I'm not really that mad at you for calling the phone "chat" line, per
se. I'm mad because you did it from our master bath at two in the
morning when I was lying six feet away from you and could hear every
word. I'm mad because you were so drunk that, before calling the
phone chat line, you "playfully" woke me out of a sound sleep to bite
my ass like three times. I'm mad that you got mad when I busted into
the bathroom to warn you that I could hear you. I'm mad that you kept
me awake for an hour afterward trying to engage me in a "playful"
conversation about why it bothered me that you were calling a phone
chat line and getting mad that I was upset. I'm mad that you're this
drunk at least once a week and that every third time we have sex you
can't ejaculate because you're literally too drunk to fuck. On the
bright side, you woke up to use the bathroom instead of pissing the
The feeling that coursed through me when he kissed me and fondled me surpasses anything I have ever felt for you when we made love. My body aches for him. Last night, I thought of him the whole time and I feel no remorse. I never new this kind of emotion could exist. I have tolerated you touching me and have "checked out" while we were intimate for our whole marriage.
He is interested in being my friend first and foremost. He wants to know and cares deeply about ME! All you have ever truly cared about is you.
I am in love with him. It is an unexpected love, to be certain, but inevitable in reflection of how you have treated me for 11 long years. I wish I would have known he wanted me before we were married. I would never have married you. Now, regretfully both of us are married. Him, happily. I have told you I will divorce you if we don't get counseling. Now I don't know if I even want to make it work with you. I don't know if I can get over all the hurt and shit you have dumped on me. I don't think I can put my heart out there one more time, hoping that things will change and have you stomp and shit all over it. I am tired of giving you another chance. I know I will never feel the same passion with you that I did with him. Ever. My life would be a lie if I stayed with you.
I would rather talk with anyone else beside you be cause you are such a pompous, stuck up prick. You think that if I change that our marriage will be magically fixed. Get over yourself. Take some responsibility for your actions.
I would rather have our children see us happy separated than miserable, angry and bitter together. They deserve better. I DESERVE BETTER!!! I am over the drama and over you.
I am so glad I am finally realizing this so you can't steal anymore years of happiness from me.
17 years ago I met and started dating EX. Over the years we had many disagreements, some minor, some major and very bitter and hurtful. We also made a lot of concessions and accommodations in order to remain together and living in the same house - including completely separate finances. We each bought, paid for, and cooked our meals separately. Separate vacations 90% of the time - and the few we shared each included at least one bad fight. Separate bedrooms. In these and so many other ways we lived separately, compartmentalizing ourselves into spaces and times where we could each enjoy pieces of life, just not together.
I left numerous times, and returned each time to him as the familiarity and safety of the known kept me from creating a free life for myself. At the same time, two years ago I had to choose a new travel agent as my former one retired from the business. I spent some time getting to know this new agent, and we became friends. We had drinks and dinners together, went to movies, and had conversations around shared interests, family histories, travel, and so on. Gradually our fondness for one another shifted and increased, and we fell in love. This newfound happiness, with someone whose emotional reality complements and matches my own, who is smart and funny, who loves to travel, can cook, is sexy and wise and grounded, gave me strength to stop tormenting both myself and EX, and I decided mid-October to leave the unhappy and unsuccessful marriage.
I have moved in with my new partner, and we are engaged - an engagement which will last through the separation and divorce process, which in Alberta I understand takes 12 months from date of separation. My partner's name is FIANCE. She loves me and I love her - the cute faces and happy smiles we share are commented on a lot.
When you asked me if I would live with you if you were to build a house for us out in the country, I said yes, and you said "Ah-ha. Now I know how to get you to say yes". Actually, I'd say yes even if you wanted us to live in a little 1-bedroom apartment in the city. In a heartbeat.
My SO sleeps about two hours more than I do, but if I try to get up before he does, he (sleepily) believes that I'm cold, pulls me closer, and wraps the blanket around me. While very sweet, it means I'm lying there for at least two hours suffocating under the blanket with a full (and getting fuller) bladder. (I've tried telling him that I need to go, but he's rarely conscious enough to hear me.)
Once he wakes, he immediately zombies to the bathroom for his daily routine. This takes roughly 45 minutes. By this time, I've been needing to use the restroom for almost three hours, a third of which was spent listening to running water. And then he tells me to hurry up and shower so we can go out for breakfast.
My confession: Dear SO - every time you "bathroom-block" me, I pee in the shower. (But I always clean the stall afterward.)
I loathe those video games sometimes. I just wish you could turn off the damn computer and come and watch this movie with me. Instead I'm in here on the floor wishing for your attention. So much that I just pleasured myself because I feel really deprived. Damn you Warhammer. Damn you.
It has been 18 long, hard years. After the birth of our son, I saw the signs, but I stayed, hoping that it would get better. I thought maybe it was because you were working so many hours and traveling and the baby and I were sick alot. But that wasn't it. When we moved and I stayed home with our son, I realized that marrying you was a big mistake. What kind of man is jealous of his own son? You have the best son ever; 17 years old, good grades, about to graduate, no drinking or drugging or staying out late, no baby mama drama. He has no idea if you even love him. You never speak to us. You lead your selfish life, doing whatever the hell you want, whenever you want and I have been raising that boy and working my ass off for 17 years. Thanks for ignoring us. We both feel like shit...like we don't matter. So if you have noticed over the years that there is a big wall around me, you're right. I have had to do that in order to survive and take care of myself. When I hear other women say how their husband holds their hand, or picks up the kids from school or puts a few twenties into their purse as a surprise, I cry inside because I have a husband who doesn't even speak to me, who pretends that I don't even fucking exist and continues to focus on himself and his own desires. I ache inside for what could have been, what I most definitely deserve. I am not a needy person, but I do need to be spoken to with respect and not barked at like a dog, to be held without being groped, to be asked 'how was your day' and have someone actually care about the answer. You're sick now, and I thought that this cancer would wake you up to see what is so very important in life. It has done nothing but make you even more selfish and cranky. Wow...some nights I pray that God takes you so that I can be released from this hell of a marriage and move on. I wonder if I can ever heal from all the emotional scars you have given me.
Dear Future Husband
We have 19 more months until we get married and every day I wonder for a few moments if I can do this for the ret of my life. I miss you; I miss the funny caring sensitive man that I started dating five years ago. I know you have your hobbies and I work two jobs, but do you really have to spend so much time on the computer or watching sports? I love seeing the back of your head every day.
We moved in together over a year ago and I now know that unless I ask you will do nothing around the house to help me out! I’m sorry your parents didn’t make your help around the house and they still pay for your car insurance and cell phone. I have to leave you a note just to empty the dish washer and half the time you don’t do it and then you get mad at me for saying something to you. And you don’t get the financial struggles I have to go through, because you don’t have to worry about tons of bills!
And I don’t understand the flirting thing! You have someone that loves you so much; do I not feed your ego enough? You text message constantly with your best friend’s girlfriend, she’s 19! Are you serious? I’ve seen the text and you flirt with her (telling her she’s cute or whatnot) and you tell me she’s your buddy! And when other female friend comes home from out of state in December you want to watch a movie and bring wine and cheese over for the two of you to her parents place, you jokingly called it a date?! Am I being ridiculous at this point?
I just don’t know what to do anymore…
Your Future Maybe Wife
I miss him so much. I miss his attention and the time we spent talking everyday to each other, we grew so close. I know in my heart we made the right decision and that I had to leave that company because if we stayed in contact something could have happened. We respect our marriages and families too much to have allowed it to happen. It's been 6 months since we have spoken, I am shocked at how much I miss him and how each day I think about him, and sometimes I secretly wish something would have happened that last day when he hugged me goodbye. I wonder if he misses me.
The other day - when we were getting ready to get out of bed, and you pounced on me - and we play fought and wrestled until we absolutely HAD to get up and get dressed? I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be with a playful man - someone who doesn't growl at me and tell me to knock it off. These are the moments when you entirely seal the deal for me.