Sometimes I think I hate you, When we were first married I loved you more than anything. Everytime you yell at me,push me down, or insult me I love you less. I hate that you don't love me enough to stop hurting me. I hate that you treat me like that in front of our daughter. Our daughter is the only reason I'm still with you.
I look at other men and daydream that I am with them. I am waiting for a great man to ask me (with our daughter) to leave you so I can be with him. I feel like I will never escape, you will always be there questioning me, smothering me, making me hate you even more. I feel that I will never get the chance to feel in love with someone again.
When you cancelled out on my Birthday 3 years ago because of work, I lied and said it was okay. When you forgot last year, I lied and said it was okay. My birthday is the day after tomorrow and we have tickets and plans with friends...and you just left me a voice mail saying you had to back out.
For the past six months you have promised to come with me to my chemo and radiation treatments. You have never made it. I always tell you its okay. That I don't care.
Its not okay anymore. And I do care.
When I do decide to call you back I will be ending things with your selfish, lying, manipulative ass.
I did the right thing today. I told him no and walked away. I just couldn't bring myself to break your trust again like I used to. So, you should know I am faithful and today I did the hardest thing possible. I told him no and I was true to you. I love you. I loved him, but I love you. And I told him no.
When your oldest daughter from your first marriage flipped her car resulting in the death of your beautiful grand-daughter, I wished it was her that had died? I can't express enough how thankful I am that both your daughters have stopped contacting you... I love you honey but your kids don't deserve you.
I was going to do the "right" thing and stay with you until our son had grown up. But then I noticed that he was turning out just like you. Since there is no woman on this earth that deserves to put up with your emotional abuse and utter crap, I am leaving you. Not today, but very very soon. I could put up with a lousy husband, but not a lousy father. He deserves better than that.
I know my last name begins with E. I know that my deceased mother's first name begins with E.
But that E tattoo I bought myself for my birthday last year, stands for the greatest lover I ever had.
And "hE" still is.
You are my best friend. I love you with all my heart. I hate this war and the fact that you have to be there. Please be careful. I have to say something but I would never say it to you: I am so afraid that you will get killed out there. I am so lonely without you and knowing you are thousands of miles away and people are shooting at you and trying to kill you! I am so sick inside when I think of that! Please be safe. Please come home to me in one piece. Last time you went there, you got hurt pretty badly. I can't believe you went back, though I understand it's your duty. But hopefully, someday, it will be your duty to come home and make a beautiful family with me...safe..in America. I love you with all my heart. I am so grateful and so thankful for your service and your courage. But please, don't get killed. I need you.
I only married you because everyone told me not to.
Dear husband, tonight I got a tattoo. I know you think they are a waste of money but I wanted it. You are asleep in our bed as I write this. All my friends knew I was doing this.. I don't know how to tell you
When we met 11 years ago, you had no money, a shitty job, and a pile of credit card debt. But you were trying to get it together, and I spent three years helping you pay off the cards. We lived in a crummy place in a scary neighborhood, and slowly built a more comfortable life. We had kids, and I left work with your blessing. I guided our prematurely-born, disabled son through a maze of doctors and therapists for him to progress to a point where his disability is virtually undetectable. And now you are (again) bugging me to spend $5K that we don't have on a stupid third car that you want for a hobby? And you want to finance it??? Whatever happened to us living within our means? And now when I put my foot down about it, you act like a petulant 9-year-old and start suggesting I get a job so you can buy your toys? And then you mention that you wish you hadn't gotten married? Buddy, same here. You have no idea the line you have crossed, as you are out now with your buddies. I am here at home with the "D" word heavy on my mind.
*Sorry for the terrible delay in publishing. For those of you who don't follow my "home" blog, I was finishing my dissertation, defending it and then moving across the country. Yep, I haz a Ph.D. now. Dawn - July 10, 2012