Tuesday, November 24, 2009

True Wife Confessions Age 21, and wants to buy you a drink

Confession #201

When you ask me to "help" with your resume and job application and I "forget" about the deadline, it's really just my passive-aggressive way of saying "I'm not your fucking mother, and I will not do this for you. A grown man should be able to figure this shit out on his own."

Oh, and I really, really like making more money than you.

Confession #202

You don’t know this honey….but I dip your toothbrush in the toilet! You want to talk shit to me…suffer the consequences! It never dawns on your dumb ass that you have a fresh toothbrush every couple of weeks???? And that there are some days that I would rather hang myself then kiss you???

Confession #203

I told you that of course I love your son (my stepson) but I’m really counting the days until he moves the hell out of MY house. When you are not around, we ignore each other.

Confession #204

I have slept with three married men in my life. Only one of them while I was married, and that, was my husband. The others were yours. I'm not sorry. You don't deserve them.

Confession #205

I realize you perform hard, physical labor at your job, and that I do not. However, I went to college and my job is mentally exhausting. The fact that your body is tired does not give you a free pass on all housework. If your attitude doesn't change, I will leave your ass someday

Confession #206

Every day you come home and ask me, "Did we get any mail?". And every day, I
resist the urge to kick you in the balls. If you get any mail, I leave it
for you. If you didn't, it's not there. I know you want to believe that it's
hidden away just to piss you off, I'm sure. I'm so tired of that question!!

Confession #207

Don't get mad if you wake up in the morning and I'm not laying next to you. There are times you are so flatulant that the noise and smell not only wake me up but KEEP me up. And my only recourse is to move to another bedroom to get some sleep. You're worse than the damn dog when she's had too much people food!

Confession #208

You are right when you say you do not know how to dance. I'm just being nice when I tell you that you are a good dancer. You're really not.

Confession #209

I found out what kind of porn you look at online. It gives me an entirely new perspective on who you are and I find the things that turn you on absolutely disgusting. Its made me question our entire marriage and and now every time you touch me my skin crawls and I feel physically ill because I think you are truly sick. Its even made me unsure of what kind of father you will be and I don't know if we should have children until you get help about this. The worst part is that I don't feel like I can talk to you about it. And I still love you so much.

Confession #210

Why do you feel the need to grab my ass EVERY single time you walk past me? It gets old. Fast.


Anonymous said...

#205 and #210 - I couldn't agree more!!

Anonymous said...

#210 I WISH my husband would grab my ass :-I I guess we always want what we don't have

Anonymous said...

#205 - that is my hubby every single day....drives me mad!

Anonymous said...

It used to drive my wife nuts. Until I told her it had to do with my finding her attractive. She realized that I wanted her, and only her, and she is far more accepting. I try to cop a feel whenever I can. She kind of enjoys it now, it's kind of a game.

Anonymous said...

#210 - I feel the same way but I ask myself, what if he didn't? What if he walked past and didn't even notice? That makes me lucky and appreciated, I think.