Tuesday, May 18, 2010

True Wife Confessions XXX

Confession #291

Remember last Friday, when we sat on the bedroom
floor and talked about how much we want to make this
marriage work? It was one of the best nights of my

Confession #292

I know that you want me to stop criticizing your mother but how can I when she is so disgusting? Anyone who flosses at the table and makes a pile of meat that she got from between her teeth is asking for it. People wonder why we haven't taken the baby to her house and I want to scream, "BECAUSE SHE HASN'T CLEANED HER TOILETS IN 15 YEARS!!!!!!!" She is the nastiest person I have ever known personally and she needs help.

Confession #293

Why are you so selfish? When will you ever consider anyone besides yourself? Why don't I matter to you? Why don't you listen to me? Why do you think it's okay to do whatever you want whenever you want and never let me know what's going on? What if I started treating you the way you treat me? Yeah, there are bigger jerks out there, and you don't beat me or cheat on me, but you don't consider me, and at times that can be just as bad

Confession #294

I know being around my family makes you
uncomfortable. I know that's why you don't like going
home for Christmas. I'm okay with that, so long as
when I say a family get-together is important, you
come to it with me.

Confession #295

I think I am the only person in my house that knows how to use a dishwashe. I mean as far as even opening it!!!! Wait, unless I pay the... Yah, when money is involved things get done!!! But, then my husband bitches that I shouldn't "Have" to pay our children to simply load and unload the dishwasher... I just want to smack the hell out of all of you for being so fucking inconsiderate!! I work full time and, I have zero tolerance for all of your ignorance!! Do the fucking dishes yourselves.. oh, yah.. and now honey, you get to do the dishes.. and give the children money so they can go to the mall. At least my way they were working for it!! Idiot...

Confession #296

The fact that you remember what I was wearing on the night we went out for our first real date....and that this was 16 years ago? Why, yes...It was that blue dress, and Yes, I did wear it to catch your eye. Remembering is amazingly sexy.

Confession #297

Your brother and his wife aren't welcome in our home.
Ever. I hope you're okay with this, because if they
want to come, I'm going to say no.

Confession #298

Are you REALLY okay with your son growing up as emotionally distant as you are?

Confession #299

It hurts me so much when I bring up something far in the future, like moving or having children, and you say "who says we're going to be together then?" I know you're "joking," but if the thought of us getting married is too much for you to handle, maybe we should be breaking up instead of making plans to celebrate our 4-year anniversary. I'm not in a big hurry to get a ring on my finger or anything, but I'd like to know that the thought has at least crossed your mind in the past four years, and hopefully it doesn't turn your stomach.

Confession #300

When you spend all day on your day off, sometimes the only day you get in a week, cleaning our house and mowing the lawn, reorganizing the garage, and then coming inside and helping me with dinner, I totally remember why it was I fell in love with you. We are a team, you and I, and while I sometimes feel guilty because I can't seem to dust as well or as quickly as you, I still remember every time I see you with the Pledge in your hands that you aren't my father, and I won't end up like my mom, doing housework all day while you watch TV and nap in the recliner. You make me want to be a better wife. I know I just told you this last night, but I wanted to say it again. And I'm sorry your clothes got so wrinkled in the dryer before your business trip.

Monday, May 03, 2010

True Wife Confessions 311 Non Emergency

Confession #3111

You were snoring last night and woke up me up, so I asked you nicely to roll over. You got up and left the room. We have three other empty beds in this house. Your decision to sleep on the uncomfortable couch makes you a dumb ass, not a martyr.

Confession #3112

I am so happy I left you. I found the man of my dreams, my soul mate! He is the complete opposite of you, and when the girls realize you only see them when it is convenient for you, he will be there as their dad and as the positive influence on their lives. You never will change, and I feel bad for your 2 girlfriends.

Confession #3113

Dear husband and your mother,

Why do you both start projects and not complete them and leave all the stuff all over the place? Ordinarily this is fine, but today when I am doing major cleaning, not so much fun. Just bring the stuff to the basement for next time.


Confession #3114

Hey asshole! I’m very happy for you and your girlfriend. I’m so happy that she thinks you’re perfect, and the best thing that’s ever happened to her. The reason why I’m happy? I secretly pushed your needy, emotionally-abusive, man-boy ass onto that stupid woman! When I saw how great you two got along, and how attracted you were to each other, I saw my chance to get rid of you forever!

However, I recognize in all the Facebook posts about your new, wonderful life the phony happiness that we used to project. And if you were so happy, then why are you still trying to fuck me? Oh, yeah, I know why. Because you know that I have a string of men that I see, a couple of whom I’m fucking. And, they are much better in bed than you ever were! I will never be with you, either sexually or in a relationship, for as long as I live!

Confession #3115

I think you're starting to get the picture. When you do dishes, empty trash, or clean up without me having to bitch, nag, or ask my heart soars and I remember all over again why I fell in love with you and keep fighting through the stupid little things and the important big ones. It's just nice to know that someone is WILLING to share the load - it's why I make a point to thank you when I see you doing something that helps out.

We don't have kids yet, and I really want them (I never did, until recently), but I can't imagine having them with a man that can't even help out around the house. You're giving me hope that one day we will be able to have them. I'd love nothing more than to have children with you and to grow old together. I love you. Thank you for showing that you appreciate me too!

By the way, my mom is right. You do "deal with me so well" as she puts it.

Confession #3116

Been married to you for almost six years and I can honestly say that I do love you. But at times I swear it feels like Role Reversal. I thought that me being the woman, I was suppose to be clinging and demanding of ALL of your attention ALL the time, but this is so not the case. I don't know how else to say this but the truth is I'm a loner. I believe I get it from my father. That doesn't mean I don't want you around, it just means you've got to cut the shit when it comes to getting my attention. For FUCK-sake you're not a child. It's gotten so bad that I've actually named your dysfunctional behavior as "BABY HUEY SYNDROME" I mean WTF? You don't know how bad I want to cut off your fuckin air supply when you insist on setting yourself at odds with whatever has my attention at that time. I remember I even had to rent a goddamn HOTEL room so I could finish the last three chapters of a
book I was reading. UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE. I told you I was through with threatening divorce and tellin you to pack your shit, to leave and that I was going to "stick it out" But I swear to God if things continue this way,
I will still keep my promise about not putting you out, but you better damn sure believe I will be the one leaving. You have no idea how infuriating it is to not be able to come home from work and just CHILL. From the time I set
foot through the front door you are flapping your fucking gums so much that I can't even hear the damn news. And just in case you are wondering?...You are NOT smarter than me. I can tell you what the hell you're going to do
before you even know yourself, and I've been laying real low when it comes to mental (spy vs. spy) type battle of witts, you are out of your league. I lay low cause I love you and I know you have NO problem dishing it out, but
will do everything short of goin into labor if the tables were turned and you had to take it, so don't play with me. When it comes to sex...Look...I love sex just as much as the next woman, but I'm sure that no respecting
woman wants to wake up to her hair being yanked and her ass smacked at 3:00 am when she has to get up for work within the next 2 hours. That is really inconsiderate. There's something wrong with you. DO NOT make sex feel like a chore or it will be the DEATH of our sex life. This is MY body and just because you throw a damned temper tantrum when you don't get it does not make me want you anymore, but less. Sometimes, I don't even think you care whether I'm into it or not. It's just a battle of wills. I don't feel like it so you're trying to make me. That's not how it's suppose to go. It's not even enjoyable like that. Sometimes the loves scenes I read about in my books are the only thing that gets me through on the nights that I'd rather you not even touch me. Perhaps you should slow down on the pornos. That is t.v. I am a real woman. Don't you DARE spit in my crotch! That's just fucking disgusting. I hate when you treat my body like a playground. It's as if you get in the "Zone" and forget I'm there too. Nevermind the fact that I'm beginning to lose feeling in my toes cause you have the back of my knees up by my ears! And then have the nerve to hold back and take WAY TOO freakin long to bust a nut. You tell me all the time "I'm not doin it on purpose" BULLSHIT! Look the next time you pull that shit, I'm falling asleep on your ass, so you better get yours. AND BTW stop wearing my fucking socks! You stretch them out so bad that by the time I get around to it, the heels of my socks are hanging off the back of my fucking ankles. Don't use t-shirts to wipe up red kool-aid or anything else for that matter. The next time you behave like a inconsidered Jack of All Asses and eat up my personal snacks w/o asking or even replacing them...You will need a plunger to fish both of your PS3 Controls out the fucking toilet. Leave my shit alone...

Confession #3117

I am in complete love with you. When I think of the things that I have done to almost mess it up, I feel nausea. I fall deeper and deeper in love with you everyday. Thank you for giving me such a wonderful life. I love our new house and all my pretty things. I most of all love that you love me completely with all your heart.

Confession #3118

Every year when the Social Security Administration sends their annual report, all I can think of is how nice it would be if you were dead. I wouldn't have to put up with your shit and I'd get $1200 a month, which is more than you've been bringing home for the past few years.

Confession #3119

I knew it was her the whole time! The moment you spoke her name I knew it was bad news! Your affair is now jeopardizing your career in the military because I was forced to call base security when I had someone knock on my door telling me you weren't at home in bed like I thought, you were 2 streets down banging this chick... and security contacted your command....... I know you're scared but I'm not, this was the best decision ever, maybe THIS will get you to wake up and realize you've got an amazing life with the kids and me! The funny thing is that after all this and nearly 6 years of marriage, I'm still totally in love with your ass! Maybe I am a stupid bitch!

Confession #3120

I've always hated infidelity; my dad cheated on my mum and left me as a child. But now, I find myself straying. I love my boyfriend of four years and couldn't imagine being apart from him, but I have now found myself in the position of cheater. I've fucked another man twice, and love the excitement, illicitness and newness of it. He is married and loves his wife. We both know it is nothing but fun and we put a smile on one another's face. The guilt nearly consumes me and I drift between extreme horniness for my married man and devastation that I could potentially hurt my own loved one so very much. I hate that I have become like my father, and perhaps worse still, like his mistress (and now wife) but at the same time, I now feel so much more alive.