Monday, October 26, 2009

True Wife Confession 303 See Other

Confession #3021

I saw someone in a walker standing in the road late at night and
stopped to help her. I gave her a ride to her niece's house. I
didn't tell you because I knew you would lecture me about safety and,
more importantly, you would resent me doing anything to help someone
who isn't a member of our household. You get annoyed if I babysit my
sister's kids, too.

Confession #3022

Dear Husband,
I have been married to you for 15 yrs and I am so bored with you. You have an extremely low sex drive and even viagra doesn't work on you. Pathetic. I keep myself up in every physical way and you are a blob to me. Other men look at me and I wish I could be with some of them. Even just to get intellectually stimulated (which does not happen with you.) This is our second marriage and I am not really young so my dilemma is should I just stay in this marriage with all the insurance benefits Or leave this marriage. The thought of setting up my own computer and getting myself insurance is truly nauseating! Not having to eat dinner alone is a plus and I guess most couples stay in their marriages at this stage life.

Confession #3023

I miss you.

Not the you who, blaming me for everything, walked away from the marriage and lied to his friends and family about why our lives fell apart.

No, I miss the man I married. He was wonderful, and we had a bright future ahead of us. I miss the man who told my best friend that I was the woman he had been waiting for his whole life. I miss the man who promised to grow old with me. I miss the man I adored and who adored me, who loved every little kindness I did for him, and who would have taken a bullet for me. He was a wonderful, kind, sweet, generous, loving man, and I loved him.

I feel like he's gone forever. As though he'll never come back . . . even if you walk back in that door.

Stupid mental disorder. You wouldn't take responsibility for it. You let it win. You let it destroy everything good about you, and then you blamed me for the damage it caused.

I can forgive you for the pain, the hurt, and the damage, but I cannot forgive you for letting it destroy your life, my life, and our marriage. What happened was senseless. We'll both be the poorer for it, and forever wonder what our lives would have been like otherwise. It's not too late--but it will be soon. You can still fix this. Please, wake up and understand what really happened. Please, get a proper therapist who understands your condition. Please, before I'm forced to divorce you. Please, it will soon be too late. Please.

Confession #3024

I have cheated on my husband with my ex-boyfriend through out my ten year marriage. I even had sex with my ex-boyfriend while I was pregnant. I am a horrible wife.

Confession #3025

I am trying hard to fall back in love with you. Please don't fuck it up with explosions of anger or other disappointments.

Confession #3026

We are perfect. We had a nasty issue, and worked it out like adults. We are honest. We are sexy. We live 1700 miles apart. I'm used to the ache now. Once a month is for periods and utility bills, not putting my face in your chest and inhaling like a drowning person breaking the water's surface. I want to do that every day. When you graduate and move here, will it be the same? Or will you look at me across the kitchen and wonder why I haven't left for the airport yet? Have we done so well adjusting to half a continent, that an apartment will feel like a bear trap? These are the things that keep me up at night. I miss you. I love you. I have married you a thousand times already. I just want to know that when we do it for real, you won't miss all the space that the distance between Denver and New York has allowed. I know I wont.

Confession #3027

You tried to retain the same lawyer as me for our divorce. Her name and her firms name were plastered all over the papers you had been served with and you still didn't twig when you "googled" for a lawyer and picked her because she was close to the house. You still didn't twig until she saw your papers when you sat down with her and she had to tell you she was my lawyer. Thanks for confirming yet again why I'm leaving.

Confession #3028

The reason I am fucking him is because he's nice to me. Something that you can't be bothered to do.

I don't feel guilty. I feel empowered.

Confession #3029

You cheated on me a year ago - I cleaned all 3 bathrooms (including YOUR nasty toilet that you hadn't even bothered to flush AGAIN!!) with your toothbrush - now I feel bad that you have had a bad bad sinus infection since I did it - you think I am being so caring when I am trying to get you meds and doctors appointments - It's not so much care as guilt - but think you could have caught so much worse off that skanky homewrecking whore had I not found out when I did - so maybe no more guilt for me!!!

Confession #3030

I started confessing here when my husband began his hamfisted attempts at opening up our marriage. I didn't really want to be with anyone else. Because he wanted it so much, I reluctantly agreed; he proceeded to break his own promises, disrespect our mutual friend, pressure me into a dozen things I hated, surround me with unpleasant surprises and emotional blackmail, and then act completely surprised when I told him I was thinking of divorcing his ass.

And yet we made it through. Counseling helped. That, and the fact that I could see all too well that he really had no intention of being such an asshat. He just had a lot of learning to do.

Do I sound like I'm still angry? I am. I'm angry that the man I married turned out to be a spoiled kid who can't even faintly imagine saying no to himself when he wants something, even knowing that it will hurt me. And I'm angry that I seem to need him in my life anyway.

I'm also still in love with him. He's not just the man who keeps trying to fuck our friends. He's also the man who drove me back and forth to my family's house a hundred times while my father was ill. He's the man who overheard me reminiscing about a song I liked and hunted down the rare album for me. He's the man who looks after me when I walk in my sleep. He puts up with my annoying brother. He takes my cats to the vet.

I didn't make my vows lightly, and neither did he. It's bittersweet. We love each other, and we deserve each other, and we're in this for good.


Anonymous said...

I could've written that.
Hope you're having better luck than I am.

The Fool Of The World said...

You are so right on the money! You open my eyes to what marriage is really about. What about the old days (like 2 centuries ago). Were women oppressed or did they do it secretly?

Anonymous said...

#3021 Thanks for posting. I recently got silent treatment for donating baby items to my church where I know they will be put to good use rather than the in-law's church charity where they may not be put to good use. Glad I am not alone.

Anonymous said...

#3021, #3025, and #3028...

Me too.

Anonymous said...

Me too, 3021. If I had known how selfish he was, I wouldn't have married him. It really saddens me that he will never feel that we have enough money and stuff that we can afford to be generous. Ever.

Anonymous said...

3030, good luck to you.

3027, are you married to my husband?

Anonymous said...

3026, you'll be okay. :) I've been there, in the long distance thing, and we've lived together over a year now and just got married a month ago. If you love someone enough to put up with the distance and the loneliness, you'll be fine once you're together. There might be some smothering at first, but if you're honest with each other, you'll find a balance.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking the same thing for just about all of them. "that sounds like me, too." I guess we all are not so different after all. I have to say about th toothbrush, that woudl probably happen to me, too, the whole infection thing. Good luck

theo said...

3024 - I don't know if you're a horrible wife, but you're not a faithful one. I hasten to be clear that I'm not meaning to be all judgemental in saying that, only to urge you to take a good look at the implications of what you're doing.

Quite apart from the sex, you made a promise to your husband when you got married, that you'd throw your life in with his, and give him your heart. And you're not doing that.

You've been doing this for ten years, and maybe you can keep doing it for ten more. But I have my doubts; especially if you're feeling guilty about it. But if and when your husband finds out, he's gonna have a smoking, bleeding hole where his heart used to be. . . Is sex with the XBF really that good?

I presume that you married your husband for a reason, and that you didn't marry the BF for a reason. Is it time, maybe, for your actions to line up with your choices?

Anonymous said...

Um, "twig?” wut?

Anonymous said...

3026 - Hang in there. I met my wife 33 years ago when we were 18. College, two graduate schools - we dated long distance for 7 years. Just celebrated our 26th anniversary and we're so much happier and complete now than we were then. It can work!

Heather said...

it's amazing how much i can relate to so many of these confessions. which is kind of a sucky thing, huh?

on another note, i gave you a blog award for "honest scrap". i don't expect you to do all the forwarding. i do hope it will bring you new readers and more confessions! great, great blog!

Anonymous said...

You should be careful about picking up strangers on the road. This shouldn't be about helping people, its about your safety. You never know what people are capable of

Goddess of Madness said...

Especially killer old ladies with walkers

Kd2001 said...

3030- Your posting was truly amazing. You should be proud of yourself for sticking with your husband. So many people take marriage lightly, they believe that all their problems will disappear if they just find someone else. When the truth is anyone you are with will break your heart at least once, it's just a matter of deciding whether they are worth having your heart broken over..

Anonymous said...

Oh Oh. If I have learnt anything today it's that if I even consider toothbrush abuse (like 3 previous confessors), the alarm bells are blaring. Gross. Hopefully a level of resentment I never experience. As #3029 may now realise, that shit ain't funny, it's like Munchausens by proxy or some twisted crap. OF COURSE HE IS SICK. Sheesh.