have waited forever.
But then lo and behold……….I find out about another woman who has stolen your heart from me. I could literally feel my heart break and when I confronted you, you acted as if it was no big deal.
The love turned to self-pity and then anger. I thought about how bad you were in bed and that I was willing to look past that for the simple way you made me feel inside.
So I slept with your best friend. Do me a favor. Take some notes because he rocked my world.
Thank you so much for supporting me thru everything.
You've kept your mouth shut about the surgery, and
supported me. I see now just how much you love me. I
know we've had our problems, and we've both made
mistakes, but there is no doubt in my mind that you're
the one i NEED to spend the rest of my life with.
You had nothing nice to say about my children, so a year ago yesterday, I left you. I got tired of the way you were constantly hounding them for everything. They are morally upstanding kids, which is more than can be said for your children. My son is NOT worthless because he isn't going to college. He joined the Marines. He is doing something that you could NEVER do. He is supporting himself. As I recall, I supported you and your girls for two years. He's a man. You, on the other hand, are still so much of a child.
Did you know that your 16 year old daughter was pregnant a few months ago and had an abortion? NO. But I do. As you so aptly stated to my son, "Suck on that, muchacho."
I have been considering doing something that, if you did it, I would leave you for. It's not even that awful, but in my heart it feels like it is. It feels like it's an admission that this might not be working. That maybe we did get married too fast. That we should never have had a baby. That I didn't think things through, and that you didn't either. What I'm considering doing is taking out an ad for a platonic male pen-pal, someone in a different city and state, who will flirt with me. Who I will never meet, who I will never tell my real name to, who I will never send a picture to, but who will take some time out of his day to tell me I'm clever or pretty (sight unseen) or worthwhile. Because you don't.
Also, when my exboyfriend emailed me a month ago, it made me happy. Not because I want to see him, but because it was attention. Truth be told, he was worse than you when it came to compliments and attention, but we did have a really good sex life, and I think about that often these days when you and I are pointedly not making love, not kissing, rarely communicating beyond questions that barely scratch the surface. So I'm going to keep writing to him. It's safe, and it makes me feel a little desired.
I know I haven't lost the baby weight. It hasn't been that long, though, and I'm really only 10 pounds heavier than when we met. I'm working on it, but I really don't think it'll make a difference to you. Our sex life was not great even before the baby. First it was the porn, then - what? I don't know.
Tonight or tomorrow, I will ask you to go to counselling with me. We need to learn how to communicate. When it was just me that it was affecting, I could live with it. But now that our child is involved, I must learn to talk to you about things, and you with me. For example, not going to the doctor about something that could possibly be nothing but that could also quite possibly be very serious? Whipping down mountain roads at 70 mph? That's stupid when you have a child to think about. You're one of the smartest people I know, so why are you so stupid sometimes?
I love you so much. But I wonder what you are doing on your laptop when I'm not around. You're staying up later and later, and I just wonder. That makes me sad.
I love you my dear boyfriend. I do. With every breath I take I love you even more. I love the fact that we are in our early twenties, full time students, and work full time, yet we still make time for our beloved nieces, nephew, and younger siblings. In fact most of our weekends are spent doing things for family members. It’s a blessing to have someone in my life, who is committed as I am to helping those around me who need us. We are very appreciated throughout both our families. Confession time…. I love our nieces and nephews so much. I do. We’ve had them at least 2 weekends out of the month since they were 2, and the oldest is 7. Sometimes I struggle with the thought of if I’ll ever be able to love our own “future” kids as much as I love my nephew and nieces. My family always says I love and treat them like my own, but is this really possible? I mean should I have some maternal instinct inside of me, that doesn’t pose this kind of question?? What’s wrong with me? Will my own kids love me as much as my nieces and nephew? What will happen when we have our own? I am very fearful of the day when we get married, start our careers, and have our own kids. I can’t loose the bond I have built with my angels, I love them too much.
I think of you as two distinct people: the man with
whom I fell in love and married, and the man with whom
I now live.
Did I do this to you? You used to be so kind and
solicitous, cooking for me, asking me if I needed
anything when you got up, sending me sweet messages at
random times just to let me know you were thinking of
me. I did all those things too, because I enjoyed
them from you and wanted to return the favor, but at
some point you stopped doing them yourself and stopped
appreciating my kindness so much as expecting it. You
act like a spoiled child. It's stupid petty shit,
too: you wait for me to get out of bed and make coffee
for you, even if you get up hours before I do; you
ignore the overflowing laundry hamper, expecting me to
do it all, and then complain if the shirt you want to
wear hasn't been washed; you act like you're being
generous taking my dinner plate away, and hours later
when I go down to the kitchen I find the plates
sitting on the counter NEXT to the sink with food
crusted on them, which I will have to scrub off since
you seem to have lost the ability to clean dishes.
None of it is catastrophic or earth-shaking, and you
haven't betrayed me in any meaningful way, but your
little discourtesies make me feel like you take my
presence and my efforts for granted.
It is so much to ask that YOU make ME coffee once in a
while? That you occasionally do a load of laundry or
some dishes? That you help me with dinner or do the
dishes after I cook for you, or, gasp, actually cook
and clean up YOURSELF sometimes so I can have a night
off? I miss how you used to pick up little things for
me when you stopped at the store for something.
Little things like that show me you're thinking about
me, and these days I don't seem to cross your mind
unless I've done something wrong or you want to get
laid. I'm tired of being just a receptacle for your
horniness. We've been married for several years now,
but I AM STILL A PERSON. I still need you to
appreciate the things I do, express your appreciation,
and return the courtesy. I am not your maid, and
taking care of a grown-up manchild is NOT the job I
signed up for when we got married. How do I get back
that man you used to be, the one who appreciated my
wit and pleasant nature, who was always polite and
respectful, who was so self-sufficient that my doing
things like laundry and dishes shocked and amused him?
Did I chase him away by doing too much for you?
Should I stop? You're making it so hard to want to be
nice to you.
My sweet husband
I seemed to have developed a crush on one of my co-workers. I feel its harmless, we work together, share common interests and obviously have a lot to talk about. And that's where I believe it's come from, because for 2 years I had never found him physically attractive, but now that we are on the same project, and have worked closely for 6 months, I find myself "crushing" on him. I've even had two dreams. I really believe and know in my heart I would never act or say anything aloud about it, it would destroy two homes and a great working relationship. I respect you, our family, him and his family to much. I feel guilty enough for talking to him, smiling or laughing with him and going to lunch I feel like I should wear dark glasses. I hope it passes soon.
I love you and I love us to much to ever jeopardize our relationship and our family by acting on it, I just wish I would stop thinking about him. I promise I am trying.
I am so sick of you talking about money and bills and the laundry and the weather and your to do list on the weekend which rarely includes anything fun for the 2 of us to do together. Do you even remember what the word means?
The truth is, we are doing quite fine with money. Everybody wants more. But our bills are paid. Don't you remember years ago when we were so in the hole????? We are so fortunate now.
I told you @ Christmas time all I wanted for Christmas was one night alone together. That lasted a couple weeks. I even told you I was bored in this marriage. But I guess you are wrapped too tight in your worrying that you are not too concerned with this.
I know you love me and I love you. I just wanna have fun once in awhile. I want to ride on the back of a motorcycle, go on a cruise, laugh........ You are acting like an old fart and I am not ready to be an old fart yet.
What startles me is I've pretty much stopped trying to bring this to your attention. My job has been taking a lot out of me with having to work 6 days a week. (not my choice) I don't remember the last time we had sex. Why doesn't that present a big red flag to you? I don't get it. And I've just stopped caring for the time being.
I'm not interested in anyone else. But I miss that excitement.
the house smells sooo clean, not because I am an excellent
housekeeper (I am not) , but because I pour bleach on the basement
floor where the fucking cat has pissed! How disgusting! That
fucking feline pisses on the fucking concrete floor just because her
litter box is dirty. I hate her. I hate me too for not cleaning her
litter box. The house always looks clean enough- even with two kids
messing it up all day long, but it is really a pig sty. I tidy up,
but never clean and everybody thinks I am a great housekeeper and
they go on and on that I am such a perfect mom, yada yada yada- fuck
them- who cares, I have two kids to raise. I enjoy my kids all day
while my husband works and I never clean. He's a slob anyways, so he
would never notice if I actually cleaned rather than picked up. I
laugh a little inside because people are fooled, but I am seriously
grossed out that my cat pees on the floor because the litter box is
dirty. and it's probably not good to be breathing bleach fumes!