Monday, June 09, 2008

True Wife Confessions 257 - The year the Goths split into Visi and Ostro

Confession #2561

Instead of moaning about how sick you feel, I wish you could just ask me to give you attention. I realize that is what the "I feel so sick" stuff is about - and I think I would respond so much more kindly if you just ASKED for my attention. Telling me how ill you feel just makes me want to give you a pill and shut you the hell up.

Confession #2562

I see him everyday at work. He is everything I always wanted in my life. For so long now, I have convinced myself that it was all one sided. In the past few weeks, he has let me know that he feels the same way. A relationship is impossible. We both know it. When we started flirting, I was married and he wasn't. Since this began, he has gotten married - and I'm still married. We love our spouses and don't want to hurt them or our children, but we can't fight this attraction anymore. So I am going to make the first move. I only plan to kiss him, but I don't think I would stop anything more from happening. I have been faithful for 9 years but that is about to change - tomorrow.

Confession #2563

I'm confession #2474.
He unexpectedly proposed last night. I joyfully accepted.
The ring is perfect

Confession #2564

You're no longer the person I married.
You spend every spare moment at the bottom of a bottle, and I hate the way you terrify the children. You've put on so much weight that you don't even resemble who you once were, the person I once fell for all those years ago. And yes, I'm now having an affair. After you've accused me of all those other infidelities - wrongly! - I finally found someone that loves me for who I am. Someone that I ache for, someone that gives me goosebumps just by thinking about her. She's beautiful. And I love her.

I feel so very guilty that I've trampled all over my wedding vows. I loved you back then, truly I did. But we've grown apart over the years, and the children are all we have in common now.

If it wasn't for my children I'd leave you right now. I know that I will never again find the intensity and passion I feel for her. But I can't because I know that you'd take them from me as soon as I told you that I was leaving. And it would hurt them so to be with you; it'd damage them irretrievably to be bossed around and used by you. And so I'm stuck, living a lie, living only for the times when I can be with my darling lover. And I think that somewhere, deep in the dark, scarred bowels of your soul that you already know. I know that you snoop around, rat-like, looking for clues, looking for an excuse to fight. Maybe soon I'll just stop bothering to erase my texts or emails, let you see for yourself how little I care for you now.....

Confession #2565

I am madly in love with a man I work with. He has the most incredible blue eyes and you can tell that he loves to talk to me. He knows I am married, but I want him, and I want him to want me too. I go to bed thinking about him and wake up, looking forward to seeing him each day. I want one kiss .. one that so terrible? Truthfully, I don't want to settle for one kiss, I want to be in his bed. I want to touch him, smell him and be ravished by him.

Confession #2566

This is the only relationship I've ever been faithful in. Interesting since it is the worst. So many times I should have left you for the all the sadness, embarrassment, and humilitation I have allowed you to put me through. But, I stayed.

Now there is a man who has shown real interest in me and we have been flirting and testing the waters for months. After so many years of being a mommy and working and going to school and supporting our family on my own I am beginning to feel like a woman again. He is helping me to feel that way. The only next step is to do something physical with him. I've been hesitant for many different reasons, that I never considered when I was younger, but last night, you made the decision for me.

When I was fussing over something silly on my face and said it might leave a scar, you looked at me and said, "Who cares? It doesn't matter anymore"! I looked at you and you shrugged. You were not joking! I can't remember the last time you gave me a compliment or held my hand or kissed me with more than a peck. All I can remember is the times you told me you didn't like my hair, or how my body is not the same since the babies came, or why can't I be more like so and so, or remember when you used to look this way!

I am tired. You have drained me and any love I felt you at some point has long since gone. Now it's only tolerance. And yes, I am going to cheat on you with a person you despise, not because you know them, but because of what they are, and I am going to love it. And that wasn't planned, it just worked out that way:)

Confession #2567

I think you've become less responsible since we've been married. And I totally blame myself because you are spoiled. You've forgotten how to think on your own. It is not necessary for you to remember to take out the know that I will either a) remind you to do it a gazillion times or b) simply do it myself. It is not necessary for you to bathe the kids because you know that I will either a) remind you to do it or b) simply do it myself. You have no need to remember to pay the bills, unload the dishwasher, or put the laundry in the dryer because you know that I will either a) remind you these things need to be done or b) simply do it myself. Do you see a recurring theme? Do not gripe about my nagging, if you would take some INITIATIVE to do any of these things above I would not need to remind you. The fact is you can't remember which feet your shoes go on unless I am there to remind you. I am not your secretary, maid, or mother - I am going to work to re-train you to think of these things on your own. You're a big boy, I know you can do it - you've just gotten lazy about thinking by yourself.

Confession #2568

Gee, guess what honey? Our bank's credit services just called. The guy said that the back amount owed on your ******** credit card is now $260. Strangely, this is the same card that you told me that the balance was transfered to the ********* card and it's now closed. Looks like you are lying to me again, huh? Big surprise. And it's about money. Shocker. Maybe I should just accept the fact that as long as I am with you, I am always going to be in debt. You don't understand the need to work to be free of it. I can't do it by myself, especially when you make 2/3 of the household income, and you lie to me about things like credit cards, which you had NO BUSINESS OPENING IN THE FIRST PLACE. HOW FUCKING DUMB CAN YOU BE??? I guess your sister is right though, I should be grateful that you're just a pain in the ass, and not a pain in the ass with no job, like your brother. Set that bar high, right?

I'm trying, right now, to work up the energy to be upset that you've lied to me, once again. Hmmmm. Somehow it's just not happening. I don't care anymore. And you wonder why things are strained between us. Why don't you think really hard about that?

Oh, this is good. You just answered my email asking you what was the deal with this credit card. Here's your answer, word for copied-and-pasted word:

"I just spoke with some Indian woman on Sunday about that, she admitted they were in error, and will have everything fixed by 6/15. Tell them to call me next time."

Um, yeah. Do you really think that I believe ANY of this shit? To your face, I pretend like I am giving you the benefit of the doubt, but I KNOW YOU ARE FULL OF SHIT. I wonder what excuse you will have when they call again next month, telling me you are now like $350 past due on that card? Will it be another Indian woman on the phone that you've worked things out with? Or, "It was a computer-generated letter, they made a mistake", like last month? I can't wait to hear the next excuse. You see, I KNOW you're lying. I can't prove it, but I know it like I know myself. After 17+ years of living with you, it's so obvious when you are lying. I don't know why you keep doing something that you are so very, very bad at. Just for the record, I DON'T BELIEVE A GODDAMNED WORD YOU SAY.

You just called. You've been on the phone with the bank. The problem, you say, is that you closed that first account, but the bank didn't actually close it. It's the bank's fault. Funny, that's been your story for about six months now. Every month..."Oh, it's taken care of now. I thought it was closed, but it wasn't. But NOW it is." Every month, it's the same bullshit. Then you launched into a big, long-winded explanation of how the two cards were supposed to be merged, but someone at the bank goofed (eyeroll), and after that all I really heard was "blah, blah, blah." Same shit, different situation. Different situation, same lies. The funny part is that you think I actually believe what you're saying. Do you realize how ridiculous this bullshit is that you're asking me to swallow? I know that you know I'm not stupid, so why do you ask me to believe this unfathomable bullshit? $1600 in late fees and mysterious other fees, in SIX months? Really? I'm speechless right now that you even think for one second that I would buy ANY of that. God, I am just so, so tired.

Confession #2569

My darling husband. We've only been married a year and a half and I love you so deeply. You give me so much freedom... So much that I sometimes lose the way. With no boundaries, I seek out others for my own wicked desires. One of my exes came back from out of the country. You've been gone at work, making sacrifices to assure we will always live comfortably. You poor thing. Working your toned butt off and passing out in front of your laptop at the end of the night miles and miles away from your own bed. I love you. But I love my freedom. I love the affairs I've had. My ex is back as I said. We've made love almost every time we've been together. When you come home and you stretch out your weary arms tome, you have no idea that another man has been wrapped around my body, covering me with his scent. Your eyes are so sad and poetic. I'll hold and comfort you forever my love but I am a virile woman with needs. If you are not going to give it to me regularly, then I'll find someone that will. I'm only sorry that I don't feel any regret or guilt. In fact, it only leaves me wanting more...

Confession #2570

Dear Husband,
After everything we've been through together, I just can't believe that you would want to break up with me over something I said about our neighborhood. You say I don't understand. But I really do. You grew up here and this neighborhood, shitty as it is, is a big part of your life. When you see people you went to school with, old friends, even some relatives - on the streets buying or selling dope, prostituting, or broke - it must be very depressing. And it just seems like things keep getting worse. I understand all that, and I have told you as much. But is the neighborhood and my lack of understanding in your eyes really worth you getting so pissed off and not speaking to me for three days? There must be some bigger issue that you are pissed about, or maybe you just don't love me. This isn't the first time you've gotten mad at me over a small issue and decided to "break up". THIS IS SO FUCKING STUPID! I used to get al l upset and cry and beg you to forgive me for whatever I had done (and the majority of the time I didn't even know what that was). I'd kiss your ass and walk with my head down until you finally got over it. But not anymore. If you have no more feeling for me than to treat me this way, then fine. I'm over it. Last night, after you said "I'm done with you", you thought I was going to give you a blowjob. It was the first time I've ever refused to do what you wanted. And it felt good. I am not your sex slave, and I will never sleep with you again if we are not "together". I was determined to hold our family together no matter what - no matter what I had to put up with, how many times I had to swallow my pride, or how shitty you treated me. After all we have been through together - over three years together, the birth of our daughter, the death of your brother, the death of my grandmother, your alcoholism, surviving Hurricane Katrina, your health problems, your tax situation, your ex-wife and child support problems, an interracial marriage, and my family disowning me - I was finally beginning to think that we were a strong family and it would take something huge to ever come between us. It infuriates me that I was so wrong. I'm not glad that you want it to be over. Far from it. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone (besides our little girl), I intended to spend the rest of my life with you, and you are [were] my best friend. But obviously I had the wrong idea about everything. You're not who I thought you were, and our marriage/family/life must not be important to you. The funny thing is I know that you're thinking I'm going to pack up and leave and take the baby with me. But I'm not. That house is half mine - it's in my name too. I am the one who has nowhere else to go - you have other family members. I'm stayi ng. You can leave or move into the other bedroom. Meanwhile I'm going to be saving my money so that I can eventually leave. You should have the house you grew up in and the neighborhood you love so dearly. I hope your old ass has enough time to start over and have another family that is picture perfect, completely understands you, and can read your messed-up mind.
With much anger, hurt, and bitterness,
Your Wife


Anonymous said...

Congratulations #2563. And good luck, as you can see.

MamaSqueaks said...

Confession #2563 #2474

Yay! congratulations... best wishes to you!

Anonymous said...

2564 - I've been there. I left him to be with her and am finally at peace.

Anonymous said...

#2470--I'm glad you've seen him for who he is and have decided you're through with him. You don't deserve all of his crap, and your baby girl doesn't deserve to grow up in that kind of home. Good job and good riddance!

Anonymous said...

#2568- I cried when I read your post, I've been thru the same thing. 2 years ago my BF got all kinds of credit cards unbeknownst to me. He owes about 10K. He ruined his STELLAR credit. He knows I'm a real stickler for good credit and everything that's money-related. He also knows I'm on a payment plan with a consumer counseling agency to pay off my credit cards (from debt we incurred mutually), yet he still got those credit cards. But it's his problem, not mine. My name is nowhere on those credit cards. PROTECT YOURSELF NOW. Get your own bank account and credit cards in your name only. Not sure if it's even possible to take your name off his stuff, but I would definitely inquire about it. His/your bank accounts could be garnished for nonpayment of debt. His and your paychecks could be garnished, too. I'm sorry you're going thru this, I totally understand.

Anonymous said...

so much cheating........seems like no one stays faithful anymore


Anonymous said...

#2569 Damn! just damn...

Anonymous said...

Maybe no one was ever faithful, 12:37. That is what I personally believe. That the whole "faithful for life" thing was just another marriage lie that women got sold.

I wonder if couples would stay together if they found ways to negotiate other desires and loves within their relationships.

I - myself - don't think that there is so much more "cheating" going on today than in Puritan times. I think women are finally talking about it more.

Or maybe just in This forum.

Anonymous said...

To Confession #2565:

For the amount of heartache and misery you will get, it's just not worth it. You will feel nothing but emptiness. Take it from someone who did exactly what you're planning.

Anonymous said...

7:32, I'm with you. I think it's a lie that both men and women were sold. It seems maybe there are more women who would be OK living with one and one only, but there are certainly millions of people of both sexes who can't and don't and won't and never have.

I tried for years to crush my desire for other people, and felt horrible about even having it. And just when I was getting comfortable with monogamy my husband told me he wanted an open marriage.

I won't say it's easy, but it's a hell of a lot better than cheating or being cheated on. We talk about what we really want and need, and we try to listen to each other. I'm still kind of upset that my husband wasn't willing to sacrifice his freedom for me, even though I was for him. I don't think he loves me as much as I love him, and that's hard. But we're pretty great together anyway, and we've had some intriguing experiences with others now as well, which has its cool moments.

Anyone out there thinking of cheating, seriously, think about this alternative. You don't know what secret wishes your spouse might not have admitted to you. Maybe they'd be relieved to get some of that out in the open. At worst it gets you talking about what you're not getting.

Good luck to all of you.

Anonymous said...

the bottom line is, if you would love and keep your spouses happy, then they wouldn't want to cheat...spend your time wisely, love and adore your husband, then maybe they wouldn't want to stray...

Anonymous said...

WOW! So it is womans job to keep her husband happy so HE won't stray?

Pardon me while I roll around laughing.

I think if this blog has shown NOTHING else - it is the train runs both ways. There are LOTS of men out there who aren't doing a damn thing to keep their wives happy and expecting to be glorified/excused for being men.

Anonymous said...

To Anonymous 8:10am ... Really? If we women just keep our men satisfied they won't cheat and stray? Do I have that right? Well I have news for you. I cook, I keep HIS house clean (my name's not on the deed or mortgage), I tend the garden, I gas up the vehicles, I take care of HIS children from 2 previous marriages. I look after his aged mother and her dietary needs as well. I pack his bags, and chauffer him to and from the airport for his business trips, I even meet him at the airport with a nice hot cup of his favorite coffee. I rub his shoulders, his back, even his feet. Yes, I even shine his shoes! And sex? Well even he has said: "you give one hell of a great blow job honey" and I do ... swallowing and all. I NEVER say "no" sexually, and I ALWAYS tell him how wonderful a lover he is, even though he's not, he couldn't care less about foreplay or my pleasure, just his own. So tell me all-knowing-one, what the hell am I NOT doing that's causing this God of a Man to stray and cheat on me with every fucking whore and hooker he comes across??? I'd really love to hear your answer on this one.

--- Signed, Confused little woman from no-whereville

Anonymous said...

8:10, that advice cuts both ways. I guess if my husband had loved and kept me happy, then I wouldn't have sought comfort and happiness elsewhere. There is a difference though. Men cheat for sex. Plain and simple. You'll never find a woman though, who only strays for the sex. Women cheat because they don't feel loved, cherished, appreciated or understood. Men cheat because they want to get laid.

Anonymous said...

9:24, while I appreciate where you are coming from, let me tell you that women also cheat for sex.

I am married to the male version of 4:06 and although I am not proud, and am actually quite ashamed and sad that it happened, I have cheated. For sex. Not affection, just to get laid. Just for the excitement. Even though I have great sex with my perfect husband.

I think men and women are not as different as we sometimes think when it comes to cheating.

But that is just my opinion.

Anonymous said...

9:24, I'm the anon woman above with the open marriage, and let me tell you, the only thing I want from my open marriage is more sex. It's true I don't always feel totally loved and understood by my husband, but he's a great guy and very affectionate, and I'm not interested in finding someone else for any kind of emotional relationship. I just lust after other people, plain and simple. I don't want to get to know them, I don't want them to stay over or cuddle, I just want to have sex. And I'm already having excellent sex with my husband.

I don't know why this aspect of female sexuality is so often disbelieved.

Anonymous said...

I also there are a number of women out there that cheat mainly for sex. Women are sexual creatures, too. In fact, I think most women have even a higher sex drive than men (especially those of us in our 30s and 40s, and even 50s).

AND there are plenty of men out there that do not have sex or much sex with their wives.

NayLahKnee said...

You know I came back to this site because I wanted to actually vent about my husband but the devil is a liar. Some of this carelessness is just sad. Marriage is not about SEX and did any of the women actually stop to think that maybe they are doing something wrong or maybe you got married when you shouldnt have?? I have only been married less than a year and.........more than once I have contemplated suicide because sometimes this is just too hard for me emotionally - and I want to get back at my husband and say "see what YOU did to me".........but I cant. This is exactly what is meant by man will be worshipers of themselves in the last days and I refuse to let my marriage go by the wayside - so I will pray for my husband and pray for all of you once's funny every time I read this mess - I can relate to it....but it always makes me want to work on my marriage because I dont want to be one of those women who fall for the lie, hook line and sinker.....the lie that we are better off, we can do it ourselves, we need the sex to survive, I would rather have an open marriage then "cheat" behind his back, I am doing everything and he does nothing, he wont help with the kids......... - an open marriage is no marriage at all - it is too people committing adultery and they both happen to know about each others indiscretions........what a waste.

I'll never tell said...

Right on Nalonni!

omnia_vincit_amor said...

9:07, they make vibrators for this very purpose-- no need to go outside the marriage at all. They make so many kinds of toys that you can get your rocks off without bringing polyamory into it.

Monogamy works, why mess with a good thing?

Anonymous said...

Omnia Vincit Amor (great name, btw), if monogamy worked for my husband, I'd be happy enough with it. But it doesn't. So I'm lucky polyamory works for both of us.
I'd never evangelize for it, to someone who's happily monogamous--cause you're right, messing with a good thing is totally unnecessary. But when the thing isn't so good, I'd like to encourage people to discuss polyamory rather than cheat.