Monday, December 22, 2008

True Wife Confessions 277 Elvira

Confession #2761

Baby, you make me feel so very loved. Every girl in the world should feel this good. The way you touch me you make me feel so very loved I wish every girl could feel as wonderful my dear.
I Love you

Confession #2762

I know you hate the "cutting down the tree" tradition - but you do it, and are only minimally crabby about it. Thank you

Confession #2763

I said I would remain faithful but I’m slowly changing my mind. My male friends are looking better each day, sometimes I daydream of what it would be like to touch their skin, placing my lips all over their body and I do not feel guilty, I feel lonely and defiant. I appreciate your ignoring my attempts at affection they help me to realize your dislike or dissatisfaction for me and believe it or not I am perfectly ok with this because I’m also unhappy with you. Sometimes I wish you would leave me this way I won’t have to make the first move.

Confession #2764

For the first time in your adult life you are facing a very painful situation. I am sad for you. But I am also kind of glad, because maybe you will be able to relate to me better. Maybe you will see that my occasional sadness isn't a "weird mood"; sadness is a normal reaction when things remind me of ugly past events, people I have lost, and truths I now know. I hope you keep some of your bravado though.

Confession #2765

I saw him today. The man that made me what I am. The beginning of my foray into adulthood. The man who gave and took away. The man I thought I could never put down, never absorb enough of, the first man to make me cry, the first man I made cry.

I once believed I could not breathe if he wasn't near me. I couldn't live if he wasn't mine or even some semblance of such. But I found I was stronger. I found I was better for it, better for knowing, better for leaving. I needed to let go, I needed to grow. I needed what he couldn't/wouldn't give me. I needed myself.

But he still stops my breath. Do I love him? No, I haven't for years. I know that I never will again. Friends? I've never been good with that with anyone. Friends with someone who knows me, knows why I do, and what I do, what I want, and I will? I can't go back there anymore. I won't.

I have more now. I have someone I can and do love. Someone who wants all of me. Someone who will take no less, and no more. Someone who lets me live and learn, someone who loves me for what I am. For better or worse, he is the man that makes me the woman I've always wanted to be. The woman that I needed to be.

So if for nothing else, thank you. Thank you for the memories, the lessons learned, thank you for giving me myself.

Confession #2766

We finally did it. We finally had one whole day and night together. I dont know how the stars aligned to allow us to do this and get away with it but they did and i'm glad and i dont feel one bit of guilt or shame. I swear I'm not a cold woman, just a taken-for-granted married woman. We've had a years worth of quickie's here and there, whenever we could get away but that one night, 2 nights ago, trumps them all. The attention and affection we have for each other, when we can, in public, in a town where we know no one, far away from home is unbelievable. Our sex, unbelievable. Waking up next to you, with everybit of your arms and body surrounding me, produces the most unbelievable feeling i think i've experienced in 10 years. I will never leave my family for you and you'll never leave yours for me. I dont think it would be this great if we did. But those few nights i expect we'll have in the next few years will keep me refueled in managing my marriage. Just, thank you so much for giving me that, for holding me like that, for lusting me with such uncontrollable want. Thanks for making me feel like a million dollars for 36 hours.

Confession #2767

i don't know what happened exactly. i'm not sure i could even pin point when even it did. i just know something changed inside of me, like i'd been asleep for the past six years and i suddenly woke up. i can't put up with your shit anymore. no more head games and mind tricks. i'm tired of feeling worthless and small. i'm tired of being belittled and bullied around. i'm tired of being told i'm weak. i'm not. i can't say what made me realize it but i know will be so much better off without you.

i just hope we get this over with soon. fast and quick. i want the papers signed. i want you out of my life for good. i cannot wait to be alone.

i wish i could fast forward to years down the road... my family, my friends, me... we'll all have forgotten you. and we'll be all the more better for it.

i thank god every day that we didn't have kids. it makes this all so much easier.

Confession #2768

You cheated on your gf with me. I knew that it wasn't the kind of man that you are. Your email to me today only confirms that. I feel so bad... in a way I feel like the only reason why you did cheat was because of all the things that i said to you. I also feel so hurt because up until now you are all that I think about. You told me that we could still talk but just not bout that. I said ok but what exactly are we supposed to talk about. We weren't friends before and your with someone. You don't even call me from your cell phone. You call me from your house number. So obviously your dealing with me is going to remain a secret. A mutual friend of ours invited me out tonight but your gonna be there with your gf. I could never do that to you but more importantly I could never do that to myself. It would hurt me so badly to see you with someone else. Mainly because I have wished for so long that I was that somebody. Of course no one knows about this and I swear I will never tell a single soul. I leave next week for vacation and that could not have come at a better time. I hope being away from here will give me some perspective. I hope if need be it will help me to move on and get past everything.

Confession #2769

I think I am starting to forgive you. When we went to your work Christmas party and everyone kept saying what a woman I was for putting up with you, and one wanted to shake the hand of the woman who married you, I kind of liked it. I know you are crazy, I know you believe in what you believe in with all your heart, and you are vocal about it. Loudly. You also have the best safety record in all the nation and part of that is because of you. Because you care. The more the night went on and the pictures and the talk, I became more and more proud of you and who you are. You are MY husband. How lucky am I??? You put up with me, too. All I believe in, my bullshit and you trust my opinions. Doesn't' mean I fully trust you all the time still, but I think we may be on the road to redemption....
Now don't' get crazy, but I think I may love you again.
Love Me

Confession #2770

If I have to muddle through the holidays where we can please neither sides of our families; at least I can muddle through them with you. I am so glad I am not alone in how frustrated I get with them. On one hand, my mother criticizes us for even celebrating and on the other, your mother makes no effort to ever join us. Yet she sits in her lonely chair, in her decimated house and grumps that no one comes to visit her. How she can even live in that place, I will never know. I love her for giving me a fantastic husband, but if I knew her casually, we would not be friends. My mom drives me insane with her constant Salvation on a Cracker Crusade. It is so comforting that I can turn to you and gripe and have you understand what I am feeling.

I wish I could give you so many things this Christmas but it is also so comforting to know that you really don't want anything. We are both incredibly lucky to be together and to have our kids. Every day is like Christmas when I can be with the 3 of you.


Anonymous said...

Happy New Year to all of us who have come here to get it off our chests. What a year it has been. Here is to the strength we need to keep on going as women to give the best we have to give to everyone we love. We are all in this together wether we know eachother or not. Happy New Year!

Scorned Woman said...

I totally identify with you. The confusion, loneliness, up, downs, and in betweens you express are all things that I have felt. I'm trying to work my way through things and I hope that you will too.