Tuesday, December 29, 2009

True Wife Confessions 23 Mathematical problems of David Hilbert

Confession #221

You are not my husband. I think you were supposed to be, though. The more I desire you, the more I think about luring you from your wife and family, the more you resist. I find that to be wildly attractive and loyal because I know you want to as much as I do. If you had just slept with me, I would have left you behind. Your committment to them makes me love you more. I will wait for you as long as I need to.

Confession #222

I pretend to like that we were romantic and eloped out of the blue, but I resent that you didn't get me an engagement ring.

Confession #223

Honey, when you are heading to bed late at night, how many times do I
have to tell you to leave the door to the bathroom open so that the
cats can get to the litter box? And if you do shut the door, don't
bitch the next morning if the cat has taken a shit on the carpet.
when you gotta go... you gotta go!!! and then telling me to clean it
up because it "my cat"? you're lucky I don't put the shit in your
loafers you bastard.

Confession #224

I LOVE it when you have to go on business trips
because that's when I throw away all your crappy
stupid possessions that you insist on hanging on to --
despite that fact that I'm required to maintain them,
clean them and step over them in our teeny tiny house.
You want to know where all your junk went? Goodwill,
baby! Goodwill.

Confession #225

I hate that you drink so much. Watching it makes me sick. While I recognize it's YOUR problem, it is sucking the life out of me. With every drink you take, I fall more out of love with you. Just because you can get up and go to work doesn't mean I don't see it for the problem it is.
I am starting to hate you.

Confession #226

I am no longer with you out of love, respect, admiration, or even friendship. I only stay with you out of a sense of obligation. I no longer daydream of making love to you on the beach. Now, I daydream about you telling me you have found someone else and you are moving out. That dream makes me giddy with happiness.

Confession #227

I don't trust you.
And you don't care.

Confession #228

When I ask you to do something please, no wait strike the please... JUST DO IT. I'm not your housekeeper, laundry washer, and personal chef. When I have to ask you 2 or 3 times and I get that stupid salute you think is funny I want to kick you in your ONE BALL.

Confession #229

Sometimes I am in awe of how dumb you are....I can't believe you did
not pay the gas bill because you thought it was on automatic draft and
now dumbfuck...we have no gas!!!! You can run an entire empire, but
can't fucking pay the damn gas bill.


Confession #230

I honestly think that if I asked you to choose between me and the TV and computer games, you'd choose the TV and computer games.


Anonymous said...

i agree with that one :)

Anonymous said...

The TV and Videogames don't make him choose ;)

Tessa said...

#221 - I hope that if you do get him, some other whore steals him from you. You're sick in the head.

Anonymous said...

The "askasophist" Twitter ad blocks some of the confessions. There's no way to close it either, very annoying.

Anonymous said...

#221-You are disgusting