Monday, January 05, 2009

True Wife Confessions 278 resolutions

Confession #2771

I hate the way you stare at me when you are angry - and yes, I have spoken to you about it. But honestly, it makes me feel like a naughty 5 year old - when I have nothing to feel guilty about. Stop trying to be my father.

Confession #2772

Really??? You had an accident with the car, your car, and I am not supposed to get upset. Well, now you need my car, the family car to get back and forth. If you came home when you were supposed to, maybe it wouldn't have happened, but we will never know, now will we. when will this stop, your behavior continues to be reckless. I may have to leave to keep my self preservation. Anyway, I hope you get picked for jury duty. You need it. Personally, I am glad you are out of the house. Love you

Confession #2773

It occurs to me that you love me most when you are thousands of miles away. Take our Skype conversation just two days ago, you telling me how much you loved and missed me, and how when you got home you were going t lay me out on our bed and pleasure me orally just like I like (but you soooooooo rarely do). You say that to me when you're thousands of miles away because you think it's what I need to hear. The truth is I gave up believing those lines long ago because you NEVER, EVER follow through.

Ya know what my New Years resolution is? Your blowjobs will be in direct proportion to the amount of oral sex I receive. In other words; none for me = none for you. Let's see how you like the game of "tease and take away".

Confession #2774

I wonder if you realize just how much trouble our marriage is in. If
you understand the depth of my unhappiness.

We have been married for nearly a decade, together near 14 years.
That's a long time. We have two of the most beautiful children that
are a true pleasure, even when they are being pains in the ass.

Yet, you can't be bothered to remember an anniversary, Christmas or
birthday. I'm not exactly sure when you decided this was "OK". When
you were able to justify it so clearly to yourself and make it
alright.

You sat in therapy and put all the blame on me. She spends all the
money, so there's nothing left for me to buy her something for
Christmas or her birthday (or our anniversary apparently).

Now let's review the latter half of 2008. Christmas. When you ask me
at 10:05 PM on December 18th if you can still order my gift online,
I'm kinda thinking that's not a good sign, since the shipping cut-off
for Christmas was exactly 5 minutes earlier, dumbass. Oh, but wait, I
saved you again because I knew you would forget and I ordered it
myself. Real fucking classy babe.

Oh, and when you ask me what I want for Christmas, it's not the
smartest thing in the world to say, "Well do you need it?" with
complete snotty-ness in your voice. Really kills the dream, ya know.

So here we are 3 days from our anniversary. And I made sure you had
money in your account (not a huge amount, but enough you could get me
a card and a movie or a CD or some-fucking-thing. and you went to
lunch with it. AND TREATED A CO-WORKER TO LUNCH. So now, there is
nothing. Well, no. I have the same amount to buy YOU something. And
I will. And I will make dinner for us that night. And we will see
how this plays out.

And my birthday. I don't care about getting old, I really don't. But
you make me fucking dread my birthday because invariably someone will
be dumb enough to ask what you got me or what you had the kids give
me. And I'm tired of lying to make you look better. I really am.

and sex once a month is NOT normal. I'm so fucking sick of the
history of porn on your damn computer, but you can't be bothered to
fuck me. I can fucking dance naked in front of you and you'll just
ask me to step aside.

I'm tired of living in your universe. I want off this ride, but I
don't know how to make it stop. I love you, but I need to find myself
again and be me. I have no desire for our children to think this is
"normal" for a husband to not buy gifts for his wife.

Oh, and quit fucking arguing with me over gifts for the kids. I don't
buy too much, but I'm not fucking giving them 1 God-damn gift on
Christmas morning. That is shitting and you're a cheap bastard for
even suggesting it. We're not that fucking poor. And if we were,
maybe you should give up your precious iphone to save us money....oh
wait, that will never happen. I'm sorry, what was I thinking?!?

Confession #2775

I want a divorce for Christmas. I want you to quit fighting me over every stupid thing, because this is going to go to a judge, and he is going to give me everything I want. You know why? Because you have bugged my bedroom and my car, you have threatened our children, our daughter is afraid of you.

You claim you want to work things out, but you have been worse to me since I told you I was unhappy than you ever were before. Guess what? Being called a whore and a liar doesn't exactly make me fall back in love with you.

Oh, and by the way... I'm not divorcing you because of anyone else but YOU. I met someone AFTER I filed. But you would rather blame this on someone else. WHATEVER. I'm done

Confession #2776

I know that we have been married almost 7 years and that we have two small children and that overall, we have been disconnected for quite some time. What I don't understand is why you think that by doing nothing, it will magically get better and how you are unable to let anything go, in order to take a first step toward doing so?

I know that I am the one who pulled away from you first. You know why. Because you are highly critical and controlling and because I am just sensitive enough to hold onto it all. I know that our infertility issues didn't help our sex life either. I realize that you are a man and that men have different needs than women do, at least in certain times of life.

It just seems like I am always the one doing all of the trying. All of the changing. All of the counseling. Reading relationship books, trying to open the lines of communication, trying to get you to be a bit more in tune with REAL LIFE and trying to get you to understand that we are a team, with alot on our plate and that sometimes in life, people aren't always in love and having hot sex.

By constantly being negative and not lifting a finger where our marriage is concerned, you are alienating me/us more and more each day. You are a great dad and you do help me around the house....but you just can't make yourself lighten up enough to actually love me unconditionally, which in turn, would get you the sex that you are throwing our entire relationship away over.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that I am sorry that you are not getting laid enough right now. I am sorry that you choose a high pressured job and that we live in an expensive home and that you honestly choose to believe that everyone but you is having sex. I am sorry that we have two small children under 3 and that you don't want to believe that finding time for each other is a problem for alot of married couples with small children. I am sorry that you cannot get on board with me and accept that if we treat each other with respect and remain the best of friends through the rough times, that in the end, we'll be lovers again easily. Really, though, while I am sorry....I don't really care anymore.

I am so sick and tired of feeling like we have reached some sort of an understanding and then watching you slide right back into your critical, negative personality. I would leave you right now, if it weren't for our kids. I might leave you when they are grown, but I still think it would hurt them too much. I suppose instead though, I 'll just keep taking anti-depressants to try and get through the day with you, find a few good friends to laugh with, consider this the bed I made and just go ahead and accept it.

Confession #2777

You are the BEST when it comes to picking gifts for your mom and our
kids. The absolute best. You suck at picking presents for me,
though. I pretend it doesn't bother me, but honestly it hurts my
feelings that you don't care enough to try. I mean, a coffee mug with
your company logo on it? Are you retarded?

Confession #2778

It seems things can only go along well for so long, and then we hit another wall. Tonight, I am sick and tired of listening to you go on and on about wonderful Wyoming and how you dream of retiring there. Go ahead. Retire there. ALONE. I don't want to live in yet another city inhabited with yet another of your ex-wives looking over my shoulder, reporting my every move. And I sure as hell don't want to live in the sticks and wilderness that is Wyoming ... at least the Wyoming you've shown me thus far. For God sake man, you lived there 20 plus years ago, and you remember it as a young boy. Time has a way of easing memory and turning a dull place into something magical. It's that "magic" that you are recalling honey, but the reality is that it's bloody cold there and it's DULLSVILLE. You wanna go live in the sticks? Have at it, but you'll be packing up your house all by yourself and you'll be living that way in wonderful Wyoming. I love you, but I cannot stand the thought of being yanked out of the big city that makes me feel alive. Not for the freedom and fresh air and sorry babe, not for you. Can't do it. Won't do it. Stop making the sales pitch, I'm just not buying it.

Confession #2779

Has it ever occurred to you that shopping is my way of managing the stress of living with you? That my shopping jags are the way I fill some kind of empty emotional void? That you yelling at me for shopping with MY MONEY only inspires me to go out and spend more of MY MONEY?

Confession #2780

When I was telling you about the woman that came into my work and had
just had lipo and I'd made a comment that'd I'd love lipo on my
stomach, your response threw me off.

"Would you ever consider gastric bypass?"

I know I'm fat. Technically "morbidly obese". But I'm still active.
I know I need to lose weight, let's just get that out of the way.
There is NO denial about my size or that for my health, I need to lose
weight.

But here's the thing. You've always like "big" girls. You were the
one person I felt completely safe with, that I never thought would
make me feel bad about my weight (well, other than your Mom, but
that's because she's a living saint).

And when you said the thing about the surgery, you said it so quickly,
without missing a beat. Which means you've been thinking about it.
Which would also explain our sex life or lack there of.

In 14 years of being with you, I never thought it would come to that.

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

#2780: Go read KateHarding.net now. Health is not equal to size, it's just not. Be healthy for your own sake, but don't think that a smaller size equals health.

And I'm so sorry he said that, so quickly, and that now you are hurting. You ARE beautiful. Utterly, stunning, gorgeous.

Anonymous said...

#2780, if you're "morbidly obese" as you say, that means you could die from it. Maybe his words were nothing but words of love. Pay attention.

Anonymous said...

#2780 here. Yes, by BMI I am morbidly obese. I'm not proud of it, and I am trying to change it. But as for many people, it's a struggle. Believe me, his words were not of 'love'. Had he sat down and had a grown up discussion with me about it and said, "I'm concerned, etc." I'd have understood his comment. But never a word.

Thank you to the other poster, I will check out that website.

Anonymous said...

#2780: face reality already. His words don't have anything to do with it. It's REALITY that you need to face. You need to lose weight for your own self. Why are you avoiding that fact of life?

Anonymous said...

To 2773-
Sounds like we are married to the same asshole. My husband says it's differet for a man than a woman to perform oral - wetter, germier, WTF? I suppose swallowing a mouthful of his stuff isn't wet or germy. That kind of shit really pisses me off.

Dawn said...

Wetter? Germier?

That is the weakest excuse I have ever heard.

In the words of the genius Dan Savage -
Oral is standard on ALL models. If you expect good head - expect to give good head!

Anonymous said...

#2772:

nice. real nice. how about "i'm glad you're okay" rather than "now you have to use MY car?!"

maybe your husband should be the one posting.

Anonymous said...

#2774

stop being so hung up on the material things. you sound like a whining teenage from "my super sweet 16."

Anonymous said...

2772 here, and he is ok, no one was hurt, but his reckless behavior caused the accident, why should I suffer? Why should his kids suffer? If he was posting he wouldn't be posting about annoying stuff, he would be telling you I am the most forgiving person he knows. I know this because he tells me every day how gratful he is for us. But thanks for the support. ;)
Me

Anonymous said...

2780 - Never thought it would come to this? What? Him thinking negatively about your extremely unhealthy lifestyle and mustering the courage to mention it to you, the one person he loves the most and has stood by all this time and likely doesn't want to lose too soon, knowing that you have a beyond eggshell thin positive self-image? Are you blind? This man loves you and is seeking your best interests in the only way he knows how. Cut him some major slack, unless you prefer he keep his job as life-support manager for your self-esteem and self deception so that you feel great about yourself while obesity slowly steals your life away, the life of the one he cares for most. Seriously - you can only keep one in tact, your precious feelings or your health. He loves you. Work with him to a better you.

Anonymous said...

2773 - I used to believe the crap about; "if you want more love, give more love" but having tried that (giving him more head thinking I'd get more head) I found it failed miserably. I'm still frustrated and he's still asking for it/expecting it. I thik our guys were seperated at birth.

Anonymous said...

2773 - I used to believe the crap about; "if you want more love, give more love" but having tried that (giving him more head thinking I'd get more head) I found it failed miserably. I'm still frustrated and he's still asking for it/expecting it. I thik our guys were seperated at birth.

Jay said...

Wow, the holidays really do bring out the best in everyone.

~M~ said...

2780 - perhaps he meant that in a kinder way than you took it. As in its relatively safer than going through the extreme of lipo. With Gastic Bypass, you learn to curb your food intake and eat healthier for a lifestyle change. With lipo, its instant gratification without the benefits of learning. Whatever the reason, do get healthy for you - no one else. Best Wishes.

2777 - OMG... lol. Sorry, but thats funny. Our husbands could be brothers in that area.

2776 - Get out. Now, while you can. If he has no intention of changing or trying to make things better with you, it isn't worth your time nor your health. In the end, it will kill you. And that line about staying for the kids - what kind of role model are you being to them? What kind of lesson are you teaching them? Do you want them to grow up thinking its ok to treat other people the way their father treats you? Please, get out while you can!!!

2775 - GOOD FOR YOU!

2774 - I'm so sorry. I truly am.

2773 - AMEN!!! tit for tat baby!

2772 - He wrecked it. He can spring for a cab or a rental. Tell him to leave your car alone. His fault, let him deal with it.

2771 - If he wants to treat you like your father does, then try treating him like his parents do whenever they are mad at him. Maybe he'll get the point.

Anonymous said...

Are you really moderating comments -- because it appears that everyone who has posted here has been attacked! The lady says she's sick of picking out her own Christmas presents and she gets told to "grow up and stop being so materialistic"? HOw is that not an attack. Where's the love? Where's the support? That's why I visit here, and lately it doesn't feel like the same sort of place it used to be.

Anonymous said...

2774:

My husband has a hard time remembering anniversaries, birthdays, christmas... but he always gets me something eventually. Even if it's late, it's fine with me. And the time we spend together on those days are the best gifts I've ever received.

I personally think one gift for each kid on Christmas, especially in this economy, is perfectly acceptable. I grew up in a family of 7, so we generally only had one gift each on Christmas morning. It's not about the material things, it's about the time and love you have with your loved ones.

I don't think your husband is the one with the problem-- I think you are taking this way out of context. Your marriage is in trouble because of gifts? That is ridiculous.

It sounds like porn is the real issue... but underneath the fact that your husband prefers porn points to an issue or two he is having with YOU. If you can't accept him for what/who he is, he won't feel safe being vulnerable with you. Take THAT to counseling and figure out what YOU can do to make the relationship better.

Marriage is a two way street-- start looking both ways before you open your mouth.

Anonymous said...

Hey lady above, I wasn't even the one posting -- but you sound REALLY bitter and judgmental. Not everyone is the same as you, we are all different. The idea that this woman who is perhaps feeling vulnerable should be required to "not desire any Christmas gifts" just because you don't is ridiculous. She has the right to her feelings -- and when you attack someone else's feelings and tell them that they do not have the right to feel those feelings then you're just being a bully, and abusive and judgmental. I pity your kids -- do you also tell them to just 'grow up' and suck it up when they experience negative feelings? Do you tell them the appropriate way that they SHOULD be feeling? Who appointed you God, judge and tribunal? THe lady has a right to her feelings.

Anonymous said...

2780--Of course he's been thinking about your weight. If he were technically "morbidly obese" wouldn't you be thinking about his weight?

Perhaps you'd even find ways to avoid sex with him. You probably wouldn't find him attractive anymore or resent him for becoming over weight and out of shape. Maybe he wants a more active life and family and that's not happening with you.

Why did you think it would never come to that? If you've been gaining weight and aren't doing anything about it, he has a right to be concerned. He may think surgery is the only thing that will work for you. Have you been a dieter in the past?

Try to be less defensive and think of this from his point of view.

Anonymous said...

2774-I am in the same boat. My husband stopped getting me anything for Christmas, birthdays or aniversaries as soon as I said "I do". He still expects gifts though, and if I don't get him anything I can expect to be emotionally punished for some time.

I really don't care about the stuff but I do care about what it says about his feelings towards me. He could just cut some flowers from the garden and I would be thrilled. It really is the thought that counts.

Anonymous said...

Hey anonymous 3:12, your comment hurt my feelings. I'm sure it was unintentional as I was just innocently browsing the comments, but I was all set to agree with anonymous 10:49 in a feel good, 'you go girl' kind of way when I was suddenly enlightened that all of us are different from one another and this good feeling of mine would then have a cosmic negative effect on the feelings of the original poster (not to mention dashing your hopes, or your right, of wallowing in negative feelings in a positive way). I know that you said I have a right to my feelings too, but I think you mean only if they don't make others feel bad. So I hope my hurt feelings make you have good feelings, because if my hurt feelings caused your feelings to hurt too, I think I wouldn't know what to feel, even if you told me. I sure hope I have a right to my run-on sentences too, because being called out on the rules of english composition would certainly be a direct attack on my feelings. Please please please no one think that I'm being a bully, abusive, or judgmental by trying to express the feelings I encountered while reading these comments.

Anonymous said...

2774 here. I never said it was all about the gifts, there are many underlying issues in our marriage, this just happens to be what I came here to b!tch about (and isn't that what this place is? a place to b!tch?). I would be perfectly happy for him to have a card for me, but he can't even be bothered to remember that. Here we are a week past my birthday, with no acknowledgment. THAT is the issue. That I am not important enough for him to acknowledge. As for the other issues, we have been in counseling. I am still in individual counseling, HE refuses to continue couples counseling or his individual counseling. So yes, it is a two way street, but funny how I'm the only one driving.

Anonymous said...

2774, I totally understand where you're coming from. It's not about the stuff at all, it's about him taking the time and having the consideration to show you he gives a shit. Eventually all those little things add up to big things and you feeling like you're not worth the time it takes him to pick out something you might actually like. You DO deserve better, and don't let anyone tell you you're being materialistic for expecting it. Good luck.

Dinosaur Mom said...

Oh for the love of pete, will some one please send in more confessions so I can get my fix and stop looking at this same page? There's only so much material I can generate on my own out here. Sincerely, #2777.

Anonymous said...

2774 - yah I got some crappy gift cards.... that was soooo thoughtful. That was in Dec 2006. I left b/c I hated feeling like he didn't want to be married to me. i left within the next two months. Its a sign of indifference. Passive aggressive b.s. I have since found out about multiple affairs etc. And it's not about the material stuff its about showing you care. I could have gotten something the tenth of the cost if it just showed he cared. Obviously he didn't... good luck with your toolman

Stitchin said...

Anonymous at 1:10 Oh,so you didn't get anything for your wife, and SHE'S pissed, TOO? 2774 isn't being MATERIALISTIC, she wants to know that she COUNTS with her husband. She isn't asking for furs or jewels, just some godd@mn THOUGHT. Apparently he hasn't anything to spare, and neither have you.