You know how the dog begs at the table? And we both agreed that the begging
must stop? And you said you would train him, but I couldn't sneak food to
him behind your back because you didn't want to be the bad cop to my good
cop? Yeah, I feed him all the time behind your back. He totally loves me
more now. Sorry.
Thank you for telling me that I'm "hot" when I express self-doubt.
Thank you for telling me that I'm hot when I wear my glasses.
Thanks, especially, for telling me that I'm hot "on the inside," and that
that's what matters to you most.
If you scratch your back with my good knives again I will scream! It's gross.
Does your current wife know that you were calling me while you two were
dating? Do you remember saying "But it's just not as good?" A year later
and you were married. Doesn't it strike her (and you) as peculiar that
there are so many similarities between her and I? (I won't mention them
here, because I'd feel terrible if she ever came across it -- they're
specific and you probably remember the incidents I'm talking about.) I feel
so damn bad for her, and I really keep hoping that it's working out for you
two, and that you've learned to be kinder. I'm not all that, and I'm not
trying to set myself up as some paragon... it just seems very strange. I
bump into you guys frequently, and I always wonder, and I find myself hoping
that she's happy....
I am sad and angry beyond words that your pot-smoking never stopped in all the years we've been married. We've had so many fights about it I've stopped counting. Your reasoning and casual attitude about it steps way over the boundry lines of what I have ever thought was ok. I compromised my own morals because I love you so much. I hate myself for it....and I'm resentful to you because of it.
Confession # 476
I don't love you anymore. I know when we had our "heart to heart" a few weeks ago that I told you I was okay and I'm better, but I'm not, my feelings haven't changed at all. I want to be out of this marriage. You are a good father and we have fun together and we still laugh a lot, but that's not enough for me, I'm just not in love with you. I feel like I'm leaving for the wrong reasons sometimes, but at the same time I feel like I'm staying for the wrong reasons too. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to be unhappy for the rest of my life either. I don't think I'll ever have the life with you that I want and honestly I knew that from the very beginning. I don't think I am your equal and I really don't think you are happy with me either, but I don't know your reason for staying. When you told me a while back that you had more reasons to leave ME than for me to leave you, that pretty much sealed the deal for me. I know I have my faults too and I've done things that have hurt you, so I'm not putting all of the blame on you. I've just grown up and my heart has changed and I wish I could do this without hurting you or anyone else.
I hate you right now. If you offer to help, then help. Do it without the grudging silence and short answers. You make it really hard to appreciate what you do around here when you suck all of the joy out of the house. You are no fun whatsoever anymore. I am screaming inside at the silence. Like I said, I hate you right now, in spite of the fact that I really do love you.
I am so thankful that you decided to get off your lazy, alcoholic ass and abandon the kids and I two months ago. Life hasn't been this good in 5 years, thanks to you. You spent those years emotionally abusing me because you made the decision to move with me, 1200 miles away from your emotionally unstable family. Stop blaming everyone else and treating everyone else like crap for your own decisions. When will you ever grow up? You cheated on me with a fat slob from your job, and I decided to bite the bullet and stay in the relationship. I tried for a year to work on things with you. Little did I know you were busy being a closet alcoholic. I found your liquor bottles hidden all over the house, and your urine filled beer bottles under your desk. You lazy pig. You think that moving back with your parents is going to change you? Change of scenery maybe, but you'll never change. And don't threaten me one more time to steal the kids from me because I will have your stupid ass in jail before you can say "you're an evil bitch" one last time. You said that you only stayed with me so that you could be around the kids you supposedly love so much. So, why haven't you called them for weeks? They are 4 years old, you moron. They hurt. I hope the whore you are sleeping with that works for your father gives you some sort of nasty disease that makes your pathetic-excuse-for-a-genitalia turn black and fall off in your hand as you masterbate in the shower. PIG.
For gods sake. You are a mechanic by trade. Don't you think that you could change the oil in my car without me nagging you to do it for 6 weeks or an extra 1000 miles? Either that or show me how to do it. I would do it if you would just show me how. And when you DO wait that extra 1000 miles, don't bitch at me that it is supposed to be done every 3000. I have been telling you that it needed be done for over a MONTH now. I would go to Jiffy Lube, but the last time I gave up on you doing the oil change and went there you FREAKED OUT!
The closest I ever came to commiting violence against another person was
You used to say that "make-up sex is the best," and that time we "made up"
after I was sure you cheated on me... I was on top, and I looked down at
your closed eyes and ecstatic expression, and I had an instant vision of
slapping you across the face as hard as I possibly could while fucking you.
The contrast of those two actions, real and imaginary, scared me so badly.
It was very powerful, and I hope I never feel that way about anyone again in
I'm so glad I was able to walk away for good.