Thursday, December 04, 2008

True Wife Confession 275 Necco Wafers on the Gingerbread house roof

Confession #2741

So the more I talk to him everyday. The less I want to continue to be with you. I know it will not be perfect, He makes me feel complete and I know he would make me happy. It's selfish on my part because I should think of our children. But it is hard, when i am still, and always be in LOVE with another man, when I married you, I was not in love with you but I have learned to love you but it will never compare to the LOVE that we share.


Confession #2742

I started an affair with a married man and have continued it even
after getting busted and making promises to you that it would never
happen again. But now I think I see that I'm not really in love with
him. He needs this more than I do. But I don't know how to find my
way back to you. I feel caught in the middle with no real place to
be. I can't tell him. I can't tell you. No one knows and I am
incredibly alone.

Confession #2743

We've been together for 25 years. I don't know exactly why or how it happened...but we've both changed. I'm not happy anymore 80% of the time when I'm with you. You've become angry, bitter, and controlling. You fly off at the slightest thing. Maybe you've always been that way but I was so young when we met that I didn't see it. I just thought I was in love and you were all I could see. Maybe if I had given myself a chance one of the many times we broke up when you tired of me I might of met someone else. Now married and too many children later , I feel stuck. I feel like I just woke up 3 years ago and realized I love you but I'm not in love with you. There's no passion in our sex life. I don't even want it to be you, I imagine it's someone else. I want to leave but I don't want to disrupt the kids. I go out and wish I could find someone who might spark my interest.....but I don''t. So maybe it's wrong but I'm just hanging on hoping my feelings will change or that once the kids are more grown that someone will find me.

Confession #2744

Listen, I've been screwing you for the better half of a year now. In and out of the office, behind your wife and my husbands back. It's ok, i like it, you get what you need and i get what i need. But dont set up a time and place and then not be able to show up. I know your wife and work come first and i know your wife pulls your strings and sh1t happens but i'm sitting here waiting for you to show up so i can get mine. Yes, i could go home and screw my husband but its just not the same. You set this up, not me. So either find the time and put out or i'm just going tohave to find some one to screw, NSA style.

Confession #2745

The reason you can't find a new job is not that other people are
stupid or your e-mail isn't working. It's because you apply for jobs
online when you're drunk without really reading the announcements or
editing your application documents. I'm amazed you get called for
interviews at all.

Confession #2746

(1673, back again.) I am ready to give you this confession face-to-face, but I don't know when that can happen. I want it here because, even though no one knows who we are, I need other people to know how you make me feel. I love you. I am always enamored. I've felt this way for years now and it's barely wavered; if anything, it's only gotten stronger. "The sun rises and sets with her" -- I could not describe this feeling any better. When I'm with you, my mind and soul feel at peace. I want to see yours at peace. On the rare occasions we've seen each other, all I wanted to do was touch you. Look into your green eyes and tell you all of this while I felt your skin against mine. When we spent the night in each others' arms, I dreamed about telling you this. It was beautiful. I'm so thankful for that night.

I can't say I haven't tried to talk myself out of feeling this way. I even managed to convince myself a time or two, but that never lasted long. You were always under the surface. The one my heart jumps back to. Not a day has gone by where you haven't crossed my mind. I can't deny my feelings, but I've done an OK job at pushing away and accepting that you didn't feel the same. Trying to move on and maybe get another chance at true love along the way. Settling. But now I find out that your feelings are similar! Perhaps they developed more recently, but something tells me it must've always been there for you too. I want to burst with happiness just at the prospect of another chance. We may have fucked it up at first, but that doesn't mean we can't do it the right way now. I hope we both learned from our mistakes.

In trying to remove myself from my intensely private feelings, I realized that it's you who have put yourself out there much more than I have; which may explain why you've also run away more. I need you to know that I'm with you in this. The long haul. I'm not afraid of it, as long as its with you. I may not be your wife, but you are the only one who could convince me to marry again. I wouldn't even need much convincing. But we wouldn't have to. We could just be. Happy. (Please, "fate", don't make us wait another five years!)

Confession #2747

Here's a confession...I hate you. I absolutely hate you. We've been married for 3 months and if I wasn't so prideful I would have already divorced you. I am so embarrased, everyone thinks that I am so smart, so wise, so mature...well then why did I end up married to you?

Your family is the most fucked up family that I have ever seen in my life. Your Mom is your father's slave. You Dad has 5 bastard children that live in the house with he and your mother...and oh yeah, the concubine. You are stupid enough to think that your Dad is not having sex with her...you idiot...he's fucking that bitch.

You grab my breasts and toss me around when you are mad at me, you fondle me while I am crying and begging you to stop and you wonder why the thought of sex with you repulses me. I absolutely hate it. I pray for it to be over before it even begins. It is not enjoyable one bit, it is horrible. You hit me, bite me, toss me off beds and flip matresses over on me, and you think that you are completely justified. You are impatient as hell. You are greedy, selfish and dishonest. You lie...you lied to our baptist university to get more money. I hate your church, they lied for you....what kind of church LIES...oh yeah, a church filled with GREEDY BLACK people that place money above serving God....disgusting. Your sister is in seminary and is becoming a preacher, but she has an unsatiable appetite for immoral sexual encounters and has probably had more partners than can be counted on both hands and both feet. I know of at LEAST 10 that she has had in the 2.5 years that I have known her...the football team knows her very well...but she continues to go around preaching the gospel even though she lives in such disgusting sin...live in sin that's ok...it's each person's perogative, but I just don't understand how she gets into the pulpit and PREACHES on Sunday knowing about her disgusting and dangerous sexual addiction.

Your brother is dumb, and inconsiderate, and selfish. His wife thinks that sex is a chore, just like me. He is always buying(well not really, just financing) toys and gadets for himself, digging himself deeper and deeper into debt. People think that his new car is cool, or that his two TV's are nice...but I think he's stupid because he financed it ALL....and if they knew that he was drowning in debt they would think he is stupid too. His boys are growing, but the sad thing is I seriously doubt they will be able to move to a bigger place because of his dumb behind. I never see his wife get anything, but he always has to have the best and newest of everything. He also degrades her sexually in front of others, and makes rude sex jokes that make everyone uncomfortable to the point that they don't' want to be around him. But you look up to him and call him for advice and tell him everything. My advice is...you shouldn't get advice from someone that you don't want to be like...or is that it, you want to be like him?

You degrade me and tell your friends and family private things about us, tell them that you are having a miserable time at my family's Thanksgiving, tell them about our sex life is like and how you are not getting enough ass. And the sad thing is...you are supposed to be Mr. Super Christian. You teach the youth at church, you only listen to Christian music....you coach a football team at a children's home, but while you are teaching them, do you teach them that it is ok to hit your wife because she "antagonized" you(read: antagonizing=disagreeing with you)? Do you tell them to refer to their girlfriend's as "piece's of ass"? No, you give them hypocritical lectures on how they should not date and remain pure...blah blah blah....all the while you are addicted to pornography and compulsively masturbate. You video taped me having sex when I didn't know it and you keep these videos stored on your computer against my will. I have asked you time and time to delete them, and you said that you did, but they always seems to resurface. You fooled around with one of your half siblings, you disgusting jerk.

You buy me gifts that you want. Stupid electronic shit that I don't even like, and you know it. But you buy it for me so that you can have it. It's funny that I never see these gifts after I get them, because you end up using them. A week after we were married you left me at my parents house...abandoned me, all because you could not wait 45 minutes to load the gifts from our wedding into the car following our honeymoon. You wouldn't wait to let me write down who got us what because you wanted to get home...probably because you thought that you deserved more sex. You left and refused to tell me where you were going. Actually, you do this quite often. You went to your sisters house and no doubt told her what a jerk of a wife I am.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. You are the world's biggest asshole. One time you pressed on my chest so that I couldn't breathe, then you licked a pillow and held it over my face. You told me that you were crazy so I should not mess with you....but you are a Christian, you work around kids and at Christian sports camps. You think you are hot stuff and that other girls would LOVE to be with you. But...they wouldn't, they would think that your family is crazy, and that sometimes you stink. Especially your balls. Ew.

Your body is seriously out of proportion. You have a mid sized body 5'10, but a HUGE head, huge nose, HUGE lips that are always cracked and dry, HUGE size 16 feet, and CANKLES. You are disgusting. So this is love...lucky me...this is the sex that I waited for my whole life...I would rather clean the toilet...with my tongue...no, but really. I was foolish enough to tell you my deepest darkest secret, I cried because it felt so good to be vulnerable with you, my HUSBAND. Unfortunately for me I was played the fool as that secret was shared with your asshole of a brother less than 2 hours later.

Yet I keep holding on. Probably not for much longer though. I wish I could muster up the courage to just punch you in your face, with all of my might...but I couldn't do that because you are no gentleman and would most definitely beat me, until I was dead.

Confession #2748

You really are pushing all my button or maybe I am just looking for a reason to tell you I'm leaving that I am done with this marriage. If I can make it happen I will spend valentines weekend with him. I am so sick of all the things you do, like this weekend you were so drunk that you were being mean for no reason, you were the one who told me to dance with YOUR cousin, I did not offer then you get pissed off at me, come on I might not love you but I would never disrespect you with your own family. Then you say "I'm sorry" like that fixes anything. I'm not some whore off the street, I'm your wife but not for to long.

Confession #2749

You are an alcoholic. You are basically a good man when you are not drunk but those moments are few and far between.

You are Jekyll and Hyde, and although I don't really believe in divorce, I think about it all the time lately. You have spun so far out of control, that I am constantly worried and afraid and I feel unsafe, insecure, and resentful.

I would have left you a long time ago if I had the money, although I also constantly worry about the negative effects it will have on my children when we split.

If I die tomorrow I do not feel safe leaving you to take care of my kids. You are 100% irresponsible.

Our financial problems are astronomical. I was forced to be out of work for a couple of months after a surgery, and you just blame me for "single handedly ruining us financially". I am back to work now and doing my best.

I feel like I have way too much weight on my shoulders. Neither one of us have any family or friends nearby and I feel so lonely and desperate.


Confession #2750

So, here's the thing: If you would just try parenting your daughters half as much as you try to parent me, we'd likely all feel much more loved and appreciated. And also, stop YELLING all the time. I've learned to tune you out, but the kids haven't acquired that skill yet. Yesterday, after you left, N came up to me, gave me a hug, and said, "Mama, I'm sorry Daddy yelled at you; it's not your fault." And it broke my heart. Because I may have learned how to ignore you, but there's no way that I can ignore that.

28 comments:

Lola said...

to #2747 GET OUT NOW! You're 3 months into a nightmare that only YOU can get yourself out of. For the sake of your physical safety and your mental health, go to your parents, a close friend or sibling, a pastor, SOMEONE and ask for their help in ending this marriage. If you don't save yourself, no one will. Please, please, find the strength and courage to end this while you still can.

HD said...

wow....

this post is deep...

Stay strong...

and dont let him take you down...

i just had to say that peace...

Anonymous said...

2747- GET OUT NOW!!! And please do it before he knocks you up! You should get out for your own safety RIGHT NOW! It doesn't matter about anything else.... just find a friend to stay with or stay with family. If your family is far away buy a plane or bus ticket and just go. Please, before he kills you...

Crazy Fun Mama said...

#2747 - Find it in your soul to get out...You may think you can't but..YOU CAN! You are too valuable of a human being to be treated like a dog (or worse). I fear that you are in danger...If you need an email shoulder to cry on...please feel free.

Anonymous said...

2747, I wish you weren't racist, but you still need to get a divorce. Seriously, all this was unbeknownst to you before the wedding? --All this except his sister, you've known about her for 2.5 years - what on earth would it have taken to call off the wedding? Are you PLANNING to have children, so they can watch him beat you? WTH? You think there's going to be a better time to leave? You should go back to your family while they're still willing to have you over for Thanksgiving. you're only going to lose power as long as you stay with him.

Anonymous said...

Right on, 3:33 re: 2747 being racist. YIKES. I can't believe I actually saw that in print. #2747: You need to catch a clue, two clues, actually; 1.leave your asshole husband already and
2. quit being so offensively racist.I bet you'd be alot happier. Best of luck to you.

Lola said...

To the commenters; While I do NOT applaud anyone with racist views or a willingness to expose the ignorance that underlies such beliefs, the fact that this young woman may or may not be a racist has nothing whatsoever to do with the frightening and dangerous situation she's in. She needs help and understanding, not more criticism.

Anonymous said...

hmmm...seems like karma is biting 2747 in the butt.

Anonymous said...

To 2747...get out as fast as you can. It will never be better and will most definitely get worse. Don't know about the racist angle, as none of us know the whole story, I just know you need to leave and never look back. He sounds like a monster.

Me said...

# 2747...honey, greed comes in all colors....what reason was there for you to mention color in that post? i don't feel sorry for you at all...for you to even associate with people that sick and twisted you must be just as...takes one to know one...i have a hard time believing you didn't see your husband and his family for what they were before hand...you sound like you have just as many issues as them for even being involved with them..sorry...

Anonymous said...

What a bunch of haters there are on here these days. We write in to he heard and maybe get some words of encouragement and advice. And what do we get? Attacked and told that the abuse we're getting is what we deserve. Nice ladies, real nice.

Doesn't really make me want to confide in this site anymore. Too many people here ready to kick me when I'm down.

The people I pity isn't the lady who made the racist comment. It's the bitches who are spitting in her eye.

Shame on you all.

Goin Fishin said...

well what do expect from this type of site? Roses and tulips.....

Anonymous said...

#2741, 2742, & 2743.......
Are you the same person?????
Its a simple equation.
If you dont love the person anymore, its very cruel to stay with the person. Love can be re-learned but take it from a pro that old hurts after a while never heal over completely. If your significant other has become insignificant in your life, let them go. Life is too short to be miserable.

Anonymous said...

To 2749,

From what I read in your confession, your husband has a narcissistic personality disorder. I'm not a professional, but I was married to a narcissist and I didn't know what that was until it was too late. I recommend that you do a websearch on narcissists and narcissistic personality disorder. If you recognize yourself and your husband, get professional help for youself and in my personal opinion get a divorce. I wish you the best of luck.

Anonymous said...

honestly, when these confessions are multiple paragraphs long, I zone out. I miss the days of simplicity on here.

Oh, and what is wrong with confronting something that is racist, 3:10? That does not make someone a hater.

Anonymous said...

Regarding 2747:

Pop Quiz--Name the race identified by:

Greed
Sex Addiction
Not height/weight proportionate
Rude
Stinky Balls
Dry, Cracked Lips
Hypocricy
Large Head
Not Trustworthy
Cankles
Large Nose
Large Lips

Anyone that voluntarily marries someone is not racist towards that person's race. Period. This is a woman in need of a divorce, and anyone who is or has known someone in need of a divorce knows that that person can come up with a laundry list of irritants regarding their spouse.

She hates this bastard, not his race, and not because of his race.

rac⋅ism /ˈreɪsɪzəm/ –noun
1. a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.
2. a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.
3. hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

Anonymous said...

I am number 2427...and I am black...so thanks. You may still think I'm racist, but it's a burden that I feel on my own culture. I have attended schools in very racially mixed communities for a long while now, and my point is that the way this Pastor (& my husband) acted perpetuate the very stereotypes that everyone thinks of us as blacks. But, whatever. No one DESERVES abuse, but thanks for the opinions.

Anonymous said...

2747. All I have to say is Run. Call a lawyer and run.

Anonymous said...

2747, Oh honey, you have got to get out asap. Do not get pregnant unless you want to deal with this bastard and his effed up family for the rest of your life. Can you imagine how he would treat your child if you have a daughter? Would you ever wish that upon an innocent child? I know you would not. I must say that I did not read racism in your confession; it was clear to me that you are black and therefore have every right to call your husband out on his perpetuating a bad sterotype. Plus, your mad as hell and this is a place to vent!
My thoughts are with you, please let us know you've left his cruel ass.

Anonymous said...

2427 Checking back in...
Anonymous 7:56 & 12:45 thanks for your intelligent replies. I did think that this was the place to CONFESS things and confess I did. Every ugly hurtful thing that I can think of, because when you are being emotionally, verbally, and physically abused you need an outlet as well. I have been so fed up that this has finally become mine. We do not have any children. Right now we are seperated and I am safe with family. I have taken steps to ensure my safety and have a lawyer, social worker, and financial advisor in place. My husband has started Anger Management counseling as well as therapy, both of which he has needed for a very long time. It's obvious that his home life growing up was tough with his Dad blatantly disrespecting his Mom with the extramarital affairs and the mistress in the house, his fathers extreme controlling nature, etc. His way of dealing with this has been not dealing with this, I am a Christian and I hate to say it but he has used his faith as a crutch saying that he has "dealt" with things because he "forgave" his father, but avoiding experiences does not equate to dealing with things. Anyways, I am safe, trying to make sense of my life as this was not what I expected.

Anonymous said...

I'm "3:10am" and you know what I expect of this site? The same thing I expect of any site that actively seeks input from readers: common courtesy ... not attacks.

No roses and tulips needed, but a little kindness goes a long way ladies.

Jay said...

Never having been here before, I at first thought these were all your confessions. I was wondering how you hadn't exploded from conflict yet. That being said, I imagine True Husband Confessions would be a lot of "I intentionally leave the toilet seat up because I know how much it bothers you."

Anonymous said...

this is a disgusting blog. I understand that ladies need to express their feelings, but I am sick and tired of "The Equal Sex" complaining that their life isn't going the way their fairy-tale story books dictated.
YOU are the only one in your life that will change your life. If you find yourself with someone you don't love LEAVE. If you are hanging on because of the kids DON'T - THEY'LL HATE YOU FOR LEAVING EVEN IF THEY'RE ADULTS. If you are being mistreated, LEAVE.

It is time for women to actually stand up and take a stand. Time to STOP WHINING and actually DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

If it is really a concern, you will fix the problem. Otherwise, it's just moaning and complaints and moans from just another girl

Anonymous said...

#2724: i only read a couple of the other posts on here about your confession because im not interested in what they have to say......all i want you to know is that I AM A PRODUCT of a marriage that was incredibly abusive! My father and mother were married for about 33 years before she commited suicide and for 30 of those years she was physically abused everyday! She stayed because of us kids mostly but im telling you now IT SCREWED MY LIFE UP TO NO END! i have been in therapy for the past 3 years because of these things, i have nighmares of seeing my father beat the crap out of my mom, If you dont get out now he will kill you...one way or another it will happen! Go just get out now go to your parents or somewhere you feel safe. DOCUMENT when he hits you or when he rapes you take picutes if you can because if you go to the police about this they will need proof to charge him! JUST FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE GET OUT! I DONT WANT YOU TO END UP LIKE MY MOTHER....and dont even get me started on what will happen if you have kids with him!

Anonymous said...

Not for nothing, don't come here to see what whining goes on if you think this sight is so offfensive. No one makes you see the posts, you come here on your own free will. No one has the right to judge if they aren't asking for your opinion. We come here to vent, to move on with the day and not let the thoughts ruin it for us. So dont' come here on your high horse and tell us we are whining, we know this, that's why we are here so we can whine and not be judged.
Have a good day!
Me

Anonymous said...

To 2427,
Honey, I am glad you got out and are in a safe place. People don't change. There is better for you out there...go find it.

And to the judgemental poster who said we are all a bunch of whiners, no one is making you read our confessions. So don't.

Pitah said...

I'm so tired of the posters on this site.

I am a former husband. I started reading this site to help me understand what bothered women, to help make me a more balanced, understanding husband. I was almost 3 years married, 7 years total with my wife. We had just bought a house.

I was a great husband. Honestly. I don't care if anyone believes me. I was no pushover pansy, nor was I a dick. I was funny, well-loved by friends, cleaned, was respectful, loving, etc.

I discovered my wife was fucking an older, married, father of two the day after she started the affair (emotional affair going on for much longer). After soul-searching, crushing pain, advice from my friends and family (all of whom thought we had a pretty great marriage), and hearing that she was unrepentant, I had to divorce her.

When I made my vows I took them seriously. I could have cheated many times had I pursued any interested girls. I didn't. Ever. Honor, faithfulness, agape love. Those things were important to me.

They were important to her at one point too. Until her pride took over. Until she decided she "deserved better". And instead of being honest with me and TRYING to work through it, she chose to hide it, try to be "the perfect wife" while fucking me over on the side. That is bullshit.

And to be honest, I hear the same shit here a lot now.

What is wrong with our generation? Our culture? Everybody thinks they deserve constant happiness and if they're not getting it then they will do anything to get it, moral, ethical, or not, because goddamn it, they DESERVE it.

What a sad state we are in. What happened to being honest and open, to honoring vows, to stick together through good times and bad?

Or if you can't even manage that, how about at least a modicum of honesty - separate, get a divorce, before you cheat. You can rationalize it all you want. Guess what "ladies"? Two wrongs don't make a right. Oh, but I forgot, you DESERVE it.

Argh. Are there any women of character left in this world?

Lia said...

Pitah,

There certainly are women of character. Don't think for a second that all women are the same- that's just not fair, and I'm sure you wouldn't like to be compared to all the scuzzy men out there that many of these posters are complaining about. I do agree that there is a sense of entitlement, particularly among the young (forgive me- my age is showing), but there are multitudes of good, kind people out there who strive to do their best every day. Half of those good, kind people are women- I think you're simply meeting the wrong ones. It's truly horrible and hurtful that you were cheated on, but blame the ONE woman that did it to you, not all women. Or rather, blame all the cheaters- men and women- for being cowardly, dishonest, and immoral. Cheating is not acceptable under any circumstances, particularly if you love your partner. Marriage vows do still have meaning for most people- I'm just sorry your wife chose to disregard hers.