Tuesday, July 10, 2012

True Wife Confessions 52 weeks

Confession #511

Sometimes I think I hate you, When we were first married I loved you more than anything. Everytime you yell at me,push me down, or insult me I love you less. I hate that you don't love me enough to stop hurting me. I hate that you treat me like that in front of our daughter. Our daughter is the only reason I'm still with you.

I look at other men and daydream that I am with them. I am waiting for a great man to ask me (with our daughter) to leave you so I can be with him. I feel like I will never escape, you will always be there questioning me, smothering me, making me hate you even more. I feel that I will never get the chance to feel in love with someone again.

Confession #512

When you cancelled out on my Birthday 3 years ago because of work, I lied and said it was okay. When you forgot last year, I lied and said it was okay. My birthday is the day after tomorrow and we have tickets and plans with friends...and you just left me a voice mail saying you had to back out.
For the past six months you have promised to come with me to my chemo and radiation treatments. You have never made it. I always tell you its okay. That I don't care.
Its not okay anymore. And I do care.
When I do decide to call you back I will be ending things with your selfish, lying, manipulative ass.

Confession #513

I did the right thing today. I told him no and walked away. I just couldn't bring myself to break your trust again like I used to. So, you should know I am faithful and today I did the hardest thing possible. I told him no and I was true to you. I love you. I loved him, but I love you. And I told him no.

Confession #514

When your oldest daughter from your first marriage flipped her car resulting in the death of your beautiful grand-daughter, I wished it was her that had died? I can't express enough how thankful I am that both your daughters have stopped contacting you... I love you honey but your kids don't deserve you.

Confession #515

I was going to do the "right" thing and stay with you until our son had grown up. But then I noticed that he was turning out just like you. Since there is no woman on this earth that deserves to put up with your emotional abuse and utter crap, I am leaving you. Not today, but very very soon. I could put up with a lousy husband, but not a lousy father. He deserves better than that.

Confession #516

I know my last name begins with E. I know that my deceased mother's first name begins with E.
But that E tattoo I bought myself for my birthday last year, stands for the greatest lover I ever had.
And "hE" still is.

Confession #517

You are my best friend. I love you with all my heart. I hate this war and the fact that you have to be there. Please be careful. I have to say something but I would never say it to you: I am so afraid that you will get killed out there. I am so lonely without you and knowing you are thousands of miles away and people are shooting at you and trying to kill you! I am so sick inside when I think of that! Please be safe. Please come home to me in one piece. Last time you went there, you got hurt pretty badly. I can't believe you went back, though I understand it's your duty. But hopefully, someday, it will be your duty to come home and make a beautiful family with me...safe..in America. I love you with all my heart. I am so grateful and so thankful for your service and your courage. But please, don't get killed. I need you.

Confession #518

I only married you because everyone told me not to.

Confession #519

Dear husband, tonight I got a tattoo. I know you think they are a waste of money but I wanted it. You are asleep in our bed as I write this. All my friends knew I was doing this.. I don't know how to tell you

Confession #520

When we met 11 years ago, you had no money, a shitty job, and a pile of credit card debt. But you were trying to get it together, and I spent three years helping you pay off the cards. We lived in a crummy place in a scary neighborhood, and slowly built a more comfortable life. We had kids, and I left work with your blessing. I guided our prematurely-born, disabled son through a maze of doctors and therapists for him to progress to a point where his disability is virtually undetectable. And now you are (again) bugging me to spend $5K that we don't have on a stupid third car that you want for a hobby? And you want to finance it??? Whatever happened to us living within our means? And now when I put my foot down about it, you act like a petulant 9-year-old and start suggesting I get a job so you can buy your toys? And then you mention that you wish you hadn't gotten married? Buddy, same here. You have no idea the line you have crossed, as you are out now with your buddies. I am here at home with the "D" word heavy on my mind.

*Sorry for the terrible delay in publishing. For those of you who don't follow my "home" blog, I was finishing my dissertation, defending it and then moving across the country. Yep, I haz a Ph.D. now. Dawn - July 10, 2012


Laura said...

Congratulations on getting your PhD., Dawn - way to go!:)

Jean said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! What a huge accomplishment!!!!!! You go, girl!

Anonymous said...

To #511: are you serious? Your waiting for "another" man to come along..u are there for your daughter? The WORST thing u can do is stay with him with your daughter.. your daughter will never forget the abuse she sees and at some point will start to recent your for letting her live like this.. ever hear? better to come from a broken home then live in one?? so so so sad.. but you are doing more harm but keeping your daughter there. She most likely be in an abusive relationhip when she gets older

Anonymous said...

Dawn, I'm working on my Masters, I can just imagine how much work a PhD is. Congratulations Dr. Dawn!

Anonymous said...

Congrats, Dawn! A lot of hard work has paid off! Very happy for you =D

Please don't forget about this wonderful blog you started such a helpful place for so many.

SuSu said...

Huge congratulations to you - I know it must have been a lot of work, time and money but I'm also sure it was all well spent!

Cheech said...

#511. I'm not here to criticize you, like "Anonymous", who thinks it's OK to heap more guilt and criticism on someone who is already downtrodden enough. I'm here to tell you that you are beautiful and wonderful and you deserve better than a husband who treats you like that.

I know it's hard, I know it's frightening, but make plans to get out. If you have to get a job, get one. If you have to depend on family and friends to help ou for awhile, ask.

You're much stronger than you think and you'll be much better off without him than you think. And you'll be OK. I was. Your daughter does deserve better than a father who does that to her mother. You don't want to raise her to think that it's OK to be treated like that. So if for nothing else, get away for your daughter and set a good example for her.

Anonymous said...

#511 - The best thing you can do is LEAVE for your daughter. One day, he might turn his abusive behavior towards her, as well.



Snod said...

Congratulations on successfully defending your dissertation Dr.
I was wondering about the hiatus in publishing here on your blog. I'm a man, husband, father and grandfather. I very much enjoy your blog. I just asked my wife if there was anything she wished to post here anonymously, her response "I'm not shy like that! I always tell you when you are being an asshat! How would I get you to understand anything if I didn't talk about it?"
I realize that she and I have an open dialogue and that many couples are in very different places. I am thankful for our dialogue.

I am thankful your blog exists for people needing an outlet for their frustrations,

Anonymous said...

#515 I could have written myself! Good job, Ms. 515! Hope life is better with you and your son!