My hairdresser complained today because her man has back hair. You have hair all over your body, and I absolutely love it. I know -- that's kind of unusual for a woman, but geez -- it really turns me on. So don't even think about shaving or waxing it, Babe. It turns me on to no end!
My husband is crazy! He's just crazy in the head. How do you possibly have an argument out of the blue over something that is in the past. Get over it dude, it was stupid the first time we bickered about it, it's stupid this time too. And stop throwing the fact that i'm on antidepressents at me. I'm on them so i can deal with you, you dipshit. Now when you say something stupid it just rolls off my back, i dont freak out about it. You need to be thanking my doctor for those meds, they allow me to continue being married to your dumbass. And another thing, dont act all happy with me all night, the next the morning, all during our phone conversations and then email something shitty because you just remembered i pissed you off the early the night before. Do you just need things to bitch about so you search your memory and come up with some shit? Besides, when you email me those stupid, hateful emails, i forward them to my friends so they too, know how fucking unstable and crazy you are. Your the one who needs antidepressents. Although they wont cure being an asshole.
I love you and would never want anyone else for my husband. But by God I wish you were more successful. You are a hard worker and I love that about you. But right now I am full of resentment at just how much we are struggling. Your decision to start your own business rocked our marriage years ago. I stayed by your side, supported you and worked with you. Now that is turning out to be a bust, not because of you but because of the economy. You keep talking about changing careers. And yet you're sitting right next to me playing your G*d D*mned video game instead of getting your resume together. In the meantime, you jumped down my throat the other day for wanting to get a cake mix. Something less than four dollars. I love you, but F*CK YOU for that.
You took me out for lunch. You kissed me in the car - and we ended up having sex in the back seat - in the middle of the day! Our 40's are better than our teen age years.
You are bipolar. You don't take your meds. You abuse our kids. You say you hear voices. Guess what. I don't care how miserable you are on the meds. It's better than you choking our son because he's disrespectful to you. And you wonder why I'm pissed that CPS is making yet another visit? (Maybe because I TOLD YOU this was going to be the consequence if you kept acting out your rage?!) You wonder why I'm drawing a line in the sand and telling you that this is it - if you don't comply with treatment, you are GONE? What don't you get? oh...yeah....it's all my fault because I don't fuck you every day. Dude, even if that weren't just they hypersexuality caused by the untreated bipolar, I have no desire to sleep with someone who tells his kids to fuck off and can't be bothered with being a good parent. Grow up. Be an adult and take responsibility for your illness. And if you can't, then leave. The manipulation and enabling ends today.
Here I am again, dying inside. Everyday I clean the house for guests we'll never have. I work out to obsession for eyes that will never see. I convince myself I do it for my husband. They are all distractions from the emptiness within. I hide my feelings from my loving husband. I put myself in another situation where heartbreak is inevitable. I wanted him to be my lover so badly and now he is pulling away. He'll be gone soon and I can go back to my lonely situation. Everything hurts. My hand flies to my chest trying to stop my heart from fleeing. He awoke feelings I had forgotten existed and now it is over before it began. I sang in the shower, danced around the house, and applied myself with zeal to my "chores". Now he is so far away... I want to want what I have! I never go without but I'm a selfish bitch. Always desiring more. Poor husband, he must know his wife is a terrible woman. Always on the lookout. Flaunting her tiny self to the world, finding pleasure and pain aside from her wifely duties. I haven't a job a car or a penny to my name. My husband is my identity. I feel so lost, alone, and dead. The man I love doesn't want me. My mother told me that "the one you love and the one who loves you are always different people". I thought it was silly until I married. I hate me. I am a husk of a woman.
If you hadn't agreed to have a baby, I would have left you. I had started planning how and when to go when you changed your mind.
We have been married almost 7yrs now and I want to run so fast and never look back. I honestly am not in love with you. I feel pity for you and I feel sorry for you but I am not in love with you. I stay in this marriage because I do not want to hurt my kids. I am lonely, depressed, bored, tired of your laziness and I want to run as fast as I can. You are a sweet man but you do not move me, you do not motivate me, you do not make me laugh and you do not communicate with me. You barely pay attention to your son and I have to Bitch and complain to get you to help me clean our house. I have to work two jobs, take care of kids, pay bills, clean house, remember to schedule doctors appointment and sign the kids up for sports and you just work and come home and occasionally cook and wash clothes but most of the time you’re watching T.V all dam day. Then when you see me getting annoyed and giving you the cold shoulder, you want to do something that is so dam boring. I ask you to invite all of our friends to go out to eat dinner with us for our anniversary and you tell me, you just want us. Well I am tired of being with just you….YOUR BORING and have nothing to say to me. Therefore, I guess we will go to dinner and just look at each other. UGHHHHHHHHH, I just want to run as fast as I can. When did you become so complacent and why?
You are a fantastic husband and father, but I wish you would brush your teeth before coming to bed.
I can't take it anymore! I despise you when you're drinking. Which is every day, lately.
I decided long ago that I need to divorce you. I don't really believe in divorce, but it seems the only option. You cause me so much stress, worry, anger, frustration, sadness, depression, and misery. I really can't take any more.
I have been trying to work out the details as far as our apartment... moving... the effects on the children... and many financial issues. But as soon as I do... I am out of here.