Monday, April 04, 2011

True Wife Confession 322 Skull and Bones

Confession # 3221

I don't think we're going to make it.

Your career hasn't taken the regular trajectory so mine had to veer off too. Instead of saving for a few years after school while we both worked, you had to go back for yet more training. A couple more years passed by which time I was worried about starting a family. So instead of a few years of just us and me having my turn for more education, we had a baby.Yes, I pushed hard for it but the eggs ain't gonna last forever.

Your salary wasn't so great -- you never bothered to negotiate -- so I took a bigger, better job with more hours. My dream, my promise, *our* promise that I'd get to go back to school went on the back burner. Again.

And now we're finally settling into our life and you want to pick it all up for a year or two. Let's just get rid of the house... Let's just uproot our lives and our kid and move across the sea for a great, fun exciting opportunity. An opportunity for you.

That's what really, really bothers me. The expectation that I'm just going to keep following you on your adventures. That I'll be right here, by you, figuring it all out and laying the groundwork. That I'm just so adaptable. I can hardly blame you on the last one -- my actions have said little more.

This time, when I said the adventure didn't sound so wonderful. That I just wanted to keep my job, keep things here and now and maybe get used to some day-to-routines. You flip. You don't understand. You don't ask me. It is all about you and your dreams.

I don't want to live for you. I don't want to and I won't.

Confession # 3222

I fell in love with you. I told you every fear about every man, every hurt I have ever had in my life, including my husband. You wooed me. You soothed me. You told me that you would never do those things to me, that you were my soul mate. And like a fool, I believed you. You proposed to me, you tried to convince me to have children with you. And like a fool, I believed you. Until it came time for you to leave your wife. Despite all your talk, You didn't. You couldn't. Instead, you sold your house and moved across country, still telling me to trust you, that it would work out.

And I believed you. I fucking believed you.

Looking back over three years, there is no one thing you said to me that you ever actually followed through with, not one thing you were brave enough to do, all while proclaiming your undying love to me. Your soul mate, you said. We belong together, you said.

Until now when I get an email telling me you have moved on and hoped I would too. Don't contact you again. And I realize that I was just a great fuck and confidence booster to you. And despite th fact that I still love you? I hope you suffer. I hope you suffer the consequences of staying with your alcoholic abusive wife who denies you sex and happiness. I hope that every time you fuck her after she has had enough to drink to allow it to happen, you are reminded of me. Of the different choice you could have made. Of the different man you could have been.

Confession # 3223

I'm not married, actually, I think that people change so much over the years that when you least expect it you will hardly recognize your husband, though, it's still nice to think that there's "the right man" for me and that we'll live the happy couple cliche.
For several years I lived a very unhappy solitude, but I met a good guy last year and now that he's my boyfriend, and God, he's the most kind and caring man I've ever met, I no longer feel sexually atracted to him. He keeps me good company and he's always there when I need him, supporting me when I'm too busy to go out with him or spend some quality time together, but I find it hard to kiss him or tell him that I love him, because I don't. Not the way he'd like to, or I'd like to. I miss good kisses and good sex, I miss the butterflies in my stomach and the need to have him by my side.

I'm just too much of a chicken to tell him that I'm not in love with him anymore. Does that make me a bad person? because I tottally feel like I am one.

Confession # 3224

i don’t like sucking your cock I fucking hate it because you are so dirty! I always wash my mouth crazily after having it in my mouth.but I don’t know how to refuse because that’s the only way you get intimate with me for a while.

Confession # 3225

If I work at home because you miiiiiiiiiiiiss me so much, and every time I work at home you keep showing me things the dishwasher didn't clean and you keep yelling at the dog instead of taking him for his walk that's half an hour overdue and you keep bitching about how Microsoft software is difficult to use, you're training me that it's easier to work at my office. You know that, right?


Confession #3226

The day you first talked to me on that site was actually the day I was going to delete my account. That same night, I lost my virginity to a 25 year old guy that I met in a party because I was to drunk... After that, you asked me if I wanted to come spend 4 days with you "to know you more". I decided to go even if I had never met you, and I thought it was going to be 4 days of no-attachment sex. I was wrong. We fell in love with each other madly, and are together since then (almost a year now). Now, when we are together, I wish that time could stop so you don't go back to base and stay with me instead and I'm scared of the day you're actually going to tell me that they're deploying you and that you're leaving for 6 months to Afghanistan. But even if it really scares me, I still wanna spend the rest of my life with you and I know you feel the same. I have never been more happy in my entire life and never felt that loved. I know that we almost met by mistake, but I can't even imagine what my life would be without you. I love you.

Confession #3227

I miss sleeping next to your sweet furry ass, I miss your grumpy face in the morning, I miss the awesome sex, I miss us talking after work about our day, and I miss simply sharing a meal with you. But I do NOT miss a life filled with suspicion and your lies. Every time you left the room in the evening to look at a text message, I wondered "what's The Bitch saying this time". Every time you closed a browser window when I came in the room, I wondered what slut's webcam show were you watching this time. Every time I saw your active instant message window (including your responses), I wondered what woman you were talking to this time. Enough already. Yes, there are things I miss, but living with your lies is not one of them. Too bad you didn't value me enough to give that crap up.

And Babe? #3218 is me, too.

Confession #3228

two years ago, my best friend told me that you were shy, that you didn't really have any friends. two years ago i walked up to you and told you my name, and said that we were going to be best friends.
Now, you're my best friend, my soulmate, my life, and i can't wait to marry you. You helped me deal with my depression. You let me help you when you were ready to deal with yours. You're sweet and wonderful and funny. You let me into your heart. I know things aren't always perfect. You say stupid things, i get mad at you. We have our rough patches. we disagree. but together, we're perfect, and i can't wait to marry you. thank you so much. i love you with everything i have. we're so lucky to have found each other.

Confession #3229

I hate what you have done to my self respect and confidence by snubbing me all the time…I am not some incompetent illiterate idiot…I have a degree in medicine!..if I am not able to practice its because I am pregnant with our baby…yes I know I wanted that baby! I know you will always make me feel worthless for getting pregnant before completing my training. i just wish you were more supportive and motivating

Confession #3230

When we talked the other day, I felt like you listened to me - for the first time in Years. You actually listened to me. Maybe we can save our marriage.

10 comments:

Zyanya said...

#3223 You are NOT a bad person because you are not physically attracted to him. You are right not to marry someone if you don't have that connection, you will only end up frustrated and depressed. Hold out for the real thing.

theo said...

3221 - Your marriage is pretty much doomed. 'Cuz 'living for each other' is what married people do, and neither of you seems to get that. . .

3222 - Oldest story in the book; so sorry you fell for it. Seriously; my heart goes out to you. Just be glad you didn't have kids with him. . .

3223 - You're not a bad person for not being attracted to him. But for both your sakes, you need to break things off; and you probably can't do it without causing him some pain. . .

Anonymous said...

#3223 there is nothing bad about this. I guess that bad thing is that you are dragging it out while he is getting more attached. you gotta just go for it. I actually just read and commented something like this on shine.yahoo.com and you just found out what most women want to ignore. you can not be in love with someone that you do not want to f*ck. You just found out that sexual attraction is head and tails above anything else in a relationship. emotional connection means crap if you dont want his c*ck...

3222
all things he did to you, you also did those things to your husband but are too selfish to notice. i dont feel sorry for you. men tell you who they are every second of every day through their actions... you just have to watch and listen.

#3222 said...

@ 4:02 - Fortunately I was not looking for your sympathy, just saying my feelings.

How wonderful it must be for you to be so perfect. I once thought the same of myself and of my marriage. Time and situation have taught me that no one knows that goes on in other peoples marriages.

@theo. Thanks. I did fall for it. And believe me, I have tortured myself for being So gullible - when by all accounts I am a smart successful professionally accomplished woman who never believed herself to be someone who would have an affair OR fall for such bullshit.

theo said...

3230 - I'm pullin' for ya. . .

3222 - Nothing to be gained by beating yourself up. Hope your marriage is salvageable. . .

Anonymous said...

3222 are you still with your husband. because if you are, he is a huge schmuck!

Anonymous said...

#3221 maybe you are not in love with your husband. Because if I was in love with someone... living for them and going on adventures with them would be the best thing in the world...

Anonymous said...

@ #3222 if not getting mad at a man that did to me what I did to my husband and not caring about it because im selfish makes me perfect...then I guess I am perfect

Anonymous said...

#3221. It is an adventure for him. For us it will be a couple years in a developing country where I don't speak the language. He'll be working FT+ so I'll be left to manage on my own. I'm sure I'd find it adventuresome if I didn't have a toddler in tow.

A marriage is about a shared vision of a life together, not about one person always having their way. When spouse A promises that s/he'll work for a few years so that spouse B can do something that would make him/her happy, then they should keep the promise.

@Anon. Would it be the best thing in the world? Would you like to live with intermittent power and running water with a small child? Would you like to be a long, expensive flight away from your aging parents for a few years? Like to sell your house at a major loss? Like to leave all your friends?

Anonymous said...

#3222

omg stop falling for it!! I very much doubt he has an alcoholic abusive wife, he told you that so you'd feel sorry for him and wouldn't feel bad thinking about some poor dear woman sitting at home breaking her heart wondering if her husband was having an affair. He's a lying dirtbag!