Monday, May 18, 2009

True Wife Confessions 291 thunderstorm watch

Confession #2901

Why am I sitting here sobbing my heart out over you? Why am I missing you so much? We haven't been together in over a year, yet I still want you, I still love you. I would give anything in the World for us to be together again. I dream about you lying in bed next to me, holding me, feeling so safe and protected. I wake up and can't believe it was just a dream. I've woken up with my pillow soaked with tears, I don't have any idea what I was dreaming about just that you were in my dream.

I want to move on, I want to find love again and be happy but anytime I think I'm capable of it, thoughts of you, of us, come flooding back to me. I love you still to this day and have a feeling I always will. I don't know what to do...

Confession #2902

Dear Husband, I’ve agreed to more counseling in spite of the fact that I filed for divorce. Why? Because I can’t be the quitter. I am going down fighting. I will not be the one who wasn’t willing to try every last option to save our marriage. Of course, until now I’ve been the only one trying. I’m totally doing my “I told you so dance” because our newest therapist basically told you that you suck last night. He basically told you that I was right about how you should be treating me and how we needed to be handling our problems. You jerk, you’ve been treating me like a piece of sh-- all this time and finally someone other than me has told you so. I just wonder if it will actually get through your thick head. I’m pretty sure that once you see this, though, you’ll bail on this marriage counselor like all the others claiming he’s not good enough. The thing is, as much as you doubt me, if you do that this divorce is actually going to go through this time. I deserve better but am willing to give it this one last chance. I’m sure you don’t believe that though. You think I can’t live without you. The thing is, I’m already happier without you.

Confession #2903

I am pissed off at how so emotionally withdrawn you can be. I am livid that before you re-entered my life I was happy and now I find it hard to enjoy the small things; at least without wondering how it would feel to experience them with you. I had loved the way life had finally came together. Three wonderful kids and a husband that all women would want. HE is kind, loving, attentive, supportive, a great father, wonderful lover, and HE would walk to the end of the earth to make HIS family happy. AND NEVER WITH COMPLAINT. I am pissed off that you can't get over the fact that my family moved away before we were old enough to really do anything about it. I am furious that life took us in to different directions and that the few times I reached out to you over the last TEN YEARS you never reached out to catch me! And now that I have found the happiness that I longed for you decide to express that you have always "loved me". You have came in and ripped my world apart! Then you dodge every chance to discuss who we have become and what we are doing. YOU aren't the only one who waited 10 years. I did too. I wish you would stop being a self loathing asshole, grow a pair, then grow up- You indecisive prick! The door has been closed before and I think it is time to close it again. I always thought that I had measured everyone next to you. But in this brief time with you I have realized that you could never measure up to the MAN in my life.
P.S. I love my awesome Hubby

Confession #2904

Small kindnesses mean more than you know. I stay here on the scraps you toss to me when I am angry with you. You will be nice for a day or so, then back to the brooding non-talking man I have come to expect living in the house with me. I can't keep waiting for your attention and I can't keep begging for it either.

Confession #2905

I LOVE you. I could never love anyone as much as you. Even that ex-boyfriend who may or may not be stalking me. You are it baby. I chose you. Get used to it.

Confession #2906

You are a porn addict and gay!! I am not in love with you anymore. I don't understand why you can't tell. I am having an affair, he knows every inch of my body, which you have never tried to explore. If you are not going to clean the house or your ass, then sleep somewhere else!! I want out!!!

Confession #2907

I am growing up at 44 years old. I always want to please everyone and I would push me aside, but lately it's like a volcano and it won't stop...It's not always about you sometimes it is about everyone else. I was playing softball the other night and I am not sure if you realized it but in the middle of the game you came onto the field where I was coaching and starting about your drama of the day. Really???

I am starting to have a small crush on this nerdy guy. The total opposite of you and everything you are. I don't like the behavior and I have told you this time and time again. Since the day you got off probation you have gone right back to the old ways and I really thought you got it.

Anyway, I'm not leaving you but I am going to keep telling you how your behaviors are annoying me and maybe you will get it. What do you think???
Love Me

Confession #2908

Ex husband,
Didn't we just go to court at the end of April and you were ordered to be paying a certain amount on the child support you owe? and didn't in return you pay $20? somehow i don't think that is quite going to catch you up on the over $14,000 you owe. I find it hard to believe you can drive a car, have a place to live, have a cell phone with internet, and take the kids out to eat every time you see them, yet you cant pay your child support. If i were to go back and do it all over again not only would i have never married you i would have never had any kids with you. Yes, that may seem unfair to the kids , but looking back it was the biggest mistake of my life to have children with you. You made so many promises about helping to take care of them and now its just a joke to you, to see how far you can run and start a job and then quit again before they catch up and start taking support out. You have turned out to be such a horrible example for a father to these kids and I'm embarrassed and ashamed to have call you their dad.

Confession #2909

Sex is only about procreation because there is no pleasure in it with you. I ALWAYS fake it....

Confession #2910

I never knew how good sex could be before I knew you. The 45 minutes you spend giving me oral so I relax? Amazing. The way you make sure that I am satisfied and happy, more amazing. I only hope that I do it for you the way you do it for me.


theo said...

2903 - Ummmm. . . if your husband (that is to say YOUR HUSBAND - ie, the guy you actually promised your life to) is so awsome, and your family with him is so happy, then. . . I guess I'm confused. Why are you letting this 'indecisive prick' of a loser rip your world apart? Why are you even wasting your precious brain-space on him? That door was closed when you married your awesome hubby. Wasn't it? If it wasn't, it should have been. . .

You promised your life to a guy who you yourself describe as Awesome. So, maybe it's time to start acting like all those things you said. . . are really TRUE?

Zephra said...


I thought I might have written this and just forgot. It is just how I feel.

Frequent Traveler said...

#2901 - totally understand. Been there/felt that.
Only REALLY got over it after reading a web site called 'baggage Reclaim UK' every day for a few months. It'll help. Really. The grief will shift and the hurt will change and you'll find yourself getting much stronger and happier gradually.
And no, this isn't spam - it's from someone who has been through the heartbreak wringer and found a way out.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Annie..2901 here. I think that the sad thing is, I don't know if I want to get over it. Sick isn't it??

I think maybe I could move on if I knew he was happy but I know he's not. He was the first guy to treat me the way a woman should be treated, and I look for that from other guys but none of them really match up. UGH

Anonymous said...

Hey 2901... a guy here who has been through exactly the same thing youve been through... only with a woman... its been almost three years, but after the most recent round of BS with her, I cut her loose... and to help things out a bit, three marvelously wonderful women have appeared... and I am having a blast... :oD Trust me, you will eventually get tired of it...

Anonymous said...

Thanks 6:02. We didn't split up because of issues we were having, we split because his ex-wife came back into the picture once she realized he was moving on. I think if we had split because of problems between us it would be different, but I guess because we didn't have any issues it makes it that much harder.