Wednesday, November 12, 2008

True Wife Confessions 8 - like an octopus

Confession #071

That weekend that I packed all of that stuff and the child and went to visit my mother in 2000? I was leaving you. You just never figured it out. That's when I took your name off the checking accounts? Yeah. Leaving you. With no money.

Confession #072

I am ecstatic when you take off on Fridays nights and I don't have to make dinner and I can hang out and do my own thing, without listening to you bitch

Confession #073

If I work all day and you've played video games all day, and I come home and cook dinner, and you say "leave the dishes, I'll get them" and then they are still in the sink when I start trying to cook breakfast, and you say "I'll do the dishes after breakfast," don't be surprised if I'm slamming around and washing dishes and being curt with you. I can't make your damn breakfast if the pan I need is still dirty and in the sink under a pile of dinner dishes.

Confession #074

You don't have any friends because you are too lazy to keep in contact with them. You are very lazy when it comes to relationships. You prefer to play on-line Poker and work. This isn't my fault that your life is so out of balance. So stop blaming me!

Confession #075

I wish you'd really get your head out of your ass and grow up.

Confession #076

Could you read to your child every once in a while? When did it become the designated mother job to read EVERY night? I like to read, but JESUS - EVERY NIGHT???

Confession #077

Sometimes I fake a stomachache just so I can go hide in the bathroom and read my book or do crossword puzzles. You think I've got indigestion, but all that's really wrong is that I need a break from you. So when you walk by the bathroom and act like it reeks in there, you look like a moron-because all I did was sit in the corner and do my puzzle and then flush the toilet and run the water to make you think I had actually gone to the bathroom.

Confession #078

I know you're scared of the dentist. I would be too if Novocain didn't work. But because you won't go - those back teeth are rotting, and that's why I don't kiss you anymore. It's not because I haven't brushed my teeth yet or any of the other excuses I give you. Go to the dentist, and I'll kiss you again.

Confession #079

Your bizarre need to lock the bathroom door? When have I EVER busted in and watched you use the toilet? Never. I could care less what you are doing.

Confession #080

you suck at being a dad, you never discipline until things have gone far too far and then you lose your cool, if you would put you foot down earlier your life would be easier

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

ummmm, #79......time to give you a little info......men starting going into the bathroom and locking the door when they were 12 or 13 years old.....he could care less if you saw him using the bathroom, its the part where he is NOT using the bathroom that he doesn't want you to see.

Amanda said...

#77

I'm laughing really hard right now. That is so funny. How do you not just laugh in his face?