Wednesday, April 29, 2009

True Wife Confessions 290 magnolia petals

Confession #2891

Dear Hubby,

I truly don’t understand why you are such a jerk to me every chance you get. I love you with all my heart and you totally treat me like dog shit every chance you get. You are going to find divorce papers one of these mornings and then ask me what you did. I have told you time and time again just to be nice. Act like you want to be married and the you love me. Really it’s not hard. Try it before it’s too late.

Your soon to be ex wife

Confession #2892

I have just rediscovered the joys of masturbation.

Confession #2893

I fear telling you that I don't want to be married to you anymore. I fear what you'll do. But you suck the life out of me everytime you walk into the room. This suffocation is starting to outweigh the fear.

Confession #2894

I'm so sick of you complaining how tired you are from work all day. All you do is sit on your @ss and look at a machine. The most you do is put a little bit of cement in a cylinder. I mean, if you were building houses or roofing like you used to, then I would understand. You fuss at me for making a comment like, "i'm so tired, glad night is finally here" and say I do nothing but sit at the house all day. HELLO! I take care of our daughter who has embraced the terrible twos, I clean the house, every day, every part of it, even the base boards, I keep all the clothes washed up, I make sure our two dogs are taken care of, I grocery shop, run errands, and have a hot dinner waiting for you when you get home. The one day, my birthday, I did take off, you complained that the house looked the same as it did when you left. Well, I have news for you, it takes more than you think just to keep it like that. We have a little girl that loves pulling stuff out and tearing stuff up. Also, you wanna say you're too tired for sex but I don't understand when the most you do is drive the hour to and from work. Most husbands would love to have a wife that cooked, cleaned, takes good care of their child(ren), and wants sex every day. Do you know how many husbands go weeks without it!? Then when we do finally have sex you expect me to do all the work. Just because I know how to ride you from behind, the side, and with me on top doesn't mean I should do all the work. Sometimes I'd like to just enjoy it. I have faked the last couple times because my legs were hurting to bad to get me off. I know it can't be because of how I look, i'm constantly getting hit on, and yes, even your friends have tried. Evidently, you've told them I was a nympho. So what if I am. You know how I was before we married. I told you this is me and i'm not changing for anyone. You are the one that said you still wanted to go through with it, that you love me for me; why are you trying to change me now! I do love you, its the only reason I have stayed here as long as I have. I stuck by your side when you were jobless for 6 months, when we were having to room with a friend, even through your depression when all you did was sleep. Now that you're working, you try to act like your doing some huge thing. Well, people work everyday, your not special because you have a job. Also, you try to act like no other man would put up with what you have. News flash hubby, other men have, and other men will. You are not irreplaceable and you need to realize that. Also, your not as cute as you think and you need to gain some weight. But do I tell you that all the time? No I don't because I care about your feelings. But I don't know why I do, you do seem to care about mine. You say you compliment me all the time, but you need to learn that a compliment doesn't have the word but in it. Saying "the house looks good but... or you look sexy but.." doesn't do me any good. And the sad thing is, that's what you say when you're being nice. I'd rather you just keep your mouth shut. I am getting so sick of your comments and put downs. I am tired of you belittling me all the time. I am not a bad person, I know I'm not. You made a comment saying, "why do you stay with me if all I do is hurt you?" it got me thinking, why do I? I guess its because I do love you. But, the love I have for you dies a little with each rude comment, and the bad attitude you always come home with. I am tired of being unappreciated and if you don't get your sh!t together and start being a loving husband, at least a little bit of one, than I will leave you. I know I told you I wouldn't unless you hit me, cheated on me, or got addicted to drugs but I am sick of saying, "yes, babe" "sorry babe" instead of saying what I feel. I quit saying what I feel because everytime I did, you made me feel like I was wrong for feeling like that, or that I was a bad person or that I was stupid. Check the records, your the one who can barely read and is a drop-out, I'm the one with a diploma, 36 hours of college and the one who will be running 2 businesses when my dad passes away. I hope you change and soon because if not, then I will leave you. You would have nothing if it wasn't for me, no house, no truck, no cell phone, so I better start getting some appreciation soon. The only reason I haven't left you yet is because a part of me still loves you and another part feels sorry for you. But both parts are dwindling from your hatred and negativity. Oh and I have been having an internet affair with a Russian guy for about 8 months now. He knows I am married and we rarely talk about sex and never talk about us having sex but he makes me feel some happiness. When he compliments me, he never adds a but. I'm not saying I would leave you for him, but I did find someone to bring some happiness into my life besides our daughter. If you ever do read this, I just hope I can see your face. Change your ways or I'm gone.

Confession #2895

Dear husband, we have been together a long while now, married for not so long. I married you while still being in love with the man I carried on an affair with for over 2 years. I will continue to be your wife and keep the balance as my lover put it...until the time is right. If it ever so should be right, that is. I tell him that I won't wait on him forever, but the truth is I can't do anything but wait. I love him so much and I think about him everyday. It is hard to balance my family and keeping up the sherade that I love you and only you, dear husband. Sure, I love you but not how you need or deserve to be. My tall, dark and handsome lover makes my heartbeat like no other man has or will I'm sure.
You let me go see him for one night, a couple weeks ago. Him and I have been talking alot since, daily, and you don't know. He has made a new email so that you won't know that it is him. You are so naive dear husband. You don't care who I talk to or what about as long as it isn't "him"! I can't believe you let me enjoy another night with the love of my life. You know I love him, and I know you do!! What you don't know is that the week before you 'let' me go see him, I snuck out and spent a couple hours with him. We kissed after a bit of small talk, as if no time had passed. Even though we hadn't seen each other for 4 months, when we kissed he was out of breath and said "yep, it's still there". Thats what you don't get, but at the same time I think you know....for him and I things don't change, doesn't matter who else is in our lives, what other problems him and I have in our lives, or how much time has passed since we seen each other last. When we are together it is about us, the passion, the comfortability, the love. We love each other and always have, and maybe one day if our situations are right- we will be together. Then I will finally be happy.
I dream nightly about being with him, I know it isn't going to be some fairytale with nothing but roses and only good times, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to spend my life as his girl. Im sorry for hurting you dear husband, the time hasn't come yet, and maybe it won't but I'm sorry now and I will be later too.

Confession #2896

After 22 years of marriage and being told over and over that I was too fat,and after dieting and exercising, that I was too thin.That I should do sit ups after my 3 pregnancies to lose all that awful flab.My breasts were too small from breastfeeding our children,and on and on.You know what? Maybe you should have just kept all those "helpful" suggestions to yourself! Because even the nicest person can snap,o yeah.You also said I was "too nice".WTF?
After that last disaster on Valentine's Day,when you came home drunk...AGAIN....and I sat thru the stupid drunken talk, with our children listening from the basement...AGAIN...I finally got it.It would never matter how many damn sit-ups I did,or how many times I cleaned the stupid house,or cooked a great meal,or sat and listened to your stupidness,that you would always be an ass.That you would always be dreadful in bed,( sorry,but that limp noodle between your legs?Yeah,kinda pathetic,I was just "too nice" to say anything),you would always suck at being any kind of decent father, and I am sick of being embarrassed when we go out with friends(which you don't have).
So,it was quite easy to finally say yes to another man.To be touched,and held,and to be told that I was "hot" and "sexy" was an amazing antidote to all the crap I had absorbed from you.When i finally told you,I felt such a relief knowing that I would be rid of you.To have my house peaceful again is fantastic.I hope you are suffering at your parents.I truly do.Your kids are happier that you are gone,even the dog doesn't miss you.Good luck finding a replacement for me,because none would ever take your crap.
And also? All those years of me finding ways to get you hard so we could have sex have apparently me a very talented lover,go figure.I pick and choose my men,and currently am comfortable with the two I have now.One for the raw, animalistic sex I love.And one who cooks incredible meals for me and spoils me rotten.And I will never,and I do mean NEVER allow any man to ever belittle or demean me ever again.My one regret is that I should have booted you out the first time you came home drunk and obnoxious,23 years ago.I regret having MY kids seeing what a marriage should never be.And yeah,they are truly mine, you were too busy getting pissed at the bar to make any effort with them.....and they know it.They find you just as annoying as I do.

Confession #2897

I absolutely believe you when you say you will go to any means necessary to keep our daughter away from me if I tried to get a divorce. That is the only reason I stay married to you. I have no love left for you. Our 4 yr anniversary is coming up and it really got me thinking. I can't believe your ex wife lasted 10 years. She deserves a medal.

Confession #2898

I wish I could go back, not make this mistake of marrying you. With all my being, every drop of my blood that’s what I want. Everyday you make me feel like a failure, I don’t cook right, clean right, take care of the baby, I don’t work. Once I used to be a smart person full of life and now I’m a dull boring housewife. I thought you were my true love now I hate you. I want you to suffer for the pain you cause me. for all these tears. I hate this life so much I wish I would die because I cannot escape this life and you otherwise. Tonight I stop crying and caring. I am done, I only hope that someday you feel the pain I feel.

Confession #2899

I hate that you constantly put me through this rollercoaster of emotions. You go from being fun to be around, to be a miserable, mean and rude man who does nothing but brings me down. YOU encouraged me to take a job I would you tell me you wish I would have stayed at my old job...just for the stupid reason that you liked the salary I made there more. YOU told me you supported by career change, and would relocate with me. Now YOU tell me you don't want to leave your job because you like your salary. I gave you the option of me or the money. YOU chose the money...and then you get rude to me because you don't understand why I am upset....I'm upset because my happiness is NOTHING to you.

My friends hate you. My parents hate you. I always have to stand-up for you and say your only mean and grumpy to me sometimes...I hate lying. You are only happy when things are going your way. Last Canada Day, you ruined the day for my friends because you were bored at the beach. You made comments towards my friends, you made insults towards me. You ruined the day....but you WANTED to come. I didn't tell you to come, you said you thought it would be fun. After you said if you knew it was going to be boring, you wouldn't have gone...and that gives you the right to ruin everyone elses day?

I hate how last year, when I came home from the emergency room after work (which you wouldnt go to because you didn't "want to miss time at work") and said I had a seizure and needed to go off work, your first comment was about "not having money now"...instead of something...anything about how I was feeling/what to do from here health wise

Most of all, I hate how I believe you everytime you say you are going to change. I hate how I care and worry about you more then myself. I hate how I have no confidence or self esteem to do what I need to do. How I get ready to tell you Im leaving, and then I see you and feel so bad for wanting to leave you. I hate that you have ruined me, and ripped out my soul so that I feel nothing anymore.

Confession #2900

you have never been the ultra affectionate, verbal or emotional partner that i am. i credit to your culture, as well as the fact that you didn't have parents around who told and showed you that they loved you. We have been together for 3 and a half years- rocky all the way. You were a cautionary tale when I met you, but i ignored everyone's warnings. Something about you I couldn't shake. The way I feel with you is different from that of any other man. And i am not too sure're not big into kissing, and rarely say you love me. But you're smart, confident, sexy, engaging and so charming when you put a little effort in. You are so sweet to animals ..which may sound silly but to me, that says a lot about a person. We compliment each other. I feel like w/ out you, i am not me. And vice versa. You quit your job and decided to move back to your home country. I of course freaked out--my bf of 2 years leaving me. So you decided for us, you would relocate w/ in the US. I am from NY--and we moved to old sunny TX for your new job. I swore up and down all my life that I am a NY girl, I will never live in the south. but i did it for you; for us. Just like you did..when we parted in the airport for what would be a 6 month time (minus a few visits) away from each other before i got down there, you told me you loved me, you were doing this so we would have a better life together. Every day i missed you like crazy, longed for our daily phone calls. Visiting you was like seeing you for the first time. And finally when i had all the preparations in order, i moved. Leaving my family, my mother in particular and the best friends I have ever had in my life was the hardest thing that I ever did. But as soon as I saw your face I knew it was worth it. So i got a job and we picked up right where we left off. I play the part of the little wife so well...i work all day. make you dinner, clean up, we relax a bit, then have great sex nearly every night. For a while we were the only people we really knew here, and we were inseperable. Then you started to hate your job, your boss, you were miserable. You tossed around the idea of a new job, a guy you met worked for this company but you werent sure. I encouraged you. Pushed you to take it. It was a a larger company, more room for growth, you'd meet new people. So you did it, and loved it. And made friends quite quickly. You started to go out on weekends. I was never invited along...all men, don't speak English is what you'd tell me. But you'd come home around 3 on Fridays then be home the rest of the weekend...but then you started to not come home, not answer your phone. You would be gone the entire weekend, then come home Sunday evenings, and act like i was the crazy one for questioning you. You told me you needed time--you felt like we were an old married couple. You ditched me on holidays..when i have NO family here. You made friends with a woman at your job and would actually take calls from her in our bedroom w/ the door shut. Hours at a time. But never speaking English, I could only piece together the gist on the conversation. I cried to you, pleaded, said we just need to start spending time together again, we can fix it. You told me you liked her, but it was nothing serious...and after about 5 months of this...i find out this is a full on affair you're having. I am in my 20''re about 9 years older than me..always saying you aren't ready for marriage and a kid, which is fine w. me bc i am in no rush. But i find out the woman you are seeing is nearly 40, with children, and you are off playing house on the weekends. You admit all of this to me, and tell me you have ended it, you want to fix us. And i agree, happily to try to work it out. You even said you'd get a new job. 2 weeks after you ended it, this insane woman calls my phone and tells me shes pregnant. At first you didn't believe her. then you did, and wanted to move out to go be with her bc you feel bad. Then you decide not to. She says shes gonna get an abortion, and when that doesn't shake you, she says shes having twins. mind you, this woman is nearly 40, and says she has an IUD. the odds of her accidentally having a baby are very slim. Yet she hasn't shown you any sort of test, and keeps giving reasons why she cant. Maybe she is having a baby, maybe she isn't. But you have made it clear that you didn't want to be with her. and i realize you don't want to be a dead beat dad. but i cant for the life of me understand what i did to make you stop loving me. That is what is killing me most. I am willing to try to work past this entire insane mess. I know my family and friends are gonna think i am criminally insane..just like Im sure people reading this now will. But why am i, the woman who up rooted her life, been 100% faithful, devoted and so loving, never ever denied you sex or any variation of, and has taken care and loved you so much for so long the one begging you to stay? Shouldn't you be begging me? Shouldn't you feel lucky to have someone love you so much? I feel so helpless and alone. It is the worst feeling I have ever ever felt. I wish there was something i could do to make you see that this woman is either not pregnant and lying to try to get you to come raise her other 2 kids, or she got pregnant on purpose...i cant actually believe a 40 yr old woman w/ an iud has a period 2 days late and goes to get a test..conveniently right after you break up with her, and every time you don't take her back the story gets more insane. I am either the un luckiest person in the world, who must have been a really evil person in my past life, or this woman is a nut. Either way, I just want you to realize what you are giving up if you get sucked into this big mess w/her. If shes having a baby, then be a dad--a great one. Id help anyway I could. but don't toss our relationship out like trash. You will never find someone who loves you like me. If you happen to read this, just know ...i know this will be hard, and we will be judged by people, but i do not care. Youre the man I love, who made a big big mistake, but dont add to it by leaving me to be with someone out of guilt.


Anonymous said...


You should try "just sitting at a machine" for 8 hours a day. It may not be physical but it DEFINETLY is a mental exaustion you'll start to feel.

From one who knows

theo said...

2895 - All I can say is, I'm glad I'm not your husband. If you knew going in that he'd never have your whole heart, you shouldn't have married him.

Have your cake and eat it all you want, but some poor guy cares the world for you is gonna be left with a smoking, bleeding hole where his heart used to be. And that doesn't seem to bother you one little bit. . .

Nice. . .

Miss Thystle said...

Ladies, PARAGRAPHS are your friend! I want to read what you have to say but the giant columns of text kill me!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Miss Thystle's comment. When I see those non-stop lines of text I just scroll down through them. Please indent, at least once or twice, it would really help out those of us who are used to reading in paragraph form.

Anonymous said...

I agree. Press the ENTER key once in a while. You'll get a lot more readers that way.

Anonymous said...

Ladies i have been there I have been married 17 years just a few empty boxes in front of the door and tell him "I'm leaving you" that will wake the crapp out of him. I did it and it worked he has made a turn around. that is only if you still want to be married.

Anonymous said...

2900- you said "But why am i, the woman who up rooted her life, been 100% faithful, devoted and so loving, never ever denied you sex or any variation of, and has taken care and loved you so much for so long the one begging you to stay?"

The question is the answer. Regardless of his behavior, you will always be there. There are no boundaries. What you see as 100% devotion and love is seen by others as putting your entire identity, purpose for life, and trust--all your eggs in the same basket--bordering on obsession, into this guy. You are defining yourself based on the goodness of your behavior instead of inward knowledge of your own value. He can probably see that you don't value yourself from the inside out and that you are obsessed with him. A possible result is the lack of a lasting connection and his seeking someone that requires some effort on his part to connect with and romance. We treat daddy's credit card a lot differently than the cash we had to earn with our own labor.

Laurie M said...

I just think you need counselling. And I mean that in a good way!

PS I agree with the paragraph comments too.

juli said...

2900- You have major self esteem issues, and this tool you love is a narcissist. You actually make the perfect couple from what I can tell. If you are not happy with your sole position in life being a door mat, then GET OUT. He will not change. You obviously need to work on some emotional things.

It always seems impossible when you are in the thick of it. What do you love about this man? You love him even though he does not love you? How humiliating! Don't stick with him just so you look "right" to your family and friends! Eat some humble pie, go home to NY, and forget this dousche bag! Or better yet, stay in TX, where there are endless hot men, and find a better one! (I hear its slim pickins in NY) Good luck!

Anya said...

you make me stick to my decision that marriage sucks especially for yourself abit..just a teeny he sure does

Anonymous said...

You have single-handedly wrecked this 17 year old's belief in love. Good work.

Anonymous said...

#2893 - I feel the same way about my husband.

cyberskin said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sex Blog said...
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Stitchin said...

#2894: Emotional abuse hurts worse than fists, and can kill you in the end. Leave him.

#2896: You are my hero. Been there, done that.

#2899: WHY are you staying with a man who doesn’t care about you? Why are you lying to protect him?

#2900: Go home, honey. Go home to New York. He just doesn’t care, and you can’t care enough for two. Don’t have kids with this jerk. Find someone who will love you. Don’t put up with anything less.