Monday, December 12, 2011

True Wife Confessions 326 - Constantine's really bad year

Confession #3261

I'm seeing someone. Someone who calls me beautiful. Someone who likes to dance. Someone who will buy me flowers and birthday presents and anniversary presents. Someone who will take me out and talk to me instead of sitting there and expecting me to carry the entire conversation.
I hate that your mom still babies you. I hate that we're in law school and your parents are constantly, "Have children, I want grand-children, Don't worry we'll take care of them while your in school"
No! I don't want to have children! Is that such a big deal?? And if I do have children, it will be when I'm good and ready! Not when I spend 14 hours a day reading/studying/working.
We were married too young. I adore you. But…I am no longer in love with you. I am no longer 19 and wide-eyed. Still brimming with hope, but wiser.
I want a divorce.

Confession #3262

When I sent the link to your active dating site profile to your fiancé, it wasn't because I want to ruin your life. I wanted to save someone else from making the same mistakes I did before it was too late.

Nobody believes you when you say that I created the profile to try to win you back. They are just too polite to say it to your face.

Confession #3263

I am sorry.

I am sorry that because of me you have lost one of your oldest friends. I know he sat on his issues with my big mouth for 7 years and refused to talk to you about it until now, but it was still my big mouth that caused that rift. You think I shouldn't apologize and I know the fault falls on you as well for telling me everything, but I should of been more respectful. I hope that you can salvage the friendship, I honestly do and I hope he understands now how truly sorry I am as well.

Confession #3264

I always had this feeling that you were only attracted to me for my looks. You always denied it. But two days ago I asked you to name one thing that you loved about me that wasn't physical...and you couldn't answer. Instead, you turned the question around to me. I answered and then you twisted my words and gave me pretty much the exact same answer. Now I know how you really feel...

Confession #3265

We have only been married a year n half but have to say its been my unhappiest. When will u grow a set of balls and stand up to your bitch of a mum!
You stand and let her belittle me all the time and never say a word! The women is a complete and utter control freak, you let her dictate our lives and never give a thought to how it's affecting me and your son.
You will never cut the apron strings and you think you can treat me like ur mum.i am not here to pick up, clean , tidy up after you I do that enough with our 2 year old!
For the last 10 months I have been goin with another man something that u will never b! He has made me realise so much n made me feel loved beyond belief.
After Christmas we will b leaving u...u can't say I didn't try with u!

Your soon to be ex wife

Confession #3266

I hate my husband's family so much. Every last one of them minus the innocent children. But even with the children I have no desire to know them because of how much I hate their parents. I want my children to grow up not knowing anyone from that side of the family. My husband knows all this. That is not a secret. He knows I even will do everything in my power to keep him and my kids away from them from promises of sex to scheduling other things so we can't see his family to actively trying to estrange every member of his family by starting fights with them. My hatred for them was earned by their bad behavior towards me and my kids.

The part he does not know is that if anything ever happened to him I would make sure that his family never saw me or my kids again. Ever. I would also keep them from even being able to attend the funeral or memorial service. I would make it private and not tell them when it is was and station security at the door to keep them out if they find out when it was. I would not even tell them he died. They would probably eventually find out, but I would not call them to tell them. I would move away and leave no forwarding address to his family. I would and will raise my kids to know all the bad things his family did to us. I don't talk about it to my husband because I fear he would make me promise to honor his dying wish and invite them to the memorial service or see the kids and I don't want to have to make a promise to him I would not keep. I also don't want him to get anything done legally to make it where they can see the kids or attend the memorial service. So I keep it to myself. He might suspect I would do something like this, but he also doesn't think about stuff like this either. I do. I think about it all the time. I don't want my husband to die, but if he did I would take such pleasure in getting my ultimate revenge on his family through his death. I would make them feel like the nothing they have always made me feel like.

Confession #3267

You just announced today that you will be spending this Christmas morning at church, instead of at home with your family. We have spent 25 years building family traditions for Christmas! This must be because this is the year I finally couldn't take the fake, plastic religion of the church we've attended for the last 22 years, and quit going. I think I gave it my best shot, but I am not, and never will be an evangelical. Sorry about that, but did you notice that I was entirely uninteresting to the whole church community until I quit going? And then we had pastors demanding to come over and "talk" to me, pastors creepily showing up at my work, people from church who've never spoken to me calling me up to ask me why I wasn't there? Incidentally, it was phone calls from many of the same people who told me all the time what a saint you are and how lucky I am to be married to you? That's just weird. And creepy. Enjoy spending time with them on Christmas. And when the kids and in-laws and your family ask where you are, I'm just going to tell them to talk to you about it. No more running interference for you. Church has always come first for probably should have been the monk you said you wanted to be when we first met. And I should have been smart enough to run the other way from a 25 year old guy who says that kind of thing to a girl on a first date.

Confession #3268

I have loved you for the past 8 years of my life. I took you back after you broke my heart into a million pieces. You convinced me you were wrong and that we belonged together and that you would cherish and love me for the rest of our days. We said nothing short of murder, death or suicide would break us apart. Now after not quite 4 years of marriage this is all a lie and the heart your broke into million pieces is shattered again into two million pieces. You don’t believe in counseling – but divorce is no big deal apparently. Except it is, to me, a big deal. I’m devastated and so angry, I sob myself to sleep every night. And you? Well you just want me to shut up and get out the house already. 10 days from now I’ll be gone from your life forever and I hope someday you realize that you let go of the one person that loved you unconditionally and would have stayed with you till the earth stood still.

Confession #3269

I wish I could have looked into the future and seen that you were going to start flirting with alcoholism. I don't know how to stop it and I don't know how to accept that I can't stop it. I guess I have to start saving money so I can take the dog and get out if I need to.

Yeah. Okay. Right. I guess I better start tracking the bank accounts too, rather than just trusting you to take care of things because you're home all day and I'm working.

Goddammit if I'd stayed single I would still need to save money and track the bank accounts, but at least I wouldn't hear anyone saying hideous things to me. I wouldn't have to tell you that you cannot drive after drinking a bottle of wine. I am so depressed right now, thinking about how awful you get when you drink.

I like wine. I wish I could have wine without setting you off. I wish I didn't have to be perfect just to get through the day.

Confession #3270

For the guy at work who has such an enormous crush that he can barely talk to me:

Thank you. I like you, too. Please, please, please ask me to go get a coffee or dinner after work. I always try to get up the courage but I'm as nervous and shy as you. My answer would be yes though, with no hesitation, no reservations. I'm not proud or picky, I don't care if you take me to the 99 cent taco joint on the corner, I just want to get to know you. Men who like me have always been bold and confident, and they've always been out to use me, spend my money, and tear down my confidence. It's like they see a target; I'd resigned to be alone rather than let another confident man control my life. I can't tell you all that though, I don't want to be Emotional Baggage Girl; what a turn off. Despite my many bad experiences I am remarkably balanced, and I think I could ignore my fears if you were willing to make the first move. I've never had a bashful beau before, this is new to me and I love it. I'm so used to men who show no weakness, and I've learned that no weakness so often means no heart. I love seeing that your weakness is me. Every time you drop by my desk I smile for the rest of the day, sing to myself, and send my girlfriends crazy, giddy text messages. I know, I don't date people at work either. But I would make an exception, I think you are worth the risk. One of our co-workers told me that when he and you went out for a beer after work you couldn't stop talking about me, you had broken up with your girlfriend so you could be free to pursue me and now you are trying to get up your courage to ask me out. Do you know how that makes me feel? I'm humbled and thrilled that you would give up what you had for the chance to ask me out. And the fact that you would do it the proper way, rather than try to keep your options open... I'm speechless. I'm not used to men like you, who do the right thing even before they ask me out. I'm used to the ones who always do the wrong thing; you aren't even really in my life yet and you're already a cool breeze in the desert. And your curly hair and broad shoulders are so hot. I fantasize about hugging you, for God's sake. I wonder what it would be like to be held in your amazing arms. And since you don't button the top button I can see you have the perfect amount of chest hair; I hope you aren't one of those guys who shaves it off. It makes no difference to me, but maybe you should know our co-workers are starting to talk. It's impossible not to notice the tension, the nervous laughs and smiles and halting conversations. They think it's cute, but they wish you'd ask me out already. I wish that, too. I've learned my lesson about asking men out though; it's important to me that you ask me out, every time I've been forward with men I've gotten burned. One of our co-workers is scheming to get us together, and I greatly appreciate his efforts. Next time he asks you if you want to grab a beer after work don't be surprised if he wants to invite me, too.

The blonde girl across the office


K. SIlv said...

I would really love to hear how this plays out! I hope he asks you out soon, and that he is as great as he sounds! Good luck, keep us updated! =)

Anonymous said...

I'll keep you posted. I was gone for a couple weeks over the holidays, but everything is slowly moving along with this guy. He's just so adorable. I hope he's as awesome as he seems.

Anonymous said...

Many of us "nice guys" have trouble asking out beautiful women like you. Take the lead. Talk to him and ask him to go out for coffee or something. He'll be thrilled!

Anonymous said...

You are so cute. I hope it plays well for you sweety.
A not so confident guy.