Monday, April 20, 2009

True Wife Confessions 289 Design

Confession #2881

You want to have sex. I don't. I say I don't want to have sex and you still insist. I say again I don't want to. You insist again. If I try to ignore you, you poke at me until I give way. It doesn't matter to you that I don't want to. All that matters is that you get off. I offer a hand job, and you don't want that. And I realized last week - this is submission. You are bully and you will bully me in any way you can, even through sex. You have made our bed a battleground and I fucking hate you for it. I told my therapist as I cried and said I know. I know what it means, non consensual sex. And I hate myself too for going along with it.

Confession #2882

truly so love my husband. But i want to be with a guy who is a friend of mine. I feel like I am important when i am with my friend and he makes feel like he would go to the ends of the earth for me and my husband doesn't act that way at all. So instead of sleeping with him we sext back and forth as much as we can. I send him pics and tell him what i wanna do to him.

Confession #2883

You are the most amazing husband and father anyone could ever dream of. There are moments when I see you holding our son or bringing laundry up the basement stairs for me that I absolutely cannot believe this is my life. I thank God every day for giving me someone so wonderful to share my life with.

I just wish that your friends were more like you. I wish they didn't treat their wives and girlfriends like dirt and constantly berate you for not doing the same. I know you hardly go out with them any more, but any time you do I'm on edge. I just cannot understand how these are the people you chose to spend your time with. And I don't understand how you can be around people who outright insult you and your wife and talk about your son like he's the worst thing that ever happened to you. So you can't go out three nights a week anymore... they need to get over it! They're all married and half of them have pregnant wives. Why do they think that kind of behavior is acceptable? Why do they think it's okay to talk about women as though they're property or that they "need to be put in their place". It's disgusting. You are so incredible. Why do you associate yourself with the scum of the earth? If I hear one more comment from any of them, I swear I'm going to lose my mind. You need to get over it already. Just because you were friends with these people in high school doesn't mean you have to carry them into your adult life. Obviously, you have nothing in common with any of them anymore. Nothing. And they're constantly talking sh*t about you. I don't get it. Why would you even want to be around them yourself? Never mind the horrible things they have to say about me. Friends don't treat each other like that. It's time to move on.

I love you. I hate your "friends".

Confession #2884

I left my husband, now ex-husband, the first time with a post-it. I should have done that the second and third time. It would have saved me some time.

Confession #2885

after the stunt you pulled at Christmas, I have vowed not to waste anymore tears on you. I can't believe you spent what little money we had for Christmas on a tobacco pipe and pulled the rest out of the ATM and still won't tell me what you used it for. I wish I had the mental strength to divorce you. You will buy crap at the expense of a bill(s) not getting paid and complain to everyone how hard it is to support a family on one income. We could live just fine on what you make if you didn't piss so much of it away. I am working hard to finish my college education so I can pay off the credit card you racked up buying fishing stuff and beer ( and to have the financial safety net if I do leave you). I hope my son does not turn out like you, I rather die than see that. I am at conflict with my religious upbringing about sticking through it, I knew before we even got married that I was making a mistake... even your mother knows that you are lucky to have me. You thought I would take care of everything and carry you through life......the joke is on you

Confession #2886

We have been married for 11 years. I have followed your dreams,been supportive of all decisions you have made for us and completely taken care of you.Somewhere along the way I have lost who "I" am.We never go anywhere or do anything together,the only time we go out to dinner together is on our anniversary and we haven't even done that the past two years.You are lazy,and want the rich lifestyle but do not want to work for it.Some days you sleep till 3 or 4 in the afternoon,then get up and sit at your computer until 3;00 in the morning,and you are not doing any work on it.You expect me to do all the work,because of you we have lost our business,and our home.I've needed to go to the dentist for 8 months but cannot because I cannot afford it.So I go thru my day with pain.
I am done,I cannot take anymore.You are going to be hearing the words,"It's over" from me. I quit loving you long ago.I need to find my happiness

Confession #2887

I caught you the other day talking to some chic online and at first, you denied it but when you looked in my eyes, you knew that you were busted. I wanted to yell and scream for wasting my time and begging me to work our marriage out but I could not because that night your son decided he wanted to sleep with us. Therefore, I went to bed pissed off and in the morning, you were gone and I decided to go to the gym and work my stress off. I got back home and was still annoyed. Why was I annoyed, I have no clue. I took a shower and just as I was drying my hair, you walked in and wanted to talk. I was still on fire. I asked you to leave me alone but you continued to say you were sorry and that you never meant to hurt me. (Here’s what I have to say to that,”FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE ON.” It is over and I am gladJ) I walked out of the bathroom and you followed me. I asked you again, to leave me alone. You continue to talk shit. I grabbed my wet towel from the bed and as you turned to walk out the room, I swung it so hard across your face, it cut you.” I bet that shit hurts” you charged me and I, punched you right in your face. I punched and punched and you tried to push me away…it took my sister and brother-in-law to get me off you. Next time do not play with my emotions. Next time, when I tell you to leave me alone, you will comply. I needed to hit something and you were in my line of fire. I feel better now.

Confession #2888

I thought for sure when you got laid off you'd help me more with the baby. Boy, was I ever wrong about that.

Now that you're home every day, you sit and play video games constantly while I take care of the baby and the house. When I ask you to hold her for a few minutes so I can do something in another room, you get all huffy and act like you're doing me a favor. You go out with your friends without even so much as a "Hey, do you mind if I..." and get mad if I suggest that it's unfair that you get to take time for yourself whenever you want it and I never ever EVER do. As I type this, you're out having lunch with your friend, and last night you announced that you're going out to a sports bar tonight for drinks and a basketball game with friends. Which also means you'll be eating dinner out. While I sit at home with the baby. No checking with me first, no offering to bring me dinner, nothing. It's like you think you're entitled to live the same life you had before we had a baby.

This baby was YOUR idea. Did you forget? How you wanted a baby sooo bad? Can you not remember all the nights I dissolved into tears while I was pregnant, panicking about what having a baby would do to the career I was just starting to get together? How you told me not to worry, that you would take care of the baby whenever you were home so I could stay in grad school and keep my job? And look at me now: I've had to quit my job and drop out of school because you've been absolutely ZERO help. Somehow, everything I feared about motherhood has come true, but if I try to talk to you about it, you get mad at me for "making [you] feel like a jerk."

Guess what? You ARE a jerk. Just because taking care of a baby turned out to be harder than you expected doesn't mean you get to opt out. You don't get to leave all of this to me! I'm so angry I hardly know what to do with myself anymore. You're 37 goddamned years old! Act like a grownup!

I'm so exhausted. I don't know how this became my life. I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I never wanted kids at all. I made all these sacrifices to give you the life you always wanted, believing you'd do the same for me when apparently you had no intention of doing so. I don't want to divorce you; I just want you to do your fair share of the shit work, make it feel like this is a team effort like you told me it would be. I don't even know how to function in this role. I feel like you're turning me into the nagging wife I always swore I would never be. How did this happen? Where is the man I fell in love with, who wove beautiful stories about what our life would be like as a family? I know you know I'm miserable. Don't you even care?

Confession #2889

Sometimes I don't know what is keeping our marriage together aside from my stubborn streak. You don't please me in bed, have the sex drive of a 60 year old man, look at your stupid computer games more than at me, stress out way to much, and are so pessimistic it makes me sick. Do you know that there is a man out there who wants everything that you have? A man who would kill for a wife who wants sex all the time, who would adore two little girls like ours whole-heartedly, and who knows how to smile and laugh genuinely. That is the worst part about you...your glass-is-half-empty attitude. It is draining to be around you, the sunshine around me goes away, and you suck all the color out of my day with just a look. I feel bad that I can't make you happy enough, but I am starting to realize that it is not me lacking, but you.

Confession #2890

Dear Potential Other Woman,

You probably need to realize that there ARE definitely 2 sides to every story and if he’s saying I’m a major league bitch who’s mean to him, you have to think that maybe, just maybe there might be a reason why I’m mean to him.

Here are also a few things you might want to ponder:

If you have kids, don’t expect him to spend any time with them, take any interest in them, do anything with them or even spend more than 30 seconds having a superficial conversation with them. If he doesn’t do all the above things with his own kids, why would he do anything else with yours?

Don’t expect to go anywhere and do anything, unless it’s something he absolutely loves to do. He’s too miserly to spend the money, unless it’s something he wants and then, no limits. He doesn’t like doing things that bore him, hence the reason why he doesn’t spend any time with his kids. Plus, he goes to bed early every night so don’t get your hopes up to do anything past the witching hour, his sleep is more important than anything and he won’t stay up late for anyone.

Don’t expect to be a priority. These are his priorities: work, gym, everything else in his life, his family comes dead last. A co-worker will have higher priority than you do. Get used to it.

Don’t expect to have any say in the financial aspects of your life. He thinks that since he makes the money that he gets to make all the decisions. And, he’s sneaky, he’ll do things without checking with you and let you find out later. He’ll make huge, possibly horrible rash decisions without consulting you and doesn’t care what you think.

He makes plans to do things and won’t tell you about them. You’ll be expecting him home and he won’t be home hours after you expect him. You’ll think he’s dead somewhere but no, he just went out with the guys for a drink but didn’t think to call to tell you. He’ll make plans to travel somewhere and will tell you at the last minute or you’ll hear it from someone else. And, he’ll tell you that he thought he told you, if he even tries to cover up him not telling you.

He respects the opinions of the people he works with way more than you. Sucks, but true.

He’ll take days off and won’t tell you about it, as that way you can’t complain that he doesn’t ever take time off to spend it with you or your kids. In his mind, his days off are for HIM, not you, not his kids, not anyone else and by golly ,he’s going to do what he wants to do with his days off!

He spends the time he’s at home either on the computer or watching tv and taking naps on the couch. He’s the life of the party, isn’t he?

Don’t ever get sick, as he won’t even care that you’re sick, other than the fact that you can’t (or won’t) make dinner. He won’t bring you something to drink or eat, ask if you need anything, do anything remotely considered to be kind, as he just isn’t that kind of a guy. He isn’t compassionate and even if someone told him what to do, he wouldn’t do it, as he doesn’t want to do it.

You and your friends probably think that he’s so wonderful, the life of the party and the same guy you knew way back when. Deep inside, I do think that that guy is in there somewhere. But, the selfish, only doing what he wants to do guy is way more prevalent than the other great guy, as he’s gotten way more selfish as the years have gone on. He does what he wants to do, nothing more and it doesn’t matter if he hurts someone that he is supposed to love. Don’t expect affection, kind gestures, touching unless he wants sex, empathy or a person to take care of you when you are old/sick or anything, as he’s too selfish.

People always tell me what a nice, good-looking guy I’m married to and I am so tempted to let them know how nice he is but don’t want to be one of “those” people. It sucks that he fools so many people.


Anonymous said...

OMG, #2889, are you married to my husband?

Goddess of Madness said...

#2888: I could of written that word for word 5 years ago. Leave. He will not change. You will be so much happier trust me.

Anonymous said...

2889 - I thought we were married to the same man, but I guess the person above me is married to him too. Not the video game part, but the pessimistic, soul-sucking, life-draining attitude. He's a fun guy, no?

Anonymous said...

2881 this happens more than we think. My husband does this, too. You're not alone, how sad is this....
Dawn, what does the "2 labels" mean?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, 2890's married to mine. Today's confessions are just so damned depressing, though. How did we all end up married to such mean SOB's? I went to college, studied hard, work hard at my job, and other than deciding to marry Bozo, have always made pretty good decisions in life. If anyone had ever tell me that I'd have a Ph.d. and teach at an Ivy League school and then come home to a guy who calls me "fatass", I wouldn't have believed them. .

Anonymous said...

Re: #2890....hmmmmm, He respects the opinions of the people he works with way more than you. Sucks, but true. I could insert the words "bloggers he's never met in his life, but e-emails constantly" instead of "people he works with" and it's a bullseye for my husband!

The day off thing applies as well.

In fact, pretty much the whole damn confession describes him!

I wish I knew how to open his eyes.

Anonymous said...

2885 he bought a tobacco pipe and you dont know what else? He bought drugs to use in the pipe. Save your money and run as fast and as far away as you can.

Anonymous said...

#2881 Yeah that's what it means all right, and where I live it's explicitly defined under the requirements for a restraining order, but do you think I was able to admit it in court? Aaarggh. All sympathy to you.

#2887 That's abuse, domestic violence, and it's not more acceptable from you than it would be from him. I'm right there with your reaction to his BS but, just, no. You cannot do that.

#2888 I'm that baby. Guess who got a divorce and raised me by herself?

#2890 She thinks he'll be different with her. Incredibly, it's just possible he would / will be.

theo said...

2882, that's a dangerous road you're heading down. . .

Orchid said...

#2888 made me so sad to the point of crying. I have the same fears she's facing now, except I'm not married and I'm not a mother. I feel so bad for here. I wish i could babysit for her or something. Wake her husband up and make him snap out of it! Why the heck do they get to opt out and just leave us hanging?! it's not fair!

Miss Thystle said...

#2889 and the annon's; y'all can take our mutal husband and keep him, because I'm at the end of my rope.

Anonymous said...


I am married to that guy too! Sucks sometimes doesn't it?

Anonymous said...

to 2890

Wow...I am almost wondering if this was written by the soon to be ex of a guy I was stupid enough to get involved with.

I saw things in his behaviour I didn't like, but chose to ignore it. If his kids got loud or whatever he wouldn't get up and deal with it. He'd bang on the wall and bitch his wife wasn't dealing with it. He was like a bear in a cave or something. After me devoting months of my life to him, he told me on Valentine's Day he needed space. Then he left me in limbo for a while. Then he told me "oh sorry I am in love with someone else (the "best friend" he said he could never be involved with) and didn't know what to do...yay...more limbo! Finally I ended things.

The only reason I know it's not about him is he stays up late.

Anonymous said...

@2881: Unless you're being abused in some way or otherwise turned off/put off by this man, put out or get out - it's that simple. There exists counseling, drugs, and other treatments for your flatlined sex drive. Harsh? Yes, but you must realize that men generally have a strong need for sex. Is it all about sex? No, but sex is an important part of a relationship; women who refuse to understand that have no business entering into one. "I have my reasons." Really? Have you shared them with him? "I'm too tired/don't feel like it/don't want to" day after day gets old *really* fast (and, incidentally, are not valid reasons for not having sex if you use them day after day). I put up with that crap for four years and have recently managed to find someone who agrees with me; I absolutely *adore* that woman. No one holds a candle to her.

*Man*, does it feel good to let this out.

Anonymous said...

It's a safe bet that Anonymous8:52pm is a spousal rapist, since he approves of spousal rape so strongly. I hope he winds up in prison.

Stitchin said...

#2888: Having a baby when you NEVER WANTED ONE is always a mistake. He won’t help with the baby he insisted on? Pack your bags and leave him with the baby. You can call him in a couple of weeks, find out if he’s interested in being a partner in a marriage or in taking care of ALL of it himself, for the rest of his life. Because no, he doesn’t care that you’re miserable. At least, not yet.

#2889: You deserve better. So do the girls. So does the man who really loves you. LEAVE.

#2890: And you had kids wit h this guy, WHY? One kid – it can happen. You think things will be different, like #2888, because he’s lied about how much help he’ll be. But after the first one, you ALREADY KNOW what he’s like. Why did you have more??

Orchid: You’re not married, and you don’t have a baby. LEAVE, just freaking LEAVE. Find someone who will treat you well. YOU DON’T HAVE TO STAY.

Anonymous 1:11: Yes, Anonymous 8:52 absolutely could be – in which case, he would deserve that fate. Or he could just be some poor ordinary guy whose wife turned him down, week after week, year after year – but wouldn’t leave him, and wouldn’t let him go without trying to destroy him. It will make a guy just as bitter as it makes us. As bitter as it made me. Sexual coercion isn’t right – but pain at constant sexual rejection isn’t a one-way street.