Monday, March 16, 2009

True Wife Confession Base 10

Confession #091

I am still having a hard time forgiving you for having what I consider
to be an emotional affair with your old coworker. The fact that you don't
think there was anything wrong with it (and it was me being too sensitive)
doesn't help. It's turned me into the cell phone checking, email snooping
wife I never wanted to be.

Confession #092

I hate when people ask us if/when we are having more kids. I tell them "I don't know" even though I know the answer is "never." Sure, I'd love to have another child, give our daughter a sibling, and quite possibly give you a son to carry on your family name. But I know our marriage would not survive. More specifically, I would not survive as your wife knowing again you'll be lazy, selfish, and unhelpful. Congratulations, Fun Daddy, your family name ends with you

Confession #093

I am in love with someone else.

Confession #094

I purposefully waited until your butt touched the chair before asking you to get me something to drink because you seem to do it to me all the time. Didn't like it very much did ya?

Confession #095

No matter what anyone says ... an IOU is not a birthday gift or a mother's day gift. It is a piece of paper that means nothing - especially if you don't follow through

Confession #096

If you text me again asking me to transfer money to your account so you can
buy shit for yourself, I will throw away your cell phone.

Confession #097

I truly, truly hate that every time you think you are paying me a compliment
you end it with a but....dinner was good, but... You look nice, but....
You are an asshole. No but.

Confession #098

I hate how you complained that you had to do the dishes again last
night. I am eight months pregnant with your first born child and you
will never understand how I'm feeling right now.

Confession #099

You are the LAZIEST of lovers. You lay there on your back and do nothing. You used to do magical things with your fingers - what happened? My signal for sex is an arm around my neck. Gross. You have no clue how hard I can orgasm if you would get off your fat ass

Confession #100

I resent paying for Head and Shoulders shampoo so much that I have been
buying generic shampoo and putting it into the same Head and Shoulders
bottle for over two years. Honey, you're bald and you don't need shampoo
anymore. You especially don't need one that controls dandruff. You have
more hair on your ass than you do on your head and you use soap on your ass.
Enough already!


Anonymous said...

you are re-posting old confessions - good for those who haven't read them all - but disappointing to those who have.

Anonymous said...

miss 100 - my poor ex had the same issue... but his scalp was dry and the shampoo helped... really.... and nair works on that hairy ass... sign me,,, i like it smooth baby!

Dawn said...

You are accurate Anon 11:49 - I often do this when I do not have ten new confessions to post.

All about supply, my friend.

Anonymous said...

Dawn, I love the old confessions. For some reason they make me laugh harder the second time around.

sugaredharpy said...

I love the old confessions, thank you. They were concise, and hit home.

To #97, I've been there. I divorced it. I'm not sorry for it. I'm now with a partner who simply says, "You look nice." And he means it. No one deserves to be told at every turn how they have another shortcoming. You didn't either.

You look nice.

Anonymous said...

I could have written #91 myself. I understand completely. Although snooping makes me feel even worse, I can't seem to stop.

Anonymous said...

Geez, what a bunch of good ones! Old or not -- doesn't matter. Highly entertaining! Thanks for all you do to keep this going, Dawn.

Stitchin said...

#94: Let me introduce you to my two friends, the letter “N” and the letter “O”. NO, I will not get you a drink, I just sat down! Do you have some religious objection to my sitting down, because you seem to do your best to prevent it. Get up and get your own drink! And you can get ME one while you’re at it.

#97: Your husband is a but-head, and needs to be left. This is abusive mind-f#ck.

#98: Why are you having a child with a man who thinks doing the dishes is a Big Deal – when HE does them? You do know you’ll be doing all the childcare yourself, right?