Monday, November 22, 2010

True Wife Confessions 319 turkey feathers

Confession #3181

Sweetie, the coffee you make is like paint thinner. I don't know who told you at what point in your life that you made good coffee, but you don't...which is why I try to always "pick it up when I am out", even when you make me a pot in the morning. When you offer it to guests, I am always somewhat concerned if I should warn them off the toxic brew!

Confession #3182

As we try to plan our wedding and we are dealing with the impact the oil spill has had on your job and income, that is stressful on it's own. But all that you have taken on since I hurt my back in June- the housework and being the sole income.

I hate seeing everything fall on you and the craziness just got worse when I lost control of the PTSD and started having major anxiety and panic attacks. Like I told you, my aunt asked me if I was nervous about getting married again after my first marriage failed after 7 years married and 1 year dating. I told her I wasn't. You have stood by me through all of this and proposed over 2 months after I hurt my back. You tell me I am beautiful when I feel the world's ugliest from all the steroids. You have cried as you held me and I just fell apart because I am so tired of hurting and not being able to help out and can't stand what I see in the mirror.

I know I get snippy at times and I am sorry. It is mostly frustration with myself and what is going on with me that I end up wrongly taking out on you. Your mom amazes me. I can't say how much the support I have gotten from your sister has meant. I am so lucky to have you and I cannot wait to be your wife. I love you.

Confession #3183

We've had a nominally open marriage for five years. You've been with a couple of other women, and enjoyed it; until now, I've remained monogamous. Until now.

I've been dreaming about her for a year. She's been dreaming about me. We finally met again, and struck sparks off each other. I knew right away that it was time. She and I kissed for hours.

I brought her to meet you. I was so proud of you both: you for smiling sweetly and shaking the hand of my new lover, and her for having the courage to meet you, the primary partner in my life. And I felt so, so lucky.

I've never done this before. I know it could be complicated. But I adore you, my husband, and I cherish my new lover; you like and respect her, she adores her wife, and her wife hasn't met me but gives us her blessing. With all of us working hard to be open and real and loving, I think we have a shot at making something great.

Confession #3184

You are bipolar. I no longer see you as a 'go-getter' or intelligent. I don't care how often you try to convince yourself that you are not bipolar....I am not an idiot. I am a damn psych major, with 6 classes left, and as you belittle me and call me Dr. Phil, you are only upset because I figured you out. You cycle rapidly, you have cheated on me with men, you enjoy the sickest fetish I have ever seen....and NO---I will not participate in your disgusting acts of shoving things up your ass.(not that you have asked, but the thought of you in the shower alone with a shampoo bottle really really makes me nauseous). You also lie about the money you spend, put yourself first constantly, buy your own self things but get pissed at me when I spend money on the kids.....FOR THINGS THAT THEY NEED. You are so damn negative that I feel like I am suffocating in your presence. You spend zero time with any of the kids, you make promises you NEVER keep to them, and me. You only 'try' to change when I tell you I am fed up with the fighting, the nit picking, the ignoring, the selfishness. You are a HORRIBLE father. Thank God we do not have any children together. I raise your 2 boys, and my 3 kids while you sit your ass in front of the computer doing senseless things. I am tired of your justifying. Don't you ever come out of the bedroom again when I am out here reprimanding, that is the only time the kids even see you. They are all AFRAID of you. The only interactions you have with them are yelling. Screw you. Screw your drugged up baby mama that has caused so much drama, and got her kids taken away from her by CPS. I raise those kids while you play the 'wonderful father who has to clean up the fucked up mothers mess'. You always take credit for the stuff that I DO. You are the most self absorbed person I have ever met. You are the biggest liar I have ever met, and your friggin mean as hell. I am sick of you turning shit around on me. I told you last night for the first time ever that I think you're a bad father. You called me a fucking bitch. The truth must hurt you. Because you know I cook, clean, do homework, baths, and bed WITHOUT you. You sit your nasty ass at your desk and make videos, play games, get your own homework done, or go play in the garage with all of your new hunting gear that you spent almost 1,000 and will never use. I really hate how you put yourself first constantly! Yea, and I hate the fact that you feel the need to fart on EVERYONE ALL OF THE TIME. You are so damn fowl I swear. Maybe if you stopped shoving things up your ass you wouldn't have so much air to release you gross fucking pig. And I can't stand it when you walk around naked and shove your cock in my face like you do. I'd rather bite it off, and trust me, it isn't a way to turn me on.....AT ALL.

Confession #3185

I wish you'd warned me that by marrying you I was giving up sex and gifts.

Seriously, we've had no sex since the night before our wedding four years ago. And my birthday present from you this year -- the FIRST since we were married -- was a Starbucks card that I walked you to Starbucks to buy for me.

No sex and no presents. I suppose I should be glad you're not hassling me to give up cake.

Confession #3186

I love you darling. And I find myself heartbroken trying to figure out, why after everything we've been through and everything we've shared, you've chosen to abandon me the way you have. I understand and agree with what you did, but this... it's unbearable. I am more in love with you than you'll ever know, and some days I think that you don't even remember who I am anymore. What scares me the most is that I'm starting to hate you. Because I don't understand this anymore. I now think that everything you ever said to me was a lie, that you never really loved me at all. Maybe I was just a means to an end for you, but all I really wanted was for us to be a family again. If you want to continue on like this, if you don't really love me at all, if you think you can live the rest of your life without me... then go to hell. I hate you for throwing us away. Every time you think about me, though I doubt you ever will, I hope you burn with the regret of knowing how you broke me. Because the only unforgivable mistake you ever made, was abandoning me like the trash you apparently think I am. Congratulations, I'm the mistake! You live with the regret, you've destroyed me enough to last me a lifetime.


Confession #3187

I love my husband dearly. DEARLY. But I have suddenly developed a crush on his friend...and I have no idea why. He's not even all that hot. What is THAT about?

He's a very nice guy, and he's an artist, so I keep thinking maybe that's it...I'm an artist and so is he (though we are on two different ends of the spectrum art-wise). He's a redhead and I've always had a thing for redheads. I never felt anything towards this guy until recently and it just kind of snuck up and me and slapped me in the head. I don't talk to him regularly, I don't see him that often. I don't get it! If one is happily married, why would she crush on someone else? It's driving me nuts because I don't understand the attraction. Maybe I'm just bored and looking for someone else aside from my hubby to give me an ego boost by noticing I'm cute. Maybe I'm struggling with getting older and noticing the fine lines and not as perky breasts. Maybe I'm missing the butterflies one gets when first starting a relationship (my hubby and I have been together for 7 years).

I'm trying to put the kibosh on the fantasy but it's just so fun to fantasize...and I know that's all it can ever be. I don't think he's into me (like I said, we rarely see or talk to each other), nor do I want to succumb to that "grass is always greener" BS by doing something stupid that I would regret. My husband is a sweetheart and by all rights things are very good between us both in and out of the bedroom...so why is it that I keep thinking about this friend? Crap.

Confession #3188

Dear Dickhead I mean hubby,
After five years I have to say I’m still in disbelief at how quickly you changed. One minute you were the love of my life, sweet, wonderful, great with my son, and a communication pro. The next minute you were a raging drunk with a penchant towards violence and hateful words. Even though you’ve been sober over the last few years you still haven’t changed. If anything you’ve become even more controlling and angry. I’m no longer able to even keep anything I want in our room. Everything has to be your way even down to how many bottles of shampoo, conditioner, body wash etc. I can have in the shower. Maybe you should be happy about the fact that I want to take care of myself and I want to improve myself but you aren’t. You only put me down for it. You wonder all the time why I had an affair well guess what you would have one too if you were married to you. You don’t appreciate the fact that I work full time plus take care of the house and when your laid off you still expect me to do all the work at home and away from home. FUCK YOU. Then you have the nerve to complain when I don’t help out. YOU DON’T WORK. When I stayed home with the kids the house and the kids were my job. Cleaning, dinner and even the sex and the blow jobs. Everytime you get laid off you argue with me about me not doing enough to help you out. I don’t make dinner blah blah blah maybe I’m a little tired from the 2 hour commute and the 8 hours of work I just did. Just once I’d love to hear something nice come out of your mouth. Instead your just always complaining about me. It seems I don’t do anything right except for sucking your dick. What a lucky man you are you get to treat me like shit and yet you still manage to get laid three to four times a week. Lucky you that you are at least good in bed otherwise you’d be joining the ranks of my ex-husband. No pussy, no maid , lonely and miserable with only the kids to keep you company. I will say the only thing that has changed is that even though you complain about doing it at least now you help out a little. I guess you got tired of me bitching and moaning and then ultimately not doing it or maybe your just afraid that if you don’t shape up a little I might end up fucking someone else again. I hope some day soon you wake up and realize that I’m not that bad and that you should be more appreciative. I won’t hold my breath though.


Confession #3189

You,

You used to have my heart..........I was gaga over you, until you showed me that all you truely cared about was yourself and getting ahead in work......... When I found out I was pregnant I was scared but so happy, when I told you, you layed the guilt on thick and convinced me that this would ruin your career and your life and that I had to get an abortion which I swore I'd never do, I lost my family because of that but you promised me you'd spend the rest of your life trying to make it up to me. Then low and behold shit hit the fan and I'm the one left holding the bag and your nowhere to be found! I'm sad I didn't see your controlling selfishness sooner, I would have kept the baby and told u to go fuck yourself! Once right after the abortion you told me that you felt like u forced me into it and you felt incredibly guilty.... not wanting you to hurt I told you that I made the decision knowing it was best for us as a couple...... I lied I felt forced and everytime I have a nightmare and wake up screaming I hate u a little more! Like I said you used to have my heart......I used to be gaga over you...... You crushed my heart and stole a piece of my soul and ill never look at you the same again!

Confession #3190

It drives me crazy when you rush me to get out of the house. Mostly because I will be standing there with my coat on and ready to walk out the door while you spend the next 15 minutes wandering around the house getting ready. You say that I am slow in getting ready - HAH!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

To confession #3186. I am going through the exact same thing. Thank you for writing

Anonymous said...

#3181, get a Keurig, they don't have paint thinner flavored coffee :)

theo said...

3187 - Nothing good comes from that line of thinking. You've got a good thing; take care of it. 7 years is a good start; wait till you get to 30. . .

3189 - I am so sorry. . .

Anonymous said...

3187 its called a 7 year itch. dont scratch it, its not worth it.

Anonymous said...

#3184 I was married to that kind of man also. Barely into 2 years of the marriage he came unraveled like that, and it was a downward spiral into black depravity for the following several years. Thankfully, I made a better life for my daughters and myself, but by the third year from divorce, he had died. People like them are broke inside. They don't have the part inside of them for strength and courage to change and face the world with a sense of responsibility. They are weak and broken. They aren't able to be fixed - especially when that part in them is broken. It's sad, but YOU have no way of helping them. They/he has to WANT the help. They're so far gone that they don't. You have to be strong and walk away. No, not overnight. It's not easy. I went from a stay at home mom to working a trade through a program at the place I now work. That was almost 10 years ago. It's a nightmare for you right now. I know. I lived that nightmare for almost 15 years. I had to take one minute at a time a lot of those days, weeks, months. But I held on to my goals - the little ones along the way that took me to my big one. You will get through this. You will live through this. You will be free of him. No good will come from staying with him. None. He will NEVER become unbroken (if he doesn't want to). He will beg and plead with you to stay and help him heal. That will be BS. If he wanted to, he would have done it by now. Best of everything to you.

Genevieve said...

#3185! glad (but sad) to know i'm not the only person dealing with this >: |

#3190. HAHA! i deal with this, too -_-

La Shameless said...

I love this blog! Finally a place where we can speak out!!

Nigerian Drama Queen said...

I need to have all my friends who are in a rush to get married come read this.