Tuesday, August 11, 2009

True Wife Confessions 298 thunderstorms

Confessions # 2971

As I wait for the test results I realize how much I love you. Many of the things I have done have not been in the best interest of our relationship. At least this one can be fixed.

Confessions # 2972
From a male reader:

I randomly stumbled across your website and found it intriguing to say the least. But I have a few comments that I would like to say to many of the woman that have posted.

I've seen a common thread come up again and again and again: mainly woman staying in situations/relationships that are totally bad for them and they know completely that they just aren't happy. Yet they tolerate it anyway. What!? I think there comes a point in every bad situation when enough gets to enough, and to all those woman I'd like to say that:

Life is short. It's not worth it to be miserable year after year. That's not living--it's only surviving. Life was meant to be enjoyed. Grab life by the horns and change your circumstances!

I hope you can add this or some similar message to your blog. I only send this now because it's hard to hear that so many people (woman) are enduring such terrible/unpleasant circumstances when the truth is that they really don't have to.

Confessions # 2973

Pride comes before a fall - oh yes, it does... I've always said - I will NEVER be the other woman, but that's what I have become. Regardless of what happened before I entered the picture - some part of the guilt is mine. I keep telling you to reconsider things and take your time - that is my rational mind talking - when all I want to do is to tell you to get things sorted - so WE can start. I pretend that I don't care about the whispered gossip about us around the workplace - but I am not so unconventional after all - I care - and it hurts... It hurts because I cannot share what I really feel, I cannot let anyone know what you mean to me, even if everyone seems to know. I have so many things running around in circles in my mind... I am in love with someone who is married, who practices a different faith, who is almost twice my age, whose culture and upbringing are totally alien to mine - and I have fallen with my eyes wide open - but the longer it takes you to make yourself available - the more I am afraid I will start resenting you. Completely contrary, aren't I? I ask you to think carefully and take your time - yet, I want you to be free to be with me NOW. But I still love you.

Confessions # 2974

In my eyes, you are the most beautiful man whom I ever saw.
On your computer, you have many pictures of others women.

When I approach you with sexy ideas, you (almost) always say no.
I feel beautiful and enjoy sex before you came into my life...

The worst is that you don't give a shit when I talk of this situation.
It's really painful. That's why, one day, maybe, I will say yes to a another man... a real one.

Confessions # 2975

Your extreme selfishness as well as your financial insecurity which makes you spent almost 2 hours a day trading and buying stocks(even though your income is now over half a million...)and still act greedy at home (when the expenses are not related to your needs)makes me puke. Above all, my family, parents brother and some friends have started resenting us because of your self centered behavior (and conversations)and the tension caused by it between us. If only you could see how your attitude prevents any woman (including me) to fall in love with you as a person instead of your status and your money !!!
But of course you are too proud and full of vanity to see that. All you crave for is admiration and compliments. What i look for in a man is the opposite of who you are : generous, modest, altruist etc..) Of course, you waited for a fist child to be born to show your true self.
My kids are only 5 and 3. I just cannot stand the idea of seeing them a week out of two....One day, when they're older, I should be able to live with this idea.

Confessions # 2976

I committed adultery because I didnt feel like you paid enough attention to me.
I wanted to feel wanted and desired. I wanted someone to have mind blowing sex with.

The irony is that the person who I committed adultery with, and all the other men I met along the way, didnt treat me as good as you do. They made me realize that you treat me like a princess. I am the luckiest girl in the world.

And the sex wasnt that great, either.

I feel like a piece of crap.

Confessions # 2977

I will not stay with you if you can't even be real with me and talk about what freaked you out after the play. I won't put up with your silent treatment because I get to travel great places for work. And I won't be patient anymore waiting for the sex to return. You quit marriage counseling because it is too hard to be real. I quit you. Marriage ain't for sissies. Grow the fuck up.

Confessions # 2978

I am a man, and imagined some of those confessions were from my wife. I know she is pretty happy, but could be much more so if I'd take my head out of my ass sometimes.
I think men act the way they do sometimes because of fear. If they / we could learn to live more fearlessly, and be ourselves, and be open to potentially being hurt, but being true to themselves. Men are physically strong, but emotionally and mentally weak (as a general statement).

Women are scared too, but for other reasons. Wish everyone could just be more open with their lovers, would be a happier world.

Thank you for your confession website, and I am now a big fan. If you post any part of my email, please remove any contact information, and ladies, please be kind.

Confessions # 2979

I don't mind us sleeping in separate beds. I think we both sleep better.

Confessions # 2980

We have been married for almost ten years and the spark we had when we first married is almost non-existent now. You are a good and loving man but your selfishness, hypocrisy, laziness and short temper (not that you would ever think of hitting me) is really wearing on me. All of this coupled with our non-existent sex life (once or twice a month for 10 minutes does not constitute a sex life) has me thinking about having an affair. I've never cheated on any man in my life but I am thinking of cheating on you.

I am tired of you ignoring me physically and then once or twice a month trying to wake me up at 2:00am for sex. I'm half asleep and have to get up in a few hours, why can't you come to bed at a reasonable hour? You're not doing anything important, just surfing the net or working on pet projects that could easily wait until the morning. I would gladly rearrange my schedule once or twice a week if I thought we were going to actually have sex, instead you get distracted and forget. Gee...that makes me feel real special. Or worse, you would prefer that I just lie there and not participate at all. Why don't you just get a blow-up doll and be done with it?

Not that your skills (or lack thereof) in the bedroom are anything to write home about, but something is better than nothing. I have tried to gently talk about things I like and don't like but you can't handle criticism of any kind and immediately get defensive. If you are going to get an attitude when I try and tell you how to give me a massage (you need to use BOTH hands!) I can't begin to imagine how you would overreact if I try and guide you on how to make love. I don't know if your lack of skill/enthusiasm is due to your excessive weight or other medical conditions but I am at my wits end. I'm about to buy stock in Duracell because I am buying batteries for my vibrator every other week!!!
I used to think that having an affair was the worst thing a married person could do, now I understand why people cheat. I am so starved for affection and intimacy it's not even funny. Right now I could name at least half a dozen men who would LOVE to be with me, if you aren't careful I just may accept one of the many propositions I have gotten lately.

The only thing that is keeping me around is our financial situation, but if things continue on their current path I will leave anyway. If that means we lose the house and I end up bankrupt in a studio apartment then that is what I will do. I am tired of feeling undesired and unloved by my own husband. I'm still relatively young, I don't want to live the rest of my life this way. I'm a passionate person and I'm tired of suppressing my feelings because my husband's libido has done a disappearing act. Work with me on this please...or I may very well end up "working" with someone else!!!


Anonymous said...

To the men who posted, I can speak only for myself, but I post to let off steam or how I my feel at the moment. I love my husband, just wish he would make better choices. Be kind and thoughtful to your women and remember, we all have feelings. Glad you are getting something out of it, I know I do.

Goddess of Madness said...

Also to the men who posted.... I did make the change and left. And this site helped me to do it. I was able to pour out my feelings and see them here in stark black and white. And this was back before the comments were moderated and I got SLAMMED for my lifestyle and my choices. But it still helped. I am now exceedingly happy in my life and wish more women could take the jump. And believe me it is a jump for a lot of them who have tied their entire life financially to their husbands or partners. I say this to every woman who is planning on moving in or marrying a man, KEEP A SEPARATE ACCOUNT OF RUN AWAY MONEY. Do this for yourself and for any potential children you may have. If you never have to use it, great. But make sure you have it.

Janipurr said...

#2980--Stop being miserable and making excuses. Stop blaming someone else for your misery. Give him an ultimatum and a due date, and when that date comes, leave. Your happiness is entirely your responsibility, not anyone else's. At least retain some dignity by leaving before having an affair.

Anonymous said...

One more male voice... Do NOT underestimate the male power to be oblivious. Men must be led by nose to the truth...

"Honey, your behavior is making me miserable. If it doesn't change by Friday, I plan to leave you. Here is my attorney's name...."

We men are tremendously skilled in the art of being pretty sure you'll get over whatever it is you are angry about.

If you are serious, be serious. Tell him precisely what you intend to do, then do it.

Now back to my beer. I'm pretty sure things will be fine.

Anonymous said...

lol at above ..very true.

Your using "take time to think about it" as your excuse for him not committing to you now. Open your eyes a little wider and understand he doesn't have to and probably will never commit to you and leave his family. Love is no excuse for the damage your doing to yourself or his family. Frankly, no man is worth it. Walk away now with your dignity and find a way into a new job.

Hoping for the best for you.


Amanda Nellie said...

2979, I've found the same thing. My husband and I used to rent a furnished apartment that came with 2 full beds. We pushed them together for visitation purposes, but we had our own sets of sheets, blankets, pillows and space. Soooo much nicer.

Anonymous said...

2976, I had the same experience.

Anonymous said...

2973....be there...done that. Can tell you that in my situation....different faiths, huge gap in age and the fact that he is MARRIED...doesn't work. You are worth more than being the other woman no matter how you think you feel about him. Later on, you will resent him. Run! I promise you will find someone else. I regret what i did 5 years ago. It ruined friendships, my reputation and my heart. Thankfully I got out before he left her. I see clearly now when i couldn't at the time...my judgment was clouded by what i thought was love. Please, please, please get yourself out before it's too late.

Anonymous said...

2980....he's probably on the computer looking at porn. Sounds just like my ex....almost identical story. Start saving some money in a separate account and get the "F" out as soon as you can. Don't let him drive you to having an affair. It's just not worth it. What's worth it is you....get out and do it the right way.

Anonymous said...

2976 - One of the most honest confessions on this site. So true in so many cases, even for those that would argue otherwise to avoid squarely owning up to what happened, as you did. I know you're hurting, and wish you peace and healing.

2980 - Duh, porn addict. Why DO you think he doesn't come to bed at a decent hour, then wants sex - sex that is impersonal and causes you to feel the equivalent of a blow up doll? hmmmm... (and the duh is not meant to imply stupidity, rather a Homer Simpson style slap to the forehead that brings a clear realization of something that you have previously been unable to see clearly because of lies to self or other deception.)

Anonymous said...

One more male voice... Do NOT underestimate the male power to be oblivious. Men must be led by nose to the truth...

"Honey, your behavior is making me miserable. If it doesn't change by Friday, I plan to leave you. Here is my attorney's name...."

We men are tremendously skilled in the art of being pretty sure you'll get over whatever it is you are angry about.

If you are serious, be serious. Tell him precisely what you intend to do, then do it.

Now that's the definition of a man not worth keeping -- any man who thinks valid complaints should just be ignored until you "get over it" unless you threaten him overpoweringly.

Anonymous said...

I am poster #2980.

After yet another HUGE irrational blowout by my husband, where I actually felt afraid for the first time ever, I gave him an ultimatum of going back to counseling or divorcing. He chose divorce.

I feel as though a tremendous weight has been lifted (and not just because of his size). I am peace for the first time in a long time. Life is good.

P.S. I checked his computer thoroughly and no porn was found. Just a TON of supergeek tech stuff and online games (not gambling).