I love the way you soothe me. I am amazed that you have learned that just touching me - holding me, rubbing my back, will calm me down in a way that all the words in the world can't do for me. I am amazed that you have figured this out in less than 2 years with me when my prior partner had nearly 20 years ( with me telling him) and never seemed to be able to understand that I simply needed to be Held. My love, you are everything to me.
I was dating a wonderful man who thought he was over the divorce and the way his ex-wife had ended their relationship. We were happy, very much in love, more so than I ever thought possible. He was wonderful to my children, his girls were great towards me. His family loved to see how happy he was with me, and my family felt the same way.
His ex didn't like the fact that he was moving on. When they got divorced she got a large settlement to pay for their daughters college educations. She spent the money in 18 months. When she realized things were going so great for us and that she didn't have college money for their oldest daughter she pulled a sneaky trick and told him that she shouldn't have divorced him, etc. Because he never truly dealt with his feelings over their divorce it threw him for a loop. Shortly after we stopped dating but remained friends. I could see how much it hurt him to choose, but I understand why he did choose the way he did. Things were great with us being friends- watching ball games, chatting once in a while, seeing how each other's children were doing. I am close friends with his sister and was with his mother too. The ex didn't like the fact that we were still friends and was trying everything she could to even end our friendship. Finally his mom emailed me and told me that she can no longer be my friend because it hurts the ex too much. So I called him to apologize for causing so many problems that our being friends has caused. I told him that I couldn't put him through anymore pain and problems with his ex so we couldn't be friends anymore. It hurt me so much more that we couldn't even be friends than it did when we broke up.
Here's the thing- we've been broken up for over a year, haven't been friends since August. I can't stop thinking about him. I've tried many things to get over him but I miss him so much, his friendship, his kind and caring nature. My kids ask about seeing him and his parents all the time. I just don't know what to do to stop thinking about him. I know that time heals all wounds but this one just seems to keep getting deeper and deeper instead of better.
When you leave in the morning and you come in and give me a kiss and hug and say, "good bye", I honestly think that it is your sweetest moment. You are quiet, you touch my hair and you always fix the covers so that I am covered, like you are tucking me in. You're gentle for just those few minutes. It's those moments that keep me sane. That let me know that even though you are a hard ass *ALL* the time, you do have it in you to be sweet.
I know I'm lucky that you talk to me and tell me what's on your mind.
A lot of women would kill for this level of communication from their
husbands. I just wish that what's on your mind weren't so darn
repetitive, or maybe that you would talk in some other form than a
thirty-minute monologue that grows louder and more enthusiastic (or
emphatic, depending on your topic) with every sip of your scotch.
After I've put in an eight-hour day at the office and then spent four
hours solo wrangling the kids and your mom, I am glad to know that
your studies are a source of intellectual enrichment for you. I do
not, however, need to hear for the fourteenth time how the academic
program is structured.
I got married at 16 because I was pregnant, at 21 because I was rebounding, at 29 because I was in love, and at 45 because I was an idiot, but this time, at 56, I'm marrying for money.
Husband of mine,
I love you. I know i'm not perfect, and I definitely don't take the time enough to tell you how much I appreciate you and all that you do. You help out around the house, when I am panicy you help calm me down, you rarely yell at me even when I am yelling at you.
I am blessed and lucky to have found you. Thank you for fighting so hard for me. Thank you for allowing me to separate from my ex-husband amicably and that the two of you are buddies now. I love that. I love that you take care of me when I am sick and bring me my favorite stuffed animals. I love that you take on overtime and extra little side jobs so that you can make enough money to cover the cost of my car and Christmas presents for our families.
I love that you let me spend $175 on makeup and hair care products the other day just because I was bored with what I had at home. I love that you give me back rubs, foot rubs, and when I am asleep when you come to bed, you put my favorite socks on me just so I keep warm. I love waking up to you each day, and the way you smell. I love that I can be open and honest with you about everything - even when I am still having sexual feelings about my ex-husband. You just hold on to me tight and tell me that you trust me and you love me and I will get over it.
And I will. It will take time, though, and you understand that.
I didn't always have such a great life. Raped, abused, homeless - I never thought I would have all that I have now. And despite my past, and my panic attacks because of my past, and my little hang-ups and my quirks you love me and you find me beautiful. I never would have imagined anyone could find me attractive. I'm fat. I was fat when I married you and I am still fat. And you don't care. You love me. You think my ass cellulite is "cute". WTF? I won't complain.
Neither will you. You have never intentionally made me feel bad about my weight or my appearance. You look at me sometimes like I am the only woman on the planet and you want to devour me. I still feel the same way now that I did when we met.
Someday, after the year 2012, I would like to try and procreate with you. I know you will make an excellent father to our child.
Until then, I think I will be satisfied and happy doing the things we do best: sit around and watch movies together, smoke pot together, read together, take our warm baths together and cuddles.
I love you husband, more than anyone in the world has ever loved anyone else.
don't understand why you continue to do the things you are doing. You are on probation idiot!!! The reckless behavior is beyond me and now the kids are asking questions they shouldn't be asking and talking to me the way they shouldn't. "Are you and dad getting a divorce??" :why is he always mad??" "Why are you always mad??" "You never understand, like dad says"....Your daughter nor the dog, like your loud voice, but you keep on yelling. Do you really think if you get louder it gets better??? Now you tell the therapist that everything is good between us and I am over everything now. I told you the other day that I thought you were getting stressed and I was seeing behaviors that were like last year before you were arrested. You didn't tell him that part. I don't think we are going to make it. I am mad all the time when I walk in the house and I have no one to blame but myself. Now I have to figure out how to fix it and it may be to leave you. Last Christmas I was bailing you out of jail, this Christmas I am thinking of leaving you. No changes and now I have to make major decisions and you did this, not me. Why can't you grow up and stop living in the past? You have 9 lives and you have used 8 of them, I don't know....
I know I am wrong for what I am about to do. But I really can't and won't continue to be unhappy. I want the hoildays to be over so I can go on my trip to see him, I know it will be the weekend of 2/14 but I really don't care. I rather be with the man I really love instead of you anyways. Yes, I married you just to get away from my family,like I have said before I was not in love with you when we got married but I have learned to love you in my own kind of way. Now that I have him back in my life, I not going to let go ever again. If I feel like I can't continue with this lie until we (him and I) can get everything in order for me move back. I will leave the kids with for a short while, while we do get everything in order for us (him, the kids and I) to be a family, I will.
When we snuck out of the party and made out in the elevator? That was hot - but when you surprised me with the condom that you bought in the mens room - and we ran out to the car to have a quickie? Made me feel like I was 18 again and not in my 40's! Lets do that more!
I have been married to you for 7 ½ years. We have two beautiful daughters. I would not trade them for anything. However, for the past 2 – 2 ½ years I have been miserable. You contently accuse me of sleeping around. Which……is far from the truth? You must be very guilty to be throwing those accusations around. What are you hiding? Because of you I have had to get a 2nd job just to make it. All the while you went to a casino and blow well over $2,000. Then telling me it was none of my damn business. I got news for you……..IT IS! All you want to do is live the single life for which you do not have. You are a mean alcoholic, verbally abusive and mental abusive to me. On top of it all you told me that YOUR DAUGHTERS are not yours. Listen buddy……I know where I was do you? If your mother knew all the things that you say and do, she would let you have it! The only person who you EVER listen to is your step-daddy. I just hope your happy screwing around on me. Just remember your not only hurting me, your hurting the girls too. When my sister asked me if I still loved you, I told her no. I don’t think I ever did. My hearts has always belonged to one person. That person is not you. So when I get the strength within me to leave your sorry ass……..I will!!!! You will not know what has just hit you when I do.