tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post115505652650693814..comments2023-08-25T09:21:25.015-04:00Comments on True Wife Confessions: True Wife Confessions Studio 54Dawnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12920042208198309201noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156693246339079792006-08-27T11:40:00.000-04:002006-08-27T11:40:00.000-04:00BRAVO, DAWN! Glad U got the help you needed, and y...BRAVO, DAWN! Glad U got the help you needed, and you and ANY women with the courage to talk about this are HEROES, in my opinion. <BR/><BR/>People would be AMAZED to find out how many women share similar negative experiences & thoughts re: childbirth, AND THEY ARE ELATED when they find out they're not alone. Pretending everything is hunkydory instead of ACKNOWLEDGING these feelings and finding out YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONE only serves to worsen the problem. Why the shame in admitting these feelings? For fear we aren't the perfect parent we pretend or want to be? There is no perfect parent of course, but a STRONG parent can admit these things, and maybe work with & talk to other women about it. EVERY woman I've ever talked to about this kind of thing was RELIEVED to the point of tears that they weren't the only one. It doesn't make you a bad parent, it doesn't mean you went into parenthood all willy nilly, and it CERTAINLY doesn't mean you're going to destroy your child's life - it means YOU'RE HUMAN.<BR/><BR/>Again, congratulations on your strength, Dawn, and may more women have the strength to talk about this! THERE ARE MORE OF US THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156642549277068942006-08-26T21:35:00.000-04:002006-08-26T21:35:00.000-04:00As the evil genius behind this blog, I encourage y...As the evil genius behind this blog, I encourage you all to read my experiences with Post partum depression. On I am doing the best I can, I wrote "Good Mothers Don't"<BR/>http://balefulregards.blogspot.com/2006/02/good-mothers-dont.html<BR/> and on Gimlet I recently wrote "Unspoken" after being interviewed for an article on PPD<BR/>http://gimleteye.clubmom.com/the_gimlet_eye/2006/08/unspoken.html<BR/><BR/>One of the reasons I hid it for so long was that i had planned our child ( down to the minute of conception) and am a Professional in Early childhood education. When my world crashed down around me, and I found myself hating my baby? <BR/><BR/>Parenting ( and PPD) opened my eyes to empathy for and towards other women. You can not know how hard the job of being a parent ( or being in a marriage) is until you are smack dab in the middle of it.<BR/><BR/>Women don't have to feel this way. I am five years post diagnosis and I missed almost 4 years of my daughters life cause I was mentally checked out. It was the best thing I ever id for myself..and my daughter.<BR/><BR/>http://balefulregards.blogspot.com/2006/03/breaking-my-circle.html<BR/><BR/>One of my promises when I came back to my life was to talk about this. There is no shame in depression.Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12920042208198309201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156641250428928842006-08-26T21:14:00.000-04:002006-08-26T21:14:00.000-04:00#538 so THANK YOU for all the supportive words, an...#538 so THANK YOU for all the supportive words, and for all the not-so-supportive ones, i sincerely hope your lives remain perfect and you never have to deal with something of this magnitude. <BR/><BR/>well said. <BR/><BR/>NO ONE knows what parenthood is like until they're there. So for the person who said don't have one until you're ready - well, what if someone HAD thought of it long & hard, felt they were ready, had the baby, AND THEN suffered PPD or generic post partum blues - what then? It's all well & good to PLAN but once you have that baby, everything can change. Good for you that everything worked out perfectly, but it just doesn't for everyone. Get off your high horse.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156508775085992842006-08-25T08:26:00.000-04:002006-08-25T08:26:00.000-04:00#538, you should be applauded for your courage. Yo...#538, you should be applauded for your courage. You are obviously a good mother. I wish you strength and happiness.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156446479959375832006-08-24T15:07:00.000-04:002006-08-24T15:07:00.000-04:00i AM #538. i wrote that. my child is almost 5 year...i AM #538. i wrote that. my child is almost 5 years old. my child's father turned out to be a drug addict and an abuser. i used to be one to say "if they don't leave, they deserve what they get." boy, did i ever eat my words. judge not, lest ye be judged. <BR/><BR/>i don't hate my child. i would throw myself in front of a bus for my child. but since i left dear ol' dad 2 and a half fucking years ago, i've been stalked, had my life threatened, received countless threatening and harrassing emails and phone calls, had my new boss called and told that i'm psychotic and won't take my medication (not true), and been through a custody fight that would make a sane person's head spin. (in fact, it has.) i am currently withholding visitation for a variety of reasons and have filed for sole custody based on the same reasons.<BR/><BR/>my child has certainly suffered from it all. the transitions are hard enough, but adding in a "father" who is a lunatic and dangerous only compounds the problem. then add in the unsympathetic child care/preschools who have kicked him out because they were sick of dealing with his issues and you've got one serious problem. in a year, he went through 4 preschools. the 5th and most recent is a wonderful place who has been willing to work with him, but it's still hard to get those phone calls about behavior problems. i took my child to a therapist every week for 6 months. i took him to a psychiatrist and put him on anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds just to help him get through a fucking day.<BR/><BR/>like some of you suggested, i got help for myself shortly after i wrote that original post. and FINALLY i feel like i can do this without ending up in the nuthouse.<BR/><BR/>so THANK YOU for all the supportive words, and for all the not-so-supportive ones, i sincerely hope your lives remain perfect and you never have to deal with something of this magnitude.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156444540527771602006-08-24T14:35:00.000-04:002006-08-24T14:35:00.000-04:00I think that you are all missing the point about 5...I think that you are all missing the point about 538. She is in a situation that is not good and feels trapped because she has to put her child before her own happiness. It is much easier to escape from a bad situation when it is you alone than it is when you have to think about the welfare of someone else. It can create feelings of hurt and resentment that are natural. I don't think that anyone has the right to judge her for her feelings until you have been in a similar situation. And I for one completely understand what she is trying to say. It does not make you a bad mother to wonder "what if". At least she aknowledges her feelings and that is the first step to a solution to her problem. Kudos to you 538 for being brave enough to say what some of us are thinking.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156434356013543792006-08-24T11:45:00.000-04:002006-08-24T11:45:00.000-04:00To 9:07- I am a parent myself. I thought long and ...To 9:07- I am a parent myself. I thought long and hard about getting pregnant, because once you bring someone else into this world, they are your responsibility forever. So be responsible. A child has a right to be loved and properly nurtured. If you are mentally unable or unwilling to sacrifice your life for someone else (a helpless, dependent baby, not some asshole who will never be there for you) then DO NOT HAVE A BABY until you can take proper care of it. That is all I'm saying.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156425160052081272006-08-24T09:12:00.000-04:002006-08-24T09:12:00.000-04:00#532 -I asked my husband if kicking him the balls ...#532 -I asked my husband if kicking him the balls gave me an orgasm, would he let me do it? I mean, yeah, it hurts him for a little bit but it sexually turns me on so he should let me do it anyway, right? He stopped begging me for anal sex. And when I do give in he understands to BE GENTLE!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156424870763119772006-08-24T09:07:00.000-04:002006-08-24T09:07:00.000-04:00No one knows what parenting is really like until t...No one knows what parenting is really like until they are a parent themselves, so all the forethought in the world can't prepare you for what's in store. Does that make them ignorant? Yes, but not selfish, IMO.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156394143025789732006-08-24T00:35:00.000-04:002006-08-24T00:35:00.000-04:00My heart bleeds for all of these poor little innoc...My heart bleeds for all of these poor little innocent children who were brought into this world by selfish, ignorant parents with no forethought as to how they were going to raise them, and now have to pay for those mistakes with unhappy childhoods. Get on medication, go to counseling, get a divorce, grow up, do whatever you have to do to ensure that these kids don't grow up to be you or your husbands. GOD!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156389797354501292006-08-23T23:23:00.000-04:002006-08-23T23:23:00.000-04:00One of the anonymous commenters said that it wasn'...One of the anonymous commenters said that it wasn't normal to wish your child hadn't ever been born, but I don't think that's what #538 was saying exactly. I get it. I'm a divorced mom with not the BEST relationship with my ex-husband, and I've often wished I'd never married him. Which means that my older daughter would never have been born, sparing me a lot of heartache and bitterness. <BR/><BR/>I'm crazy about that child, but that doesn't mean that I still wish that I'd never gotten together with her father and could now enjoy my 2nd marriage and 2nd child without all the angst. This is totally fucking normal! A human heart doesn't follow the usual logic. Don't make her feel even worse than she already might.Sugarmamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04425625624997484305noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156387892888568042006-08-23T22:51:00.000-04:002006-08-23T22:51:00.000-04:00#538Oh, sweetie. I was feeling the same way recen...#538<BR/>Oh, sweetie. I was feeling the same way recently. What helped me was to realize that I did have a right to be a mother...what I could not expect was to be perfect at it. I am not messing my child up-I'm just doing the best I can. And so are you. Get help if you feel you need it, but most importantly, get support from others who have been there. You can do this, and it sounds like you're the best thing in his life!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156383724715597992006-08-23T21:42:00.000-04:002006-08-23T21:42:00.000-04:00#538 - I used to whisper to my baby that I was sor...#538 - I used to whisper to my baby that I was sorry, that I knew they had promised him a real family but I was all he was getting. It is hard to have your whole life turned upside down and I have thoughts like yours too. But don't doubt that you have it in you to be a good mother, and it really does get a lot more fun when they start to be kids instead of babies.n/ahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00716050226431226540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156382442622867032006-08-23T21:20:00.000-04:002006-08-23T21:20:00.000-04:00No - not too porno at all. In fact, I concur whole...No - not too porno at all. In fact, I concur wholeheartedly. Trying something new is fine, but if it hurts - Stop. <BR/><BR/>In fact, I think I have learned something new, and I thank you mb....Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12920042208198309201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156380897973810072006-08-23T20:54:00.000-04:002006-08-23T20:54:00.000-04:004:38there is nothing normal about wishing your chi...4:38<BR/><BR/>there is nothing normal about wishing your child was never born and there's nothing normal about depression either. It doesn't just run it's course and go away--these women need to tell their doctor and get some help. Yes the underlining cause could be hormones but that still doesn't make it normal or natural.<BR/><BR/>In regards to your advice for the women whos husbands guilt them into having anal sex--uh I think your off there too. It's rape if he forces them and if they don't want to do it they should not do it! period! a different kind of lube isn't going to make it better. If they're bleeding afterward, there are tears and he's causing them internal injuries! Sex is suppost to be a pleasurable experience for both parties involved. These men sound like selfish bastards.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156365527405975842006-08-23T16:38:00.000-04:002006-08-23T16:38:00.000-04:00To the moms who are depressed- it's normal to feel...To the moms who are depressed- it's normal to feel that way for up to a year after giving birth. It takes the body at least that long to recover, sometimes longer. If you think it's chemical, please get some help. Even regulating hormones by the use of hormones can help.<BR/><BR/>It can also be emotional. Having a child is a major adjustment. I suggest finding a playgroup in the area and meeting other moms. Find one online and talk to women and find out you are not alone in feeling isolated, depressed, and having so many conflicting feelings. It's perfectly normal and doesn't make you a bad mom or a bad person. It makes you human!<BR/><BR/>Get out of the house as often as you can. Staying home all of the time also leads to depression. Go to the library for story hour or find toddler classes like at Gymboree or similiar. You will be amazed at how much better you feel once you get out and get active with your baby around others who also have babies and children.<BR/><BR/>To those who are having issues with anal sex- I like what that one person suggested. Have him experience anal penetration so he knows what it feels like. It's your body. You have a right to say no. If he whines, that's his problem. Buy him some anal sex videos and some lube and leave him alone with the DVD player. Some sex acts are meant to be fantasies.<BR/><BR/>If that still doesn't work, and you are willing to try again, I have heard Astroglide lube is the best for anal sex. It is long lasting and may prevent some of the painful issues afterwards. Go with a slick lube, not a jelly. There are many out there just for anal penetration but most are oil based and cannot be used with condoms. If that is an issue, find one that is safe for condoms.<BR/><BR/><BR/>Hope this helps someone!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156364554168667732006-08-23T16:22:00.000-04:002006-08-23T16:22:00.000-04:00#532- I bleed afterward and even after telling my ...#532- I bleed afterward and even after telling my husband this he still asks. It would help if he would feel a tiny bit guilty about making me hurt, but he asks anyway. I don't think I've ever done anything to him that made him bleed (even accidentally).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156360311869999002006-08-23T15:11:00.000-04:002006-08-23T15:11:00.000-04:00#531- If your husband is committing adultery, it i...#531- If your husband is committing adultery, it is against the UCMJ!!! Go talk to legal services and get help. All branches have to follow the same code of military justice so don't put up with the scumbag if he's still in!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156359846991584702006-08-23T15:04:00.000-04:002006-08-23T15:04:00.000-04:00Wow these are getting raw. I do hope that being ab...Wow these are getting raw. I do hope that being able to tell someone helps a little and seeing it in print is the little extra push it takes to get help.<BR/><BR/>In all I have to say after reading these good or bad I find that I can look at my husband with the same love that I had for him on our wedding day because of this site.Thank You Dawn for showing more then a few of us that we are not alone and that sometimes that dirty dish in the sink isn't the end all. Even if more then a few of these have sounded like I was writting them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156359625128716802006-08-23T15:00:00.000-04:002006-08-23T15:00:00.000-04:00#538 and anon 1:39~Those are classic signs of depr...#538 and anon 1:39~<BR/><BR/>Those are classic signs of depression. Do your children a favor that could potentially save their lives and yours and find someone to care for them while you are getting the help you need. My heart aches for you. I'm begging you to please seek help. Depression is physical and mental, please do the right thing. My thoughts are with you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156357152816110812006-08-23T14:19:00.000-04:002006-08-23T14:19:00.000-04:00#532...hell yeah. It hurts badly. My husband won...#532...hell yeah. It hurts badly. My husband won't quit asking either.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156354754282154672006-08-23T13:39:00.000-04:002006-08-23T13:39:00.000-04:00Those feelings are a sign of depression? My son is...Those feelings are a sign of depression? My son is almost a year old and I think the exact same thought of "I wouldn't miss him if I never knew him." I love my son, but sometimes it's just so overwhelming and lonely when you don't have much of support system. I don't think that necessarily means I'm suffering from depression. Does it?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156354391326070772006-08-23T13:33:00.000-04:002006-08-23T13:33:00.000-04:00#532 - I feel your pain, in the most literal way. ...#532 - I feel your pain, in the most literal way. The last time I gave in to the begging and pouting (over six months ago) I bled for almost a week. Normal activities still hurt at times, even occasionally make me bleed more. And yet he still whines and begs, pouts when I tell him to stop asking, even has the nerve to tell me I "enjoyed it"! WTF? Even the hard-core masochist types stop when an activity causes permanent damage! I've considered buying a strap-on and letting him find out just why I keep saying no.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29562711.post-1156347184828545312006-08-23T11:33:00.000-04:002006-08-23T11:33:00.000-04:00#538- this is what depression sounds like. I felt ...#538- this is what depression sounds like. I felt the same hopelessness right after I had my baby. Post partum turned into more depression. Get help. Please. Don't live in despair. Oh, and leave that bastard.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com